I knew a mother once, (ahem), who enrolled her 4-year-old in swimming lessons.  Well, the first lesson was a total disaster.  The child wouldn't go near the water at first, clung to the teacher and tried to climb out of the pool on several occasions.  So the following week, this mother cut a deal; if he cooperated with the swim teacher he could get a Thomas train after.  And by golly, it worked!  Like a charm!

And so this went on, week after week.  The Thomas trains were piling up, but the swimming was taking off nicely.  She switched to Take Along Thomas trains, because they were cheaper.  But how long could this continue?  At some point it had to be stopped.  

What would you call this?  I call it bribery and it's a slippery, slippery slope.

Kirsten Whipple, a 35-year-old mom in Northbrook, Ill., says with a quiet laugh. "I’m sure our parents would be appalled if they knew how much we bribe our children."  For instance, they might offer their boys, ages 5 and 8, a special dessert or a chance to rent a video game if they listen to their baby sitter. A good report card might earn a dinner out to celebrate.

Whipple has noticed a downside though — what she calls a "sense of entitlement."  "Often times, it leads to good behavior with a question attached: ‘What are you going to give me?"’ she says.

Apparently, rewards should only be given for going 'above and beyond', not for doing what children whould be doing anyway:

"I think that reward systems have a time and a place and work really well to help develop capacities — if we need them to go above and beyond," says Marcy Safyer, director of the Adelphi University Institute for Parenting.

"But what often gets lost for people is being able to figure out how to communicate to their kids that doing the thing is rewarding enough," Safyer says.

"Instead, parents are paying their kids to get good grades; they pay their kids to go to sleep, pay their kids to be toilet trained," Safyer says, meaning payment as a material reward.

So MTers, what's your stance on bribery?  What's ok and what's not?  Paying for grades?  Paying for good behaviors?  Chores?  Even the little rewards, like some M&Ms for peeing in the toilet?