As a parent, I don’t consider myself uptight. My kid owns lots of shiny plastic toys; she has a sip of my soda on occasion. She eats cookies and watches Thomas the Tank Engine on TV. We even bought her a portable DVD player to make long plane rides and car trips more bearable for everyone.

But the other day I saw something that left me completely baffled. Last week we had dinner at a local brewery/restaurant. It was our first time there and I was pleased to find a noisy, family-friendly atmosphere complete with crayons and a kid’s menu.

We settled in with our drinks and were about to dig into our beer bread when I happened to catch a glance of a family sitting two tables over. There was a mom, a dad, an elderly gentleman (Grandpa?) and a little girl who was about 4 years old. The adults were engaged in conversation, and the little girl was watching “Happy Feet” on a portable DVD player– complete with headphones.

I was so fascinated that I couldn’t stop glancing over there. I thought maybe the DVD player would be put away when the food arrived, but no...she munched on her fries while she ate in complete silence, engrossed by the antics of the CGI penguins. Her parents never once spoke to her, asked if she needed anything, or engaged her in any way.

On the one hand: sheer genius! That DVD player is like a portable babysitter and probably allowed the parents to have a very pleasant meal without any whining, spilling, or demands.

On the other hand: what the hell? Isn’t part of having children learning how to deal with them? Teaching them how to behave properly in public places? How to have a pleasant conversation over a family meal? Enjoying their company?

My daughter has had her share of meltdowns and tantrums in public places. It isn’t fun to have to swoop her into the restroom or take her outside for a time-out and feel people’s eyes on you as you make a hasty exit. But the end result is that she generally does great in public settings. She is cheerful and pleasant and says “thank you” to our servers. We enjoy eating out as a family, and that includes our 3-year-old daughter. It would never occur to me to slap a DVD player in front of her then proceed to ignore her while we’re out for a meal.

What do you think: do you feel sorry for this little girl, like I did, or will you be stealing the DVD-as-babysitter idea for your next meal out? Are we raising a generation of socially maladjusted children thanks to DVD players, texting and iPods? Or am I being too judgy? Weigh in!  

ok, i am not even sure how to bring this up, but i've done a piss-poor job talking about it IRL, since i just feel like a mean mom for mentioning it, so i thought i'd tap into the collective wisdom and experience here.

as i have mentioned before, i have 4 kids.  they are all different of course, and i love them all to pieces (but not like the runaway bunny, who i think goes a bit too far, turning into a tree and all).  they are each challenging, but one much more so than the others.  and not challenging in that misbehaving, get in trouble kind of way.  that i can deal with.  it's much more complicated than that.

I've been sick for almost 2 weeks. And I don't have to tell any of you that being mom and sick is the situation we all hope to avoid as long as we can.

At first, I felt lucky -- I do have an au pair, who cares for Rebecca part of each day.

Then, the flu took over and my body collapsed with fatigue and fever. A couple of days later, I hired a babysitter to take over when the au pair finished her hours at 2pm. Last weekend, I hired a babysitter so that I could sleep 4 more precious hours during the day. I was feeling better that Sunday, so I used an hour and a half to slip out to the grocery store to pick up some staples that were running low. I was still exhausted when I paid her and looked at those two eager faces so longing to spend time with me.

Last week, the flu morphed into strep.

All week, I ate ice pops and let the au pair do as much as allowed by our contract. I snapped at my son for really stupid things. I barely cooked dinner mostly because I had no appetite and got nauseous looking at food. Luckily, Rebecca loves scrabbled eggs and those did not make me want to vomit. On Friday, barely able to swallow or speak, I finally got to the doctor.

As my family leaves winds down, I find myself thinking about how I will work, shop, spend one-on-one time with my older son, spend one-on-one time with my daughter, clean, and run the household -- those tasks that don't fall into any of the above categories but must get done. And go to the gym to swim (which my knee and rest of my body needs). Of course, none of this is different from what everyone, every mother, every woman has to deal with. With all this on my mind, and a couple of days worth of penicillin in my body, I was intrigued to read Penelope Trunk's latest post exactly on this topic

I just hired someone to take care of my house for $50,000 a year: A house manager. This is in addition to the full-time nanny I have. And the cleaning service. And the assistant I have at work.

I know the first thing going through your mind is that I’m loaded and I’m lucky. But I’m not either: for instance, the house I live in is so small that I sleep in the kids’ room. I chose a house like this because I think having money to pay people to help me maintain a sane household is more important than having tons of space for tons of possessions. Having to make choices like that is what makes this topic worth writing about.

Now, I'm not even a fan of Trunk's, nor am I writing this to further the faux 'mommy wars' or to judge her choices -- but it sparked me to wonder - for myself as much as anyone else:

How do we find people we trust to work with us and our families?
Do we have to pay people or do friends help friends?
Are men talking about these issues? Frankly, men my age (48) don't seem to be.
How do/did you create your village?

We live in a college town and it is a great place to be raising our family. The university makes our small town have a multicultural feel that I love. In addition, we have the museums, science and arts ususally found in larger metros.

This time of year, however, it is all about March Madness in my hometown.  In my house, it is all about bonding over "our" team, the University of Kansas Jayhawks.  We watch the games as a family and I suspect it will be one of the things our kids remember fondly about growing up.  My son is a trivia king when it comes to his team and he can cite you chapter and verse about scores, final seconds and the players.

I never imagined that it would be this way.  

I have never bought into the idea that feminists inherently believe that men are not important factor in a child's life. Essential? Maybe not. But when present and accounted for, or noticeably absent, the effect that any parent has on their child is undeniable. I have a great Dad, imperfect and loving and supportive and, sometimes, purposefully absent. The evolution of understanding my relationship with my Dad continues every day. It has been a long, strange process, very different than negotiating the murky waters of relating to my mom.

The reason I'm bringing it up is because I got in a "fight" with my Dad last weekend, and it still bugs almost a week later. I say "fight" because my Daddy and I don't fight, like my mom and I do, with words or looks or anything- essentially, we disagreed about politics and at the end of the conversation, I got a Disappointed Look. Oh that is the worst! Nothing makes me feel like I'm 10 years old more than that look!

Somewhere in the late 90s, my Dad became a Republican, and I cannot stand it. It smacks so hard against the adolescent adoration I still feel for my Dad from time to time. It's one more chink in the perfect shiny armor I built around him growing up.

KC hit on this briefly in her "Consumer Diet" diary, but seeing as though it's been weighing on my mind lately, I thought I'd expound a little- I’m worried about the example I’m setting for my kid. I will admit the typical "won't someone PLEASE think of the children" bodice clutching that a lot of adults engage in is a huge pet peeve of mine, and I think that over-sanitizing a child's world by eliminating anything remotely bad, non-educational, or Adult does more harm than good. But lately... ugh.

Lily’s almost 2 now, so mimicking is in full force. I crack up when she tries to put on makeup, and I indulge her chap stick obsession. I like that she jams to a lot of different music and how she picks up her purse, keys and says “bye, goin’ to my car”. I even thought it was pretty darn funny when she repeated the f-word right back at me-I am a big believer in teaching kids, when they are older, that there are adult words and kid words. Nothing makes me crazier than when my niece tells me I can’t say a word like “stupid”- I can say whatever I want kid. Damn.

But there are other habits that I’m not so happy to see reflected back my way.

Here's some crazy crap for you: According to a new documentary film making its way through politically conservative circles, there's an ominous decline in childbirth rates around the world such that if we all don't start procreating fast, armageddon is surely afoot. The movie is called "Demographic Winter: Decline of the Human Family." This is from the promo web site:

Almost all of the developed countries of the world are now experiencing fertility rates far below replacement levels. Birthrates have fallen so low that even immigration cannot replace declining populations, and this migration is sapping strength from developing countries, the fertility rates for many of which are now falling at a faster pace than did those of the developed countries.

According to the film makers, this decline in human reproduction will lead to failed economies and social mayhem.

Huh? Whatever, I'm not in least bit concerned about this. But I write about it here because of a discussion it raised on this post on Reason Magazine.

The Reason writer wonders if the reason people aren't having more kids is because parenting ain't all that much fun.

Demographic Winter asserts that "every aspect of modernity works against family life and in favor of singleness and small families or voluntary childlessness." And surely they are right. Modern societies offer people many other satisfactions and choices outside of the family. In particular women find that their time becomes more highly valued in occupations outside the home.

In light of this children have become "consumption items to be enjoyed for their own sakes, more akin to sculptures, paintings, or theatre," he says. "But that's just the problem—according to happiness researchers, people don't really enjoy rearing children."

Yesterday I wrote a diary on the NYT article discussing single sex public education alternatives.  I just had a chance to follow-up and read all of the comments and am still mulling the thoughts over. Thanks to everyone who shared!

To me there is no topic more important than education. My parents were big on education and I was blessed with a fabulous one so I am already finding it all too easy to stress out about how to provide an education for Campbell.

There was a fabulously interesting article in the NYT Magazine yesterday about a ground swell of support for gender segregation in public school classrooms.  I have to admit this was a concept I'd never really considered and would have probably dismissed without thought before reading the article.  But the article's citation of studies showing that girls and boys learn differently has left me curious - though not fully converted.

The pregnancy is about to be over.

The last few months, I started to wonder if this day would arrive. But it will, at last. I have the credit card charges and airline and hotel reservations to prove it. On Monday morning, my son and I are off to Guatemala to get his sister. My mother is coming along to entertain him while I sit with my daughter on Tuesday morning in the US Embassy with the huge stack of papers waiting for her visa interview.

While we are waiting the day and a half for the Embassy to approve the visa application (yes, they could deny the visa; but there is no reason for them to do that in the paperwork. Knock wood anyway. Boy, have I gotten superstitious during this experience!), I am hoping we can visit Antigua for few hours and stroll around Zona Viva in Guatemala City, and visit with my son's foster mother at the hotel. Yeah, it's probably too much. We'll be back by the end of the week.

I know from my son's adoption, when I get back I'll be exhausted and a bit disoriented at first. A little sad. I'm already a little weepy at the smallest, sentimental things these days. The pregnancy is over. But joyful at the sight of my little girl at home with us. And, so grateful for the support of this community, friends, and family during this long journey. From what my friends who gave birth have told me, it's like that for them. Same but different.

While I cannot find the link, I do recall us discussing how to handle charities that continuously send fundraising letters -- even after they have exhausted any money we have sent them.

But what would you do if that perpetual fundraiser is an adorable niece or next-door neighbor? One writer to Parenting wondered the same thing:

My niece always hits me up for her school fundraisers. My kids don’t solicit family members this much. How can I get it to stop?

Parenting contributor Denene Millner offered two pieces of advice. The first one I thought was rather harsh:

Look, I want to help out, and I’m sure you do, too. But that doesn’t mean you’ve got to pull out the checkbook every time your niece opens her backpack. You could start by practicing the fine art of saying "No, thanks." Nobody said you have to buy the goods, even if the seller is your sister’s child. This won’t be easy, and may not go over well with your sister. But it sounds like you may need to be hard-line to keep your sanity.

Because my parents did not have much money, I had to go door-to-door to sell raffle tickets and chocolate bars for my Catholic school in Miami. To this day, I always buy from children who knock on my door, regardless of cause.

But I do realize that not everyone has the resources to continuously answer that call especially since even public schools have to rely on fundraisers to keep their doors open.

Even my own household has some (unspoken) ground rules when it comes to school fundraisers. While DH and I purchase the bulk of raffle tickets for Ari’s school, we sell only to our family, some neighbors -- the ones on our street -- and closest friends. In return, we buy things from our neighbors’ and friends’ children, which leads me to Millner’s second -- and sensible -- piece of advice:

As you probably already know, Sen. Barack Obama won the Virginia, Maryland and D.C. primaries yesterday by comfortable double-digit margins, according to CNN. He made significant inroads among white rural voters, Latinos and women, propelling him to the lead in the delegate count, even with Super Delegates taken into consideration.

Nonetheless, he has only slightly more than half the delegates needed to clinch the nomination. Damn, running for president is a grueling process. Then again, it is great we are making the candidates earn each and every single vote this campaign season.

Take That Ann Landers! Child-free movement websites such as this one often cite a 1970s study by Ann Landers that showed 70 percent of parents were unhappy and regretted having children. But Parenting -- not to be confused with Parents --  recently released an admittedly unscientific study that more than 80 percent of its readers would have had their children and even have had them earlier.

Here are the results of the magazine’s online poll:

If you had to do it over again:
59% would have had kids exactly when you did
23% would have had them earlier
16% would have had them later
2% would not have become a mom at all

Valentine’s Day Downer: Parenting magazine also released a poll showing that 69 percent of its readers dreaded traveling with their husbands more than their children. Ouch.

J-Lo Gossip: Okay, I am so behind on my celebrity gossip that I did not realize Jennifer Lopez was due to have twins tomorrow! Also, rumor has it her twins -- a boy and a girl -- will be named Max and Emme, according to Latina magazine.

What else is on your minds, MotherTalkers?