Wow. This is it. My last week of maternity leave. eeeek!
My brain is scattering in a million different directions. I still have a huge list of things I want to get done, but instead of crossing things off I’m adding things. It doesn’t help my state of mind that Thanksgiving is Thursday (really? Where the heck did time go?) and I feel like I really only have a few days to get things done.
-I have to go through my closet and figure out which work clothes I still fit into and how much shopping I have to do. (Shopping. Add that to the list. I wonder if I have the stamina for Black Friday.)
-I want to paint all the doors in my house. That’s been on the list since bed rest. Hasn’t been done yet.
-I want to finish the two books I wanted to read for work. HAH!
These are just a few things. There are mundane things, like laundry and getting pictures organized to take in for my desk. I’m tired just thinking about it.
Then, of course, I have a ton of decisions to make about DS. We already made the big one. He will be going to a different daycare than my DD. He got a slot at the daycare heavily subsidized by my employer, close to my building. I really agonized about this. I don’t like splitting up the kids. I don’t like having to do both pick up and drop off. Its not exactly convenient for one parent to deal with both if one of us is sick or on travel. So why the hell are we doing this?
Its going to save us $8400 a year on childcare.
Yeah, $8400. You read that right. You can’t exactly walk away from that. We won’t move DD because she’s thriving at the other center, loves her teachers, has many friends. Thus, they’ll be split. Ugh.
I’m stressing about all the things I can’t remember from DD’s baby days at day care. How many bottles do I send? How many ounces in each bottle? The rule of thumb for formula is a half ounce for each pound, which means 6.5 ounces, but I swear to god, he doesn’t eat that much yet. I honestly don’t know how much he does eat, but whenever I feed him for longer than the 15 minutes on one side, he spits up an amazing amount of stuff. So I don’t think he can hold down that much yet! (Of course, I am a cow, so maybe he can. See below.) I guess I send the 6.5 ounces and throw away what he doesn’t eat. Which means the little bottles I bought are basically useless. Great. Diapers, spare clothes, diaper cream, god the list is endless and I know I will forget something. We have orientation at the center tomorrow morning, and I’m hoping that I get a better handle on things then.
The big decision still to be made is whether or not I pump at work. With DD, my evil employer didn’t provide a facility for pumping and thus I didn’t even think twice about it. I wasn’t going to sit in the bathroom! But, my current, wonderful employer has a marvelous set up with private rooms, fridges and a policy of letting employees take the breaks needed to pump. MUCH more mommy friendly. So, its much more doable. But, man, I hate pumping. I feel like a cow. OTOH, I make enough milk to successfully feed twins, possibly triplets. (Which, oddly enough, also makes me feel like a cow.) The pediatrician is very impressed with me. I feel like I shouldn’t let that go to waste, y’know? Right now, I’m toying with the idea of pumping twice a day through Christmas, so I can continue to eat whatever I want without gaining weight. ;->. Then I can see how I feel about it. The reality is, I am a very lazy person, and leaving my desk twice a day to go to the pumping room is going to piss me off. I know this. I just hope I can overcome it.
My anxiety about all this is manifesting in strange ways. I’m positive there is something catastrophically wrong with either me or DS. Every pain in my body makes me think I have cancer, that I need to get over to the doctor. Ridiculous! I know its ridiculous, and yet I think these things. Clearly, I have issues with cancer. I can’t possibly schedule doctor appointments for this week, so I simply. must. chill. I’m going to become a raving lunatic, that type of patient that doctors roll their eyes over. Aren’t I absurd?
I’ve also become a much more worried mother, but I do feel like I have a sound basis. DS will be getting a hearing test on January 13th. He passed his infant screening, but I am 100% positive that he doesn’t respond to voices or to rattles or keys. I’ve been worrying about/watching this for a month, and finally took him to the doctor. He’s getting a BAER test, and much to my dismay, they apparently sedate babies for this test sometimes. After our conversation here I’m not too thrilled about this, and I don’t know if I’ll let them do that. I had hoped to get him in for the test this week (and can now cross this off the list…) but they are booked solid two months out! Dear lord. He has to go the neuro-diagnostic lab at the local hospital, and let me tell you, it does not feel good to hear office name. Its a scary sounding place!
So, on top of getting my house ready for the family, I am dealing with all this. I both want this week OVER ALREADY! and for it to never end. GAH!