Little Boy and I went to sleep-away camp for 2 nights this past week.  I foolishly thought I could pack quickly, the morning we needed to leave.  

Yeah, all you experienced moms are laughing with me now, right?

So while we made it out the door and to camp on time, I realized that I would need to do some advance preparation for our upcoming vacations this summer (one to Austin - in two weeks!  Yippie!  and the shore later in August).

And where else would I come for help but here...

I had to front page this diary...if only because it made me smile! Hey Hazel! We should add this to our montage of MT sayings! First it was SUCK IT! Now, What Would Mother Talkers Do? Thanks for the great compliment! - Gloria

I had an aha moment the other day.  I have long felt like coming here helps elevate me a little to a higher, better place.  Things that I might have a knee-jerk, unfair reaction to, I love hearing all the points that you people make and it almost always helps me see things in a different way, or at least helps me justify my knee-jerk reaction  :)

When I got pregnant, my only close friend who had already been through pregnancy and birth was Elisa. She gave me a trove of books, including "What to Expect When You're Expecting," which has been the ubiquitous pregnancy book for more than two decades.

With almost 15 million copies in print, I figured this would be my go-to guide. But soon after cracking it open, I decided I hated the book. I found it alarmist and tone-deaf; far from reassuring me, it made me worry about ridiculous things. And their dietary recommendations? Are you freaking kidding me?

This article explored the book's genesis and evolution, including some of the complaints:

Despite the huge success, mothers like to debate the book's advice on message boards, and mock titles have emerged such as "What to Freak Out About When You're Expecting." On urbanbaby.com one can still find references to the book's warnings, toned down in later editions, that common fetal hiccups could signal a severe umbilical cord problem and that oral sex on a woman could in rare cases cause a fatal embolism.

Turns out author Heidi Murkoff has heeded the criticism and revamped the book, inside and out. Check the new cover: gone is the mousy woman in the rocking chair. She's been replaced by a hip mama decked out in designer jeans, high-heeled boots and a form-fitting blouse:

This new edition, largely rewritten, is a chance to present a version that's "more reassuring, more positive, more empathetic than ever," its author says.

But the revamping raises a larger question: Can this iconic tome ever be as relevant as it once was? Can any book? When "What to Expect" was launched in 1984, it was the only thing of its kind out there — a guide written not by doctors but by women, for women.

Now there are lots of others. But there's also the big wide Web world out there, and it's not just all those sites offering medical information. This is the age of the message board, where a woman who has a strange ache or pain at 3 a.m. can fire off a cyber-question: "Late-night cramps at 5 months pg, dh asleep, what do i do?" Answers come within moments.

"It's this whole new community," says Susan Kane, editor in chief of Parenting magazine. "Women are starting to trust one another and not listen to the experts so much."

Murkoff has adjusted to this new reality as well, launching WhatToExpect.com three years ago. Apparently it's wildly popular, with 1.7 million page views per month, second only to BabyCenter.

What do you all think? Did you love or hate "What to Expect"? Would you give the revised version a second chance? Do you appreciate the hip new cover mom? And would you still turn to old-fashioned pregnancy books in this age of instant feedback on the Internet?

Thankfully, this is an area I have no personal experience, but a recent writer to Berkeley Parents Network sought advice on how to explain her family's history of depression and suicide to her daughters.

My husband and I both have a family history of depression and suicide. My older brother (age 19), my husband's mother (age 42), and my grandfather--long before I was born--(50-ish?) all took their own lives. Our daughters, ages 6 and 10, don't know about this yet. They have asked questions from time to time about my brother's death (they have seen his pictures) and my husband's mother (they love his father's current wife, their Grandma). So far, we have only explained that they died from illness, and didn't go any further than that. How and when do we explain suicide to our daughters? I should mention that our daughters are both adopted, so our family's mental illness is not part of their health history. Our 10-year-old daughter in particularly is extremely sensitive, and doesn't like to hear sad and painful stories. But we don't want to keep "secrets" (my own family did that when my brother died, telling lies--and asking us to tell lies--about his death to all our close relatives and friends, including many of my siblings who did not find out for years). My grandfather's suicide was always a secret, and would have remained a secret -- until one of my siblings found a death certificate with suspicious language. What do you think -- when is the right time, and how to talk about it?
--Still grieving after 35 years

The BPN moderator offered a link to a previous discussion and the advice seemed sound. Most people who responded recommended the mother seek professional advice on how to broach the topic with her children and help them cope with both the information and possible mental illness. All of them said she should tell her children who may blame themselves for the death of a loved one or, when they are older, feel resentful for being left in the dark. Also, secrecy only intensifies the stigma of suicide, at least one reader said.

I know this is a sensitive topic, but what pieces of advice would you offer this mother? At what age is it appropriate to tell a child?

Last week, another parent and I were engaged in a conversation about having just one child and about the fact that the ship has sailed for us in terms of having more children when another person chimed in and stated rather strongly that I should have more children.

I found out later that this person was childless. I suspected as much from their watery evaluation of our very solid reasons for opting not to reproduce any more...

When the info was confirmed, I was like

What.

the.

heck.?????

It brings to mind some unsolicited advice from my whiny 50 year old male co-worker about raising my son.

Sigh....

Yes, the Eliot Spitzer story is huge. Here is a personal angle to it. Thank you, Exurban Mom! -Elisa

The situation with Eliot Spitzer mirrors a situation in my friend group, and all of us in the group just don't know what to do.  How do you handle the philanderer in your midst?

I love me some advice columns, from Irma Kurtz in Cosmo (anyone remember her? Is she still doling out advice?) to the classic Dear Abby to the awesome Carolyn Hax. I've been reading them since I was a young girl. Sometimes I nod my head in approval, sometimes I pump my fist in solidarity, and sometimes I shake my head in confusion as the columnist gives what I consider crappy advice.

But this reader question to Dr. Joyce Brothers just left me puzzled:

DEAR DR. BROTHERS: I am up against a rather delicate situation as a new parent at a nursery school, and I've decided to ask your opinion. Perhaps you have heard it all before! Anyway, my child is an adorable little boy (yes, I know it's not proper to brag, but it is true), and in his rather upscale school, he has been asked for a play date with a little boy who is there mostly because of his very famous mom, a film actress. She wants my child to go over to her house for some reason (she says he is so cute). But I'm afraid she just wants to use my son, and the whole thing feels almost abusive to me. What do you think? -- B.N.

Um...whaaaa?

After parsing the question a few times, here's all I could come up with: this woman thinks she, and by extension her son, are better than said movie star and her little son. Therefore, if movie star invites them over for a playdate, movie star clearly wants to exploit her precious little boy.

Does that sound right?

Dr. Brothers gave advice that was thoughtful and kind:

At any rate, exposing your son to all sorts of people would be a good thing right now -- and that includes the son of a movie star. You may be feeling vulnerable about being seen as "sucking up" to the lady through her kid. If the two boys end up despising each other, at least you will have tried. Ask your son if he wants to play with this boy. Unless the answer is a horrified refusal, it's possible that a lifelong friendship could arise from this situation.

Me, I would make a crappy advice columnist. My advice would have been, "Lady, get OVER yourself! It's a freakin' playdate!"

Am I missing something dear MTs? Because I just can't figure out what's so objectionable to having someone--even a "film actress"--invite your kid over to play with theirs. Thoughts?

When did you start doing chores? When do you plan to require your children to start?

I think setting expectations early is key. This mother didn't, and now she's fighting an unpleasant battle. She wrote to Salon's Dear Prudence for advice, as she's mostly bedridden due to a degenerative disease, her husband works his fingers to the bone, and her daughter won't help out around the house:

Her excuse is that she goes to school and works, so she shouldn't have to help out at home, because she wants to have fun before having to enter the "real world."... All I ask is that she sweep a few times a week, mop floors at least once a week, and dust a couple of days. As someone who's used to having the house looking clean as can be, it bothers me that a) I can't do what I used to, and b) she doesn't even make an effort to help. She spends most of her free time with her friends, but I wish she'd come home long enough to do the few tasks I ask and say, "Hi."

Prudie's advice:

Keeping a spotless house was a point of pride for you, and how painful it must be to no longer be able to do this. But it's the rare teenager who would share this interest, and you have to stop turning your relationship with your daughter into a battle over mopping the floor. When she walks in the door of her home, you don't want her to feel like Cinderella.

Hello Mothertalkers,

I am about to embark in uncharted waters.  I wonder if I am being brave, or just plain stupid.  I'm planning on driving 10 hours BY MYSELF with my two girls, age 2 and a half and 5 months.  

Now, is this just insane, or reasonable? Part of me, the one who traveled a good amount before kids, thinks 'why not?'-- the other part, the worrywart, frets about my DD running off a a rest stop, while I'm nursing the baby--this scares the heck out of me and makes me wonder if this is really a good idea.    

What do you think?  Would you or have you untaken such a mission?  Do you have any tips that might make this voyage actually work? Or should I just plan on it being a sufferfest??

I feel a need to explain something. I have not raised my son to be afraid of guns, but to have a respect for them. My ex-husband, (my son's father figure) has permission to take my son to a gun range, when he's old enough. My problem is my son being taught, whether intentionally or unintentionally to question authority. I was most upset by my ex-husband saying, "well, your moms not here..."

Like I mentioned in my first update, I am very pleased that my son gave an articulate argument about why he wasn't interested in handling a gun...yet. He IS eight years old, after all.

I may be raising my son to be a "momma's boy" or a "hairdresser" as some people have suggested (NOT HERE...on other sites), but he will be a momma's boy that respects authority. No matter how old he is.

And if he turns out to be a hairdresser, so be it! As long as he's happy, I'm ok with whatever he decides to be. All I ask is that he do my hair for free...

UPDATE: I called the ex-husband!! Here's how the conversation went:

I called him and asked him, as politically correct and sweet as I could, if he offered to teach Cristian how to use a gun.  He said he had, then went on to explain how proud I should be of him because he was eloquent in his argument of the reasons why he couldn't and wouldn't go against my wishes.  He said, "there was no changing his mind".  I then asked him, "did you tell him, "well, your mom's not here..."  He laughed, and said that yes, he had.  Then he was quick to say, "I was only kidding!"  I then went on to explain that although Cristian is a good boy, with a good head on his shoulders...he is 8. I reminded him that Cristian sees him as an authority figure and I said, "I don't need his interested piqued in this area."  Then very politely, but very sternly asked him to not bring up the whole gun thing again, until he's AT LEAST 12...or 14...or 21.  His response?  "You got it."

I was pleasantly surprised that it went so well.  Now, I have to tell Cristian about my conversation and explain why I had to break our deal...

I am VERY anti-gun. Anti-toy gun, anti-squirt gun, anti-ANY gun. I have never purchased a toy gun for my kids and have always advised my kids, over and over again, that they are not to handle a gun, not to touch a gun, not even to be near a gun. I have heard far too many stories of children accidentally killing someone, or killing themselves because of their curiosity with guns, or simply because they were never advised of the dangers.

My son doesn't have a relationship with his father. My ex-husband has been really great with him...kinda like a father figure, which I really appreciate. The down-side is that my ex-husband sometimes lacks common sense. Case in point: Last night, my son told me that the last time he was over my ex-husband's house, my ex asked him if he wanted to learn self-defense. My son asked "like what?" My ex-husband said, "do you want to learn how to use a gun?" My son expressed outrage and said, "NO! My mommy said that I can't ever touch a gun and that I can't even be around a gun!!" My ex-husband's response to that? "Well, you're mom isn't here..." My son AGAIN expressed his non-interest and inability to defy me.

When I spoke with my son about this, I made sure to let him know that I admired his maturity and I also reassured him saying that he did the right thing, and again reminded him of the rule...he is NOT to be near a gun. He understood. My son then expressed his "fear" of my confronting my ex and asked me not to. I made a deal with Cristian and told him that I wouldn't confront the ex, unless he brings up guns to him a second time. Because, I told Cristian, "then he's just being a bully, and I would HAVE to say something." Cristian seemed to like the deal.

But I'm conflicted. I know my ex, when confronted, he gets defensive and petty and it WILL get out of hand. But, I'm OUTRAGED!!! So, what should I do? What would YOU do?

This story broke my heart. In light of her grim diagnosis, Elizabeth Edwards has written a letter to her children offering a lifetime of advice.

Edwards, who announced in March that her breast cancer had returned in an incurable form, said she came up with the idea 20 years ago after watching the movie "Terms of Endearment," where the mother knew she was dying and wrote to her children.

"So I started writing it then long before I knew, of course, of any cancer," Edwards said. "And it just tells them the things I hope that they'll know about growing up. I know they'd have their father as a great moral guide, but of course, there's no mother who doesn't want to get her two cents in."

Edwards said her advice to her three children -- Cate, 25, Emma Claire, 9, and Jack, 7 -- include such things as what type of people they should marry and the kind of church they should go to.

"You don't know when your time's going to come and whether you're going to have any warning, and it would be a great idea to pass on the things you thought would be important to them," she said.

What an incredible role model for her children and the American people! And of course, she is right that we don’t know when our time is going to come.

It got me thinking about the advice I would pass onto my children. From my own upbringing, my father left the most lasting impressions. (Maybe I should re-run this column for father's day?)

He was very strict and did not allow us to receive phone calls from boys -- even when we were 18! But he gave me an important litmus test for potential suitors: “When a man wants to be with a woman, he will do anything to be with her. When things get tough, he will never leave.”