Selfish or developmentally appropriate
Sun May 04, 2008 at 07:58:04 AM PDT
I've struggled to get to church with the kids since they were babies. My faith is important to me and it's a gift I want to share with them. DD loves going- loves the music, the dressing up, the getting to have some quiet time. DS? Not so much. Which leads me to my problem. He truly doesn't care that it matters to me and, at 6, I can't say that surprises me too much. But this morning, after working really hard to try to get us there, I just gave up. He flat refused to put his clothes on, whined and cried screamed until it was too late for us to leave. When I tearfully announced that he'd won, that we couldn't go, he was happy. Openly, clearly happy.
I know that, developmentally,empathy isn't something that kids develop until they're a little older. I've seen DS show great empathy for others (kids at school, etc) but I think that's more the beginnings of the empathy habit rather than evidence that he really has mastered the idea. But this morning? I just really didn't like my kid. I'm afraid that I"ve spoiled him, that he's going to grow into a selfish adult who only cares about his own needs. Even after 45 minutes in his room and a moratorium on all video games today, plus extra chores, I don't think he cares that he hurt my feelings.
The church thing feels fruitless- he's associating it with battles and getting in trouble rather than with the cozy warmth that I want him to feel- and I don't think I have the energy to make it happen. DH doesn't go- doesn't feel the need- so it's not like DS has a role model there, so I just wonder if I should just skip it- let him stay home and forget the battle.
But then wouldn't he be winning? Wouldn't I be encouraging his selfishness?
I'm completely lost on this one. Help?!
