Like I said, Berkeley Parents Network is back -- as are all the juicy letters. Most recently, someone wondered if she should tell her friend about her husband’s affair. The reponses were just as illicit:

It seems to me it depends on your relationship with your friend. If it is a relationship with a close friend that is intimate, in which you share details about your spouses, etc, then I don't see how you can not tell. Otherwise you are being insincere every time you talk with her (and when she finds out, because she ultimately will, then you betrayed her trust by not saying anything and perpetuating the betrayal). If it is an acquaintance/friend whom you are not especially intimate with, then I would not be the one to break this intimate news. I might, though, talk with someone who is closest to her about how best to let her know.

Sounds like many people know what her husband is doing, so its not a matter of ''if'' she finds out, but rather ''when'' and ''how'' she finds out. It would be great if the information could come to her in the most compassionate and supportive way possible.

Hate to be in your shoes

Another perspective:

I would say that it is better to remain silent. It is true that your friend might be very hurt if she were to find out and then realize that you knew all along. It might break your friendship. At the same time, you don't want to be the one standing in the middle of your friend's marriage crisis. Speaking from experience, I would add that your friend might not be oblivious. She may simply prefer to appear oblivious to her friends, in which case you would hurt her by exposing something that she wants to keep quiet. Because people in unhappy relationships sometimes end up blaming outsiders for their unhappiness, she could even question your motives for being honest with her. On the whole, the best thing would be to stand by her if and when she asks for your help.

unfaithful once

I would feel totally betrayed if my friends didn’t tell me. So “unfaithful once’s” response pissed me off. Still, here is another -- and better -- response IMHO:

Perhaps the solution to your dilema would be to tell the husband that you know, and wait to see his reaction. I would imagine that he does not think that anyone knows, but if he realizes that at least one other person knows, then it will only be a matter of time until others, his wife???, find out as well. The issue of infidelity is a very powerful one in relationships, and depending on the couple they may or may not be able to survive the issue. If you tell your friend, although you are doing so to help her it will , or could, cause her tremendous pain. Hopefully telling the husband will make him choose, and perhaps decide to save his marriage, or decide to at least be honest and to disolve their partnership.

Good luck you are in a difficult position.

Been there

Of course, there were dozens of responses to this emotionally charged issue. Thankfully, I have never been in this situation. If I were friends only with the wife, then I would probably tell her. (As much as it would hurt, I would want to know!) If DH and I were friends with both partners then one of us -- probably him -- would talk with the husband. How would you deal with this issue? I sure don’t envy that woman...  

Attention literary mamas: MTer KarenM forwarded me her writers group’s website because it is selling two anthologies to benefit breast healthcare. The anthologies, Wednesday Writers and Something That Matters, “are mostly first-person essays that center on life through the lens of motherhood and/or being female and also on life's challenges, and rewards as we navigate our individual journeys,” Karen wrote.

Sounds good. The books can be purchased at the Wednesday Writers’ website or Amazon. Thank you, Karen!

How are you all?