If today's parent didn't have enough to worry about, handwriting has been dropped from the curriculum of most teachers' colleges and is taught as little as once a week in elementary schools, according to Parents magazine. It is now up to parents to teach their children how to write and Parents offered some tips for your budding writer:

PROBLEM: Your preschooler has zero interest in writing...
Spray shaving cream on the kitchen counter or table and help your child write his name in the foam. The next day, draw letters with finger-paints. Wikki Stix, Play-Doh, and Lego blocks are toy-box favorites you can also use to shape letters...

PROBLEM: You have absolutely no idea where to begin.
It's best to start by teaching your child to print her name. But even though capital letters are easier to write than lowercase ones, don't encourage her to write her name in all caps. "It's an incredibly difficult habit for kids to break in kindergarten," says Dawn Audibert, a kindergarten teacher in Rockville, Maryland...

PROBLEM: After lots of practice, your child's letters are barely recognizable.
Get a grip...

PROBLEM: Your 4-year-old writes a lot of the letters backwards.
Don't freak out thinking that it's dyslexia! Writing letters backwards is a common problem in young children, says Jan Olsen, an occupational therapist who developed Handwriting Without Tears, a curriculum used in thousands of elementary schools...

PROBLEM: Your child's letters are larger than the top line of an eye chart.
First, make sure your child fully understands the concept of big and small by asking her to write the same letters in different sizes on a piece of colorful construction paper. Make it a game--and challenge her to fit as many letters as she can.

Amy's husband, Will, actually taught Ari how to write his name. I make sure he babysits Ari a lot.

J/K!

But I agree that despite the tuition I am paying, Ari has not learned how to write his name at school. I, too, have heard that it is uncommon for schools to teach handwriting before elementary school, and even then, instruction is rare. How did your children learn to write? Make sure you drop your tips!

So, my daughter, who will be 3 in August, is going to start at a pre-school-themed day-care 3 days a week.  She starts tomorrow, and I'm anxious, all the way down to my bones.  I've researched and visited and made hundreds of phone calls, trying to find care that is actual "care", when we can't afford $1000 per month (and up, in some places in the Bay).

More below the fold:

My 2.5 year old dd and I go to the same coffee shop several mornings a week on the way to school. Today there was a mom (who I've seen before) there with her son who looks to be about 4 years old. I haven't really talked to this mom beyond the early morning we-both-have-a-kid nicities, but I know something about her from reading the stickers on the back of her car.  

1. She is a vegan. She believes that eating animals is cruel.

2. She's a democrat.

3. She's Green

4. She wants to Coexist

All this, of course, is cool by me, until someone ruined my coffee...

I love me some advice columns, from Irma Kurtz in Cosmo (anyone remember her? Is she still doling out advice?) to the classic Dear Abby to the awesome Carolyn Hax. I've been reading them since I was a young girl. Sometimes I nod my head in approval, sometimes I pump my fist in solidarity, and sometimes I shake my head in confusion as the columnist gives what I consider crappy advice.

But this reader question to Dr. Joyce Brothers just left me puzzled:

DEAR DR. BROTHERS: I am up against a rather delicate situation as a new parent at a nursery school, and I've decided to ask your opinion. Perhaps you have heard it all before! Anyway, my child is an adorable little boy (yes, I know it's not proper to brag, but it is true), and in his rather upscale school, he has been asked for a play date with a little boy who is there mostly because of his very famous mom, a film actress. She wants my child to go over to her house for some reason (she says he is so cute). But I'm afraid she just wants to use my son, and the whole thing feels almost abusive to me. What do you think? -- B.N.

Um...whaaaa?

After parsing the question a few times, here's all I could come up with: this woman thinks she, and by extension her son, are better than said movie star and her little son. Therefore, if movie star invites them over for a playdate, movie star clearly wants to exploit her precious little boy.

Does that sound right?

Dr. Brothers gave advice that was thoughtful and kind:

At any rate, exposing your son to all sorts of people would be a good thing right now -- and that includes the son of a movie star. You may be feeling vulnerable about being seen as "sucking up" to the lady through her kid. If the two boys end up despising each other, at least you will have tried. Ask your son if he wants to play with this boy. Unless the answer is a horrified refusal, it's possible that a lifelong friendship could arise from this situation.

Me, I would make a crappy advice columnist. My advice would have been, "Lady, get OVER yourself! It's a freakin' playdate!"

Am I missing something dear MTs? Because I just can't figure out what's so objectionable to having someone--even a "film actress"--invite your kid over to play with theirs. Thoughts?

If there is one question our school regularly fields from prospective parents it is our class sizes or student-to-teacher ratios. (Answer: 1:7 for preschool, although typically, 1:6 for the three-year-olds. And 1:9 for elementary school.)

As the synopsis of this Comparative Education Review edition suggests, the popular wisdom of U.S. preschool experts is less is more. That it is important for preschoolers to receive individualized attention from their teachers.

In this same synopsis, it was fascinating to learn that in Japan, preschools typically boast up to a 1-to-30 teacher-student ratio.

Japanese preschool teachers and administrators watched and commented on videotapes of Japanese and U.S. preschools. In contrast to American notions of home-school continuity and the mothering role of the preschool teacher, Japanese educators saw their large preschool classes (of approximately 30 students) as teaching overly individualistic, pampered Japanese preschoolers to become responsible members of a group.

I want to point out that the ages of the Japanese children in question were 4- and 5-years-old, not 3-years-old or younger as many American children start school. But as the summary pointed out -- I have not read the actual book or article, which has to be ordered -- Japanese schools are pretty stringent and churn out high-achieving students. Considering the high student-teacher ratios, what gives?

Not having read the book, I am guessing it has to do with cultural expectations and universal thinking on the part of parents across the board. In an American school, teachers are serving children of different races, ethnicities, classes, education levels of the parents -- plus we honor individuality in learning styles and educational philosophies. We don’t have a “one size fits all” approach to education as I am assuming the Japanese have.

It’s an interesting topic. I know I have a preference for the lower student-teacher ratios, but I never realized how much that preference was formed by American culture. Why do you think we have a strong preference for lower student-teacher ratios, MotherTalkers?  

In the dog-eat-dog world of competitive parenting, many parents are going so far as to send their three and four-year-olds to learning centers or hire private tutors to prepare them for kindergarten, according to an article in Parenting magazine.

The trend is fueled by a tutoring industry targeting young children and parents’ fears surrounding high-stakes testing in elementary school, the magazine said. And if you think this trend is restricted to elite urbanites, think again: these tutoring centers are popping up in rural areas and suburbs, too.

"When my daughter started first grade, some kid at her table called her a 'toddler' because she couldn't read," says Virginia Shea of Sunnyvale, California. Turns out her reading level was completely age-appropriate, but some of her classmates had been given a head start.

Before you freak out that your child isn’t receiving reading and math drills -- or maybe not -- all the experts interviewed by the magazine said there is no evidence that such early learning has an impact on future academic success.

”I have yet to see any statistics that prove that teaching reading and math to very little kids makes a long-term difference in their academic careers,” says Michael Thompson, Ph.D., coauthor of Raising Cain and The Pressured Child. “Just because a child can read in kindergarten doesn’t mean he’ll be a better reader in fourth grade.” Also, says Thompson, “a reward-based academic program can make kids anxious. You start seeing stomachaches, headaches, acting out, and sleep issues. Is it that important to teach four-year-olds that it’s a dog-eat-dog world?”

That said, not all children will react this way. Some kids might even thrive in this kind of achievement-based program. And just as there is no evidence that early academics do any good, there’s likewise no evidence they do any harm.

Whew! Here is another opinion by a former admissions officer at an elite private elementary school, which at least in the Bay Area, I also blame for fueling parental angst:

A small and messy house crowded with children -- that sums up my childhood. Not only was my mom a stay at home mother to four children, she also took in our friends and baby-sat babies and toddlers for money. To say our home was a human zoo is an understatement.

To this day, it doesn’t bother me when my nanny brings her children to work as my children enjoy the full house, too.

So I am always baffled -- and appalled -- when I hear of mothers who prohibit their caregivers from bringing their own children to work. Most recently, one mom on Berkeley Parents Network complained that her child’s preschool teacher wears her baby in a sling.  

My reaction was good for this school for being so family-friendly. Glad to see I was not alone and this woman received a tongue-lashing on BPN:

I am surprised that this bothers you. I would be proud to bring my child to a school where the teachers are allowed to wear their babies. It is setting a wonderful parenting example for the children. Of course they can run after the children. The teacher will just have to support the baby's head with a hand. Many people have babies and toddlers at home. They do just fine. Why would you want to cause problems for a school which is treating its employees so respectfully, has a great teacher, and is instructing the preschoolers on how to be an attached parent?

Maybe you should look elsewhere if you'd prefer a place that has the teachers put their infants in daycare.

dont see a problem

Note: This is a topic I feel strongly about, too: Where are the male caregivers? My son's preschool finally has a male teacher's aide, which I think sets a good example for our boys. -Elisa

I nominated my son's preschool teacher for the Delaware Governor's Award for Excellence in Early Childhood Education and got to attend the awards banquet this week (she did not win, although she certainly deserved to!).

Although I'm grateful that I live in a state where preschool teachers and daycare providers are recognized by the governor (and given cash prizes), I was bothered by something during the proceedings. Every speaker (all of them female, including the governor) talked about how grateful they were to the people in the room because they make it possible for women to work - no mention of men at all. Pretty much all of them also said that they felt like crummy mothers for working, but that their wonderful childcare provider/preschool teacher made it OK.

Am I crazy because this bothers me? Don't these people make it possible for men to work too? And shouldn't these women also feel relieved that the teachers are wonderful so they don't have to feel "guilty" about doing something that supports their family, (perhaps) does some good in the world, and is just generally what they feel called to do?

Our peanut allergic son is attending a new preschool this year.  For us this can be quite anxiety provoking, since it means new teachers, directors, and parents who may or may not be aware of the dangers of peanut allergy.  We decided to hire a nurse from the local health department to train the staff on peanut allergies.  We worked with the director on logistics for keeping our child safe.  In our area peanut-free schools are rarer than in many other parts of the country, so we talked about the pros and cons of such a decision for the school.  

This week we attended the orientation where the director announced that our son's classroom would be peanut-free.  You should have seen the eye rolls, the side glances between parents, and the whispers.  The purpose of this entry is to help you understand peanut allergy if such an announcement is made at your child's school.

We all know parenthood doesn't come with an instruction manual. So like everyone else I have been winging it. But I'm lucky enough to have the MotherTalkers community for advice. So here goes...

My daughter is 2.5 years old. I'm under the vague impression that she can enroll in preschool when she is 3. So far, so good. Thing is, I never went to preschool, and we're pretty new to this area. I have no idea where to start when it comes to picking one, and articles I have read only seem to confuse me even more.

For example, here's an  MSNBC column debating the merits of play-based preschools versus academic preschools. I didn't even realize the divide existed (am I the only one who is this clueless?).

On one side are the more practical proponents of the academic approach:

While once the statement would’ve sounded absurd, being "academically prepared" for kindergarten is now a new and real parental concern, says Larry Schweinhart, president of High/Scope, a nonprofit educational research foundation in Ypsilanti, Mich.

"Parents have reason to be concerned about this because of the ‘push down’ we’ve experienced," he says. "Kindergartners are now expected to learn what first-graders once learned. It’s something we’ve been talking about for years, but it’s just gotten worse."

Many school administrators and educators have decided kids need to learn more, and earlier, to meet achievement targets set up by programs such as No Child Left Behind.

On the other hand, you have those who argue academic drills aren't beneficial to early childhood education:

David Elkind, a professor of child development at Tufts University, notes that while a few children might be extraordinary, the vast majority of human brains aren’t developed enough to truly learn reading or math concepts until they’ve reached the age of reason (typically at age 5 or 6), when they can understand "interval units," a series of relationships in numbers and letters.

"When we try to teach children skills that require interval units before this age of reason, we run the risk of killing the child’s motivation for learning, for schooling and for respecting teachers," says Elkind.

Oy.

What do you ladies think? How did you go about picking a preschool? What should I look for? How much should I reasonably expect to pay? Is preschool even necessary? Please discuss...

When my son was younger, I used to regularly read the Berkeley Parents Network listserve emails, checking the postings from parents who were seeking playdates or to join play groups. Yesterday I found myself skimming the announcements again and I came across this doozy:

Playdates With Three Year Old Son
-------------------------------------------
We are looking for fun kids to have one on one playdates with our son, who is 3 years old. Our son is bright, happy, and fun, and we would like to improve on his social and language skills.

We will have professionally trained tutors facilitate these playdates, with structured games, songs, and circle time. These one-on-one playdates will be in a clean, safe, and fun environment. You are welcome to come with your child or to drop off (whichever you feel comfortable). These tutors will teach age appropriate skills for your child, such as turn taking, sharing, socialization, following directions, and encouraging communication -- all great and useful skills to learn for preschool.

If interested, please call XXX (dad) or XXX (mom) at...

Every weekday morning, I drop my son off at preschool. As I continue on my way to work, I turn on the radio and hear about the latest horrors taking place a hemisphere away. While there is a great gulf between the violence in Iraq and my daily routine, there are also threads that tie them together. Two of the most influential preschool educational methods--Montessori and Reggio Emilia--were the by-products of war.

When Dr. Maria Montessori refused to turn the children in her schools into soldiers, Mussolini forced her into exile. Later, she fled Spain when the Spanish Civil War broke out. By 1949, Montessori had lived through two World Wars, and the pursuit of peace became the primary goal of her education model.

In 1932, Montessori addressed the International Bureau of Education in Geneva:

If a person were to grow up with a healthy soul, enjoying the full development of a strong character and a clear intellect, they could not endure to uphold two kinds of justice—the one protecting life and the other destroying it. Nor would they consent to cultivate in their heart both love and hate. Neither could they tolerate two disciplines—the one aimed at building, and the other at tearing down what has been built.

Better humans than we are would use their intellects and the attainments of civilization to end the fury of war. War would not be a problem for them at all. They would see it simply as a barbarous state, opposed to civilization—an absurd and incomprehensible phenomenon, as expendable and defeatable as the plague.

In 1931, Mahatma Ghandi and Maria Montessori met at the Montessori Training College in London. Gandhi personally taught all the children in his Ashrams using techniques similar to and inspired by the Montessori system.

I first observed a Montessori classroom in the early 90s, when my then-boyfriend's son began a Montessori preschool. My main impression was surprise that there were so many children packed in a room, each doing his or her own thing, yet chaos did not reign. Invisible rules seemed to guide the movements of the little comets. There were personal space delineations, and rituals to invite, accept, and decline play with others. Although I knew nothing of Montessori's ideas, I remember thinking that whatever was going on in the classroom would be beneficial to future denizens of a population-dense world. An intense amount of diverse independent activity was occuring harmoniously in close quarters. Maybe Maria was on to something...