A very happy wedding day to Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon, who will marry today at 5:01 p.m. Pacific, after waiting over 50 years. Two other plaintiffs in the marriage case, Robin Tyler and Diane Olson, who got the ball rolling for the lawsuit when they were denied a marriage license at the Beverly Hills Courthouse in 2004, will also get their license tonight in the selfsame city. (Martin and Lyon will receive theirs in San Francisco from Mayor Gavin Newsom.)

Marriage is all over the news and likely to remain so all week. I particularly like this article on New York Governor David Patterson, and the straight people who are thanking him on behalf of their daughters and sons for his recognition of out-of-state wedded same-sex couples. I also think it's cool that the California ruling is boosting the sales of a company that makes same-sex cake toppers. (The company was started several years ago by an African American woman who could not find a cake-couple for herself and her fiance, a Japanese American man.)

Lest we forget, too: marriage isn't the solution for everyone. Read Nancy Polikoff's well reasoned Beyond (Straight and Gay) Marriage: Valuing All Families under the Law for a look at why we also need to be thinking about recognizing other forms of committed relationships.

Finally, the title of this post is not just a comment on geography, but a nod to Katherine Lee Bates, author of "America the Beautiful," who lived for 25 years with fellow Wellesley College professor Katherine Coman in what is commonly called a “Boston marriage.” (When students and alumnae sing this song at Wellesley, we always change the last line of the first verse to ". . . and crown thy good with sisterhood.") As we move forward into a future of increasing equality, it's good not to forget the past.

Congratulations to all the same-sex couples about to marry!

Two recent articles indicate that far from destroying traditional relationships, same-sex couples, parents in particular, offer examples that others would be wise to follow.

Last Sunday's New York Times Magazine discusses the phenomena of husband-wife couples who are trying to buck society and tradition and share parenting duties equally. It's a fascinating (though perhaps not surprising) story about gender; why are we still thrashing this out in this day and age?

The author, Lisa Belkin, also asks whether lesbian moms fall into the same unequal division of labor. The little research that has been done indicates that we don't. We also argue about different things when there is conflict. Dr. Nanette Gartrell, principal investigator of the National Longitudinal Lesbian Family Study (NLLFS), has found, for example, that when it comes to childcare, “straight parents get into the blame game about who is shirking responsibility,” she says, “lesbian moms bicker about not getting enough time with the kids.”

Is TiVo working with ultra-conservative group Focus on the Family (FOF)?

It is allowing FOF to bring its members special offers on TiVo products and services. I'm not happy about that—but it could be worse. Has it, however, struck a further partnership with FOF for FOF's Father's Day "SuperDad" essay contest (www.family.org/fathersday/), with TiVo boxes and service as the prizes? Gay blog Good As You raised the question earlier today. Contest entries are being accepted through the FOF Web site, and it's hard to imagine the organization would let essays about gay or trans dads be fairly considered for a prize.

If this is true, it would mean the California-based TiVo is endorsing a contest that goes against its LGBT-inclusive corporate Code of Conduct, and perhaps even against California's Public Accommodation law, which bans discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender identity. (Thanks to Autumn Sandeen for pointing that out.)

Deborah Solomon recently interviewed actor and lesbian mom Cynthia Nixon in the New York Times Magazine. Jessica at Feministing, however, notes the general cluelessness of the questions. The interview starts out all right:

A few years ago, you moved in with a woman, after leaving the father of your children. Do you find it easier living with a woman than a man because you have more in common? I think you do have more in common.

You can use the same bathroom in movie theaters, for instance. That’s absolutely true!

. . . but ventures into dangerous territory with:

Can you share clothes? No. Christine doesn’t wear women’s clothes; she only wears men’s clothes. She won’t even wear any kind of women’s shoes. I bought her a pair of cowboy boots that were from the women’s department, and she was like, “Don’t do this again.”

. . . because Nixon's answer clearly sends Solomon down the long road of stereotypes:

Does she watch sports on TV? She does. We don’t have a TV. But when there was a World Cup, we went to the local Ruby Foo’s and watched it. And we actually did watch the Super Bowl as well. She tried to explain it to me.

. . . and it gets worse:

Do you think of her as the male figure in the relationship? No, I don’t at all. Look at what’s happening now. She’s at home with the kids, and I’m the one out pounding the pavement. . . . She’s for Hillary, and I’m for Obama.

Yes, most of us Sapphic types (and many others as well) know at least one woman who wears men's clothes, likes to watch sports, and whose gender identity veers into male territory. For every lesbian like that, though, there are plenty who blur the lines. A suit-wearing butch who hates sports; a femme who loves basketball. Not to mention all the couples where neither would identify as the "male figure."

Perhaps there's some value to the questions, though—or, more accurately, to Nixon's answers, because they might help dispel a few myths about lesbian relationships. What do you think? (Personally, I'm all for starting a fund to send Solomon to Women's Week in P'Town, or at least to a WNBA game.)

(Crossposted at Mombian.)

Having preschool teachers who make sure your son brings home two handmade flowerpots for Mother’s Day?

Priceless.

Mildred Loving, a black woman whose marriage to a white man led to the seminal U.S. Supreme Court that overturned Virginia's ban on interracial marriage, died today at age 68. NPR has a good interview with her from last year, on the 40th anniversary of the Court's case. Pam at the Blend observes that Loving is also a beacon of hope for supporters of same-sex marriage:

Those of us eagerly waiting for the day when same-sex marriage is finally legalized across the land owe a debt of gratitude to Mildred Loving, whose 1967 case (Loving v. Virginia) resulted in a landmark Supreme Court decision that broke down a major social and legal barrier  - interracial marriage.

A moment of silence for a woman who once said she wasn't trying to change history; she just fell in love.

(Crossposted at Mombian.)

Details magazine recently ran a blog post by David Hochman about how straight men are uncomfortable with the thought of having a gay son. "The fact is, parents—dads especially, even those who cry at weddings and like to make soufflés—take pride when their kids follow culturally ingrained gender roles." Progressive dads are not immune from this; in fact, the article contends, they may be more susceptible:

It may sound like liberal-dad hypocrisy, but guys like Ron say it's their hyperawareness of gay culture that makes them so fear the idea of their kids being homosexual in the first place. "You see the news; you see movies like Brokeback Mountain and Boys Don't Cry," Ron says. "You think, It would be a hell of a lot easier if my kid turned out not to be gay."

(I've often had people, LGBT and not, ask me for recommendations of LGBT-inclusive children's books. The American Library Association's new Rainbow List is a good place to start. Originally appeared with slight variation in Bay Windows, March 6, 2008)

Where can children, teens, parents and librarians find new LGBT-themed children’s and young adult books of merit? Starting now, they can turn to the annual Rainbow List published by the American Library Association (ALA), the oldest and largest library association in the world.

It can be very hard for kids to discover LGBT-themed books, explains retired librarian and schoolteacher Nel Ward, chair of the Rainbow List committee. Even a helpful librarian may have trouble locating titles of interest, since the Library of Congress cataloging information will often use a phrase like "best friends" instead of a description indicating an LGBT relationship. Certain electronic searches will only yield titles on how to prevent homosexuality. "Librarians want lists so they can help kids access these books," Ward asserts.

Slate's Emily Yoffe this week opined that "out-of-wedlock births are a national catastrophe" and marriage is the solution to childhood poverty and economic growth. Lauren Bruce at Offsprung has already taken her to task for her assertions, and notes that gay families are out of luck in Yoffe's scenario. I'd like to add a bit more to Lauren's wise words.

Yoffe is, as I understand, in favor of marriage for same-sex couples. Given her position on single mothers, however, it seems that her support for marriage equality may be largely engendered by her view of marriage as the answer for society's ills. The millions of children raised successfully by LGBT parents, however, without, in most cases, the benefits of marriage (or even "marriage-like" institutions, such as civil unions or domestic partnerships), shows that marriage is not in itself necessary to raising well-adjusted children.

Ellen DeGeneres took time from her very funny show last week to talk about the very serious recent hate-crime murder of gay eighth-grader Lawrence King in Oxnard, California. She's more political than I've ever seen her, despite her protestations that she's not a political person, and seems honestly emotional. If only more celebrities used their platforms to call for change like this. (Of course, a nice big donation to GLSEN or the Safe Schools Coalition wouldn't hurt, either.)

I will also note that there have been three murders of gender-variant teens in the past month or so. King followed Adolphus Simmons of North Charleston, South Carolina, and preceded Simmie Williams, Jr. of Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Ellen's comments apply equally to all three. See her video (and a book recommendation from me) after the jump.

After 15-year-old Lawrence King was shot to death by a fellow student because he was gay, California Assemblyman Mike Eng proposed a new bill to "establish school diversity and sensitivity training to help prevent such tragedies in the future." According to Gay Wired, "The new bill would require mandatory classes on diversity and tolerance in California school districts." It would also establish procedures for teachers and administrators if they suspect a potential hate crime, reports the LA Times.

The LA Times has opined, however, that diversity and tolerance is "best taught to children through everyday interactions in the classroom and on the playground, by observant teachers, stern principals and strong school leaders." Eng's legislation, they say, "lays another Sacramento mandate on teachers who can barely squeeze required history lessons into the school day." At the same time, the newspaper also feels a Virginia school superintendent "failed miserably" when he removed copies of And Tango Makes Three from elementary-school shelves. They conclude:

It takes common sense and sometimes bravery to nurture tolerance at school. There are teachers, school counselors and even students doing this every day. Leaders would be better off supporting their efforts than putting more requirements on their shoulders or forbidding true stories of acceptance.

They have a point, but only to a point. Students must not see diversity as something they only need to think about during one class period. (I've TA'd before; I know students will often not pay attention unless something is on the test.) It would be nice if all classes were imbued with lessons of tolerance. Clearly they are not, however, even if some individual teachers, students, and others are making efforts.

As is often the case, the key to success for Eng's legislation will be in the implementation, weaving lessons into all classes as well as special ones and involving students, teachers, administrators, and parents (not to mention librarians). Teachers and students already active in promoting tolerance can help lead the way. A balance such as this will also keep the legislation from becoming a burden, for the Times is right that it will strain teachers' already limited time and resources. I do believe, however, that schools need to prepare our children not only in academic subjects, but also in citizenship. Yes, diversity education would take away time from academics, but a child shot to death is a child left behind.

What are your thoughts on how to teach diversity and tolerance in schools? Is statewide legislation necessary? I'm especially interested in hearing your thoughts if you are a teacher, administrator, or librarian.

(Crossposted at Mombian.)

Yet another school district has made a fuss over And Tango Makes Three, the book about the chick hatched by two male penguins, and the American Library Association's Most Challenged Book of 2006. The school superintendent of Loudoun County, Virginia, has instructed county elementary schools to take the book out of general circulation and move it to the teacher's reference shelf, after one parent complained. A spokesperson for the schools said:

Developmentally, some students in the younger grades might not have been able to understand this without having an adult, such as a teacher, parent or guardian reading it with them. So we recommended that this would be a book that a child read with an adult so it can be put in context.