Cross-posted on Fussbucket

Should dietary preferences dictate love? According to this article in the NY Times, some people simply can't make a relationship work without a meeting of the minds (or stomachs) over food.

Sharing meals has always been an important courtship ritual and a metaphor for love. But in an age when many people define themselves by what they will eat and what they won’t, dietary differences can put a strain on a romantic relationship. The culinary camps have become so balkanized that some factions consider interdietary dating taboo.

People do take their food rules seriously. Some maybe too seriously.

No-holds-barred carnivores, for example, may share the view of Anthony Bourdain, who wrote in his book "Kitchen Confidential" that "vegetarians, and their Hezbollah-like splinter faction, the vegans ... are the enemy of everything good and decent in the human spirit."

It's hard to imagine Bourdain shacked up with a PETA activist. And likewise.

Returning the compliment, many vegetarians say they cannot date anyone who eats meat. Vegans, who avoid eating not just animals but animal-derived products, take it further, shivering at the thought of kissing someone who has even sipped honey-sweetened tea.

I could see how someone who feels strongly about being a vegan or a vegetarian could be opposed to dating a meat-eater. It's a political and moral thing. I look at James Carville and Mary Matalin and I can't for the life of me understand how they do it.

Cross-posted at Fussbucket

How do you teach your child to really care about others? Some use books. Some talk about how a friend feels when another friend does something hurtful. According to this feature in ParentMap magazine, one program that's just starting in ten Seattle schools begins with learning to care for a baby.

The program [called Roots of Empathy] is elegant in its simplicity. Every three weeks during the school year, a baby and parent, recruited from the community, visit the classroom (kindergarten to eighth grade) with a certified Roots of Empathy instructor. The instructor helps the students learn about the baby’s development, celebrate the baby’s milestones, and learn about what it takes to raise a baby.

Over the course of the school year, the students watch "their" baby reach its first milestones. The article says the children in the program become totally engaged when the baby visits, focusing intensely on the infant. Along the way, they develop feelings of protectiveness and love.

That love is key to developing empathy, and to refusing to allow others to be mistreated. "When a child becomes protective of a baby, the next level is the child doesn’t want anyone to hurt that baby," says Wendie Bramwell, a Roots of Empathy instructor at Sacajawea Elementary School in Seattle. "So why is it OK with a classmate?"

Cross-posted at Fussbucket

Get ready to feel guilty. Or smug. A report released a couple months ago from the UCLA Center for Healthier Children, Families, and Communities found that less than half of  parents aren't reading enough to their young children.

For children, early exposure to books -- including being read to aloud each day -- is critical for long-term academic success. Research has shown that up to one-third of American children enter kindergarten underprepared to learn, mostly because their early years leave them without the necessary language and literacy skills.

According to an executive summary of the report, called "Reading Across the Nation, A Chartbook," reading aloud is the single most important activity for building the knowledge required for reading success later on.

A news article from McClatchy Newspapers (which I can't find an online link to, sorry), says the survey found that parents typically read the least to children under age one, the most to children who are three years old, and less so when kids turn four or five.

"Maybe some children at 5 are starting to read themselves," says Shirley Russ, associate clinical professor of pediatrics at UCLA who is one of the lead authors of the study. "I'd encourage parents to keep up the reading at ages 4 and 5." One reason, she said, is that "parents can read to children with much richer language than children are initially capable of reading to themselves."

While nearly any kind of reading aloud offers some benefit, child-development experts are increasingly recognizing the value of "dialogic reading." This involves bringing children more actively into the process by having them point to certain items in the pictures, asking them questions about what might be coming up next, or encouraging them to think about how the book might relate to their own lives.

Oh brother. It's raining and gray outside. My husband took the car to work so I'm stuck at home with the two kids. My closest friend has gone AWOL and I don't know if she's upset with me or just upset in general and needs space. We hosted the neighborhood playgroup this morning and the kids were kind of mean to my son. And, DH has tickets to a basketball game tonight with some friends which means I've got to get everyone fed and into bed tonight solo and then sit on the couch staring at lame television while I think about how I should be working on the computer.

In short, I'm having a sucky day. So how do I cheer myself up? Any thoughts? What do you do when you're having a bad day?

Cross-posted at Fussbucket

Kids who are allowed to leave the house unsupervised are more sociable and more active, according to a new study out of the University College London in England.  According to this article from Science Daily, kids who are given more freedom are out and about more and spend more time at friends' houses than kids who must be accompanied by an adult.

The study included 330 students from two schools in Cheshunt, Hertfordshire, all aged between 8 and 11, the article says. The children completed questionnaires, kept travel diaries, had their movements logged using GPS monitors and wore portable motion sensors to measure their speed of travel, changes in direction and the number of 'activity calories' they consumed. ('Activity calories' are those burnt during activities, rather than those used to maintain core bodily functions.)

"We asked children whether they were allowed out without an adult and then looked at where they go and how they behave," says lead researcher Roger Mackett. "In general, children who aren't constantly supervised tend to leave the house more often -- exploring their surroundings, playing with other children and using up more calories than their sedentary, house-bound peers."

Children walk faster and take a more direct route when an adult is present, but they do not use more energy than unaccompanied children, the study found. This is because unsupervised children move in a more meandering fashion as they investigate their environment and socialize with other children.

Cross-posted at Fussbucket

Sometimes I am suddenly startled by the realization that I am, in fact, a grown-up. When did this happen? I remember all the birthdays that went by, but really it's not about age. It's more about the responsibilities I've assumed. It's kind of shocking really, that you don't have to ask permission to own a house (well, besides from the bank) or to have kids. So here I am, in charge of these small people, driving around to school and to the grocery store, paying bills, and soaking my tired feet at the end of the day. Yikes.

Lucky for me, it's not rocket science. I've got it mostly figured out, with the occasional gaffe here and there. Like the fact that my one year old almost never wears matching socks. I don't know why, I just can't get it together with his socks. But anyway, there is one thing that always makes me feel like the Emporer (or Empress in this case)  with no clothes. Holiday tipping. Honestly, I have no idea who exactly is supposed to get tipped and who isn't, how much I'm supposed to tip, and whether it should be cash or a gift that I'm supposed to give.

Cross-posted on Fussbucket

Well ladies, it's finally happened. According to this article in USA Today, the Daddy Wars have begun. Bring it on!

The article says increasing conflicts are arising between employers and fathers in the workplace who want to spend more time with their kids. "As dads demand paternity leave, flexible work schedules, telecommuting and other new benefits, they've ignited what workplace specialists are calling the Daddy Wars," the article says. "They've also prompted several Fortune 500 companies to begin pitching such family-friendly benefits to men — and inspired a new wave of workplace discrimination complaints filed by dads."

For years, women who say their employers have discriminated against them because of their care-giving roles have filed complaints with the federal Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. The EEOC has not released precise figures, but it reports that it now is seeing a shift: filings by fathers.

In some cases, fathers have been denied requests for leave for child care purposes in companies where women have been granted similar requests. Under the federal Family and Medical Leave Act fathers are legally entitled to take unpaid leave for the birth, adoption or medical illness of a child, the article says. The federal law allows for 12 weeks of leave per year, although some states offer additional rights to fathers.

Cross-posted at Fussbucket

Should states outlaw spanking? Currently lawmakers in Massachusetts are debating the issue. According to this article in the Boston Herald, the proposed bill was prompted by a local nurse who wants parents to be educated on alternative forms of discipline. Thanks to Salon's Broadsheet for the tip.

The liberal lot of the Massachusetts legislature are not the only ones considering the issue. The Minnesota Supreme Court heard arguments last week about the limits of physical abuse after a 12-year-old turned in his father to authorities after he was hit with a wooden paddle 36 times. Say what?

Broadsheet's Carol Lloyd writes: "According a Star Tribune report, the hearing delved into the ugly details of what's considered 'acceptable violence.' The lawyer representing the boy argued that 12 blows were 'completely admissible' but the subsequent 24 blows were not. The lawyers for the defense suggested the punishment remained within reasonable limits, since it left no scars or bruises and the beating 'was not a decision made in haste or anger' but 'planned discipline.'"

If Massachusetts decides to pass an anti-corporal-punishment ban, it would become the first in the nation to make spanking a criminal offense for parents. (Some consider Minnesota's combination of statutes to add up to a virtual ban.)

But if a spanking ban makes Massachusetts an anomaly, it will have plenty of company internationally. According to Stop Hitting, a nonprofit dedicated to banning all forms of corporal punishment, 20 countries now outlaw all forms of corporal punishment: Austria, Bulgaria, Croatia, Cyprus, Denmark, Finland, Germany, Greece, Hungary, Iceland, Israel, Italy, Latvia, the Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, Portugal, Romania, Sweden and Ukraine.

I'm not a fan of spanking. I do, however, currently live with a four year old who is driving me crazy. One word: testing. If you've never lived through this, beware. If you have, you know what I'm talking about. He refuses to do simple things, insists on doing things he's not supposed to do, and demands to have things he's never been allowed to have before. Annoying does not even begin to describe it. Here's a typical scene:

Cross-posted on Fussbucket

Santa's going to have to be mighty careful sliding down the chimney this year. According to this article in the NY Times,  tech toys such as laptops, cell phones, digital cameras, and MP3 players are dominating the wish list this season.

Toy makers and retailers are filling shelves with new tech devices for children ages 3 and up, and sometimes even down. They say they are catering to junior consumers who want to emulate their parents and are not satisfied with fake gadgets.

Jim Silver, editor of Toy Wishes magazine and an industry analyst for 24 years, said there had been "a huge jump in the last 12 months" in toys that involve looking at a screen, the article says. "The bigger toy companies don’t even call it the toy business anymore," Mr. Silver said. "They’re in the family entertainment business and the leisure business. What they’re saying is, ‘We’re vying for kids’ leisure time.’ "

Leisure time? How grand! I didn't even know my kids had leisure time. Does that come before or after snack time? What about nap time? How about temper tantrum time? Boy kids really are over-scheduled these days.

Cross-posted at Fussbucket

Over the course of their life, kids cost parents a fortune. More than you may realize. More than you might want to know. So if you don't want to know, start singing la-la-la and skip on down to the next post.

According to this special report on the cost of kids (ooh, a special report!) in Business Week magazine, parents with some cash to spend will shell out about $300,000 on their kids by the time they turn 18 years old. That doesn't include college tuition. Say what? Thanks to Salon's Broadsheet for the tip.

The Agriculture Dept.'s latest survey found that households in the top-third income bracket (with average pretax income of $118,200) will spend $289,380 by their child's 18th birthday—or about $17,000 a year (in 2006 dollars).

Cross-posted at Fussbucket

The toy company Hasbro has recently gotten stuck in a scary 1950's time warp. According to commercials for a new toy called Rose Petal Cottage, little girls can play happy homemaker with all the benefits of laundry machines and state-of-the-art kitchens. Thanks to Catherine Price from Salon's Broadsheet for the tip. She explains:

According to the commercials, one of the best parts of the Rose Petal Cottage is that it gives your little angel a chance to practice her home-decorating skills. I'm not kidding. Click on the video link, check out the one called "Dreamtown for Moms," and watch as the toddler rearranges her sofa and crib, presumably to make room for a teddy bear muffin party.

I'm not saying that we shouldn't encourage kids -- both boys and girls -- to dream of having their own homes, families and baking sets. I'm just surprised at how unabashedly anachronistic this one seems -- I mean, couldn't you balance out the scene of her doing laundry with a shot of a pretend computer? Or a desk? Or maybe, I don't know, a book?

I have to admit, I like rearranging the furniture as much as the next gal, messing with my home decor if you will. But here's where I draw the line: "In the commercial called "Dreamtown for Kids," an overly enthusiastic singer croons, 'I love when my laundry gets so clean/ Taking care of my home is a dream, dream, dream!'" Sorry, but singing about the laundry just isn't credible in my book. Thankfully Price adds this verse: "Rose Petal Cottage is so pink, pink, pink/ As a toy for girls, it stinks, stinks, stinks!"

Cross-posted at Fussbucket

Even if you're not a parent, you know that sugar makes kids hyper. Right? Well, maybe not. According to this article in the LA Times, it's a matter of debate among nutrition researchers.

Experts disagree about whether the sugar high and sugar crash truly exist. Many say the evidence contradicts such stories. "There is no scientific basis to the idea that sugar and/or candy has any major effect on children's behavior, particularly if they eat OK," says Dian Dooley, professor of human nutrition, food and animal sciences at the University of Hawaii at Manoa.

Others think sugar has plenty of skeletons in its closet. "The bottom line is that the ingestion of too much high-glycemic carbohydrate causes a rapid rise and then fall of blood sugar," says Dr. David Ludwig, professor of pediatrics at Harvard Medical School and director of the Optimal Weight for Life program at Children's Hospital Boston. "This triggers a series of metabolic and hormonal changes that can affect appetite and behavior for hours to come."

No one doubts that sugar, which turns into glucose in the body, is one of our two main sources of energy (along with fat). So it seems to make sense that if your child eats 30 pieces of candy on Halloween night, he's going to be bouncing off the walls. (And right on into the bathroom.)

But sugar in the body isn't exactly like gasoline in a car, the more you give it the faster it goes. The body has a system to regulate glucose such that blood sugar levels remain stable. This all works through the pancreas, which releases insulin when sugar levels are high and the hormone glucagon when sugar levels dip too low. It's a finely tuned system that doesn't always work right. Diabetics don't produce enough insulin, for example. And even in a healthy person, it can take a little time to restore the system to balance once it's gotten off kilter, the article says.