So, it was summer 1999, my husband and I had passed TWO psychological evaluations, met with our adoption agency director without our attorney present, and we were slated to meet her again in a follow-up meeting. My husband was so fed up by the going in circles that he wrote down four possible choices for ending this situation. He first listed our preference, which was for the agency to write a letter to the Chinese authorities and ask that our adoption be completed by another agency. We had ZERO trust in anything the first agency said, and did not want to travel with their guide, since it was their facilitators who demanded we change our contract late in the adoption, not to mention the abusive phone call we received at home from one of their facilitators. The other choices were to let us get a referral and hire a guide, to go with their guide (which we did not want and would have needed assurances that he would not try to get more money or concessions from us in China) and the last choice was to end the adoption and find a financial settlement - which we really did not want to do.

We now moved into the danger zone in our adoption. We had completed every requirement: proved to the state, to the agency, to the immigration services and to the People’s Republic of China that we were qualified to be parents. A social worker had come to our home four times and asked us any question she wanted, and we answered honestly.  Our agency now seemed to be holding our referral – the paperwork showing the child assigned to us by China – and was trying to make us quit the adoption, all because THEY tried to force a contract change.

Thanks for the diary, Chun Yang! I have to say, thanks to stories by you, Brave and other adoptive moms on this site, I have a much more realistic view of the adoption process. Thanks for sharing! Stay tuned all, as this story ends well...Elisa

My story of adoption began in 1984, when my husband and I married. We thought about having kids – I was already over thirty – but we just went along with the flow. The flow meant four jobs in five years for him, then his decision to return to grad school once I was in a secure job. So the years went by, and oops! We forgot to have kids! We moved to North Carolina, bought our first home, and then one day, I got the fever. I really needed to adopt a child. There was a lot of discussion, and in 1998, our paperwork went off to China to wait for a baby. We picked a local agency without a lot of research, as many people used them and we thought they would know the local regulations, and be accountable to us as we were nearby.

I have been posting comments here for a few weeks, so it is about time I introduce myself. I came here via daily kos and street prophets, where I mostly post about my son anyway. I think this is a good fit for my interests!

My husband(younger and better educated) and I (over 50 native Texan) live with our son(seven and adopted from China as a baby)in North Carolina. I am guilty as some moms of treating my son like he is "Baby Jesus" but I can say that he makes his own school lunch.

I stay at home, while my husband travels to Africa as part of his work as a demographer. We live on a wooded hills on a couple of acres, are about to remodel our home with solar panels. I am a lone Dem with conservative family mostly living in Texas. I handled this in the past by living in other states for college and then spending some years in Europe(UK, Greece, Denmark). I have never had real "career" plans and came to motherhood so late that it seems I am living life in reverse. Before we got our son, I wrote a small biography of my grandfather(a Texas sheriff). These days, I are sort of a hermit, but am trying to get out more (going to Yearly Kos, will probably go to the CTG tour stop in Raleigh). As I mentioned on a diary today, my son and I both study Chinese, in separate classes, and went to China last year. Thanks for making me feel welcome here!