Mother Talkers

Mental mathematics of the working mother.

Mon Jun 23, 2008 at 04:42:30 PM PDT

So, Baby #2 is on the way this September.  Which means, come December, approximately, I have to pay two daycare bills.

I finally stopped denying reality the other day and asked what infant care costs at the daycare where DD goes.  I nearly choked.  $310 A WEEK.  DD is $250 a week.  So, my daycare bill is going to be a whopping, insanely painful $560 A WEEK.

How do I handle this?

Tue May 20, 2008 at 05:34:46 PM PDT

Its time for my three year old daughter to experience her first "loss" as an increasingly aware human being.

Luckily, thankfully, no one is dying.  But my wonderful neighbors are moving away to Georgia, which means her beloved friends Laura and Jack will be gone as of next Friday.

Laura is 5 almost 6, and Jack is 4, and DD is just in love with them.  She shrieks with joy when Laura comes up to our door.  We have a great neighborhood situation here:  we live on a pipestem driveway, which is like a cul-de-sac but much less traffic.  There are five houses sharing a big circular driveway.  Every evening and weekend, the kids are out there in the driveway, riding their bikes or playing.  DD can look out the window of the living room and see if Laura and Jack are out there, and as soon as she sees them, out we have to go!

In fact, tonight, when I got home from work, I suggested that we go out and ride her bike.  DD shook her head and said "Not yet.  Laura and Jack not home yet."  

Truly loving your child.

Thu May 08, 2008 at 05:26:38 PM PDT

I heard the most beautiful, amazing story of parenting on NPR today.

Did anyone else hear it?

It was a story of two parents, coming to grips with the fact that their 10-year old son is transgendered, and wants to be a girl.  You can read it on the website, but I strongly recommend you LISTEN to it, because the parents sounds so amazingly calm and accepting, it brings you to tears.  It made me tear up, and I never cry at things like this.  The only drawback to listening is that its long--20 minutes.  (Thank god for NPR--show me another news show that would spend 20 minutes on one story during their prime news broadcast.)

The story is here:  Parents consider treatment to delay puberty.

Alright...preggo roll call.

Wed Apr 30, 2008 at 03:50:09 PM PDT

Ok, I'm extremely curious, because I keep seeing other pregnant mommies popping up on the board.  After our little April baby boom, I want to know who else is <del>suffering</del> growing a human along with me!

Post your due date, and any other details you want.  Satisfy my curiosity.

I'm due September 19th, will deliver NLT September 5th, and this is our second child, first son.

I Give: The Disney Juggernaut Sneaks In.

Tue Apr 15, 2008 at 06:13:10 PM PDT

Folks, I have lost the battle against the Disney Princesses.

I feel like pre-WWII France:  I focused all my attention on building the Maginot Line against the threats I could see (my MIL, advertising) just to be completely sucker punched by the blitzkrieg of three year olds at day care and the early onset of peer pressure.

I am a tomboy, pure and simple.  I don't wear makeup, I don't wear lots of girly clothes, my hair is a godawful mess.  The only concession to my extra X chromosome is a love of cute but reasonable shoes, and an ability to pick out complimentary colors.  (According to DH, the colors thing is because I'm a girl.  Sure.)  When we found out that we were having a girl the first time around, I cried.  Later I confessed to DH that it was because I was scared about raising a girl, because there was a lot I couldn't teach her about BEING a girl.  I felt that I would be a bad mother for a girly girl.

Embrace your inner slob, for the sake of us all!

Tue Mar 04, 2008 at 05:09:33 PM PDT

Yes, we've discussed this before.  But today the "hygiene hypothesis" got the front page treatment from the Washington Post.

Immune systems on the attack

Now, as I've posted before, my brother has ulcerative colitis (UC).  This article was therefore VERY interesting to me.

The basic gist of the article, even though it was buried, is this:

The leading theory to explain the phenomenon holds that as modern medicine beats back bacterial, viral and parasitic diseases that have long plagued humanity, immune systems may fail to learn how to differentiate between real threats and benign invaders, such as ragweed pollen or food. Or perhaps because they are not busy fighting real threats, they overreact or even turn on the body's own tissues.

Why do mothers do this to themselves?

Thu Feb 14, 2008 at 06:09:50 PM PDT

Great post, Tessa! I, too, wondered the same thing as Ari brought home a batch of HOMEMADE Valentine's Day cards. The school asked us to bring some in, so I BOUGHT mine at Target. I then wrote in Ari's name on all of them, although I noticed that some kids in his class could write their names, which made me feel doubly guilty. Sigh. -Elisa

My DD, who is not yet 3, came home from day care today with a bag full of Valentines.  Eight mothers, bless their souls, spent an admittedly short amount of time writing out Valentines Day cards to their kid's classmates WHO CAN'T EVEN READ.  One mother went seriously overboard and gave each toddler a little Chinese carton full of chocolate, with a little computer printed card with DD's name on it, and her son's.  I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and think she knew I would be eating the chocolate.  Jane's mother, a very nice woman, made homemade cards that she had her daughter scribble all over.  Very sweet.

Why I Miss Faith.

Thu Jan 24, 2008 at 07:41:51 PM PDT

I am so sorry about your father, Tessa. But we enjoy having discussions about faith on this site. Thank you for bringing it up! -Elisa

Every now and again, it occurs to me that I miss having faith.

Tonight, I was in the hospital, giving my wrung-out mother a break from sitting with my father who is recovering from a stroke.  While the nurses were in his room helping him with something a little more...delicate...than he wanted his daughter helping him with, I stood out in the middle of the stroke unit to wait.  I got overwhelmed, and started to cry a little.

There is this 81 year old man that was admitted to the stroke unit today.  He is very religious, and has been talking about God all day.  He saw me out there, and smiled at me, and said "Little lady, you look very concerned.  Give it up to God, and he'll carry you."

This man was admitted today with a stroke, and he has been the chipperest person on the ward.  And it's all because he has faith in his God.  That faith gives him a peace I haven't known for years.  I do truly envy that.  He's not depressed, or stressed, or sad.  He's accepting.  He's cheery.  He can reach out and comfort someone else when she's crying.  I think that is a gift.

A Final Update: A Happy Ending!

Thu Jan 10, 2008 at 04:21:26 PM PDT

Yes, I do realize that Rachel and I may be the only Mothertalkers following this story, but after posting my first two stories on this (here and here. ), I HAVE TO post the happy ending!

Updates

Mon Jan 07, 2008 at 06:03:02 PM PDT

I wanted to post some updates on some of the posts I've made lately.

First, did everyone see this kick-ass ad that ran in a lot of papers today?

(BOO!  I can't get the pdf to show up.  I'll have to resort to a link.  Click on it, the ad is great.)
CheneyCare

Nurses are awesome.  You can find more about CheneyCare and the bill they are lobbying for, HR 676, here.

HR 676 sounds like my dream come true--no deductibles, no hidden fees, no availability dependent on your employment.  I'm unclear as to whether people pay a premium.  I don't mind paying an affordable premium, I'm not looking for a total free ride.  But I will be writing my Congressman this evening in total support of this bill!

Free market, my tuckus.

Thu Jan 03, 2008 at 05:06:09 PM PDT

Amen sister! -Elisa

How many times have we all heard it?  "The free market is the best for healthcare!"  The typical conservative reaction to any mention of universal healthcare.

Well, I'm here to say, with an incredible amount of frustration, free market healthcare is a MYTH!

Now, I'm sure, 98% of us already realize that.  Elisa certainly does.  I have spent the past two days belatedly going through my outstanding medical bills, stupidly AFTER my open season at work had closed.  As a government employee, I supposedly have some of the best healthcare in the country.  That, ladies, is also a myth.  But the worst part of it, as I realized today, there is no way for a consumer to make an informed decision about their healthcare insurance!

The high cost of leading.

Sat Dec 29, 2007 at 05:13:44 PM PDT

Before Benazir Bhutto was assassinated, I had been following the story of another female leader who is still paying a very high price for her ambitions.  In 2002, Senator Ingrid Betancourt was running for the presidency of Colombia when she and her running mate, Clara Rojas, were kidnapped by the revolutionary guerrilla group known as FARC.

She's been in captivity ever since, and her family had had no "proof of life" since 2003, until this past November.

Ingrid Betancourt's letter


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