Younger Is Better
Thu Apr 17, 2008 at 09:41:09 PM PDT
My brother is almost four years my junior, and, if you'll forgive a gushing older sister, much less neurotic then myself. My parents were more relaxed with him, and although I think sexism may have been a factor, a lot has to do with the fact that he's younger. They had learned from their mistakes with me, because although they have always been quite fond of me, I am their starter. If I hold some things against my parents, this is not one of them. How can I begrudge learning from experience? One might almost say it would be a crime not to.
Now that I have a set almost exactly the same as my brother and myself in age difference and gender, I find myself feeling guilty that I can't lavish as much attention on Milo as I did on Simone. Phases that I remember relishing for ages and ages with Simone are gone in the blink of an eye with Milo. We take less pictures, and I write less about him in his memory book. It makes me sad, but as my husband says, "as many as four people throughout history have not been the first born, and three of them turned out alright." Point taken.
But according to new scientific research, parents do better with younger children, or are at least more lenient. I wonder about whether or not this is a good thing, and have only my brother and myself to compare.
When I was a teenager, my parents were on the anti-marijuana side. My mom told me that, while she wasn't 100% opposed to it, I'd sure as hell better not smoke it or she would pull me out of my school and enroll me in a joyless Catholic school across town. Yes, I smoked it. But, whether you credit my parents putting their foot down or my own aversion to it, I never got very involved. I haven't touched it in years.
My brother is different. I don't think my parents allowed it, but they weren't exactly up nights about it either. I'm fairly certain he still smokes it quite regularly, more or less with my parents' blessing, as he is a model citizen and has always held down a job. When you look at it that way, it is hard to make an argument against it. My mom simply asked me to ask him not to smoke it during his upcoming trip to Asia, which he agreed to and and even agreed with; he had been planning not to.
The point is, my parents, for better or worse, were far more laid back with my brother. We're both fine, but I'm curious. Were your parents stricter with their older children in your families? Do you think this worked out for better or for worse?
