When my son was younger, I used to regularly read the Berkeley Parents Network listserve emails, checking the postings from parents who were seeking playdates or to join play groups. Yesterday I found myself skimming the announcements again and I came across this doozy:

Playdates With Three Year Old Son
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We are looking for fun kids to have one on one playdates with our son, who is 3 years old. Our son is bright, happy, and fun, and we would like to improve on his social and language skills.

We will have professionally trained tutors facilitate these playdates, with structured games, songs, and circle time. These one-on-one playdates will be in a clean, safe, and fun environment. You are welcome to come with your child or to drop off (whichever you feel comfortable). These tutors will teach age appropriate skills for your child, such as turn taking, sharing, socialization, following directions, and encouraging communication -- all great and useful skills to learn for preschool.

If interested, please call XXX (dad) or XXX (mom) at...

Every weekday morning, I drop my son off at preschool. As I continue on my way to work, I turn on the radio and hear about the latest horrors taking place a hemisphere away. While there is a great gulf between the violence in Iraq and my daily routine, there are also threads that tie them together. Two of the most influential preschool educational methods--Montessori and Reggio Emilia--were the by-products of war.

When Dr. Maria Montessori refused to turn the children in her schools into soldiers, Mussolini forced her into exile. Later, she fled Spain when the Spanish Civil War broke out. By 1949, Montessori had lived through two World Wars, and the pursuit of peace became the primary goal of her education model.

In 1932, Montessori addressed the International Bureau of Education in Geneva:

If a person were to grow up with a healthy soul, enjoying the full development of a strong character and a clear intellect, they could not endure to uphold two kinds of justice—the one protecting life and the other destroying it. Nor would they consent to cultivate in their heart both love and hate. Neither could they tolerate two disciplines—the one aimed at building, and the other at tearing down what has been built.

Better humans than we are would use their intellects and the attainments of civilization to end the fury of war. War would not be a problem for them at all. They would see it simply as a barbarous state, opposed to civilization—an absurd and incomprehensible phenomenon, as expendable and defeatable as the plague.

In 1931, Mahatma Ghandi and Maria Montessori met at the Montessori Training College in London. Gandhi personally taught all the children in his Ashrams using techniques similar to and inspired by the Montessori system.

I first observed a Montessori classroom in the early 90s, when my then-boyfriend's son began a Montessori preschool. My main impression was surprise that there were so many children packed in a room, each doing his or her own thing, yet chaos did not reign. Invisible rules seemed to guide the movements of the little comets. There were personal space delineations, and rituals to invite, accept, and decline play with others. Although I knew nothing of Montessori's ideas, I remember thinking that whatever was going on in the classroom would be beneficial to future denizens of a population-dense world. An intense amount of diverse independent activity was occuring harmoniously in close quarters. Maybe Maria was on to something...

I know we've discussed bullies here in the past.  Over the past couple of months our family has been dealing with a preschool bully.  Up until today we've been treating it like any other developmental issue.  We tell our 2 year old how to put his hand up and say, "Stop.  That's not nice.  I don't want to play with you."  We've been completely focused on teaching him how to manage the situation.  I've been telling myself that our son is just more sensitive than the other children.  He needs better coping skills.  But today I had just about had it and went in to talk with the teacher (who is a lovely woman, BTW).

Like most mornings in the past several months, our boy had a violent reaction to going to preschool this morning.  He wakes up each morning informing me that "today is not a school day."  He does pretty well but eats breakfast very slowly.  When I mention putting on his clothes, he loses it.  Once dressed, he gives in and does well until we pull up to the school.  Then he cries and tells me how he doesn't want to go to school.  After I got him calmed down, he told me he's afraid of the bully, as he's done a few times.