Wedding Gift Etiquette
Tue Oct 02, 2007 at 10:49:30 AM PDT
DH and I have friends getting married this weekend. The bride and groom are classmates of his from law school and he works with one of them. We weren't invited to the wedding, which at first we felt a little bummed about, but we figure that they are keeping it to their closest family and friends. Yesterday at work DH and several of his colleagues got on the subject of proper wedding gift giving etiquette, specifically how much money to give or how much to spend on a gift. One co-worker said that the minimum was $200 no matter what. DH was a little taken aback by this, as we have never been able to afford being that generous. After dinner he and I were discussing this trying to figure out if our friends have considered us cheap.
I've always gone by the thought that you should try to spend as much on a gift as they spend per head for the reception. But, then there are many other factors that I think should be considered. The relationship with the bride and groom - I'm willing to splurge more on close friends and family. Traveling a great distance just to attend the wedding can really be costly, so we've always considered our presence to be part of the gift. A good example of this was when we forked over about $1000 to attend a dear friend's wedding in Wisconsin a few years ago. We still gave them a nice gift, but we might have spent a little more if we didn't have the cost of travel to factor in. So I turned to my trusty Amy Vanderbilt etiquette book and sadly found no advice on what is the proper amount to spend. A quick search of the internet led me to this article that pointed out there really is no specific set amount:
Emily Post says there is no rule. You should let your affection for the bride and groom guide you, but you should stay within your budget, and be financially responsible when you buy a wedding gift. The giving of wedding gifts is not a competition. Your gift should reflect who you are and your relationship to the bride and groom. If you cannot afford to give as much as you would like, remember that the gift can be given within the first year after the wedding. Sooner is better, of course. But with that much time, you may be able to save enough to purchase the wedding gift you would truly like to give.
This same article went on to list the national averages as follows:
- If buying for a co-worker or a distant family member, guests tend to spend $50-$75 each on a wedding gift.
- Those attending the wedding of a relative or friend are likely to spend $75-$100 each on a wedding gift.
- When a close relative or close friend gets married, the wedding gift will probably cost $100-$150 or more per each guest.
I don't think any of my friends would be petty enough to think of people as "cheap" for not spending a set amount. In fact several of them are the type of people that were just happy we were there to share the big day with them. But I wanted to hear what you MTers thought. Is there truly a set amount that is proper to give? Are people cheap if they don't give/can't give that amount?
