The death toll in Burma after a vicious cyclone hit the country this past weekend could reach 60,000, the number of people reported dead or missing, according to the Washington Post.

Because the country is headed by an incompetent, despotic regime, the people are not easily receiving aid. MoveOn.org passed around a link to donate to Burmese monks, who in turn, have been giving food and shelter to the country's poorest people.

These People Scare Me: I was recently perusing the responses to New York Times Magazine's green edition, when I came across this gem:

(Michael) Pollan asserts as self-evident that a small carbon footprint is always a moral good. But suppose a child is very sick and the nearest hospital is 50 miles away. You can ride a horse and the child might die, or take a helicopter and ensure the child lives. In that case, using more fossil fuel is clearly a moral good. Offering this same sort of choice, if played out less dramatically, is why the green movement may fail.

Pollan is asking for human beings to deliberately make their own lives harsher, duller, perhaps even shorter for the sake of an abstraction. Whatever your belief in the merits of cutting carbon emissions, it’s easy to see why this neo-Romantic argument may not win many converts.

Especially inane, though, is Wendell Berry’s suggestion that “specialization” has been bad for humanity. Division of labor has allowed man to rise from savannas and caves to cities, to feed multitudes and to cure deadly disease. Specialization is precisely what will produce the experts who will ultimately figure out how to make cheap energy without fossil fuels. That process, not some Arcadian fantasy that all humanity will voluntarily regress to a semi-industrial state, is the way to a cleaner world.

HAMPTON STEVENS

Kansas City, Kan.

Okay.

Other Strange Encounters: Here is another one of those quirky Berkeley Parents Network letters, although I bet this woman's situation is not as uncommon as we'd like to think:

My husband recently had a one night stand with a woman with whom he previously (about 2 years ago) had a longer-term affair. The one night stand resulted in a pregnancy, and they've decided to keep the baby. The woman lives in another city so he will be parenting from afar - we also have a child together. We started marriage counseling a couple of weeks ago and, at least right now, we both think we'd like to stay together. We definitely have issues outside of this one that we need to work on, and are both committed to doing so. I'm honestly not that hung up on the affair at this point - it's the realization that there will be another child in his life, with another woman, and that child will likely be incorporated into our family in some way, shape, and form in the future. Plus, the fact that the child will be in another city means he will probably spend time away from us, which is hard to handle. Has anyone dealt with a similar situation? This is all very fresh and new and I know my feelings will change over time (because they already have a million times in about 3 weeks!) but I need a little long-term perspective on how this situation might ever really work...thanks!
anon

Whew. This woman sounded remarkably calm for what her husband did. Can't wait for the responses...

Leaving Foster Care: The Washington Post followed around this remarkable young woman as she was leaving the foster care system. At 21-years-old, Marie Willis is learning to live on her own, and is handling it with such aplomb.

What else is in the news? What is on your minds today? Have a good weekend all!

Adoption is SO common in the Bay Area that a recent Berkeley Parents Network post about adoption through the U.S. foster care system sparked a barrage of responses.

In the original letter, the writer wanted an honest opinion on adopting through our local foster care system as well-meaning friends expressed concerns over “crack babies” and possible mental disturbances in the children.

Everyone from adoptive parents to social workers, poo-pooed the “crack baby myth.”

I am sorry some of your friends are so misinformed about adoption and are trying to scare you. My two bright, caring, fun, strong, developmentally on target children, ages almost 5 years old and 10 months old, were both adopted through Alameda County's fost/adopt program. My experience was very positive, even when it seemed to be taking a long time. Both of my children were exposed to drugs in-utero. Both have overcome their rocky starts and are thriving. No baby is a ''crack/drug baby''. Babies do not take drugs. Some are exposed to drugs in-utero. Cocaine, meth, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine...

Hi. My husband and I adopted a little girl through the foster care system. (Alameda county) She was 3 mos. when she came to us and was formally adopted at 14 months. We also got the comments about ''drug babies, crack babies'' etc. I didn't care what anyone said. I wanted to adopt and that's just the way it was. Our daughter was exposed to cocaine and probably alcohol. (usually the drugs and alcohol go hand in hand) She had tremors for about 4 months or so and stiffness in her legs but nothing too dramatic. She was ''feisty'' from babyhood and is now more difficult. She has ADHD type behaviors and gives us (mainly me, now) many trying moments but I wouldn't trade her for the world.
Kathy

Other respondents did not discourage the adoption, but expressed caution. They advised becoming informed on “attachment disorders” and children who were exposed to drugs and alcohol in utero. One worker in the system said his/her clients were people who had lost custody of their children, but were trying to re-gain them. S/he admitted that children who land in the system means "there are MAJOR problems with the parenting/home situation." Nonetheless, this individual said the writer should not be "scared" of these children.

The Contra Costa Times of California ran an article about women who choose or find themselves childless. The psychologists in the article say there is a period of sadness when a woman’s biological clock runs out and she does not grieve what could have been.

"Grief in its simplest form is unresolved emotion," says Bobby Rodriguez-Havens, executive director of the nonprofit Open Path, formerly Resolve. Open Path offers grief counseling to women who, as Rodriguez-Havens explains, lined their ducks up expecting a child to be automatic, and it didn't turn out that way.

"They question, 'Why haven't I met anyone? Should I have not gone for the MBA? Should I have married that guy in college?'" Rodriguez-Havens says. "When you don't deal with these emotions, you end up replaying the grief in your life in different ways."

What I liked about this story is the women mentioned in the article were strong, happy, and successful, not pathetic creatures waiting for Mr. Right and gorging on bonbons. They found an outlet for their nurturing instincts. One woman became a foster mother in her 40s and is about to adopt that child. Another woman chose to volunteer in a third grade classroom.

Lauren Edwards, of San Leandro, deals with her grief. A successful corporate writing coach, Edwards never wanted children, at least not in her 20s. So, at 22, she met and married a man who shared the sentiment. At 31, however, things began to change.

Edwards' biological clock went off, she says, and every lovely sunset made her yearn for the experience of sharing its beauty with a baby.

The phase ended, however. And six years ago, so did Edwards' marriage. Now, at 46, she says she has healed from the divorce, but the memories of pain and sadness are reminders of her decision.

"At the time of the divorce, I felt that choice had been robbed from me," she says. "Had I been married to someone else at 31, I'd probably have a child now. And I'd never guessed I'd feel so alone."

Edwards copes by volunteering at an elementary school in Oakland on Fridays. She works with third-graders who fill her up, she says. It's her favorite day of the week.

Fortunately, the stigma of having children later in life is gone. Also, there are more ways than ever to conceive: artificial insemination, IVF, surrogate motherhood and, of course, adoption. And one need not be a mother to care for so many people who need it in our society whether it be senior citizens or children with no or inadequate care. Good deal.

I recently reviewed There is No Me Without You, a moving look at AIDS and its powerful effect on Ethiopia, families, and most especially the children. As promised at the end of that review, here is my interview Melissa Fay Greene, the author of There is No Me Without You.

You recently returned from Ethiopia. You were there during Passover (April) – how do you celebrate Passover in Ethiopia? (It can be challenging enough in some parts of the US.)

We were the guests of Dr. Rick Hodes, an American-Jewish doctor who has lived in Ethiopia for about 20 years, and of his houseful of adopted and foster Ethiopian sons and long-term guests and recuperating patients and neighbors and people he met while swimming laps at the Sheraton and Israelis he lured home from the airport when his Ethiopian sons greeted arriving passengers from Tel Aviv with signs that read—in English and Hebrew—"Need a kosher seder?  Talk to us."  Jewish, Muslim, and Ethiopian Orthodox Christian guests sat together in a huge circle on the floor, around spread tablecloths and traditional foods, and we chanted through a seder in three languages.  My son Jesse, age 11, pitched forward and fell asleep on the floor in the middle of what was, essentially, the dinner table.  He was still jet-lagged. He snoozed there a while, without anyone seeming to notice, but I finally roused him enough to walk him off the table and into a back bedroom.  (I write more about Dr. Hodes in my book)

In reading material on your website I gather that you and your husband are parents to 9 children. Can you tell us how they joined your family?

We’ve been blessed with four children by birth (Molly, 25, Oberlin ’04, works for ForestEthics in San Francisco;  Seth, 22, is a senior at the Oberlin Conservatory of Music;  Lee, 19, is spending a gap year studying and volunteering in Israel;  Lily, 14, is in ninth grade, living at home with us in Atlanta); and three by adoption (Fisseha, 13, in 6th grade, came three years ago from an Ethiopian orphanage;  Jesse, 12, a 5th-grader, came seven years ago from a Bulgarian orphanage; and Helen, 10, grade 4, came five years ago also from the Ethiopian orphanage.)

Finally, Daniel, 12, and his brother Yosef, 10, currently live at the foster home in Addis Ababa which is the subject of my book There is No Me Without You.  We’re hoping to bring them home by the summer.