I agree with you that the only way to deal with these issues is to raise them and talk about them. A thorough airing and friendly debate can surely

I have thought what if?, and I have to say I do fear the bias, discrimination and non-acceptance from others. I don't care the sexual orientation of my kid'(s')partner(s) so long as the relationships are healthy and loving.

Does that make me homophobic? I'd like to say no, but what do members of the LGBT think when I say that?

It seems like the sort of thing someone must have studied.

I guess I would be uneasy if my son were significantly nonconforming in his gender expression, because I would worry about bullying and violence.  These things probably are greater risks, and they also feel more personal than the risk that he'll be injured in a car accident.

DH would probably not be compassionately supportive, but that's mostly just his personality, and his background.  His father used to bitch at him for dancing.  He's overly concious of doing "foolish" and "unmanly" things, and also of the disapproval society often gives boys who don't conform.

this is something they've asked me about.  More than once, I've been asked "what would you do if I was gay?"  Always sounds rather odd, because really, what COULD I do?  I'd love and accept my kids no matter what.

However, I'm not going to be too judgmental about parents who initially have a difficult time.  You raise a child having certain ideas about that child's identity and who and what you think they are.  To have to rethink all of that isn't easy.  Maybe you feel as if there was a part of your child's development that you somehow missed, or that there was something that was kept from you.  Ofcourse, I think many parents just somehow know when they're raising a LGBT child.  

between being uncomfortable with who an LGBT child is, in and of themselves, and worrying about the potential for increased pain and sorrow in your child's life. If Timothy turned out to be gay, I wouldn't care for him any less, or think he wasn't living up to our standards, or be unhappy with the person he would become. With society the way it is right now, however, I would most assuredly fear bias and harm from others, especially during his high school years. In that respect, I think I might mourn a little- not because of his orientation, but because it would mean a harder life, in some ways, and what parent would voluntarily pick extra suffering for their child?

Does that make me anti-gay?  I certainly don't think so.  In fact, I think it makes me a more effective crusader for equal rights than I ever was before, because my outrage at the way LGBT people get treated is much more... primal, I guess, when I consider that it might be my beloved child. And feeling that makes me realize that we're all somebody's beloved child, and it's time to fix things, now, before anyone else's babies get hurt.

DD is a lesbian so I won't have to worry about unintended teen pregnancy. Is that bad? I identify as bisexual (although I loved lonespark's "omnisexual" term as well) so I'm not at all worried about my kids and who they will love. Not an issue for me at all. Or, DH for that matter.

and I have talked about it a lot.  I have a gay brother and the "what ifs" has come up in conversation quite a bit over the years.  I know he'd be fine with it and love our kids no matter what (as would I).  He actually wept during the movie The Family Stone when he saw how genuinely accepting the parents were of their gay child and his partner.  

It's something you have no control over... like many things in regards to who your child is as a person.  

My Mom was pretty religious (a Lutheran) and while I wouldn't call her intolerant she was pretty straight-laced and traditional.  I was really surprised then, when my sister's friend in high school came out to his parents and they kicked him out of the house, and my Mom offered to let him stay with our family.  She said she just didn't think it was right to put your kids out on the street no matter what.  I really love everything Annora said, it all resonated with me.  This is something that we as a society need to fix so that nobody has to worry about their kids out there.

For me, well, I'll go out on a limb...  I would have an easier time in my own head with a gay son than a lesbian daughter.  I don't really know why that is, maybe more of a gender expression thing and worrying about relating to her experience.  I hope that I would recognize that as my problem, not her problem, and quickly get over myself.  I do think there's a bigger category that this falls into.  What all of us parents are likely to face is that our expectations of who our kids are going to be will not be who they are.  They need us to love who they are and let go of who we expected or wished them to be (whether it's someone outgoing, musical, athletic, straight, or anything else).

I haven't made any assumptions about the sexual orientation of my boys.  I would never even think of saying anything about future girlfriends or future wives.  Just like when I meet someone for the first time, I don't assume their orientation.  My husband feels the same, and I don't think it would be an issue at all for either of us.

It's been an ongoing discussion for us since our older son (age 3.5) is not a typical boy.  He wore pink for the past year (though recently stopped) and prefers playing with girls.  So we'll be watching his gender development carefully, but I'm already seeing him making efforts to conform with more boy-oriented things, which I have mixed feelings about.  My main goal is to provide an environment where he's comfortable being himself and communicating with us.

In Australia, there's a big macho culture. If you're a boy (or a girl for that matter)and don't like sports and drinking, you're lost (I know...there's no reason that a gay man won't like sports and drinking...stay with me here). My husband and I are both the gentle intellectual type. We don't watch sports. I played soccer in high school and ran track...but let's face it...that was really to get into college. He played with computers and did geeky things with his mates. (note that although DH is Australian, he spent his high school and college years in the US...so his experience is not typical) So I've always worried a bit about our kids. We kick balls with them, and enroll them in various sports in an effort to overcome their genetics. I'm not sure how effective that's going to be! Especially when their grandfather's idea of playing with them is letting them mess with his oscilloscope...or help him build a robot. :)

DH's male cousin recently came out (last weekend). Everyone reacted very nonchalantly. No one has told the crazy catholic grandmother that thinks vegetarians are deeply suspicious. I don't think anyone needs to unless they get married. Then I'm going to delight in telling her. :) I was actually relieved. This is a boy (he's 23 now) who wore dresses to school until he was 9, danced ballet until he was 15, and is now a magazine model. He's always danced to his own beat. But he is well adjusted, popular and happy. He has lots of mates (who have all reacted as if they already knew), and seems to have had a pretty good high school career. I feel better knowing that it's possible.

So to answer the question in a round-a-bout way...I don't care. I want them to be happy. And I don't see being gay as the stigma that it once was. Being a non-sport intellectual is about the same here, I think. The only thing that would make me sad is if they never had children. But with various methods of getting pregnant (and surrogates) these days, plus the option of adopting, that doesn't have to be an issue. And there's always the chance that your heterosexual children will decide to remain childless.

Great topic to ponder. I think I fall where some others do -- I love my children, whoever they are. But, I would be worried about extended family rejecting them if they are gay. I would not be too worried about society in general as we live in a pretty great city, go to a church that is welcoming and affirming -- but the family, that's another story.

I do know that I have known men who got seriously weirded out when their sons dressed in women's clothes, hats, heels....even though that is a normal thing for every boy to do -- so I would not be surprised if it were true that even progressive men who are seemingly not prejudiced against LGBT persons would feel differently if it were their son who is gay.

if DS was fat than if he was gay.  

Though I do think DH would have a harder time dealing with gayness than I would -- I don't think I'd have a problem at all -- I think he'd get over it pretty fast.

When DH and I think of DD's future life (she's not even 2 yet), we truly don't care the sex or gender of her partner.  We want to teach her to respect herself, be assertive, communicate openly, and how to tell the difference between a healthy relationship and a toxic one.  We want her to by happy in life and to love boldly.  She has great role models who are gay men, straight, and lesbians.  So I guess we just hope that when the time comes for her to ponder her own sexuality that she will have a trusted adult to talk to besides just us, so we are pretty intentional about having a diverse set of friends in our lives.  

DH has even said that he secretly hopes she might turn out to be a lesbian because he's more worried about her dating men than he would be about her dating women.    

DH would have not a single issue.  When his little bro came out, his only worry was that the kid was going to college in a really conservative area, and he was worried about little bro's safety.

I think, for me, the hardest part is the feminine gender expression. I'm having to learn to embrace my daughter's inherent "girliness" and I sort of view my son as the one I won't have to buy tu-tus for.  I want him to play sports (but only because they interest me...I know this.  I just want to share those with him).

However, I think that if he were gay or bisexual or transgender, I'd have an easier time.  (Yes, I know there are masculine gay men.  Yes, that would be even easier).  I've dealt with gay/bi/trans friends before, so it is less of an unknown.

it would be difficult for me.  I know my first instinct would be to support them but I also know I would feel a little sad.  I can't seem to articulate why I would feel sad.  Part of the feeling is just knowing how many difficulties she would face, from the world in general and from her extended family.  But I'm afraid it's not so noble as that, maybe there's something in me that would mourn the loss of the life I pictured for her.  That seems strange to me because I don't have any ideas about what kind of career she'll have or if she'll be a cheerleader or valedictorian or star athlete.  I'm even careful to say (even though they are only 3 and 4!) "if you decide to have children one day" because I don't want them to think that that is what they are supposed to do.  I don't know if they might choose to live single or in a non-married relationship and none of that bothers me.  I wish I could identify what it is about their orientation that would be so different for me.  Sometimes I wonder if it's not residue from my ultra-conservative, evangelical upbringing

That's really the end of it. We can have the best principles in the world, act like a saint, but how we feel in our gut isn't something we can consciously change. How does that make someone a hypocrite? Because they may feel a way that intellectually, they know is wrong? The real judge of if someone is a hypocrite is whether they fail to act in the way they say they ought to, but that's not the challenge here, we're criticizing people for their involuntary emotional reaction, and honestly I think that's wrong, because there's no real discrimination here.

that it's a tad homophobic that I hope for a gay son.  I'll be fine if he's straight, but I'll be happy if he's gay.  

My husband thinks that's weird.  He'll be fine if our son is gay, but he doesn't actively hope for it.

Like others, though, I don't see a problem with a dad who struggles before he becomes accepting.  One might even say that it's commendable to be humble enough to take a look at yourself and make a change.  What I hate about homophobes is...they're straight, what gay people do is none of their business, and above all, they're the least likely to know any out gay people.  So what do they know?  It's a lot easier to be judgmental and hateful about something you know nothing about.  Monsters live in the dark, I guess.  When you see that  gay people are "normal" and, like most people, "boring", it's hard to look at who they love as subversive at all.

Not as well known as Brokeback Mountain, but in my opinion still great, is the film The Sum of Us.  Starring a young Russell Crow and his character's very supportive dad.