Giving & Receiving
Tue Apr 22, 2008 at 12:48:26 PM PDT
Over our lifetimes, we probably have all heard and been taught it is better to give than to receive. It's an interesting notion this idea. Being the ripe age of 53, I definitely have a different view of it now.
When I recall times of great anguish or hardship, the early lessons of my childhood made it difficult to ask for anything from anybody. Think of others, my Mother would intone. My Mother was a living example of "selflessness".... What an odd descriptor when I think of it now. Selfless -- yes, the very term sums it up for me. If all one does is give, one loses one's self. Not a good outcome for anyone.
Our family has had its share of upheavals. We had an unhealthy dose of dysfunction in our home what with two brothers in trouble most of the time, my Dad unsuccessful in business, my Mom working since I was age 5, and her Mom living with us for over a decade after my grandfather died. We lived an existence on the outside that looked darn good - beautiful colonial style house, 2 acres of land, food and clothes enough for all of us.
And yet, on the inside, our lives were fractured. But through it all, I do not recall my parents ever asking anyone for help, or even admitting or sharing the daily disappointment. They were raised in a generation that believed one shouldered one's own burdens alone.
I find this fascinating because what I have come to learn since I was a little girl in that house is that when you never ask for help or you never share your burdens, other people are not given the opportunity of giving of themselves which enriches both the giver and the receiver. Ironically, by receiving help, the recipient is still giving --- allowing another human to help is definitely a gift. The give and take enriches each life exponentially as we all take turns on both ends of the proverbial stick in life.
It's taken me years to loosen myself up enough to lean on others both emotionally and physically. Through many trials - my Mom's death from cancer and my Father's battle with the disease and recovery from it, my own cancer scare and hysterectomy, my being a Mom without family nearby for support and a husband who travelled most of the year for work all were situations that begged for support. Little by little over the years, I have gotten better at asking and receiving. What freedom there is in the ability to do so. And what an act of grace that happens when we help each other. The community we can find even with one other person is a cherished and valuable interchange. And if we let ourselves be revealed in our strengths and our "weaknesses", we all will be the better for it.
I wish I had known this earlier....but I'm glad I know it now.
How about you MTers.....do you allow others to help and support you? Do share....
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