Mother Talkers

Weekend Open Thread

by Elisa

Fri May 02, 2008 at 08:16:12 AM PDT

I just watched the first two of a four-part Bill O'Reilly interview with Sen. Hillary Clinton. I must be a masochist, right?

To my pleasant surprise, I did not think it was that bad. If anything, Clinton did a good job differentiating herself -- and the Democratic Party -- from O'Reilly and his ilk. O'Reilly attacked everything she stood for, including her healthcare plan and "socialist" ideas on taxing the rich.

I was proud of her for holding her own and cooly dismissing his effed up ideas like rich people shouldn't pay more in taxes to fund universal healthcare.

But I am unsure what she is to gain from meeting with him. Maybe if she slugged him that would win her some brownie points with the Democratic Party's activist base. LOL! But, O'Reilly took swipes at her like he would any Democrat.

When Junior Flies Solo: A recent Berkeley Parents Network letter recently got me thinking: When are kids old enough to fly solo? Also, what would you do if you were this mom:

This summer, our 11-year-old and 5-year-old may fly with each other (without parents) to visit their grandmother. The trip would last several hours and be nonstop. I think we can cover safety issues (especially since I understand we can get a pass to accompany them to the gate) but am worried about sibling squabbling during the flight. At times they are angelic together (with strangers complementing us on how well they treat each other) and at other times they quarrel (but no hitting). Does anyone have experience in preparing children to travel alone together? We have a portable DVD player we've used to keep them occupied on past trips. What else would help solo child travelers traveling together? How much money should we give our 11-year-old for emergencies on flight day? Any advice is welcome!
Ready to let them stretch their wings

While this isn't an issue for us now, it eventually will be considering my children's grandparents live 3,000 miles away.

The Best Mother's Day E-Card: MomsRising just released this cute mother's day e-card for your favorite activists.

What else is in the news? Have a good weekend all!

  • ::

Tags: open thread, flying (all tags)

Permalink | 111 comments

  • My favorite birthday party is this weekend (0 / 0)

    DD is invited for an overnight slumber party. 24 kid-free hours! What will I do with the time? :-) I mean, besides work and sleep and garden and ride and clean the house and ...

    by shenanigans on Fri May 02, 2008 at 08:26:43 AM PDT

  • I couldn't believe this (0 / 0)

    OK.  I know I'm new to the world of little girls but I can remember some of the people that I used to work with complaining about how hard it was to find age appropriate clothing for their little girls.   I went to Babies R Us today with a gift card we received when Mary Rose was born.  My plan was to buy her a bathing suit as I couldn't find baby sizes elsewhere.  Luckily I managed to find a suit near her size in the Carter's section that looked like it was made for a baby.  Everything else, from size 3mos on was a string bikini with high cut legs.   Why would anyone put a baby in such a highly sexualized swimsuit?  I don't think that I'm particularly conservative but seriously.  They wear diapers underneath which wouldn't be covered by these monstrosities.  I don't get it.

    by music teacher on Fri May 02, 2008 at 08:40:34 AM PDT

    • Terrible (0 / 0)

      That's terrible!

      What ever happened to little girls being little girls.

      by NJmom on Fri May 02, 2008 at 08:46:57 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

    • I know! (0 / 0)

      I thought the same thing when I bought Eli's first bathing suit. Even the full-length suits at Target had no backs or were very sexy. Disturbing.

      by Elisa on Fri May 02, 2008 at 08:53:44 AM PDT

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    • Holy crapm, that's insane. (0 / 0)

      well, if I have a daughter, she'll be wearing swim trunks while she's in swim diapers.  Or maybe just the diapers in more permissive places.

      WTF ever happened to little kids swimsuits?  I remember several I thought were awesome at the time, including a flourescent green monstrosity.  I'm sure they were fashion mistakes, and I'm glad for the existence of two-piece suits for ease of bathroom use.  But they can still be modest and cute.

      by lonespark on Fri May 02, 2008 at 09:13:01 AM PDT

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      • Now that I'm a grownup (0 / 0)

        I like swim trunks, because I don't like sitting on the fat seam in the standard swimsuit. The trunks are perfect for the river or lake.

        The nice thing about being old is that no one makes fun of you when you wear swim trunks or a Mickey Mouse watch. :-)

        by shenanigans on Fri May 02, 2008 at 09:21:39 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

    • Just wait... (0 / 0)

      when my 8 year old left 6X and went to the size 7-14 category... FORGET IT!  Not just bathing suits, everything is sexed-up and lots is just impractical.

      We've had lots of luck at Land's End...online overstocks...good quality and value and age-appropriate.

      by Lara on Fri May 02, 2008 at 09:14:48 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

    • Those long sleeved ones (0 / 0)

      aren't sexy, and they provide sunblock, too.

      I've had good luck finding swimsuits for my daughter, but I do always have to weed through bikinis.  Funny, because I never see little girls in bikinis at the pool.  I wonder who they're selling them to?

      by Erin on Fri May 02, 2008 at 09:17:32 AM PDT

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    • On the plus side (0 / 0)

      There's also a trend for MORE coverage in swimsuits - to prevent sunburn. So now you can buy girls swimsuits with shorts, with long sleeves, short sleeves, etc, that are more like surfer bodysuits than like the sleeveless leotard style. Land's End has an excellent range of swimwear, and available year-round.

      I pretty much buy all of DD's clothes from Land's End and Hanna Anderson, with the occasional fill-in from Mervyn's. When I go into a store, it's very hit-and-miss - there are times when I go in looking for a simple pair of jeans and I walk away emptyhanded. All the pants are low rise (ugly and uncomfortable for this high-waisted family). A lot of icky slogans.

      On the good side, the last few years there's been a trend for clothes with embroidered designs that I really like.

      by shenanigans on Fri May 02, 2008 at 09:20:01 AM PDT

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      • I can't stand slogans (0 / 0)

        I rarely buy Hanna Anderson because it's so expensive (and much of it is still made in China, damn it!) But I admire their mission of keeping children children.  

        by Erin on Fri May 02, 2008 at 09:28:09 AM PDT

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        • Their sales aren't too bad (0 / 0)

          Sometimes I like what they have and sometimes it's just too LOUD with all those STRIPES and BRIGHT COLORS. :-)

          Fuschia's fine. Orange is fine. Fuschia + Orange is Not Fine. :-)

          by shenanigans on Fri May 02, 2008 at 02:48:27 PM PDT

          [ Parent ]

          • Oh, I like (0 / 0)

            clashing colors, fun fun fun! I would buy all of the loudest ones at Hanna Anderson if I could afford it.

            by tarantula on Fri May 02, 2008 at 03:12:16 PM PDT

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          • I like (0 / 0)

            their tights, since dd will only wear dresses and tights tend to be practically disposable.  But the one time I went to buy some, I chose three pairs, then realized that I had $60 worth of tights in my hand.  I couldn't do it, although I we them.  Also, they were made in China.  I'd spend more to not support China, but if it's made in China, why don't I just shop at Target?

            I'll have to find out when the next sale is.

            by Erin on Fri May 02, 2008 at 03:18:40 PM PDT

            [ Parent ]

          • big into clashy here! (0 / 0)

            I love bright colors and stripes on Jess. Of course, she's the arbitor, and she likes them too.

            by Rachel on Fri May 02, 2008 at 03:51:50 PM PDT

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      • It's funny you mention that (0 / 0)

        I've seen the long sleeved swimwear and the sunproof ones in the One Step Ahead catalogue.  Quite honestly I knew Babies R Us wouldn't have that quality but I expected a better selection or at least more practical 2 piece suits.  You know something that would actually cover a swim diaper. The Carter's suit I ended up with was adorable but it was tucked away in the Carter's section away from any other swimwear.  I kind of stumbled on it when I gave up and started looking at the Carter's stuff.

        by music teacher on Fri May 02, 2008 at 09:40:40 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

      • I love Lands End for Liza (0 / 0)

        but not Hannah A -- too expensive and too much for skinny girls LOL.

        by MKatherine1966 on Mon May 05, 2008 at 05:47:39 AM PDT

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    • Sexualized, I don't know (0 / 0)

      But MIL and FIL brought back a bikini for DD (she's nearly 3) from Argentina, and I let her wear it.  It's all they wear down there, apparently, so that's all they sell.

      Besides, she's cute:

      At this young, it just doesn't seem like pseudo-sexy I guess.

      What do you mean, uh-oh? baby pictures

      by round peg inna square hole on Fri May 02, 2008 at 01:37:25 PM PDT

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    • that's awful! (0 / 0)

      let me know if you can't find anything and I can ship you a nice one from Australia - I can even ship you one that looks like a miniature wetsuit (3/4 arms and legs). Very popular her in Australia for their sun protection!

      by Rachel on Fri May 02, 2008 at 03:40:32 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  • I watched it too (0 / 0)

    I thought she did a good job too, considering what she was up against.

    by NJmom on Fri May 02, 2008 at 08:48:04 AM PDT

  • Chores and allowance? (0 / 0)

    My daughter is getting to the age where she wants things, and I'm getting to the point where I want her to understand money.

    Now, I see the point of parents who want their children to see helping out around the house as just their job as a member of the family.  But you know, it's not like they can go out and get a job outside the home.  I'm trying to find a balance, so I'm devising this plan.

    $2 per week for cleaning her room (dh thinks this is steep, but I want her to be able to save up enough for things she wants in a realistic amount of time).

    A quarter every night for picking up the toys from the living room floor.

    Other than that, if I ask her to help she needs to do it, and if she wants extra money she can ask for an extra job.  

    But I don't know...does anyone have a system that works?

    by Erin on Fri May 02, 2008 at 09:25:14 AM PDT

    • Allowance (0 / 0)

      Some families do an allowance that isn't linked to chores. I suppose you could still pay for extra little jobs that are separate from chores that are expected as a matter of course? Kind of a hybrid system.

      I need to figure this out relatively soon also.

      by RachelD on Fri May 02, 2008 at 09:37:54 AM PDT

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    • I don't know (0 / 0)

      We always had to do lots of chores, esp. cleaning the bathrooms on weekends.  Then when we were in highschool we got allowances, just because.  I think because my parents wanted us to concentrate on school instead of getting jobs.  But I got a job anyway...

      For me it is a conundrum.  My parents would buy us stuff we really wanted as long as it wasn't too expensive, and we did get birthday money.  

      Your systems sounds pretty good.

      by lonespark on Fri May 02, 2008 at 10:45:35 AM PDT

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    • we do! (0 / 0)

      We started both boys on an allowance at the same time, so to make it "fair" (by their standards) we had to make the younger boy's allowance smaller to compensate for "I didn't get anything at his age!".  So we made it $1 per week for the 4 year old and $2 for the 6 year old, with a $.50 raise each birthday.  No explicit tie to specific chores except for "if you don't do your chores you don't get your allowance".  Chores are setting the table and picking up clothes and toys from the floor.  On very rare occasions we offer them a money making job, usually yard work or washing the (lower half of) the car.

      The result has been fantastic, way beyond our hopes.  The 6 year old actually managed to save enough for a gameboy - a kid who can do this on $2 per week will be able to handle a future mortgage.  They love to borrow money when we're out and about and are very conscientious about paying it back immediately.  But no debt - you can't borrow more than you have.  And they don't whine about chores.

      The math education has been amazing.  I occasionally give them some of my change, but they have to earn it by solving a math problem.  For the little guy it started with "how much is a nickel?", while his brother would have to total the coins.  I continue to step this up.  My preschooler recently correctly answered "how much is 5 dollars divided by 4 children?"  He could not have answered "how much is 5 divided by 4?" - he doesn't even know that the word quarter also means 1/4 - yet this means he already has the basic foundation for division with fractions.

      My favorite educational opportunities come at the dollar store.  Everything at this store is equally accessible, so they can directly compare their choices.  They need to allocate their budget between their competing desires for toys and junk food.  They have learned that the more awesome a toy seems, the more they need to check for sturdiness (concept: value for price).  When they want a bag of chips, they compare the weights of the bags to decide what to buy (concepts: unit pricing, weight to volume).  I pay for tax, but my first grader can now calculate it up to $5 (concept: percentages).

      I could go on and on; in fact I already have.  Needless to say, we're very happy with how this has worked out.  And we're already thinking ahead to when they're ready for more money/more responsibilities.

      by lyn on Fri May 02, 2008 at 12:26:54 PM PDT

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  • California teacher fired over loyalty oath (0 / 0)

    Cal State Fullerton  Teacher fired for refusing to sign loyalty oath

    Cal State system ousts another instructor who objects on religious grounds to a pledge adopted by California in 1952 to root out communists.

    by Aaron on Fri May 02, 2008 at 09:50:46 AM PDT

  • I loved that (0 / 0)

    momsrising e-card, its so cute! I sent it to everyone!

    by Suzanne77 on Fri May 02, 2008 at 10:45:19 AM PDT

  • I thought that e card (0 / 0)

    was kinda strange and creepy.  The message is sound, though.  

    Saved from TV?  Really?  Hmph!

    by lonespark on Fri May 02, 2008 at 10:48:23 AM PDT

    • well, its not like you let (0 / 0)

      them watch CSI, we all "save" them from tv.

      Though I am an unapologetic fan of "Noggin" for Darling Girl...when she was littler it was 'Ifford on PBS (her pronunciation of Clifford).

      by Suzanne77 on Sat May 03, 2008 at 04:51:37 AM PDT

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  • Kids flying alone (0 / 0)

    I was 13 the first time I did it. I felt grown-up and adventurous. Eleven might be just old enough.

    But 5? And having an 11-year-old in charge of the 5-year-old? That seems too young to me.

    by trueblue illinois on Fri May 02, 2008 at 10:55:03 AM PDT

    • I was 5 (0 / 0)

      the first time I flew alone was way back in '81, and things are different now. But, I was 5. It was just from Las Vegas to Southern California, but I remember being very carefully watched over by the flight crew. From what I have seen at the airport now, that seems to be the same now.

      I bet the 11 year old will actually be very well behaved, if made to feel like they are in charge. Kids that age can really step up if given responsibility. Once the flight lands they'll probably switch right back to squabbling kids!

      by jenna on Fri May 02, 2008 at 10:58:14 AM PDT

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      • I would think so too (0 / 0)

        I bet the 11 year old would puff up with the Responsibility of it all.

        However, on a very long flight, I would worry. Most grownups get pretty cranky on a transcontinental flight.

        by shenanigans on Fri May 02, 2008 at 02:52:22 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        • agree (0 / 0)

          But even if not, squabbling's not exactly a safety issue.  And it's good for them to be responsible for entertaining themselves for a change.  My boys have a small wheeled carryon that is our traveling toybox, and they spend an entire evening planning and packing it together before each trip.  The fact that it was their decision keeps them generally happy about the contents once we're in the air.

          by lyn on Fri May 02, 2008 at 03:11:49 PM PDT

          [ Parent ]

      • airline attendants... (0 / 0)

        i didn't let my dd fly alone until she was @12 years old. reason?  i fly quite a bit and while airlines watch kids boarding and deplaning, i am not so sure about how much they pay attention in flight. i wanted to be sure my dd could fend off any nosy questions by who knows who sitting next to her or worse.  i'm pretty underwhelmed by flight attendants so i probably wouldn't go for it.

        by parentalunit1 on Fri May 02, 2008 at 06:11:51 PM PDT

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    • Our kids haven't flown alone, (0 / 0)

      but my daughter took Amtrak to Philadelphia by herself at 15.  My son took the much shorter Amtrak trip to my mother's when he was about 14, with his younger sister with him.

      by tjb22 on Fri May 02, 2008 at 01:13:59 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  • funerals funerals, sigh (0 / 0)

    Just back from a funeral and learned that a co-worker who had been hospitalized since July passed away this morning.

    Blergh.

    Good thing tonight is Miles's spring concert. That ought to cheer me up!

    And some Chinese food...

    Miles and His Favorites: The World As Seen By an Eight Year Old

    by Hillary on Fri May 02, 2008 at 11:36:06 AM PDT

  • senior prom week end (0 / 0)

    Actually shes not going. She didn't want to go to the actual prom, but she is spending the week end at the Jersey shore with 12 of her friends. another mile stone

    Its been a yucky week for me. I have major dental surgery coming up I have put off. I am dealing with not only my husbands suicide in therapy but ghosts from my own childhood. There is no way through it except through it. Not working with is a blessing...but at some point soon after dental work will start looking..

    Tonight I am seeing Body of War...Phil Donahue is doing a q and a after the film

    Oh and I never posted where dd decided to go to college. University of Chicago came through and offered her as much money as Swarthmore. She visited and loved it and I was SURE she was going there. Then she  spent 2 days at Swarthmore ( we live about 45 minutes away)She's going there. And she got a scholarship that gives her in addition to everything else a $4,000 a yr grant so she doesn't have to work summers. She can travel and study ,use it to study languages..Its up to her.The scholarship is endowed by Jerome Kohlberg,Swarthmre class of 1946. Every year he gives 1o kids full scholarships He started Bear Stearns made a fortune and gives back unlike the Bushes.God Bless him..

    by Lee N on Fri May 02, 2008 at 12:28:23 PM PDT

    • That's fantastic! (0 / 0)

      Two of my dearest friends (who are married to each other) are Swarthmore alums.  We are in the Lehigh Valley, are you here or 45 minutes in a different direction?

      Sorry to hear about the dental work and the difficult times in therapy.  Keep on keepin' on....

      Miles and His Favorites: The World As Seen By an Eight Year Old

      by Hillary on Fri May 02, 2008 at 01:09:14 PM PDT

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    • Great news about your daughter (0 / 0)

      That sounds great for her.

      by shenanigans on Fri May 02, 2008 at 02:53:48 PM PDT

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    • Phil Donahue (0 / 0)

      He's great! That'll be an interesting end to a kind of crummy week, although you have lots of good news, too.

      Prom or not to prom...it sounds like your daughter has a memorable celebration in mind without the prom. It sounds fun.

      by tarantula on Fri May 02, 2008 at 03:10:58 PM PDT

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    • Congratulations to your daughter! (0 / 0)

      Not only is Swathmore a good school, but a scholarship to boot? Impressive.

      by Elisa on Fri May 02, 2008 at 03:35:11 PM PDT

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    • that's fantastic news (0 / 0)

      Swarthmore - didn't Michael Dukakis go there as well? And what a wonderful scholarship - the luxury of time over summers! I've always contimplated doing something similar if we win the lottery.

      I'm sorry about your dental surgery and hope it goes as well as can be expected. Keep fighting the ghosts in therapy as well. You're so strong and I really admire you.

      by Rachel on Fri May 02, 2008 at 03:55:12 PM PDT

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    • Great news Lee! (0 / 0)

      Congratulations to both you and your daughter.  I must thank you again as I have learned alot from your posts.  My dd and I have visited Southern Cal schools so far.  To date she LOVES the Claremont Colleges and Pomona is her top choice of the 5.  We head east this summer.

      Good luck to you and hang in there, therapy works.  I slogged through it as well after my divorce from dd's father.  It was worth every cent and minute.

      Melinda

      by parentalunit1 on Fri May 02, 2008 at 06:18:06 PM PDT

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      • I went to Pitzer! (0 / 0)

        Love love loved the school and the whole 5 college atmosphere. I even applied to a PhD program at the Graduate School but we moved away before I could start...

        by GiGi on Fri May 02, 2008 at 08:09:38 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

      • Melinda (0 / 0)

        Pitzer was suggested to her..She didn't want to go that far

        From the looks of it, looks like your dear daughter is looking at schools with a similiar profile to my daughter. Small LIBERAL Liberal Arts  Are you going to look at Bard? Skidmore? Does she know yet if she wants urban too? Unfortunatly most of these schools are in the middle of no where. I liked Goucher but it was smaller than even Swarthmore. But Goucher has $$$$$ and its middle tier..so if your kid is a good student they will want her and probably give money The next 2 years look to continue the trend of record applications.And a glut of GIRLS!!! Make sure that there are schools on her list that not only are safety schools but that have $$$$. I can help you with some of that...

        Fun Fact for Swarthmore
        Emma Watson Hermione in the Harry Potter movies is class of 2012

        I live outside Philadelphia if you are passing though

        by Lee N on Sat May 03, 2008 at 05:39:29 AM PDT

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        • Can I go? (0 / 0)

          I have a teeny tiny crush on her...and Harry and Ron. And Cedric. And Sirius. Oh hell...I love them all. And it disturbs me that I'm way too old for all of the kid characters. I had to keep telling myself that it was sick to lust after Harry...even after he did the nude stage play in London.

          by aussieyank on Sat May 03, 2008 at 08:30:19 AM PDT

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        • Lee (0 / 0)

          Yes, Bard is HIGH on her list...mine too as it seems like a really good fit based on what I have read.  Not sure on Skidmore, don't think we've checked it out yet. She is very taken with many of the small liberal arts schools in Mass. dd started out wanting an urban environment and a bigger school.  However the Claremont Colleges sort of turned her around. We did the private high school tour and learned when it fits it fits immediately once you step onto campus.  She was BEAMING all throughout the Pomona College visit...Pitzer too because it reminded her of her "hippie K thru 8" school :)  UCLA and UC San Diego turned her a bit on large schools and I personally don't think a huge school would be great for her.  But cost is so much less than Claremont Colleges.

          Scholarships are bit of a mystery still.  We won't qualify for financial so it will have to be purely scholastic. I am not certain how this all works.  She is a straight A student and her first pass at SATs were very good, she is actually taking it again as we speak . She feels confident now that she has an SAT prep class under her belt that she can move her score up to the "excellent" range.

          We are hoping to come east this summer.  Bard is a definite visit.  She also likes Brown out of all the "Ivy's".  She is also interested in DC area schools.  Georgetown,University of Maryland and American University.  Midwest...Northwestern so far.  And University of North Carolina.  I will definitely keep you posted and let you know when we go east!  oH and she is interested in schools in Scotland...I'm not so sure about that one!

          Saftey schools so far are:

          Occidental College
          Univeristy of Oregon, Honors College
          Her counselor told her that she thinks she can get into either UCLA or UC Berkeley...but Berkeley is off her list, feels she has done Berkeley given 9 years there.  UC San Diego I think would be the only other potential UC.  But we need more to consider.  I have been warned not to let her apply to a ton of reach schools.

          Fortunately dd is open minded. The only school she has said no way to that we have visited was Claremont McKenna.  Which is funny because she thought before visiting the Claremont campus it would be her top choice.

          Will check out all the ones you just suggested.  Thanks again Lee!!!

          by parentalunit1 on Sat May 03, 2008 at 09:09:49 AM PDT

          [ Parent ]

          • Melinda,,, (0 / 0)

            Except for the schools in Ca, my daughter was interested in the same schools! Including Brown which was the ONLY Ivy she considered applying to.. My daughters profile sounds very close. She is Salutorian 2nd in her class..Her Sats were good..maybe not Ivy good but around 2150. She took the Princeton Review online and math went up She got in 7 of her 9 schools and got wait listed at Middlebury and Vassar.

            Bard has some merit money...including a scholarship if you want to study Economics.The schools in Washington were eliminated after my daughter went to the Governors School last summer.  She heard over and over from students going there that they thought they were over rated...especially Georgetown..I liked Amherst she didn't. Mt Holyoke if she wants female only fits the small liberal school  and Northampton is a great college town. Vassar fits the small liberal school...Its north of Bard...You could make Bard and then visit Vassar in the same day.

            And of course there is Swarthmore...which is loan free.

            by Lee N on Sat May 03, 2008 at 11:53:11 AM PDT

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          • Grinnell? (0 / 0)

            Another one that seems to fit your daughter's criteria. Lefty, hippy, really small, and tons of merit money. Very dedicated alumni - one of whom is my husband. When he went there (graduated in 1983), there were 400 students in his class. He loves that place. Seems like most students are from the midwest and from New England. (We're going to his 25th reunion later this month, and have hopes someday that ds will be interested, so admittedly we're biased).

            What an exciting decision to be making!

            by RachelD on Sat May 03, 2008 at 01:20:15 PM PDT

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            • and then there is prom ... (0 / 0)

              dd took SAT on Saturday then hopped to the Junior Prom. i usually remember stages of my own life as my dd goes through hers, but not this time.  i am finding as she gets older it seems her experiences are not so much like my memories of being her age. and with that it feels like she is beginning to step out in front and take more of the lead.  it's kind of exhilirating for me.

              thanks lee and rachel for the input on colleges.  we will definitely look at all suggested.  i gotta go root the fiske guide out of dd's room and look up grinnell again!

              by parentalunit1 on Sun May 04, 2008 at 11:21:17 PM PDT

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  • A painting of my 2 kids (0 / 0)

    was chosen to be a part of a local calendar.  I'm Ms. August:

    I'm pretty happy to make it in and get my piece published.  And the $100 prize doesn't hurt either.  :)

    "If it's not Scottish, it's crap!" ~Mike Meyers

    by 1plain1peanut on Fri May 02, 2008 at 04:55:28 PM PDT

  • Mama bear and the F-word (0 / 0)

    What is it with the word "fat"?  It gets up my dander like very few other words can.  This weekend my MIL was just helping DD use the potty, and as she buttoned her jeans said to her, "you're getting too fat for me to button your pants".  Now maybe it's the postpartum hormones, but that brought out the mama bear in me in a big way.  

    I could hardly go charging in to the bathroom and make a scene in front of DD, so I waited until they came out.  As I waited DH noticed me looking a bit put out and came over to check on me.  He had heard her too, and agreed to talk to her about it.  Probably a good thing since I was beyond irrational.  

    On the one hand, it's one statement in passing and not a huge thing.  On the other hand, my SIL has battled bulimia her entire life, as have several of DH's cousins.  It makes me very nervous and protective of my girls and the weight-based comments people make around them.  MIL makes unintentional comments that drive me crazy.  When I was preggo with #1 and visited them at ~5 months, she greeted me at the airport with "there's our little fatty".  I didn't know what to say.  She always makes comments about DH's weight cloaked in comments about "health".  Apparently, about 10-15 pounds over the weight he would like to maintain is a "healthy" weight.  Below that is "gaunt", above that she doesn't say anything.  Don't even get me started on the comments to me about my postpartum figure.  

    OK, so I've had my vent.  She has been spoken too.  Hopefully this will take care of it (for now).  

    --R

    by Rocky on Sat May 03, 2008 at 12:31:05 PM PDT

    • well, geez. (0 / 0)

      Its no wonder SIL has weight issues.  MIL sounds clueless!

      I would have gone all momma bear too, and I wouldn't have had the restraint to hold off like you did.  Good for you!

      by tessajp on Sat May 03, 2008 at 04:21:57 PM PDT

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    • i'da gone absolutely (0 / 0)

      apesh*t. She sounds like a nightmare.

      by Rachel on Sat May 03, 2008 at 05:08:22 PM PDT

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      • she means well (0 / 0)

        but that's little consolation, just makes me feel nasty when I have to say something.  And I know she thinks we're neurotic (she told us so in the 6 page letter she wrote us after visiting when dd#1 was 12 weeks old), but I can live with that.  

        I'm just glad DH and I are united on this or it would be a battleground!  

        --R

        by Rocky on Sun May 04, 2008 at 07:30:54 AM PDT

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    • depending on how old (0 / 0)

      DD is, you might want to discuss the comment with her.  We live in such a fat-phobic culture, and it's amazing how early kids pick up on it.

      I grew up in a household where your MIL would have fit right in. Really did a number on me.

      by mamacita on Sun May 04, 2008 at 10:33:54 AM PDT

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      • ugh (0 / 0)

        I hear you. I got put on my first diet (expressly told it was a diet) when I was six. I have the sneaking suspicion my mom, who was trying to lose the pregnancy weight from my sister, wanted a diet buddy. Who better than an in-house one.

        Urgh. I didn't feel good about my body (and didn't attain a healthy weight and relationship to food, not coicidentally) until I was 24.

        by Rachel on Sun May 04, 2008 at 04:51:14 PM PDT

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        • Ugh (0 / 0)

          that is so wrong.

          by Erin on Sun May 04, 2008 at 09:54:34 PM PDT

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          • she's got messed up body issues (0 / 0)

            I love my mother a lot, but she's got body issues. So does her mother, my grandmother. I worry about her, because she's got these ridiculous eating habits and won't do things like take her calcium supplements to prevent osteoperosis because they "bloat" her. My mother is about 5'5" now, and if she weighs more than 115 pounds I'll eat my hat, but she still goes on and on about her "belly", about her eating habits, constant little comments about others' weight, yadda, yadda, yadda.

            It's insidous. I was talking about this with my sister a couple of months ago. I'm about 5'7" and 150 pounds. She's about the same and 5'6". We're both active - we both run, she does yoga, we bike, we walk, etc. She was saying "I know I should lose some weight to be healthy," and I had to forceably remind her that 150 is well within the healthy range for our heights!

            by Rachel on Sun May 04, 2008 at 10:04:47 PM PDT

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            • Isn't it sad (0 / 0)

              how even good parents pass our issues on to our children one way or another?  I feel like I have my mom's issues tattooed to my cells.  I wonder what I'm doing to scar my kids.

              by Erin on Sun May 04, 2008 at 10:25:52 PM PDT

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              • I think (0 / 0)

                we're all doing the best we can. We're all going to rub up against each other, but so long as we take our reverent best shot at behaving humanely, we'll end up ok.

                BTW, I sent you a little e-mail a few minutes ago...

                by Rachel on Sun May 04, 2008 at 10:34:29 PM PDT

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    • I'd be very angry (0 / 0)

      I think you did a great job being direct with you mil.  When people make comments to my dd that upset me like that, I find myself not wanting to make a scene but often nursing a grudge, too.  And better for your husband to talk to her; she's his mom.

      by Erin on Sun May 04, 2008 at 09:57:20 PM PDT

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  • Tragic (0 / 0)

    Eight Belles.  She came in second in the Derby today, then had to be put down after breaking two ankles.  She was the only filly in the race.  :(

    "If it's not Scottish, it's crap!" ~Mike Meyers

    by 1plain1peanut on Sat May 03, 2008 at 07:19:50 PM PDT

    • broke my heart (0 / 0)

      She ran a great race, but Big Brown was not to be beat.  I'd love to see him win the Triple Crown, especially as he's related to our horse (by blood, although ours is as lazy as they come).  

      --R

      by Rocky on Sun May 04, 2008 at 07:35:03 AM PDT

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    • It was very sad (0 / 0)

      Such a nice, nice filly. She looked terrific going through the finish.

      I know she was beloved by her connections. The only good news was that they were able to get to her immediately, so she didn't suffer.

      I went out and brushed and petted my pony for a long, long time.

      by shenanigans on Sun May 04, 2008 at 10:39:57 PM PDT

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    • The whole industry sucks (0 / 0)

      and I say that as the daughter and sister of trainers.

      Here's NY Times articlethat sums it up nicely.

      by GiGi on Mon May 05, 2008 at 06:57:31 PM PDT

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      • That's awful (0 / 0)

        I do love to watch horses race, but after reading that, I don't think I can anymore.  How awful.  I think horses are beautiful, intelligent creatures and this is a crime.  There's no other way to describe it.  It's abuse.  

        "If it's not Scottish, it's crap!" ~Mike Meyers

        by 1plain1peanut on Thu May 08, 2008 at 05:47:21 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

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