Thanks to Salon’s broadsheet, I began reading the comments to this Newsweek “My Turn,” by a woman who decided not to legally marry her life partner who proposed to her.

When I read the original piece, I thought nothing of it. In her column, Emeryville, Calif. writer Bonnie Eslinger, wrote she did not need a “piece of paper” to validate her relationship with partner Jeff. Here are the reasons she cited:

I don't need a white dress to feel pretty, and I have no desire to pretend I'm virginal. I don't need to have Jeff propose to me as if he's chosen me. I don't need a ring as a daily reminder to myself or others that I am loved. And I don't need Jeff to say publicly that he loves me, because he says it privately, not just in words but in daily actions.

Our married friends say you can make a wedding—and a marriage—what you want, but that is not true. It's a specific institution with defining principles and values. If it weren't, there wouldn't be so-called marriage-protection laws in the majority of this country's states.

And for me, that's the bottom line when I consider cashing in on all the benefits our heterosexual relationship is entitled to. My gay friends can't do that. I don't want to send a message to anyone, including my daughter—who may someday choose a same-sex life partner—that the value of her relationships can be determined by law and the affirmation of others.

Jeff and Bonnie plan to have a commitment ceremony without clergy or the state. The reason she wrote this piece for Newsweek -- at least this is my interpretation -- is because she hopes that family will show up to the commitment ceremony; that she is tired of nosy questions such as, “When are you going to get married?” -- which, BTW, should be filed away with the annoying “When are you going to have a baby?” -- or, the insinuation that her relationship is less “real” because they are not legally married.

My husband and I did go the legal route, although no one except the judge and a security guard and clerk who acted like our witnesses actually saw it. We decided to get the "piece of paper" because my husband needed health benefits from me and we wanted to legally protect the children we planned to have. I do think there are financial benefits to marriage especially if you start out young and broke like us.

But we also had  a non-legal and non-denominational commitment ceremony in El Salvador, which was met with skepticism by especially older family members. DH’s grandmother refused to show up because “it doesn’t mean anything.” My grandmother almost did not go because there was no priest at the wedding. At the end of the ceremony, which was marked by a bonfire at the beach and the writing of our own vows, she told me it was the most beautiful ceremony she had ever witnessed. There you go.