This letter to Salon’s Cary Tennis resonated with me as it is something my own family has had to grapple with my grandmother. Should this son tell his father he has Alzheimer’s disease? Tennis’s response:

I think your father has a right to know about his diagnosis, but he should be told by his doctor.

If that were all there is to it, this could be a one-sentence column.

But there is always more to say. For instance, how do you ensure that he is told, if your mother does not want him to know? And are you sure that he does not know? He may have been told but not give signs of knowing…

Regardless of what he "knows" or does not "know," I think we have a moral obligation to treat him as a person capable of understanding, and thus to tell him of his condition, to treat him as though he can understand even if he fails to give us the accustomed signals of comprehension.

On principle, I agree with Tennis. But what I would have added is this son’s mother -- not the son, who is largely an overseas soldier -- is taking care of the father. I would respect her wishes as she is the one making medical decisions for him and taking care of him.

But I feel for the son, who clearly, is very close to his father. I was touched by his description of his dad:

He was the personification of what a man and father should be. Strong yet gentle, firm yet understanding. He loves my mother with a passion and depth that I only appreciate now.