The New York Times ran a story about "slow medicine," the practice of medicine focused on comfort rather than a cure. In this case, reporter Jane Gross focused on seniors who decided resuscitation, surgery and other drastic measures were not worth the pain and discomfort at the end of their life.

The term slow medicine was coined by Dr. Dennis McCullough, a Dartmouth geriatrician, Kendal’s founding medical director and author of “My Mother, Your Mother: Embracing Slow Medicine, the Compassionate Approach to Caring for Your Aging Loved One.”

Among the hard truths, he said, is that 9 of 10 people who live into their 80s will wind up unable to take care of themselves, either because of frailty or dementia. “Everyone thinks they’ll be the lucky one, but we can’t go along with that myth,” Dr. McCullough said.

Ms. Sandberg-Cook agrees. “If you’re never again going to live independently or face an indeterminate period in a disabled state, you may have to reorganize your thinking,” she said. “You need to understand what you face, what you most want to avoid and what you most want to happen.”

Kendal begins by asking newcomers whether they want to be resuscitated or go to the hospital and under what circumstances. “They give me an amazingly puzzled look, like ‘Why wouldn’t I?’ “ said Brenda Jordan, Kendal’s second nurse practitioner.

She replies with CPR survival statistics: A 2002 study, published in the journal Heart, found that fewer than 2 percent of people in their 80s and 90s who had been resuscitated for cardiac arrest at home lived for one month. “They about fall out of their chairs when they find out the extent to which we’ll go to let people choose,” Ms. Jordan said.

Of course, the decision to seek or decline care is a personal one. But it is something we will all have to face at some point -- not just the elderly. (Don't forget to write your wills!)

But as the article pointed out, there is a quiet etiquette being broken in even talking about it. Doctors are supposed to do everything possible to save a patient whether they are 10 or 100. But oftentimes, patients are never told of the actual physical discomforts and financial costs in receiving surgery, for example, near the end of life. What do you think? Should more doctors broach this sensitive topic?