Losing My Religion
Wed Nov 29, 2006 at 05:30:22 PM PDT
Editor's Note: A very appropriate discussion to hold during the holiday season. -Elisa
In a recent telephone conversation with my mother we were discussing an upcoming family wedding. Because the ceremony will be religiously non-traditional (read: non-Christian), this opened the door once again for her to question the religious preferences of our family of three.
Whenever the topic comes up, as it often does, I always try to remember that her religion is extremely important to her. It fulfills all sorts of needs for her. Further, the scripture requires that she spread the message. After many years of trying to convert my husband and me, she is now concerned for her grandchild. "What religion will he be raised in?" she asked, "Will you allow him to go to Vacation Bible School? Won't you teach him `Jesus Loves Me?'" Here we go again.
First, let me say that I'm not against any form of religion. We respect and appreciate all of the world's religions and seek a broader understanding of spirituality through studying all beliefs. My mother does not understand this. To her, all non-Christian teachings equate to Satan worship. The idea of a separate religion is so foreign to her that she believes that Catholics are non-Christian. (Please don't ask me to explain that.) Although she is somewhat familiar with Judaism (after all, Jesus was Jewish) she does not understand that the Jewish people are not Christian or why.
As you can imagine, these conversations are difficult. It's easy to get caught up in the details. It's hard to explain my point of view. Sometimes I honestly think that she feels that our not raising our son in the Christian faith is child abuse and neglect. If she thought she could get away with it, she'd take us to court for custody based on the fact that we refuse to teach the child "Jesus Loves Me."
Many of our conversations have resulted in my effort to hang up quickly without becoming upset. Last night's conversation was different. I learned two major lessons: why she is a Christian and why I am not.
Midway into the questions she said to me, "He's really going to miss out. When you are a child and know that Jesus loves you, it gives you such a wonderful feeling. It's so nice to know that someone loves you." Now, I realize that people choose one religion or another for all sorts of reasons. And now I know the reason that my mother chooses Christianity.
As a child, my mother had no one. Her family consisted of four daughters with a drunk, frequently absent father and an emotionally unavailable, mean-spirited mother. My mother found solace in Jesus at a time and in a place where she had no one.
Although I had my own despair at times growing up, Christianity was never the answer for me. It didn't fulfill that gap for me. Perhaps my angst was not the same as that of my mother. Not only did it not fulfill me, I didn't believe what the preacher had to say. I just couldn't buy it and always felt like I was faking it.
My mother's last question was, "So, what will [your son] believe in?" The response was obvious, "Whatever he chooses."
