PTSD for parents?
Sun Apr 27, 2008 at 08:12:46 PM PDT
Life is back to normal. Blissfully, thankfully, mundanely normal. But 7 months ago, our sweet 15 month old girl went from being diagnosed with stomach flu one day to a trip to the ER with concerns about dehydration the next. After several hours of trying to figure out why she wasn't improving, one doctor finally suggested it could be sepsis and all hell broke loose. Luckily we were at the ER at Children's Hospital. She was upstairs in the pediatric ICU on a ventilator with a central line and all manner of monitors within 30 minutes. Meanwhile, her confused parents who had been pushed to the waiting room sat there thinking WTF?!? Those first couple of days were the worst days of my entire life.
My baby almost died, but she didn't. The doctors and nurses all said that her infection was caught in the nick of time and she recovered. She (we) spent 3 weeks in ICU, then 2 more in a regular room, then another 6 weeks with home health IV meds. Now, she's a very chatty and happy 22 month old who is back in school and seems to remember nothing of her ordeal. If only her parents could be so lucky...
Intellectually, we know we're fortunate, that we dodged a bullet, and that her infection was a totally freak thing that isn't likely to be repeated. Sepsis itself is extremely rare, but the type she had is even more unusual. We just had really REALLY bad luck. And then good luck that it was caught just in time. She has a few minor and not very noticeable cosmetic issues to remind us of how fragile life is. I pray that they won't be too distressing to her as she grows up.
Do we really have PTSD? Probably not. It's not interfering with work or love or life. Much. There's just a lurking thought always in the back of my mind, a vision of my baby in the PICU, and a fear that something else could sneak up on us (on her) again. I know that all parents worry about the possibility that bad things could happen to their kids, but I think this is beyond that typical fear.
Most of the time, DH and I function just fine and can almost forget what we've been through. We work, we eat, we go to the park, we travel, we watch elmo videos, and we shower our daughter with even more love than we did before all this happened. We haven't sought any professional help to deal with the aftermath of this trauma. Part of me wonders if we should leave well enough alone, since life seems to be moving along fine without the help of a therapist. Why muck around back in that horrible time when we can just enjoy now? But then again, here I am dwelling again. I've tried to find resources for people like us, but have hit dead ends. There are all kinds of support groups for families of kids with chronic illnesses, and resources for dealing with the loss of a child. For survivors of a really close call, I have not found anything. I'm not sure what I'm exactly looking for...self help books are usually too cheesy for my taste anyway. Still, I keep thinking that maybe some book exists out there that would speak to our situation. I welcome suggestions.
One thing we have done is to get more involved in efforts to promote universal health care. My DD had the very best care available and we have good insurance. Luckily we did not have to hesitate about going to the ER for fear of the costs. All families should have the care we did.
Should parents like us just thank our lucky stars and move on, knowing that many parents suffer so much more than we have? And, beyond our particular situation, surely there are many parents who have dealt with trauma of one form or another and then moved on. How do all of you deal with the normal anxieties and occasional larger traumas that come with the parenting territory?
