I feel a little embarrassed that I am putting so much energy into this, I will admit.  I feel like I'm in such a privileged position, to choose whether or not to work at all in the first place (though I got a eyeful of "reality" during my separation).

(and without asking to get more, either!), I'd say go for the job.

It seems like getting back into the job market after being out for a long time is difficult, so if you're getting the job you want now, now might well be the time to re-enter. If you decide to wait, it could be a long time before a similar opportunity presents itself.

Also, I think it'd be wise to get back to where you could be self-sufficient if you had to. Not saying you're going to need it, but mentally you might.

As to your friends... they might be taking this a little too personally, as commentary on their lives. But this isn't their life, and they aren't living yours.

Just my two cents and change....

-Cheryl

told me why she decided to go back to work, she had three little boys at the time. Her DH had been out of work for sometime and they were relying on family to get them through. It made her very aware of the precariousness of anyone's financial situtation and so she went back. She even retired and then went back to work less than a year later!

All this to say, you yourself have experienced a lot of precariousness lately, financial and emotional, and a job might give you some needed peace of mind.

Also, if its giving you some joy (and there is little enough of that in the world) why not grab it with gusto? I am sorry if your friends don't seem supportive, perhaps they are conflicted about their own choices? I am a SAHM, I love that I can do that, especially now with DD #2 on the way, but when I was working to put DH through law school I was miserable. So my choice to stay home, really, truthfully is not that much of a sacrifice. There isn't a more appealing option out there for me. Unless they are hiring for you know, a 5'4" pregnant supermodel, that I could do. ;)

Go for it.  You sound ready.

I find that the mothers who are most insecure, conflicted, or defensive about their choices are stay-at-home moms, work-at-home moms, part-time working moms, and full-time working moms.  Not necessarily in that order.  :-)  One way to prove you've made the best choice is to see everybody else agree with you, so your choosing another option can feel threatening to a friend who is insecure.  But your choices are neither a validation nor criticism of theirs.  I hope they can come to understand that.

that you're in a position to choose whether or not to go back to work. But that's not what this is about, yeah? :-)

I think a change would be good for me, which would be good for them

I really think in that statement you've already answered the "should I?" question.

Look, I know that there are some really rabid individuals out there who believe that your children will grow up to become criminals/drug addicts/prostitutes/slackers/morons if you don't stay at home with them. As there are some rabid peeps on the other side who see SAHM as some kind of societal throw-backs who are slapping feminism in the face. Neither is the truth.

I've been on both sides of the fence. I was SAHM, then a working mom. Then a working single mom. Currently, I'm a non-custodial mom. And I can tell you, that no matter what phase of mom-hood I was in, my kids have been fine. Not just fine, really. They have flourished. Their mental, psychic, emotional and physical well-being has had nothing to do with  whether or not I was working. Your bond with your children has nothing to do with whether or not you work. What does matter, is the energy and emotional investment you are able to put into being a mother.

You mentioned being "worn out". That's a telling statement. A worn out mom, is not an effective mom. You have to take care of yourself. Look after your well-being. Nourish your spirit. Just in the last few months it looks as though you've had a lot to deal with. Honestly, I think before you go to work, you should go on vacation. ;-)  I'm thinking some nice beach resort with lots of sun, fruity cocktails with paper umbrellas in them, and lovely tanned beach boys to oggle at. Would do wonders for you.

Hell. It would do wonders for me. lol  

Thanks so much!  It is such a relief to be able to talk about this, and anonymously! :>)

Cheryl, one of my fears is that getting back into the job market will be hard, and harder the longer I'm out.  This is really a dream job for me, and there's very, very low turnover in the field.  In other words, I really believe that there wouldn't be another such position like this, in my town, that I could ride my bike to in a few years when I thought I'd be returning to work.

Yeah, I am very much aware of financial precariousness.  I'm glad my dh and I are working on things, and I finally have some confidence there, but we burned through a lot of savings.  Not that I'd up and leave him if I got a job, but yeah, I do want to feel self-sufficient.

I really don't know what's up with my friends.  I do think it's partly about their own choices.  My working mom friends tell me I should go for it, that my happiness counts, that my kids will be fine.  These 2 friends are telling me that I don't know what I'd be getting myself into, that it'd be a nightmare, etc.  Ironically, they both do some consulting type work (out of theirs homes), ~10 hrs/wk.  I thought that they would "get" my desire to work, but I guess not.  (But I think there's also some competitiveness and not very friendly stuff going on.)

Thanks for posting, KK. Like others, I think you've answered the question yourself in your diary. You're intrigued by the job offer, it seems like a good fit from what you say, and financial independence is a good thing as well. I'm sorry that two of your friends have been less than supportive, but don't let that be the determinant.

So go ahead, go for it! It's not an irrevocable decision, but it sounds like you're in for a lot of interesting times!

matter what, and whatever you decide, you can always change your mind.

It seems that a paralyzing element in decisions is feeling as if somehow that will be the end all.  Things change every single day.  Why not try the job and see how it goes?  I can't imagine how that would be harmful at all and more than likely will answer a lot of a questions.  It sounds like it will be a wonderful outlet for you at a nearly perfect time in your life.

it seems you'd like to give it a whirl and are ready to hop back in.  given my take on your diary, i'd say go for it!  if these 2 friends are the ones giving you pause i might leave their comments behind for now and focus on what you want.

glad to hear you and your dh are working hard on your marriage. i will add that given as you say these are mostly his issues, then be sure you are taking care of yourself.  sounds like you are :) and btw, a happy you is the most healthy and best for your children as well.

I think you should go for it! And I think those unsupportive mom friends should shut the hell up. What's right for them isn't necessarily what's right for you or anyone else. And if they think there's only one right way to raise kids then they sound like pretty stupid people to me. Don't listen to them.

I'm glad you wrote about this. I have been going through a similar transition. I decided to look for a job recently even though I wasn't 100 percent sure I was ready to go back to work. I found a great job and managed to get an offer. I accepted it last week and even though I'm excited about the job, I have been going through some turmoil about whether or not it's the right thing.

But yesterday it all was made clear. Our new nanny came over and my 18 month old son couldn't stop hugging her and smiling. With me standing right there. So that was a good sign that he'd be fine with her. Then later that evening I went to a book reception with my soon-to-be colleagues and it felt great to be back in a professional setting.

So now I'm psyched. My advice is to push through the uncertainty and awkwardness of making a change in your life. You can always reverse course if you decide later it's not for you. Best of luck and let us know what happens with the job!

and i agree with what was said often above... one of my own huge difficulties in deciding to be a SAHM was not seeing that it wasn't a permanent decision.  but for you, this sounds like a great fit.

If you do go back to work, please make rock-solid arrangements for the school age kids, up to like age 15 or so. They will need a reliable, predictable place to be, with supervision, for a long long time. Don't think you can just rely on different friends to take them after school when you or DH can't be there. Pay someone if you have to, but guarantee child care well into high school. The loneliness of latchkey-dom is something I will never forget. Also, negotiate major participation from DH in the family/child/home care areas. Major participation--like 50-50 if possible.

Don't worry, I'd never skimp on childcare.  My assumption is that we'd have a nanny (and preferably, the same person for the whole stretch) until my youngest (who is 2 now) is in kindergarten or first grade.  I'm not sure what kind of after school and summer care we'd do after that, but we won't skimp.

As far as the participation from dh... that's a whole 'nother can of worms.  I will say that despite our difficulties, he's really an awesome and involved dad--probably the best I've ever seen.  He also does way more around the house than any other dad I know of, even with me at home (I'd say he does about half the cooking and cleaning).  But... it's pretty clear to both of us that at least right now, his career has top billing.  He makes roughly twice what I'd be making, he puts in way more than 40 hrs/wk while my potential position is pretty set, and he's in a really critical stage (working for a start-up with a couple of big launches in the next couple of years).  I think that yeah, most of the time, I would be the one taking them to the dr., staying with them when they're sick, etc.  It sucks, but that's life in America (maybe I'll write another diary entry about that).

The other thing I wanted to add... I think that if this position doesn't come through for me, I will probably keep my eyes open for other good stuff.