Hi all,

As I have suspected for some time, we have a troll in our midst. I am wondering how best to deal with the individual and would appreciate your feedback.

Since our inception almost three years ago, I am proud to say we have had to ban only two people.

Usually, the troll will highjack a thread and throw out some renegades clearly meant to stir the community and get attention as opposed to add to the discussion. In the past, Amy, Erika, Gloria and I have made the decision offline to ban such individuals. But I am wondering if we should implement a comment ratings system a la Daily Kos.  

Please let me know what you think -- and take my big stinking troll poll. Thanks!

Eli: "You can't catch me!"

Actually, it's more like, "Mami is at my whim. If I don't feel like walking, she better carry my ass!"

My little emperoress is 14 months old, the same age Ari was when he started walking.

The Anti-Racist Parent -- can I just say how much I dig this blog? -- called out Washington Post reporter Jonathan Weisman for saying that Barack Obama was "much more white than black."

As ARP reported, what is wrong with being biracial?

In very disturbing news, The Independent of London reported that ice in the North Pole is expected to disappear entirely, allowing anyone to get there by boat. Thank you Arredonald for the tip!

Via BlogHer: Wired News gave Wall-E a rave review. I look forward to it.

I was salivating over a summer peach and blueberry recipe at the Expatriate's Kitchen blog. Yum!

I meant to highlight this Brain, Child article, but the motherhood blog beat me to it. Should you raise your children with your political beliefs? Like I have said before, there is no way around it. My children WILL get an earful from us!

Via ParentDish: Rap music mogul Russell Simmons was ordered to pay $60,000 a month in alimony and child support payments to his now former wife, Kimora Lee, and their two daughters. He was also given "reasonable child visitation ... accompanied at all times by the children's nanny and security personnel." I loved the New York Daily News' headline: "Divorce gives Russell Simmons' daughters a big phat allowance."

From StrollerDerby: Remember the story about the teenaged girls in Gloucester, Massachusetts, who supposedly formed a pact to get pregnant together? Apparently, they are denying it, according to the Guardian in the UK.

This entry by Kay over at the Workin' Mom blog reminded me that I have yet to teach Ari how to use the phone. We have only our cell phones, which are more complicated than a landline. At what age did you teach your children to dial 9-1-1? What about cell phone use?

What else is in the news? What's up with you?

The writing was on the wall. I ended up dropping Ari's science/art camp this week. It was such a hassle to drive to the hills every morning and Ari didn't want to go. Instead, he is playing with kids he doesn't know at Tumble and Tea, a cafe here in Oakland with play structures for kids and free Wi-Fi for mom. A win-win all around!

Also, something else happened at camp. Ari knew only one other kid there from his school and he informed me that they were no longer friends. They were in an ice-cream-making activity earlier this year and apparently they fought over which flavor to use. She wanted vanilla. He wanted strawberry. You know, the important stuff at this age.

Nonetheless, I discovered that I put Ari in a camp with someone he doesn't like. As my husband joked, "Remember when you relegated our son to a fate worse than hell?" It dawned on me that Ari is at an age to pick his own friends. Sure, he needs guidance to get along with other children. But long gone are the days, in which I set up playdates with my friends' children.

According to a recent article in Parents magazine, preschoolers are capable of choosing their own friends and playing with them on their own, but they still need parameters on how to get along. The magazine suggested letting children invite over friends and host them for no more than a couple hours. (Children get tired like adults do when they must entertain others.)

But the magazine said it was okay for parents to reject playdates they disapprove of -- like bullies. It also doled out advice for other common conflicts:

Here is one of those interesting lifestyle stories, although I wish the writer was more specific as to what constitutes "rich." Someone earning $100,000 a year, especially in the city, is far from rich.

From the Washington Post:

Nobel Prize-winning behavioral economist Daniel Kahneman has found, however, that being wealthy is often a powerful predictor that people spend less time doing pleasurable things, and more time doing compulsory things and feeling stressed.

People who make less than $20,000 a year, for example, told Kahneman and his colleagues that they spend more than a third of their time in passive leisure -- watching television, for example. Those making more than $100,000 spent less than one-fifth of their time in this way -- putting their legs up and relaxing. Rich people spent much more time commuting and engaging in activities that were required as opposed to optional. The richest people spent nearly twice as much time as the poorest people in leisure activities that were active, structured and often stressful -- shopping, child care and exercise.

Kahneman and his colleagues argued that many people mistakenly allocate enormous amounts of their time and psychological focus to getting rich because of a mental illusion: When they think about what it would mean to be wealthy, they think about how enjoyable it would be to watch a flat-screen TV set, play lots of sports or get a lot of pampering -- our stereotypical beliefs of how the rich spend their time.

I can see how life would be stressful for a middle class person who must work to maintain a lifestyle. But what about an uber-rich socialite like Paris Hilton who never earned her cash? She seems to have enough time on her hands to party.

UPDATE: It is a little after 10 a.m. PT and Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are about to make a joint appearance in Unity, New Hampshire. I am watching on CNN...Elisa

I recently received a lift from Elizabeth Edwards's mass e-mail promoting an Emily's List and MoveOn.org initiative to help elect women to the Senate and House of Representatives.

The groups are optimistic of winning races like Kay Hagan for U.S. Senate in North Carolina -- thus, the reason for Edwards's personal pitch. I was excited to see Carol Shea-Porter and Jeanne Shaheen of New Hampshire on that list as well.

It brought me comfort to know there are future female presidents in the making.

Paid Parental Leave?: Or, maybe not. As it turns out, despite an overwhelming passage of the paid family leave bill by the U.S. House of Representatives, our dear prez has said he will veto it if it comes to his desk, according to the Washington Post.

Keep You Hands Off My Bump! Parents recently featured maternity t-shirts with snarky sayings like "PREGNANT. (not fat)" and "HANDS OFF THE BUMP!" You can see the shirts here and here.

Would you wear such a shirt?

What else is in the news? What's up with you? Have a good weekend all!

It's summertime, which means the media is saturated with summer-themed stories like fast food on family road trips. Another such story caught my eye: the dangers of wearing flip-flops.

Now, I am a vain Latina who grew up wearing stilettos with jeans and wore high-heeled boots to work throughout my pregnancy with Ari. Whenever people would inquire about the safety of my maternity attire, I used to swear up and down that my feet didn't feel right wearing "flat shoes."

As it turns out, there may be some truth to having a little bit of elevation. Justin Shroyer, a doctoral student in biomechanics at Auburn University, and Dr. Wendi Weimar, the director of Auburn's biomechanics laboratory, have found that wearing flip-flops is not good for you, according to Newsweek online.

They noticed that when students came back from summer vacation they often complained of pain in their feet, ankles and lower legs. The same students were also likely to be flip-flop fans (as is Shroyer, as a matter of fact). Could there be a connection?

To find out, Shroyer solicited 39 college-age female and male volunteers. The participants wore thong-style, flat-soled flip-flops and then regular athletic shoes while walking on a platform that measured the force they exerted when their feet struck the ground. Shroyer also filmed them as they walked so he could study differences in the movements of their hips, legs, knees, ankles, feet and toes.

After digitizing all these images and analyzing the data, Shroyer came up with some disturbing conclusions for those of us who treasure the freedom of flip-flops. He found that flip-flop wearers take shorter steps. The result is more stress on the body because you have to move more to go the same distance as people wearing other kinds of shoes. That could mean a higher risk of muscle and joint pain in the legs.

Toes are another problem area. "When you wear flip-flops, you kind of scrunch your toes to keep the flip-flop on your foot," Shroyer says. That constant pressure often adds up to throbbing and tenderness in the toes. "The body is an amazing machine," Shroyer explains. "When you do one thing, other things turn off and on. By engaging the muscles that scrunch your toes, you are turning off the muscles that would bring your toes up." That also means that you can't lift your foot up as much when you walk—hence the characteristic flip-flop shuffle...

Does this mean that you should throw out your beloved flip-flops or walk barefoot? Not necessarily. Like all good things, flip-flops are probably fine in moderation. Wear them at the beach or even for short jaunts to the mall. But don't make them your everyday footwear.

I will say that my high-heel-wearing days are now behind me, except for special occasions. Even then, I have found my tolerance for them has waned -- especially if they are really tall -- and can't believe I wore them during pregnancy. I mostly wear sneakers and tennis shoes -- and yes, occasionally flip-flops -- which took me some time to get used to.

What are your regular "mommy shoes?" From a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rank their comfort? Here's your chance to talk shoes!

While the stereotype of the detached, working dad is ever-changing, there is much work to do on a policy level. The U.S. court system still favors mothers in custody battles and the workplace tends to look down on men who take paternity leave.

As a recent article in the Washington Post pointed out, there is a quiet fathers movement emerging, although it has no unifying message:

For the moment the Fathers Movement is at that most 21st-century American stage: in conferences. This November, the 13th At-Home Dads Convention will take place in Sacramento. The agenda is to be announced, but the basketball, hockey and wine-tasting sessions are already scheduled. The weekend before last, Philadelphia hosted the National Fatherhood Festival. The event's mission statement addressed its attendees: "We were once defined only by our work ethic, now we are defined by [the] rise and fall of the next generation. We thank you for breaking the cycle and stereotype of fathers in America." Panels included "The Busy Dad: Juggling Work, Spouse, Home and Children," "False Abuse Allegations," "The Truth About Child Support" and "Discipline and Structure Without Using a Belt." You can rearrange the titles like refrigerator-magnet poetry to make your own troubled narrative of modern fatherhood.

Add to these groups the once-ubiquitous Promise Keepers, various religious organizations promoting a greater role for fathers and even the old Iron John crowd from the '90s Men's Movement, and you see something forming: a lot of different fathers in very different circumstances, some working for practical and immediate goals, others looking toward improved long-term outcomes for their children.

So far, what the Fathers Movement lacks is a unified front, a single identity to bring together the concerns of dads looking to change their custody rights, dads staying home with kids, gay dads just trying to be recognized as dads -- heck, even dads just asking for a couple of weeks of paternity leave. You each have your own conference, your own Web site and your own grievances. Isn't it time to get in touch with your Inner Coach and remember that there is no "I" in "team"?

But all movements must start somewhere. And the fact enough men are converging to even hold a conference is great.

Some years ago, a friend of mine had this clever idea to start a healthy fast food chain on the interstate. It's something I often think about when my family takes road trips.

Parents magazine recently released its top picks for "best fast food."

Wendy's: Jr. Hamburger
Calories: 230 Saturated fat: 3 grams

KFC: Original-recipe breast (no skin or breading)
Calories: 140 Saturated fat: 0

Domino's: Crunchy thin-crust pizza with two veggie toppings (two slices)
Calories: 260 Saturated fat: 5 grams

In related news, a Virginia man named Chris Coleson went on Good Morning America to say he lost 80 pounds by eating only at McDonald's. He stayed away from the french fries -- did not eat a single fry -- and ate only salads, an occasional hamburger, grilled chicken wraps and fruit.

Doctors, however, say in eating only two meals a day and consuming a mere 1,400 calories daily, he was dangerously on a "starvation diet." In other words, McDonald's would be foolish to promote this "McDiet."

Where does your family eat while on the road? Is healthy fast food an oxymoron?

Here is how not to sell your business to mothers: This past April, Johnson & Johnson hosted a swanky junket in New Brunswick, New Jersey, to make its case to a group of mommy bloggers, according to Brain, Child magazine. (I did not learn about this until now, BTW.)

The only blaring oversight was that its event, titled "Camp Baby," strictly excluded babies -- even those who were breastfeeding. From Brain, Child:

Sound like a fun time? Julie Marsh, who writes the blog mothergoosemouse, thought so--until she mentioned to the organizers bringing her newborn baby along in a sling--whereupon she was promptly disinvited. It's supposed to be a child-free getaway for moms, Julie was told by an event coordinator.

Marsh was "surprised and disappointed, to put it mildly," she writes on her blog. As a work-at-home mom, she's used to concentrating amid the chaos that is life with small children. In her opinion, attending an event with just her newborn would be all but effortless. "Perhaps the substance of the objection," she went on to observe, "is that my baby would be a distraction to the other attendees. That he would literally be a party pooper."

Marsh wasn't the only one disinvited. Jenna Hatfield, who writes the blog Stop, Drop and Blog, had her invitation rescinded when she asked if she could bring along her four-month-old nursling. Citing legal and insurance issues (a different excuse from the one given Marsh) a J&J representative informed her that if baby was in, Camp Baby was out...

J&J "didn't really understand the mom's point of view," writes Susan Getgood, a marketing blogger, in her Camp Baby post mortem. "J&J didn't understand that a mom with a very young nursing baby might expect something called Camp Baby to accommodate her and her infant."

Another mom was disinvited for not agreeing to attend the entire event. Within minutes of the angry moms' blog posts, the mommy blogosphere was abuzz with discussion on who was and was not invited, why moms were disinvited and the irony that a health products company like J&J would ban babies on breast. What a PR nightmare for Johnson & Johnson.

As Brain, Child's Elrena Evans hilariously pointed out, maybe the company should rename Camp Baby to Camp Solo. Marketers take note.

In an attempt to give Ari an idyllic summer like the one I had as a kid (for the exception of family helping out plus two working parents), I signed up Ari for several day camps, am taking him on a couple trips and am keeping him home some of the time.

What a nightmare for all involved.

Last week I had him home so we went out during the day and I checked e-mail and worked at night. I am now nursing a cold and have lost my voice.

This week he started a part-day science and art camp, although Ari insists there is no science going on. "I hate this camp!" he has told me very day. "¡No hay ciencias!" There is no science!

Today his very adorable camp counselor expressed her annoyance with me as I am the tardy parent. Camp starts at 9 a.m.. But since this camp is so far away tucked in some hills -- even with GPS I still can't figure out how to get there! -- I have been late every morning, disrupting the group with Ari's cries as he clings to my leg. Ugh.

And since the camp is only until 1 p.m., I feel like I have to turn around and pick him up after I am late dropping him off. I am tempted to resort to last week's schedule and swallow the cost of the camp. Double ugh.

Note to my impatient self: You live and you learn...You live and you learn...

How is your summer going?

Here is a public service announcement: Beware of flavorful kid medicine.

As I wrote last week, Ari has an ear infection and has been taking amoxicillin. He loves it for its strawberry flavor.

On Monday night, I gave him 10 mg of the antibiotic, which he takes twice a day. You can imagine my reaction when I found out that his father, too, gave him the amoxicillin. It turns out that Ari told him he had not taken it because he liked the flavor and wanted more.

"Ari, medicine is NOT candy! It is poison to kill illnesses!" I yelled as DH went straight to his laptop to find out if it is possible to overdose on antibiotics. At one point, I looked over his shoulder and saw scary language like "renal failure" and "stomach pump." Markos called the California Poison Control Center, which assured him  20 mg of amoxicillin would not harm Ari. Nonetheless, we did not give him the antibiotic Tuesday morning.

Whew!

What other child safety tips do you have to share? What's up with you?

Because political affiliation can be like religious affiliation -- at least on MotherTalkers! -- I thought I would share with you this cute dating story on MSN. How can two people of different political persuasions be together a la James Carville and Mary Matalin?

Here are the three tips dispensed by MSN:

Don’t expect change. “The biggest mistake that daters of different parties can make is to believe that their partner will change his or her political views to accommodate them,” says political consultant David Johnson, CEO of Strategic Vision in Atlanta. “Do not enter the relationship expecting to persuade your partner to change his or her viewpoint. Learn to respectfully disagree.”

Look for common ground. Instead of focusing on what you don’t agree on, dig deeper to find the larger issues you do agree on. “One person may believe that welfare is wrong and one person may believe welfare is right, but ultimately you may both believe that people need help somehow to get out of poverty,” Sheksley says. “Make sure you have enough shared values to make it work. You need to be able to separate the differences in political views on policy from core values...”

Keep it to yourself. “I fell for Sue before I knew her party preference,” says Jack Hardy, a dyed-in-the-wool Republican from Newport, R.I. “There was so much about her that I appreciated and respected that we just agreed not to discuss politics much. It’s been challenging during the campaign, but we gently remind each other when one of us starts to stray into those waters and that keeps it smooth sailing.”

Wow. Not talking about politics would be impossible in my household. Are any of your spouses of opposite political persuasion? How do you keep the peace?