When I was younger, maybe around 10-14 years old, my parents often drove us to visit with our grandmother, who lived in Tijuana, B.C. On the way, we always stopped at a JC Penney that I loved to visit, because their bathrooms had anonymous gossip written on the wall. Girls asking for advice about relationships, and other girls offering advice. There was also the salacious gossip and inevitable curse words. I never participated in it, but I LOVED IT.

Formspring is sort of like that, but it hits a little closer to home. It is a social networking site that has become the next new thing with the teenage set. However, this is not like MySpace or Facebook, because the whole point of this website is to post gossip, ask inappropriate questions (a lot of them sexual in nature), talk carp about people, and spread rumors. All anonymously.

The questions could range from the innocent, “do you have a boyfriend?” to the not so innocent, “how many guys have you had sex with?” To the downright mean, “you’re a f-en whore and guys just use you for sex.” Again, all anonymously.

Recently, there was an article in the New York Times that addressed this new phenomenon. It mentioned something that I wasn’t aware of. Apparently, users can choose not to accept anonymous questions, but most ignore that option. And some Formspring users say it is precisely the negative comments that interest them.

I found a quote by a high school freshman the most telling and disturbing:

“Nice stuff is not why you get it,” said Ariane Barrie-Stern, a freshman at Fiorello H. LaGuardia High School in New York City. “I think it’s interesting to find out what people really think that they don’t have the guts to say to you. If it’s hurtful, you have to remind yourself that it doesn’t really mean anything.”

That was the same thing Karina told me a couple of months ago when I found out about her Formspring account. She came to me with an anonymous comment she received and asked me for advice on how she should answer it. The comment was mean, referencing her (barely there!) acne. There was comment, after comment, after COMMENT, about her skin – all anonymous. I wondered why she would care enough to answer someone who obviously had so little self-esteem that they would hide behind a computer? She said, “because it’s fun.”

But, what of those young people who are not as strong as Ariane? Or, as strong as Karina? What if a comment goes too far?

Jezebel recently posted on this very topic, and I think the last paragraph of that story is what we should all keep in mind:

So again, why is anyone, young girls especially, subjecting themselves to this? Because they want someone to care enough to ask about them, and to validate that they matter. And unfortunately, for young girls, too often mattering means whether or not boys want to fuck them, or how much girls think boys do. And there’s not much out there in the world to tell them any differently.

Keep a vigilant eye on your child’s internet exposure. Ask if he/she has a Formspring account and take a peek. You may not like what you read, but I guarantee that it will open the door to some honest communication.