Over our lifetimes, we probably have all heard and been taught it is better to give than to receive.  It's an interesting notion this idea.  Being the ripe age of 53, I definitely have a different view of it now.

When I recall times of great anguish or hardship, the early lessons of my childhood made it difficult to ask for anything from anybody.  Think of others, my Mother would intone.   My Mother was a living example of "selflessness".... What an odd descriptor when I think of it now.  Selfless -- yes, the very term sums it up for me.  If all one does is give, one loses one's self.  Not a good outcome for anyone.  

Our family has had its share of upheavals.  We had an unhealthy dose of dysfunction in our home what with two brothers in trouble most of the time, my Dad unsuccessful in business, my Mom working since I was age 5, and her Mom living with us for over a decade after my grandfather died.  We lived an existence on the outside that looked darn good - beautiful colonial style house, 2 acres of land, food and clothes enough for all of us.

I’ve got to tell you, I’m worried.  And here’s why.

It seems we’re dangling by an inconceivably thin thread.  I’m concerned that the whole darn ball of wax, house of cards, thin ice we skate upon, you name it, just may come undone in some final cosmic way.

A few examples.  Drum roll please.

Not too long ago, my dear husband and I purchased a Honda Hybrid.  We thought we’d do our part even knowing that it will take years to personally recoup the difference between the initial outlay of funds as compared to the economic savings on gas, but still.  There is the environment to think of after all.

This past weekend I lived an unwelcome nightmare.  At 10:26pm on Saturday night I answered our ringing phone to hear the roar of  freeway noise like a runaway freight train carrying the sound of my son's voice over a bad cellular connection shouting "Mom I NEED YOUR HELP."  

My son, a 21 year old college student, had left San Diego on Thursday due to the catastrophic fires that forced a week's closure of the school he attends.  He traveled north to visit friends in San Luis Obispo, returning Saturday to avoid heavier traffic on Sunday.

For those Mters that know me due to this wonderful site, you may remember that I have long been challenged by a knee joint without any cartilage in it.  When I was 16 years old I underwent a surgical operation that removed most of my cartilage due to damage from athletics and other pursuits.  More than a few decades later,  I have come to the end of the road with regard to using my right knee.

So, I am packing my bags to head to the hospital on Monday to, yup, you guessed it, get a new knee!  On the one hand (or knee), I am grateful for the possibility of a new knee, but on the other, I confess I am mortified at the thought of surgery.   I've had several major surgeries and while I'm thankful, the drugs and the recoveries are not a walk in the park.   Some of the reasons for that mortification are rational and others, well just plain old irrational fears.  Nevertheless, I am headed to surgery in the a.m. on Monday.

I called my son today and told him I was planning on taking something of his with me along with something of his sister's so that I could feel them with me.  He is in San Diego at college.  My daughter is in high school locally.

Ok Ladies (and Gent..) piggybacking on the post regarding the new book Baby Love, got me thinking about mother/child relationships and how many differing ways we experience that.

My relationship with my Mom was very volatile when I was in my early teens owing to my feeling unprotected by her amongst the dysfuntion of my siblings (two older brothers) both of whom were into drugs and alcohol creating havoc in my family for years.  My father also drank and created huge stress in our family as we never knew how his temper would be once he ingested alcohol.  His temper was legendary and often he could be heard saying "I'm going to cloud up and rain all over you."  That phrase sent chills up our spines.

My maternal grandmother began living with us after my grandfather died when I was about 6, and my Mom began working during that time.  My father was unsuccessful in business which added to our walking on egg shells  along with his drinking and general moodiness.  

We got our kids situated with rides on school sponsored buses enabling more students to attend the game.  We then rode together to Hayward, ate dinner along the way, and proceed to the game.

Alongside this sweet milestone, is another, albeit much more significant one, and that is Treigh's victory over bone cancer.  After 12 months of chemo beginning last January and ending recently, followed by a 9 hour surgery the first week of February, she is now cancer free.  I returned from San Diego a couple of days ago.  Treigh was able to come home for good last week!  No more LA apartment for Cedars Sinai appointments, no more chemo, no more operations....just sweet (and challenging) recovery and getting her well-being and life back.  Amazing.  Thank you all for cheering her on through this wonderful site -- all the good energy has helped enormously along the way.

I am finally able to get on this site again.  I was so frustrated not to be able to respond or see this site.

Thank you Elisa for your sweet post up for Treigh and our family!  She is scheduled for surgery February 7th early (sometime between 7am and 9am) in the morning.  The surgery is approximately 12-14 hours.  She won't know the exact time until tomorrow night.

I am leaving for LA tomorrow and will return in about a week or so.

So, I'm calling all MTers to send your positive thoughts for Treigh's return to good health and speedy recovery on Wednesday, early a.m. Pacific Standard Time.

In the local news is a story about the town of Lafayette and the controversial placing of white crosses on a hillside on private property across from the BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit) station. A sign has been erected there that proclaims the number of American soldiers killed in Iraq.  This testimony can be interpreted by each individual as they choose.  Some say it is a form of protest, some say of honoring, some remain silent.

There is much brouhaha over these crosses.  In fact, I believe the story has made national news.

For me, the green hillside, dotted with the contrasting stark white crosses, is a welcome and necessary, albeit profoundly sad and sobering, reminder.  It reminds me of the cost of armed conflict.  It reminds me that my mother lost her brother to war in WWII at age 21.  It reminds me of my mother's and my father's service in the military.  My dad served as a fighter pilot and my mother a pharmacist mate.   It reminds me of how proud I was of my mother's service to this country, when,  10 years ago,  we were given the American flag in her honor during her memorial service.  I will feel that same pride when our family receives this country's flag upon my father's death for his brave service.  

I had wanted to share a picture of ds standing in our driveway about to depart for his second year of college, but i didn't know how to post a pic....but,

We will be calling the election offices tomorrow to see how they will handle this issue, since there are apt to be so many who make the same mistake.  

I mentioned it to several friends today who also had not been aware.  So BE ON THE LOOKOUT MTers if you vote absentee and have a two-page ballot the postage due has increased.

The Elections Office of Contra Costa County states the Post Office will deliver ballots with incorrect postage.