Mother Talkers

My Momma Never Told Me

by gloria

Tue Aug 28, 2007 at 02:18:55 PM PDT

There is no doubt about it, being a mommy is hard work. It's scary. It's heart wrenching. It's rewarding. It's a lot of things. In fact, I'm kinda pissed that my mom didn't warn me. But whenever I talk to my mother about this, she tells me that there was NO WAY she could have warned me, as she's still learning herself.  

I guess this is the reason I found the article entitled 8 Things No One Tells You About Being a Mom. of interest. Hmmm...let's see what this article points out and compare notes:

  1. There is no learning curve.

Rather, if you graphed it, it would just go up and up. By the time you master colic, it's over. All your smug expertise at changing diapers on an upright toddler becomes obsolete when she graduates to big-kid underwear. Net result: You never feel quite on top of things.

For me, this is especially true with two children 4 1/2 years apart and of a different gender, temperament, and eating habits. It can be SO frustrating!

  1. You run in circles

For moms accustomed to completing projects and advancing careers, the chronic spin cycle of caretaking can feel frustrating and mind-numbing.

This is SO true. Sometimes, I find myself doing laundry close to midnight and wondering..."Did I eat today??" There never seems to be enough hours in the day.

  1. You feel helpless sometimes

You're ready and willing to do anything in the world to make your child safe and happy. But even at the playground and at home, circumstances will unfold beyond your direct control.

This also rang very true to me. When Karina was 7, she was "jumped" by 4 boys during recess at the school's playground. Never before (or since) have I felt such a strong desire to physically hurt a child like I did those 4 boys...AND I also had to come to terms that we can't always protect our children. A fact of life I still struggle with.

  1. You don't get instant replays

You will say the wrong thing. You will do the wrong thing. This is true of life in general, of course. But with a child it's especially tough because you're making so many split-second decisions in any given hour -- and the repercussions of those decisions are helping to form a growing psyche!

When I read this one, what came to mind was the time I was so upset with Karina that the punishment I gave her was a tad too severe. It wasn't until I had calmed down, that Cristian (who had witnessed everything) came over to me and said, "I think you were too hard on her." Ugh...that was a tough one.

  • ::
  1. There's no privacy

"I was in the bathroom when my then 6-year-old looked at the string dangling from my so-called private parts and said, 'Mommy, I think you sat in some gum,'" says Kristine Breese, a Los Angeles mother of two who wrote Cereal for Dinner. "When you become a mom, you can't even put a tampon in without being interrupted."

Ain't that the truth!! I can't even tell you how many times I've had the shower curtain pulled back to be asked, "Can I change the channel?" or "The phone is ringing". Um...HELLO!!  Can you give me a minute...PLEASE!!!

  1. Your baby will eventually insult you

Indulge in a nice-mommy whim and make a special chocolate-chip face on a toddler's pancake, and you're liable to be met with indignant howls. ("That's not how a pancake looks!") One minute you're the best thing since ice pops and the next, mud. And the mercurial moods of a growing child mean you never know which will happen when.

This happened to me when both Karina and Cristian started making fun of my music. I'm sorry...80's music is THE BEST MUSIC, as far as I'm concerned...

  1. You have to force yourself to back off

It's a constant internal struggle not to step in and finish the puzzle, Velcro-shut the sneaker yourself, or issue reminders every 10 seconds about what your child should do, say, or remember.

I'm still struggling with this one. Sometimes I sound like a broken record..."just because you're on vacation, doesn't mean your teeth are! Go brush them!!"

  1. You won't know if you've done a good job for 20 or 30 years

Every decision you make -- from discipline to extracurricular activities -- has repercussions, though usually not as momentous as you may think. You can have a pretty good inkling of how things are going, but you won't really know what sort of person you've helped to create until your child is fully grown.

I don't know about this one. I think we can all gauge what kind of person our child is shaping up to be, and I think I have two pretty amazing people living with me in my house.

So, I guess no one can really prepare for motherhood. I wish someone would have warned me that I was going to turn into a huge crybaby! I cry when I go to parent/teacher conferences, when I see them perform in school, when they bring home their report card, when I take them to the doctor. Come to think of it, I think the shorter list would be when I don't cry.

What about you, fellow Mothertalkers? What have you learned about yourself? About motherhood? And, what warning do you wish you would have received?

Tags: Motherhood, Learning (all tags)

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