Mother Talkers

Chastity On Campus

Thu Apr 03, 2008 at 10:59:35 AM PDT

I was just about to blog this! It is a good story. Thank you, Katherine! -Elisa

This past Sunday's New York Times magazine had a profile of a pro-virginity group at Harvard University called True Love Revolution.  Their website states:

TLR is a new, non-sectarian student-run organization at Harvard College dedicated to the promotion of premarital sexual abstinence. We strive to present another option to our peers regarding sex-related issues, endorsing ideas of abstinence and chastity as a positive alternative for ethical and health reasons.

The website suggests that premarital sexual activity can result in a wealth of negative outcomes.

Saving sex for marriage, we believe, can contribute positively to your physical and emotional health and improve the quality of your current and future relationships.

Early sexual activity and having multiple sexual partners is strongly associated with increased depression, greater likelihood of maternal poverty, and higher rates of marital infidelity and divorce in future marriages.

TLR is co-run by a male and female student.  The NYT magazine article portrayed the male student as something of a tortured soul; i.e. he finds his commitment to chastity a difficult path, and describes his difficulty rather vividly.  The female student, Janie Fredell, doesn't report having much of a problem with it.  She just goes for a long run if she's having urges.

Princeton also has a similar group, the Anscombe Society.  

Robert George, a professor of jurisprudence at Princeton, is one of the Anscombe Society’s informal faculty advisers. Himself a Catholic thinker, George says that society members employ “philosophical-ethical arguments” to support their belief that promiscuity “deeply compromises human dignity,” and psychological and sociological rationale to justify the claim that casual sex leads to “personal unhappiness and social harm.” The students are some of Princeton’s most gifted, George says, and “even people who don’t accept their conclusions recognize that the arguments being advanced by the Anscombe students are serious and cannot be easily dismissed.”

The Anscombe Society at Princeton went on to embrace positions not just against premarital sex but also against homosexual sex and marriage. Founders have tried to spread its method to other schools, and students at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology were the first to follow with another Anscombe Society.

Some disagree with the claims of these groups and suggest that they are providing misleading information to other students.

Martha Kempner, a spokeswoman for the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States, which promotes sex education, agrees that True Love Revolution performs a service in providing abstinent students a place to gather for support. “What is disturbing,” she says, “is that this club is using inaccurate information and distorted data to sell that message.” She strongly rejects suggestions that premarital sex leads to poverty, an inability to bond or to increased likelihood of divorce. “There’s no legitimate research that says premarital sex has all of these harmful consequences,” she says. “They’re completely baseless claims.”

In addition, the group's approach began mainly as an appeal to female students rather than to men and women equally.

True Love Revolution was denounced, however, after its first big outreach effort, on Valentine’s Day 2007. Members had sent out cards to the women of the freshmen class that read: “Why wait? Because you’re worth it.” Some interpreted the card to mean that those who didn’t wait until marriage to have sex would somehow be worth less. One writer for The Crimson concluded that “by targeting women with their cards and didactic message, they perpetuate an age-old values system in which the worth of a young woman is measured by her virginity.”

This year they sent identical cards on Valentine's Day to both the male and the female freshmen.

I don't recall abstinence having much of a foothold when I was in college.  In fact, I distinctly remember having a calendar fall off the wall onto my face in the middle of the night in my dorm room when the next door neighbor's loft was rockin' (don't come knockin').  I guess this is an unsurprising outcome, though, for students who likely came up receiving abstinence education as promoted by the Bush administration.

Tags: abstinence, Harvard, True Love Revolution, Anscombe Society, sex, college (all tags)

Permalink | 13 comments

  • I think the worst (0 / 0)

    possible implications of this is that as women, our whole value is gone after one screw, to put it bluntly.  That's all we're good for.  One screw, and after that, we're used goods.   Do these women feel this way after they finally do have sex?  Even if they're married?  I can only imagine what the ramifications would be if they did.

    • That's nut, especially since (0 / 0)

      presumably after that first time you do intend to keep doing it.  (And getting better!)

    • Word to that (0 / 0)

      Imho, if someone goes far into their 20s and certainly into their 30s without taking the emotional risk of a truly intimate relationship, something is up emotionally or interpersonally, and being married might not be the solution they are hoping for.

      • Really? (0 / 0)

        I really don't feel that you can't have an intimate emotional relationship without sex, so this seems odd.  DH was a virgin until he was nearly 23 (by choice...we'd been together for 4 years), and was very uncomfortable with the few hormone-driven moments he'd had with other girls prior to our meeting.  So, I can see wanting to "save" sex for the one right person.

        What do you mean, uh-oh? Toddler & baby pictures

        by round peg inna square hole on Mon Apr 07, 2008 at 08:58:45 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

    • I'm With You On This One... (0 / 0)

      Gotta love this one....it's clearly aimed at vaginas:

      Early sexual activity and having multiple sexual partners is strongly associated with increased depression, greater likelihood of maternal poverty, and higher rates of marital infidelity and divorce in future marriages.

    • I grew up (0 / 0)

      in an evangelical family, and a lot of the girls I grew up with had a horrible time adjusting to sex once they married.  I mean, you're told from a VERY young age that sex is bad, horrible and evil, and then it is supposed to all change in one night?

      However, my folks, while stressing "sexual purity", made sure I understood that it wasn't that sex was bad.  Sex, in the appropriate context (read: marriage) was great, a lot of fun, and an important part of a functioning marriage.  I had some serious hang-ups (like the fact that my mother NEVER even mentioned "that area" on women, not even with stupid little names or euphamisms), but it wasn't as bad as it could have been.

      What do you mean, uh-oh? Toddler & baby pictures

      by round peg inna square hole on Mon Apr 07, 2008 at 09:01:58 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  • The story... (0 / 0)

    also included input from Lena Chen, a student sex blogger. Overall, I thought Chen and Janie Fredell of True Love Revolution approached sex from the extremes and it sounded like the debate between the two of them at the end was just stupid. As the article aptly noted, "What they found, as Chen told me, was that both of them were 'out there publicly declaring' who they are. They admitted that they were both, in their own ways, advertising sex appeal."

    It was embarrassing -- and such a setback -- at the end when male commenters measured up the two women, with some guys preferring the virgin. Oy vey.

  • Valparaiso U (0 / 0)

    I went to Valpo U when the basketball team went to the Sweet Sixteen- Bryce Drew was our star then, and during one particularly strange half time (I'm fairly sure it was half time) he gave a speech about Abstinence, and why he was abstinent. It was just odd, IMO. I think you knew the kids who did it and the ones who didn't. IMO, the speech probably didn't sway anyone one way or the other, but it might have given others who made that choice and felt silly some comfort.

    The problem with abstinence advocates is in the delivery- in order to say "abstinence is Good" then sex before marriage, conversely, must be Bad. It's the lack of grey that makes the message seem nutbar. I was essentially abstinent in college for my own reasons, none of them religious, and don't feel like I missed out, but if Lily talked to me about sex it certainly wouldn't be my recommendation- I'd fall more into the "never do anything that makes you uncomfortable" side of the discussion. Also the lack of real facts to their claims hurts them too. Why can't it be "choose what you're comfortable with"? Why is there a conversion aspect to abstinence?

    BTW, I think it's kind of funny, the Catholic Church's take on birth control & abstinence, essentially says "sex only for procreation, period." Now if it's said publicly that way, people would think they were crazy. But it seems to me that religiously speaking, sex is just simply an evil necessity. THAT is the shame.

  • Something that came back to me (0 / 0)

    upon reading this article was something a friend said to me senior year in high school:  "Before you have sex, it's this really huge deal, but afterward it just becomes this fun thing that you do."

    I thought that summed up the mental transition pretty accurately.  These students are still in phase 1.  Once they get to phase 2 they may think, "What was I doing that for?"

    Hmm, I am starting to see a parallel with the thread about parenting advice from nonparents.

  • It is weird to be a parent of kids in their 20's (0 / 0)

    My children having sex is really really uncomfortable to think about.  My daughter has been with her boyfriend for over a year and my son has been with his girlfriend for a year and a half.

    But you know it is a matter of privacy.  I know my kids graduated high school without being sexually active--that I know so I am happy we made it that far.  But beyond that it is none of my business.

    They have the facts.  My daughter had "the" vaccine.

    • You know, it doesn't bother me. (0 / 0)

      My four adult kids all waited until they were past 18, too. It really wasn't uncomfortable for me, although frankly they sometimes share information I'd just as soon not share...and wonder if their significant other's know exactly how much their sharing!  They've all only been with one partner.

      Now, I'm going to be honest...if I saw them using their sexuality is a irresponsible way, I would say something.  

      • I think I'm uncomfortable (0 / 0)

        ...because they do tell me a lot and I do not want too much information.  This is very new for both of my kids.  LOL

        But yes--I agree with you, if I thought they were being irresponsible, we'd be talking.

  • Do what works for you (0 / 0)

    I didn't have a strong reaction either way reading the article.  It's such a personal decision.  I was glad that people who choose to stay abstinent are able to find a support network in a place where they're the minority, and didn't really object to their "recruitment" efforts either.  They're just sharing their information and opinions, and college age students are smart enough and horny enough to decide to do what they want.

    My husband and I have been together since high school, and we were sexually active then and in college as well.  He had graduate student R.A.-type people in charge of his floor, and they were rare conservative Christians at the university.  At some orientation, they spoke with the students about waiting for sex, and my husband thought that was out of line, since they were in a position of authority.  They also chose not to distribute free condoms, etc., in common areas on their floor.  I always felt judged by them when visiting him, and did sort of feel like they were imposing their morals on others.

    But students talking to other students seems fine to me.  I did find the part of the article where Janie hears about the her co-leader's feelings for her absolutely hilarious.

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