Attention book club lovers: I just realized that we don’t have anything lined up for the fall! Would someone like to moderate the next book club discussion? There were some interesting titles floating around this diary by Sue in Queens.

Cary Tennis is a fine example of how not all people without kids are naïve about childrearing. He recently doled out sensible advice to an uncle who was witnessing his brother walk out on his girlfriend and their five-month-old son. The uncle understandably thought his brother was an asshole, but was wondering if the father shouldn’t stick around for the sake of the child.

Tennis told him to go ahead and call his brother an “asshole.” But to conduct himself as if his five-month-old nephew could understand him.

Kids can grow up well under all kinds of circumstances. It's about how you treat the kid and who the kid is. The last thing you want to do is tell this kid his dad's an asshole. So let's just pretend that everything we're saying the kid is hearing. Now who is his daddy and why did he leave? He left because he had to. We don't know why. He had to go do something really important, and he loves us and cares about us but he couldn't live with us because he had to do something. And we love him and he's a good man and he loves us and that's just the way it is, because we don't understand everything even though we're adults and maybe it seems like we do. We don't. We don't really understand even how an electronic ignition works, or why sometimes you get "404" errors. We don't know why some toys are lame and others are your favorite. We don't know why some kids are bad and some kids are good. We don't know much, except we love you and things are going to be OK.

Something like that. You get what I'm saying? I'm saying get real and painfully honest but don't fill the kid's head full of hateful garbage.

And beware of this, too: Intense disapprobation can be an intoxicant. You can get high calling people assholes, that is. You can get high and feel powerful talking trash. That's one reason we do it. It makes us feel better. But that doesn't make it useful or productive. Except for getting stuff off your chest and moving on. So yeah, maybe your brother is an asshole. Now help me move this crib.

Like I said, the important thing is, How can the people around this child help the child, and help the child's mother?

Just food for thought. I know I am quick to call such men assholes -- and they are -- but not focused on what others can do to help their children.

This weekend, we will hang out with our Berkeley friends. Amy and I saw each other yesterday for the first time in at least a week. (Hey, that’s a long time for us!) She works full-time outside the home and I have a new baby. We were lamenting how much we missed each other. We used to see each other every single day when the boys were younger. Finally, we will have time to catch up!

What are you up to this weekend? Have a nice long weekend all!