There's so much here to think about that I don't know where to start.  I'm nearly 40, and we still borrow money from a set of parents every year or two just to get by when something major happens, although we've always been able to pay them back.  No, we don't have much savings, which is the problem, but there you go.

We fall completely into the generalization that we are the first generation that might not do as well as our parents.  It used to be 50 years ago that older people were the poor.  They were living in smaller houses, driving 10-year-old cars, economizing because they'd scrimped to raise their children.  Those children were buying beautiful houses in the suburbs and new cars. Now the over-50 crowd has the wealth; they are buying the fancy cars and luxury homes.  Their nearly-middle-aged children with kids are the ones still struggling.

Because I married later and started my family considerably later, we're in the scrimping crunch that people used to experience in their 20s.  Not that I had tons of money in my 20s either.  A liberal arts degree did not afford me a well-paying job.  I had roommates from the moment I left college until I moved in with DH.  So at nearly 40, I'm still waiting for that moment that I look around and think, "OK, we're comfortable now."  Maybe it's lucky I come from an immigrant background; I don't have a lot of wealth in my family so I can't feel like I've backtracked too much.  The fact that I know English well enough to actually teach it, when my grandparents barely spoke it, give me a measure of satisfaction and accomplishment, because I know they were proud of that in a grandchild.

A few years ago, our local newspaper ran an article that listed the average household wage in our area.  Our's was quite a bit  more than double the average.  This was a shocking thought.  We are not wealthy.  No one would call our lifestyle luxurious.  I suppose there are, however, certain things we take for granted.  I found myself wondering, over and over, how families were even beginning to live on that amount.  

And then there's the whole "cultural identity" thing.  I'm not sure it even has that much to do with actual income.  Rather, I think its more about how you lead your life.  There are people who are very successful that don't necessarily have incomes to match...however, they know how to take what they have and use it to its fullest advantage.  That is a trait I think we get from our background.  Its why people like me have to remind themselves that not everyone "knows" the things that I know.  My "conventional wisdom" is not their's.  I don't have to stop and think about what might be the best path to take in some situations, I just know it...others, who weren't brought up in as stable circumstances, really have to think about these things everyday.  

Erin, you've put a lot into this very thoughtful diary.  I might come back and comment later.  

At the moment I'm trying to process the information we got from our financial advisor that if we have $750,000 saved for retirement, we'll be living off the princely sum of $35,000 a year.  That doesn't go too far when mortgage + property tax = $21,000.

That's not our whole story.  I'll be working for a long time, Inshallah, and I will have a modest pension.  But DH is older than me, and is thinking hard about retirement.  He's kind of sick of working and the thought of 5 more years makes his head hurt.  But it looks like he'll be working longer than that.  He has always figured he would find some fun, lower-paying work to do during retirement, but now he's thinking he may need to stay in his higher-paying position longer, even though it's wearing.  I suppose that's a form of luxury right there -- the option of stepping down.

How do families save this kind of money? And if you are working towards squirreling away this kind of cash-money, how do families qualify for financial aid for college?

P.S. Erin, I'm glad you followed your instincts on the Craigslist sitch, and I'm so glad you found someone to give Milo's things to who really needed them.  That's wonderful.

She and my FIL scrimped and saved and managed to put away a very healthy nest egg while raising 6 kids in the 70's and 80's.  Then he died 3 years after retiring and she had to unload money in order to not take an enormous tax hit.  Lucky for her, 4 the 6 are nearly destitute.  DH and I spend incredible amounts of time and energy pinching pennies, but he internalized the lessons his parents taught- we manage to save well and have decent retirement.  Of course, our kids will still be paying off our student loans.

What about you?  Does your cultural identity match your income?  What kind of judgments and preconceived notions do you hold?  How difficult do you think it is for people to break out of what they have been taught?

I come from an unskilled blue collar background; my dad worked two jobs to afford a tiny house on railroad tracks in a town with crappy schools.  I got out via scholarship but still had to work to pay down college debt before I could enter grad student poverty.  Followed by a low paid training grant position.  I was 35 when I saw my first decent salary - but I hadn't even paid into the social security system by this point, so time to start aggressive retirement savings.

We got lucky.  In addition to good jobs, the crappy fixer-upper we bought in the early part of the housing bubble translated into a nice house when we later moved "down-bubble".  We started our family late (40s) so we had a degree of financial security before the kids began to drain us, and my husband now makes enough for me to stay home comfortably.  We have more than my struggling parents could have imagined.

But it's the mindset we bring with us that makes us feel rich on an upper middle class income (feeling rich on a true middle class income would be a challenge these days).  Looking around the room I see a mix of used furniture, hand-me-downs, and Ikea.  Our stripped down minivan - no power doors for us - was bought used, for cash.  We can afford a flat screen TV but that's a "someday" dream; the money goes into the college fund.  We talk about how we should upgrade our wardrobes, but except for a few business purchases for DH we never do.  Basic cable, cheap cellphones, etc, etc.

My cultural identity is lower than our current income.  We wonder if we're too cheap.  People around us seem to have nicer things.  But we like what we have, and we have no debt aside from the mortgage. We have savings we can tap in an emergency, and can afford a few nicer things that are priorities for us.  Being cheap, while appreciating what we have, is what makes us rich.  

There's a Dickens quote from David Copperfield I've seen on financial sites:  "Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen and six, result happiness; Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six, result misery."  I hope I never break out of what I've been taught.  I hope I can pass this on to my more privileged children.

We're attempting to pay our mortgage off early. And I won't borrow more than a certain amount...I'm just not comfortable with it. But most of our friends have different mindsets. They are heavily in debt, but all the mortgages pay each other off (investment properties mostly). I don't think they'll ever be debt free...I just can't see how that works. I have to wonder if they're right and we're just too cautious...especially when our mortgage broker is advising us similarly.

in generational poverty or class, would you want to have a book discussion on Ruby Payne's "Hidden Rules of Class at Work" or "A Framework for Understanding Poverty" in a month or two?  Let me know if you're interested, and if so, which of the books you'd like to discuss.