The effort is part of what makes it rewarding. If raising kids was as easy and brainless as watching TV, there would be no "fruits" from my nonexistent effort.

You make many good points.

I'll say one thing: my physical health has taken a hit, and with it my every day sense of well being. Nothing serious, just niggling stuff, but it's not positive, that's for sure. Most of these problems are temporary - ei, the sleep problems and former back problems - but man, it does get discouraging. What if I didn't have the money (insurance) to pay for 7 months of chiropractor and physical therapy (and pay for the babysitter while I do that?). Being in that kind of pain would really be difficult to laugh off. And coming out of 2 months of illness, and corresponding sleeplessness of ds, there have been some days recently that I have felt pretty darn unhinged and trapped feeling physically bad. I tend to get depressed if I miss too much sleep, and it's hard to laugh that off also.

No matter how many activities and playdates I have, and I have a great little rhythym to our week, there is an aloneness about being a SAHM that I still find kind of sucky. That aspect of modernity and affluence in the developed world has radically changed life for mothers and children - ie, everybody in their own house or apartment, no extended family, "schedules", empty neighborhoods, etc. I don't think "nature" intended mothers to be mano a mano alone with little ones so much.

So I can see if you got a mother on the wrong day, happiness would be a mixed bag, even if our actual children are beloved.

but I know lots of people who really are not.

Apparently the majority of marriages are less happy after children, add that into the equation.

I'll go out on a limb and say what I'm thinking - kids can make you happier if you raise them right - ie, so they don't end up in charge prematurely - sleep deprived, imperious, anxious, cry to get their way, and etc.  Hard work, for sure, very hard, but far from impossible.  I've seen it done in poverty and in wealth.

My mother always says that her kids have been her most rewarding relationship in life.  And I know we've caused her plenty of stress (and expense).

In my case, my kids have brought me and my husband closer (we fought for our date nights and other little daily islands of marriage-only time, and we work together well), brought me closer to my parents and sibling, and to my in-laws.  

They've reawakened me to the world and made me feel younger.  They make me laugh more than anybody else.  We love each other dearly, and no consumer experience replaces that.  They've introduced me to a lot of grownups, some of whom are now friends of mine.  They've given me the excuse to play more and get back into all the great children's literature.  I've really enjoyed sharing music and ideas with them as my parents did with me, and they're still both under 8.

They've also made us financially poorer, sick a lot more often, worn out and sleep-deprived, jittery from the constant interruptions, and very nostalgic for the days when I could grab my wallet and keys and take off out the door without a thought.  But for me, I know I'll be able to do that again one day and I'm happy to make the trade-off.  

But I can't see a declining birthrate as a crisis.  Bring back the Zero Population Growth movement, and fund access to birth control for everyone in the world.  And don't hassle people who just don't really want kids.  Nobody needs a reluctant parent.

Somehow happiness has to come from within.  Now that I am looking back on my parenting years with much relief that it's over, I admit it was difficult and trying a lot of the time.  Other times were delightful.  This is life--good and bad and everything in between.  I was a SAHM the entire time and I wouldn't change it for anything. Seeing my children turn into wonderful young adults is the best thing that has ever happened in my life--aside from the day they were each born---tremendous satisfaction no out of the home job could have given me.

But now that my daughter is 5 hours away at college and my son is in Chile, I still have to deal with the WORRY part.  This never goes away.

I have good friends who never had kids and now that we are in our 50's, sometimes I envy them that they do not have to worry.  But they have lost out on some of the incredible joy I have had.

I can't remember where I heard this, but I feel like it sums up parenting for me: "The highs are higher and the lows are lower."

I'm much happier and much less stressed now than I was before kids, partially because after having my first I switched from a high-stress career that I loved to have a much mellower life.  I feel like parenting has been an experience that has broadened me as a person in so many ways, and something I never could have understood before the kids came along.

I remember in our childbirth class, someone complained about how everyone kept telling him how everything would change.  He was frustrated that he kept hearing this, because he knew everything would change.  Now I see how none of us really knew anything yet.

I love being with my child.  He's such good company.  I love thinking about him, planning for him, watching him develop.  I love being able to smooth his hair from his forehead and feel him relax.  

Yes, it's been hard at times, and I'll never get to retire.  When he was little I thought I'd lose my mind with the questions and needs, questions and needs.  Even then, his little hands and voice would make me melt.  It's easier now, and I'm always conscious that we don't have much time left together.  He is one that will fly away after high school.  I will miss him terribly.  I learned things from being a parent that I had no other way of learning.  Mothering has made me feel guilty, inadequate, selfish, it's true, but also very happy.

Why do economists still get paid?  Are they ever right?

Bar none.  Everyday she makes me smile.  Negative impact my foot.  I literally was not this happy before.

Yes, its hard, yes there are days where I want a nap, yes, my marriage is probably suffering a little.  But I really didn't have a true source of joy in my life before, and now I do.  That is the end of my argument.

As for population declines, it is a serious problem.  It can do a lot of damage.  Its a pain we're going to have to face.  But, frankly, I don't think its a happiness deficit thats keeping humans from having huge families anymore.  Educate the women, and we think twice about that.  Doesn't mean we're not happy, for heaven's sake.  Sounds like a bad logic chain to me.

I really do not see lowering the population being a problem. Would that not be a good thing. Reduce overpopulation, pollution. I don't know. This is my first time doing a blog, well actually second, I saw your ad on www.247liberal.com and your mothertalkers site looked really cool. That is a great illustration by the way and I am glad to be a member. Your site will be a great way to express my motherly frustration,

Thanks

Birthrates have fallen so low that even immigration cannot replace declining populations

Yay!  We need to increase immigration!  Mr Bush, tear down that wall!

I spent two hours on bathroom duty last night as DS had his first case of "the runs." If that isn't pure parenting bliss, I don't know what is. Seriously though, what else would I have been doing from 7:30 til 9:30? Watching crappy television shows? Walking on my treadmill? Honestly, my life pre-children was OK but not really all that exciting. For two hours last night, I got the chance to bring real comfort to a kid that was sick and unhappy. How is that anything but awesome?

i have gone through the spectrum of happy and sad because i am a naturally happy social person, finding the SAHM existence to be extremely lonely at times especially the first year of my oldest (4 now).  my personality didn't change with my body during pregnancy, and once my daughter arrived,  i had to re-evaluate who "I" was.  i no longer had a paying job (very hard to feel justified in needing time off when you don't bring in money), certainly no longer a size 7 - barely recognizing myself, and no longer able to just 'go out' with the bulk of my friends who had not and most haven't yet had kids.  then i found the playdates to be only extensions of my child and existence, not of my personality, leaving me sometimes more lonely after these interactions, and somehow that i had missed  the mommy boat.  

4 years later:  cereal for dinner is fine, television isn't the monster i'd been told it is and i am not a monster for allowing it, wine during a mommy date is good for the soul, finding friends who have kids is better than making friends with a mom because her kid likes mine, the house doesn't have to be clean all the time, my daughter can wear the same damn outfit yesterday as today, pee on the floor happens, shit happens, vomit does go down your shirt, the dog can lick my son's pacifier, and the best gift God gave me are these kids.  

and you never know, maybe tomorrow they won't scream, bite, hit, or pull each other's hair, and sit quietly drawing while i cook up a 5 course meal that they will actually eat.  or maybe not.  but they'll still tell me they love me!

"Indeed, looking after the kids appears to be only slightly more pleasant than doing housework," asserts Gilbert in his bestselling, Stumbling on Happiness (2006).

I feel sorry for the kids in these families that they studied.  Caring for the kids is only slightly more pleasant than cleaning the toilet?

I'd say the problem here is researchers who think that every experience in life is--and should be--directly related to happiness. What's up with that? Do we really think life is all about happiness? (Don't answer that!!)

I would say my kids make me very happy, but they've also made me very sad. Losing one child and having two healthy, living ones has dragged me all over the spectrum of emotions. No, it wasn't all 'happy,' but certainly my life is a richer and more complex experience, and I am a better person for it. Isn't that more to the point?

(Also, let me add  that I'm suspicious of some of the terminology and conclusions here. "Looking after children" isn't the same as the overall experience of parenting. I'd rate being a parent much higher than simply diaper duty.)

Great stuff!  

I love being at home with my kids... but it isn't a joyfest 24/7, as others have said.  

One of the things that surprised me about motherhoood, is how the heart is ever-expanding.  You fall completely head over heels in love with your baby.  If you get pregnant again, you wonder how you will love the second one as much.  Then, baby #2 is born... and it's love at first sight.  The heart contains an exponential amount of love.  

There are so many different kinds of happy! I did pretty well pre-kid; traveling everywhere with a guitar, writing, drawing, college, grad school, sleeping on riverbanks to wake up with the birds etc. There wasn't a lot of television or homemaking in my life. I yearn, yearn for those days. Sometimes I'm afraid I won't stop driving after dropping off DD, and just keep going north.

Yet these days, with the day job and the house and the cleaning and the childraising, I'm a lot more content and less prone to falling apart than I used to be. Marriage and a child has mellowed me out and made me happier in a completely different way.

Let's hear it for fitting many different kinds of life experience into this short time we're allowed to be on the planet. Never having had children? The horror!

All that being said, I find the article creepy. How on earth is reducing the population load a bad thing? His ulterior motives are slithering around and making me nervous.

is a loaded word.  It's one of the ways our society puts a ball and chain around each of our legs.

My 21 year old son was just home from college this weekend which gave me the opportunity to feel enormous amounts of joy, reflection, nostalgia, and the pull of letting go while still loving him (along with my dh and dd and rest of family) more than could ever be put into words...the feeling of love that i have for my family is something that has enriched my life beyond quantification or explanation.  With such abundance comes the risk of pain --- I'll take that risk any day for all that I have received.  

My family has enlarged my heart and made it evermore flexible.  Sigh...and smile.

And the concept that kids exist to make their parents "happy" makes me roll my eyes.  I don't expect my kids to make me happy. I think it's kind of vain to expect that kids will be some kind of "consumer item" to entertain you..ugh...how self centred can you be?   Does anyone really think like that?  Or is this just another created idea we can all rally against?  

We have fewer children because we have a certain amount of control over our reproductive systems and because we don't need as many people to run the farm.  Being able to say "I want none, I want 2, I want 10" is a good thing.  

Parenting is a difficult job.  No one ever said it was easy - but it gets more fun as they get bigger.  We're having way more fun now than we did when they were tiny.   But to think that kids are going to fill some kind of void of unhappiness for you is sort of stomach turning to me.