Teen Parents Deserve Much More
Mon Jan 28, 2008 at 07:56:12 PM PDT
In light of the hype surrounding the movie Juno, here is one teen mom's perspective. Thanks for posting, MaggieFrances! -Elisa
Sitting here wondering where to begin when my 4 year old daughter, Lilith, walks in and says "Mama, I have something for you to make you feel better" (I have been sick for the past few days) she then puts an imaginary bandaid on my forehead and skips out of the room. I can't help but laugh to myself. She is too cute- looks nothing like me, actually the complete opposite, with her long stringy blond hair, fair skin, and blue eyes. I remember when she was born like it was yesterday. They handed her to me weighing only 5lbs 12oz with the biggest feet I have ever seen on something so small. She cuddled up to me and I was hers forever.
I can't help but remember those few days with a pang of sadness, though. The months leading up to that day were filled with pressure, whispers, dirty looks, and opinions we didn't need to hear. Instead of being supported and people rejoicing for us we were looked down on and lectured. Why? Because we were 17.
I was sick for the first few months of the pregnancy due to hyper emesis (morning sickness from hell). I lost nearly 30lbs in 4 weeks. because of this the prospect of having a baby with my boyfriend didn't sink in for a long while even amidst all the prejudice we were facing in those early days. My OBGYN kept telling me to "quit whining" that morning sickness was normal and I just needed to get over it. She wouldn't listen when I said I couldn't even keep water down for more than a few moments or that I couldn't stand or that I had started vomiting blood. I was too young to be having a child so of course I didn't know what I was talking about and was just being a big baby. On my next visit to her office her partner saw me and immediately called for a hospital bed. I was there for a week, unable to eat for the first few days, my only nourishment being pumped in my arm via IV.
When I finally did go home I wasn't able to get rest. The phone calls and the "helpful" visits started immediately all saying the "best" course would, undoubtedly, be adoption. No matter how many times I heard this it still shocked me and hurt like nothing else. Of course we gave it thought but quickly decided that not only could we do this but we would. A baby is not the end of your world, no matter how hard society tries to play up that it is. Regardless of our decision people still tried to get us to change our minds. We should break up, they'd say, and give the baby up so that we could live a "normal" happy life. We stuck to it, locking ourselves in my bedroom, picking names, reading parenting books, and making plans for the future. Those were the happiest days of my life to date.
Fast froward four years later- I am a stay-at-home mom while my husband works in cabinetry. We have since welcomed two other baby girls, Mable and Olive, and have high hopes for the future including schooling but not revolving around it. The funny thing is that all those naysayers are now singing our praises while continuing to look down their noses at other teen parents because regardless of what Robbie and I have shown them teen pregnancy never works out for the best. I often feel like I am beating my head against the wall trying to get people to realize that teens aren't just people too but can be capable adults given the chance. Ageism is alive and well.
I was excited about 'Juno'. We love 'Arrested Development' here and the soundtrack sounded wonderful from our samplings. There was just one thing I needed to know before I'd go and see it **spoilers ahead!!** would Juno put her baby up for adoption? Of course she would. I hear that the movie is brilliant because it shows that it was such a tough decision for her but often in the same line I read that it was still the "best" decision for her. Why is that? Because I don't think that would be the case if society would quit perpetuating the myths that 1) teen parenthood ruins one's life and 2) teens are incapable of being good parents. Why is it ok to watch a mom suffer while handing her baby over simply because of her age or her social status or any other prejudicial reason? In my opinion, it's not. I applaud mothers who willingly give up their babies to those parents who so long for one but why not make it possible for all moms to keep their child? Why not take teen parents, poor parents, single parents and the like off the black list and offer them the same support and benefit of the doubt that all "structured" pregnancies get? Instead we make movies that are otherwise great but still fall for the societal prejudice that is the norm. It's unfair to all the parties involved, a total slap in the face.