Mother Talkers

Tolerance of Intolerance: Rights of Parents vs. Needs of Children

Fri Apr 04, 2008 at 09:48:58 AM PDT

My anxiety and reluctance to post this has been overruled by a sense of obligation to be part of a conversation that I think many of us fear.  I recently read Ayaan Hirsi Ali's book, Infidel, which I highly recommend. Hirsi Ali was born in Somalia to a Muslim family that went on to live in Saudi Arabia, Ethiopia and Kenya. She later escaped and became a member of the Dutch Parliment. Infidel is about her personal struggle with many of the teachings of Islam as well as her now very public stand against the religion she was born into and suffered (greatly) because of. Hirsi Ali's life is now in grave danger as she is seen by many Muslims as a major threat.

I think it is important, if not imperative, to have a discussion about the limits of religious tolerance, particularly where children and women are at risk of suffering abuse and subordination...

Here at MTs, we have recently discussed the role of religion in the preventable death of Madeline Kara Neumann. I have some experience in the court system with the often blind tolerance of parental religious beliefs in cases of abused and neglected children. These laws came from a place of good intentions, to protect religious freedom, but this can mean that the needs of children come second. It is worth noting that we may, hopefully, see a new legal precedent in the case of Ava Worthington.

I think Hirsi Ali makes the case that we must be more knowledgeable and precise as to what we mean by "tolerance" and we must have the courage to draw a line between religious freedom and basic human rights.

I was raised in a Christian home but have considered myself an atheist for most of my life.When I was younger, I directed a good deal of anger towards my family because I felt that they had imposed their beliefs on me and had thus subverted my autonomy. Of course, with age came perspective and my anger dissipated. I began to cling to the ideals of tolerance and the notion that as long as I am allowed to believe or not believe whatever I choose while allowing for the diverse beliefs of others then all would be well.

I fear the ramifications of stating this here, but I think that an unquestioning adherence to tolerance across the board can become cowardice in the face of abuse and death of children, women, anyone.

Please understand that it is not my belief that religion is inherently bad. I fully realize that countless people of faith have forcefully proclaimed their horror at the death of Madeline Neumann and the treatment of children in similar cases.

So, I submit these questions to you: Is this a conversation that we can even entertain within the shackles of our ideal of remaining politically correct? Is it better to remain silent for fear of rocking the boat? Religious freedom or human rights?

Tags: Religion, Ayaan Hirsi Ali, Infidel, Tolerance, Islam, Child Abuse, Women's Rights, Christianity, Madeline Neumann, Ava Worthington (all tags)

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  • Tolerance (0 / 0)

    I don't know what that's supposed to mean, exactly.  I prefer pluralism, multiculturalism...

    "Politically correct" is also a useless concept used to bludgeon people.  And the idea of the freedom to be "Un-PC" is generally used by the powerful to get dissenters to shut up about their rights.

    Religious freedom vs. human rights is absolutely a false choice.  Religious freedom is a human right.  So is freedom from pain and fear.  There can difficulties in weighing everyone's rights and shaking out the most equitable society.  

    It's a really important distinction, though, to separate beliefs from practices.  Free exercise of religion is a great goal, but it stops at the point where individuals are harmed.  (And maybe where society is  harmed, but that's a bit of slippery slope.)  Freedom of belief, though, needs to be absolute.  And freedom of speech about those beliefs.

    Ms. Ali blames Islam atrocities.  But we need not accept her contention of that entire faith as complicit, in order to join in ending the suffering.

    • Oops (0 / 0)

      that should be "blames Islam for atrocities."  Something that makes sense, anyhow.

    • such a good point (0 / 0)

      It's a really important distinction, though, to separate beliefs from practices.

      OH hells to the yes. This is a great point because it's often glossed over in the discussion about "religious rights". You can believe and have life practices that adhere to your religious beliefs, but once your religious practices circumvent, or break the law of the country you live in, your practices are no longer personal. I think.

      • I agree (0 / 0)

        that this distinction is important. It is just as important to note that many states do NOT make this distinction. Practices are defended as part of the belief system e.g., faith-healing.

        • Good point (0 / 0)

          and that is tricky.  Because I do think it should be alright to use controlled substances for religious purposes, and slaughter animals outside of state approved factories for sacrifice.  But not to deny medical care or education children.  In the first two cases, though, no one's human rights are being violated by making the exception.

    • Thank you for making this point (0 / 0)

      unquestioning adherence to tolerance and politically correct are red-herrings thrown out to diminish the ideas of people who are trying to be aware of and open to people who have ideas different than their own.  I don't know ANYONE who is unquestioningly tolerant, and most liberal/progressives that I know of aren't unquestioning about anything - we love to question!  And the only people I ever hear use the phrase "politically correct" are those on the right-end of the spectrum, setting up (again) a way to dismiss liberal/progressive thought.

      • tolerance (0 / 0)

        taken too far turn into apathy.

        • Not sure what you mean (0 / 0)

          I agree that tolerance could be another way to say "I don't care enough to care", but I don't think that was the point that I was making.

          I am tolerant of other people's cultural practices (heck I live in the most culturally diverse county in the country), but I wouldn't be afraid to discuss harmful or dangerous practices.

          I just won't discuss them with someone who throws out "politically correct" as part of the argument.  Just won't take the  bait on that one.

  • Trinitrotoluene (0 / 0)

    When we elect to discuss religious freedom / tolerance in terms of basic human rights - it's a very dangerous conversation indeed:

    Often, Westerners will pretend to have this conversation by discussing the evils of Islam. I say pretend because we always stop short of discussing the evils of Western religions.

    The ugly truth is that virtually every organized religion on this planet has the subjugation of females as a central theme.

  • I think we can safely say (0 / 0)

    that no ones religion in this culture can be allowed to physically harm anyone else. I mean, to use an extreme example, if you believe in human sacrifice, you're not allowed to do it here. Well, in the US I mean, I'm not an int'l law expert...
    but then what about all the other types of harm one can do to a child under the guise of free exercise of religion?

    My husband grew up knowing a family that wouldn't allow its oldest and brilliant daughter to go to college (got 1600 SAT) because she was a girl. They let her take book-keeping and home ec at the community college and then moved her and her brothers to a private compound, God knows where... they claimed this was some tenet of their belief system, some sort of "off-brand" Christianity, as I ironically refer to it.

    (Please don't shoot -- I'm a liberal Catholic!)

  • Again, however, (0 / 0)

    the subjugation of females isn't a tenant of any major religion, I don't think- but it is a tenant of the way those beliefs are interpreted and enacted via formalized structures.  The Bible refers to Mary Magdalene as a disciple- the church turned her into a prostitute.  I think that it's hard to separate the faith from the institution, in many cases.  I know that I struggle to teach my children about my faith so that they can build their own, while working within the institution of the UCC.  It's tricky stuff, but I believe (and choose to believe that many share my belief) that faith= nurturing and support for everyone.  If it's about violence, hate, or destruction, it's not faith- it's perversion of faith.

    My .02.

    • It would be nice (0 / 0)

      if your assertion that

      the subjugation of females isn't a tenant of any major religion

      was true. But it's just not.

      Read the Koran. It is Islamic law that a woman's value counts for less than half of a man's value.
      No subjugation? Keep dreaming.

      • Similar things in the Bible (0 / 0)

        and in my holy tales.  That doesn't mean believers cannot live in different societies.

      • ouch. (0 / 0)

        Not sure you meant that to sting- but it did.  I think there are lots of things detailed in holy texts that aren't necessarily followed anymore.  Just 'cause it's there doesn't mean it's adhered to- church leaders pick and choose which elements to push to the forefront. Heck,the Bible contradicts itself in places.  (Not to even get into the reality that translations can change  the meanings of passages in enormous ways...)  We, as persons of faith, have the same choices.  One thing I like about my current church leader is that he names the reality that blind adherence to dogma isn't faith- that real faith requires thinking, wondering, and an ability to disagree respectfully.

        • And just because it's there (0 / 0)

          doesn't at all mean it's central to the basic truths of the faith.  Sacred texts and religious sources are tied to the people who wrote them down, and the times in which they lived.

        • Sorry to sting (0 / 0)

          I know this is a very touchy subject and I think it's nice that people try to be diplomatic but in the mean time people suffer. The Koran damns those who question, to do this is to leave the "straight path". I doubt that Muslims who are ok with this would concede the point that your questioning faith is somehow more "real" than their unquestioning faith.

          • Right, but (0 / 0)

            Not all Muslims are ok with all those things.  And liberal faith isn't more real.  Or valid or true.  It strives to be more inclusive of human liberties, however.  The fact that, IMO, those liberties are worth fighting for, doesn't make my faith not faith, nor faith in general unworthy of respect by people who value said liberties.

            • I have no idea (0 / 0)

              what % of Muslims are conservative vs. traditional, just as I have no idea what the distributions would be for Christianity or Judaism.  I do know that, in the case of Christianity, the most fundamentalist minority claimed to speak for the entire faith community and they were just flat wrong.  But those of us with broader perspectives let them take on the role of "Christian voice."  Not a great choice on our part, and I can't help but wonder about the moderate Islamic voices that we aren't hearing- either because the fundamentalist community silences them or because someone doesn't want us to hear voices that don't fit the  "radical Islamic" stereotype.  I don't know a lot about it, but my gut tells me that there's more sides to this than we're aware.

      • progressive, actually (0 / 0)

        Read the Koran. It is Islamic law that a woman's value counts for less than half of a man's value.

        When put in historic context you see that the Koran was enormously progressive in terms of women's rights.  Giving a pair of women equal legal standing with a man was revolutionary.  I think some property rights were protected - one of the prophet's wives was a celebrated businesswoman.  Women also got divorce rights for the first time - inferior to their husbands, but they got some.  And of course women are supposed to be full equals during the Haj, even though some countries today won't allow premenopausal women to make the Haj without their chaparone.  It is important to separate the effects of culture from religion - most of the practices we decry are cultural practices carried out in the name of religion.  All in all, you'll find much more respect for women's rights in the Koran than the Bible.

        Perhaps the Bible's relative silence on women's rights allowed western countries more freedom to emancipate women in the long run.    

        • hmmm... (0 / 0)

          All in all, you'll find much more respect for women's rights in the Koran than the Bible.

          interesting perspective on the koran.  i am far from a scholar of sacred texts, so i won't even try to compare them.  however, after my 95 year old devout catholic grandmother died, i was asked to write something for the funeral.  i spent the better part of two days searching for positive messages about womanhood and motherhood in the bible (this was before the days of the WWW).... let's just say it was a very tough expedition.  

    • Thanks (0 / 0)

      I wanted to speak on this, but not start a pie fight.  Structures of culture and power don't need to be central to a religion to get caught up with it.

  • tolerance (0 / 0)

    is a lousy word anyway, IMO.  it is often used with a negative connotation as in the US... in fact the second definition for it in my microsoft word dictionary said "the act of putting up with somebody irritating or unpleasant".  the first was about acceptance, but i think the term gets mixed up between those two definitions all too often.

    so, moving past language... having been left in the dating game far too long, i dated two different guys who were fundamentalists of two different religions (as an agnostic/atheist- i'm still deciding myself).  i truly believed i was being open-minded.  both men were complex and had very good traits that i really liked, but their belief system became a major wall in each relationship. was i supposed to be accepting of the idea that gay people, people who divorced, people who had abortions, people who weren't born int he right part of the world to practice that religion, etc... were all going to hell?  i really struggled with what religious "tolerance" was, and still do.  

    what i've come up with so far, is that i won't "tolerate" anything in the name of religion that i wouldn't otherwise accept.  if it's a discriminatory, harmful, or dangerous practice, it doesn't matter to me why you believe it's ok.  people have believed and practiced all sorts of appalling things in the name of religion... i won't name them, 'cause they're obvious and i don't want to point out any one person's religion.  but cloaking abusive behavior in the name of a sacred text or tenet seems far from sacred to me.

    • "Tolerance" (0 / 0)

      doesn't, or shouldn't, mean that one suspends good sense.  I wouldn't date, marry or otherwise commit myself to someone who had deep religious views that I disagreed with.  I don't think this is a lack of "tolerance", rather, I think it only demonstrates the need for the two people in a relationship to share enough common views to make them compatible.  

      • don't tell my mom... (0 / 0)

        Tolerance
        doesn't, or shouldn't, mean that one suspends good sense.

        that's almost exactly what my mom said, and as usual, she was right.  i kind of thought that during dating we'd find middle ground, but that was the big lesson for me... there WAS no middle ground.  they each believed things i found offensive, and you are spot on... there was no way we were going to build a relationship around that.  but like any good rebel daughter, i had to find that out for myself.  twice, lol.  

        • Yeah....I'm still a rebel, too... (0 / 0)

          but now I have my own kids and get to say "I told you so" all the time...and I love it!  But I won't tell your mom.  Promise.

          And really, its not about not respecting another person's right to be or believe whatever they wish...rather, I think it is a sign of respect, you know?  Its like saying I respect your views enough to realize that you can't just change them at will.

  • Ayaan Hirsi Ali, petulant child, needs to grow up (0 / 0)

    I haven't read her book, but I know a little bit about her life having followed her activities in the Dutch parliament since 2004.  She comes from a background of privilege, and strikes me as something of a spoiled child, though she is quite obviously very well spoken and has an engaging personality that makes her a natural politician.  

    Last year I was in Amsterdam and had a chance to talk with some people involved in progressive Dutch politics, and they were apparently quite glad to see Hirsi Ali go.  They told me that she caused more problems than she solved, and that her own actions resulted in her ousting from parliament.

    I think Submission was excellent, but it was also intentionally provocative and inflammatory, and she has yet to follow up on that work.  I believe Hirsi Ali needs to experience some personal growth before she will ever become a truly effective voice.  You can't abandon a belief, and then attack it from the outside as an ex Muslim as Ayaan has done, that is not a path to reform, that path only leads to conflict, and that is exactly what Hirsi Ali has sought in her approach.  It's very simple equation, she has been badly harmed, and she has retaliated against the entire Islamic faith as opposed to directing her ire where I believe it rightly belongs, on to those who were directly responsible.

    And to be completely clear, no religious belief has ever oppressed anyone, people oppress people, not religions.  It seems to me Hirsi Ali was abused by her family members, and she has transferred her problems with them to the entire Islamic system of belief.  Sure the Islamic world has some serious systemic problems, open oppression of men women and children, but these are problems that those in the West were quite willing to ignore and overlook as long as the oil kept flowing, hardly any in the West gave a damn about the plight of the people of the Islamic world and the Middle East, certainly not the conservatives and the right wingers in this country, not until 9/11 and the attacks in Europe, not until it came home to our own backyard.  As Reverend Wright and Malcolm X. so aptly put it, a case of the chickens coming home to roost.  The West and our support of dictatorships throughout the Islamic world have allowed these problems to go unaddressed for generations.  Though they have become far more pronounced with the emergence of Islamic fundamentalism which is one of the only forces to stand in direct opposition to the oppression of the Islamic peoples which has been instigated by Western powers.  When a people are left with nothing else they often fall back upon fundamentalist interpretations of faith.

     Hirsi Ali continues to make reckless blanket condemnations of Islam, hardly bothering to differentiate between the religion itself, entrenched patriarchy and the rising influence of Islamic fundamentalism which are at the heart of the problems in the Islamic world.  Over and over again she's made the statement that Islam is not a religion of peace, a viewpoint that marginalizes Ms. Hirsi Ali and makes her very appealing to certain right wing elements in this country, elements who have an interest in scapegoating Islam and propagating fear among the US population in order to exert a measure of control for political purposes.  They asked Hirsi Ali to join the conservative "think tank" The American Enterprise Institute and she accepted, but as we all know not much higher thinking goes on in such places.  Hirsi Ali directly attacks Muhammad, what in the Christian world is the equivalent of a direct attack upon Jesus.  That's not how you set about reforming religious interpretation and a society.

    Though she may in fact be in some minimal danger in Europe, where she's chosen to return, here in the United States I would say that she's in no more danger than the average African-American.  In fact I would say that as a person of color she's probably in statistically far more danger from the average local law enforcement establishment in this country than she is from Islamic fundamentalists.

    Ayaan has gone back to Europe, in an apparent effort to continue playing the hunted martyr routine, as opposed to facing what I believe are her true demons, instead she chooses to demonize all Islamic belief and inflame tensions between the West and the Muslim world, when she could be building consensus and bringing people together.  As a member of the Dutch parliament Hirsi Ali had real opportunities to help women and children who were facing oppression, but now she's just another talking head spouting off to anyone who'll listen.  In my view she has the potential to reach a higher level of awareness, but she needs to undergo a personal awakening and find the strength to move beyond the damage that was done to her by her family.  Until she deals with her own issues, Ms. Hirsi Ali will remain her own greatest impediment.

    In closing let me just say that on a personal level I really like Ayaan Hirsi Ali, she's hard not to like.  I sympathize with the pain she suffered and I look forward to the day when Ayaan gets her head straight.  On that day I will become one of her most ardent supporters, because I believe she has the potential to achieve true greatness.

    • Biggest problem with her (0 / 0)

      is this:

      They asked Hirsi Ali to join the conservative "think tank" The American Enterprise Institute and she accepted, but as we all know not much higher thinking goes on in such places.

      Just makes you wonder what her motives and incentives are.

    • One point of disagreement (0 / 0)

      I do not know much about Hirsi Ali, nor have I read her books, so I can't comment on most of your post (although the American Enterprise Institute bit is disturbing).  There is one point you made that I do disagree with:

      And to be completely clear, no religious belief has ever oppressed anyone, people oppress people, not religions.

      When I read that, what immediately popped into my mind was this argument I always have with my dad about gun rights which goes like this:
      Dad:  "Guns don't kill people, people kill people."
      Me:  "No, Dad, people with guns kill people."

      Not that I want to start a debate about guns, but it seems parallel to me.  Certainly, without religion people would still find a way to oppress each other, but religions (and guns too) are often used as a tool to hurt people.  I don't know that they can be blameless.

    • Ehm (0 / 0)

      a couple of additional remarks (I'm Dutch, live in the Netherlands now and have followed Hirsi Ali's story):

      • Strictly, Hirsi Ali was not ousted from parliament, she stepped down from her seat in the midst of a lot of turmail regarding her refugee status and the name she used to obtain citizenship. She quite possibly would have been stripped of her seat, because she obtained her original refugee status on not-quite-legitimate grounds (she has later admitted she was an economic refugee - which is not legitimate grounds by Dutch law; whether that is fair or not is debatable, but beside the point here).
      • Serious threats have been made against her after she made Submission and apparently, she is justified to fear for her life (I think you are understating reality in that respect, Aaron, the director was murdered for it), whether she is in the Netherlands, elsewhere in Europe or in the US. The huge fuss she has made about the Dutch government not paying for her security detail is completely unjustified though, because she would enjoy every possible protection, paid for by the Dutch taxpayer, if she would stay in the Netherlands - it was her own choice to leave the country in disappointment (coming across as rather petulant, indeed) after the mess regarding her refugee status and citizenship, and join the Americam Enterprise Institute in DC. She was warned repeatedly that she would have to cover for herself when outside the country and after more than half a year her security was stopped and she was struggling to pay for it herself. She then went around the US and Europe painting the Netherlands black for not protecting its citizens and their freedom of expression - that was not appreciated overhere.
      • Hirsi Ali was briefly back in Europe for above, but I'm quite sure she has returned to DC since.
      • I agree with you that she lost an opportunity to make a real difference by getting into trouble, leaving parliament and then the country - and that is unfortunate, because there is still a lot to be done for oppressed muslim women in this country and elsewhere.

      Let's see how she develops...

    • One additional point (0 / 0)

      Hirsi Ali shows a pretty consistent opportunistic streak.

      She changed from the Labour Party (center left) to the Liberal Party (fairly right-wing, personal liberties-focused party; so liberal in the European sense) because they effectively offered her a seat in parliament, whilst with Labour she would have had to wait longer (years). She then was quick enough to give up that seat again when she was taken to task for not being truthful when she applied for refugee status and citizenship (the latter situation turned out to be mostly a misunderstanding).

      The problems were very painful for the Liberal Party (for which I have very little sympathy, but that's a different matter), because one of their main points is strict adherence to the law regarding refugees, immigration and citizenship and rewriting these laws to the absolute minimum that is still in accordance with international law.

  • I don't want to be the one to throw a bomb in (0 / 0)

    here, but I cannot understand why seemingly sensible, progressive people find it so easy to tolerate intolerance as long as it presents itself with a Muslim face, but are completely intolerant (rightly so) of non-Muslims who are so intolerant.

    I'm not saying that all Muslims, or even a sizeable fraction, are intolerant fanatics, but at least be honest in assessing where that intolerance eminates.

    Then there is the moral equivalence game in which any criticism of Islam must be qualified by self-criticism of Western religions.

    Islamic fanatics are, in essence, right-wing religious fascists who treat women no better than dogs. That may sound harsh, but I have scores of Middle Eastern friends who would readily agree.

    • Do you feel that anyone here (0 / 0)

      has done this?  I looked back over all the postings in this diary and I can't find anything in particular that would leave one with the impression that this was the attitude displayed.

      • Absolutely not anyone here. (0 / 0)

        I should have prefaced the post by saying I'm not directing it at anyone posting here. Sorry, my mistake for not clarifying. (I tend to hit "post" before even previewing the comment.)

        • All right... (0 / 0)

          just wanted to make sure you didn't think we were guilty of this.  I happen to agree...but, you know, it still leaves us in the position of what to do about it.  These cultures aren't going to change because we go in and tell them they should...but, we can't ignore those areas of the world until they do, you know?

          • I don't know what the answer is, really. (0 / 0)

            I feel that "we" progressives tend to give them too much of the benefit of the doubt and treat the situation as if Muslims were a historically  oppressed minority in this country (like blacks), which, of course, they were and are not. Their views toward women in general would never be tolerated if they came from typical right-wing nuts. The Islamic community also has its share of racial prejudice, something else no one is willing to broach.

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