Quite a Story
Tue Mar 18, 2008 at 07:31:58 AM PDT
Cross-posted at Fussbucket
About a week ago I went to hear a lecture on talking to kids about sex by Amy Lang, a parent educator in Seattle. I really was just tagging along with a friend and hadn't given much thought to the topic since my kids are only four and one-year old.
Well, I got an earful. Here's some of what she said:
We're told we should wait until they ask us. That's not true. It's not their job to know when they're ready. We need to be the ones to initiate the conversation. It's really important to have early, regular, consistent conversations with your kids about sex throughout childhood and adolescence.
How early? Earlier than you might think.
By age five they should know. Up to age five, they're a blank slate. They come to the conversation with curiosity. It's really easy to talk to them about it. It's science, it's biology.
After that, she says they go to school and hear about it from other kids who may or may not have their facts straight.
You tell them that sex is for older people. Sex is for when you are in love. You get to give them facts and information and a big dose of your family values. Hopefully you're in their head by the time they start dealing with this.
I sat there thinking about my older son Sage who still talks to his imaginary friends and wonders aloud if he can go surfing soon without realizing he needs to learn how to swim first. And then I thought about how she said this is a matter of health and safety. She said kids who know about their private body parts and understand that sex is something that grown-ups do, may be able to protect themselves better if they are ever faced with a creepy adult. That was reason enough for me.
So I took her advice and bought a book to get the conversation going. The book I got is called "What's the Big Secret? Talking About Sex with Girls and Boys." I decided to read it to him this weekend.
The first time we sat down with the book was Saturday afternoon. It starts out talking about the differences between boys and girls.
Actually, the only sure way to tell boys and girls apart is by their bodies. If you're a boy, you have a penis, scrotum, and testicles.
If you're a girl, you have a vulva, clitoris, and vagina.
These male and female body parts that show on the outside are called your genitals. Boys genitals are easier to see than girls', but both are equally important.
Hurray! He was riveted.
Then we moved on to issues of privacy and touching and I noticed that his breathing was getting steady and his body wasn't wiggling as much. By the time we got to intercourse, he had fallen asleep.
Later that night he wanted me to read the book to him again. He managed to stay awake this time and mostly seemed interested in the explanation of genitals, but he was starting to catch on that there was more to this conversation. It seemed as though it had never occurred to him before to wonder where babies come from. He was intrigued.
The next morning he asked me to read the book to him again and we spent more time on the part about how babies are made. Later on when we were in the kitchen getting breakfast ready, he asked me, "But how does it make the baby?" I knew what he meant. He didn't understand how all of it translated into an actual person. And honestly, neither do I.
I agreed with him that it's mysterious and then tried to explain it once more. I talked about how the daddy and mommy love each other and some of the mechanics involved, including the part about the sperm swimming fast to meet the egg. When I was done he said, "That was quite a story mom." Indeed.
Well, at least I got the conversation started. What do you think? Is four too young to have this conversation? Or is this the right to time get the facts in before he's too embarrassed to talk to me about it?
