because I just don't watch reality shows.  

This is going to continue to be a topic of discussion for many, many years.  What I would like to see more time devoted to is a conversation about how most working mothers don't have a choice.  That's the reality of the situation.  

I wonder how many having this discussion are like my daughter and son-in-law to be.  They've already had a few words over it....he wants her to get that graduate degree, then stay home for a few years, full time, with children.  He had a very good income, so this is doable...however, as she points out, why on earth is he pushing her to finish that degree and go into debt so she can stay home just long enough to take away value from that degree?  This isn't my argument, and I'm staying out of it...but I see both sides.  My daughter is very lucky in that staying home, for however long she likes, is a real option.  However, she's also right in that it would be very difficult for her to take several years off and then try to re-enter.  She's very conflicted...and you know, maybe, after she has a baby (and she does really want to have one), the decision will be easier for her.  I know a lot of women for whom it became very clear once they weren't talking hypotheticals.

to say that i have no bones about saying that i am not cut out for being a stay at home mom. i have worked part-time since shortly after he was born, though it was NOT by choice, in that my work from home job fell through.

about a year ago i switched to working mostly from home, with jah isaac at home with me. it is grueling. it has made me feel guilty on both counts - not doing a good enough job with him or with work.

the reality is that i am rocking out on all counts and the guilt amounts to a hill of beans - it is a useless and stultifying emotion. it gets nothing accomplished.

i say, each of us do what we can within our limitations, and stand tall and proud with our decisions and everyone else who seems to have an opinion about them can SUCK IT.

:)

Strangely, I feel glad that I didn't have a choice. I had to go back to work, so I rarely feel like I have to defend "my choice." And thankfully, I don't have anyone in my social life who would scold me about my work/parenting arrangement. My mom made me feel bad about being a working mom once, but it wasn't her intention.

Part of why I get to avoid (most of) the guilt and get all the benefits of having a career is because I have FLEX TIME! Which is a parent's dream. And I can work from home when I need to.

For a reality show about this topic to work, they have to show a stark transition--someone going from full-time mom to full-time whatever. The moms I know entered the workforce in a more graduated way--by taking a part-time job first. Both they and their children were able to transition in a gentler way, and it wasn't the kind of trauma/drama that makes for successful reality TV programming.

In general, I get freaked out when I'm exposed to too many scolding, venomous, judgmental comments from anonymous absolutists on the internets--whether they are talking about politics or excoriating working moms. I don't want to stress myself out unnecessarily!

The answer is, their own issues. People who judge others mercilessly are usually projecting their own issues onto others. Like, their own guilt, their own feelings about their moms working or not working, their own frustration staying home (which they can't admit to themselves, so they have to sublimate it and project their anger onto others who are trying to change their own situation). Not that we don't all have our own thoughts and opinions, but I truly believe that that is where most of the heated condemnation and vitriol comes from.

of the show, and the one that got me was the woman who played chef at Chocolat for a week.  Why was the offer for full-time work and not as a part-time or as a temporary, occasional, fill-in?  Couldn't there have been a compromise?  I know, that would not have made good TV...but the great thing about the experience was that she got to see she still had what it took to be in the workforce and that is a HUGE confidence booster.  Maybe she can find a way to be part-time until her kids get older.  I dunno, but I was applauding her experience because I wish I could find my niche like she did, even if she didn't take the job offer.

I am stuck in a rut with my SAHM lifestyle.  I hate the isolation.  I don't have close friends or relatives (my mom passed away in 1995).  My DH doesn't talk to me anymore (he's actually married to his laptop, how can I compete?).  I crave some interaction with people, and the income would be great, too.  I imagine being able to afford new flooring for my house, or having the funds to fix some of my health problems once and for all.  I imagine smiling more, relating to people.  Helping people.  

I have no idea what I could do as a career, but if I did know, I would have to consider pursing it.  But my kids (and my dog) NEED me right now.  I've seen the after-school daycare offerings around here and they suck.  If I had my MIL nearby, she'd be perfect but she lives 2000 miles away.

So...my personal musings are that I wish I had job prospects, and child care prospects, and extra money, and a more fulfilling life.  But I don't.  This is what I have and it's a sacrifice.  SAHM is not all happy and cushy.  Some of us are really suffering.

I realize you were exaggerating for effect, but this is an awfully high bar:

What if the follow-up show found Adrian giddy with freedom, energy, and a renewed appreciation for the time she spends with her family? What if she feels happy with her decision and that happiness permeates every interaction she has with her husband and her kids?

I work.  And it is by choice, because we don't want to cut back enough to afford for me to stay home.  I don't feel a lot of guilt at all.  But I sure as hell don't feel giddy with energy, and every interaction with my kid and hubby is not suffused with happiness.

We need to be realistic about motherhood.  SAHM, WOHM, whatever, you are tired, you are stressed, and no one is June Cleaver.  There is no perfect balance, and I'm tired of searching for it.

It's ridiculous that stay at home moms bash moms who work. Hello, women have always worked -- and being a mom is home is work. It's just different forms of work. And most women who have done both will tell you that being a fulltime mom is much harder than any job. I work a job and I'm a nearly a full-time mom and let me tell you, when I get in the car and can stop for coffee on the way to work...it's so damn relaxing. I love my son but it's exhausting being a fully present mom. I believe women should try to work once the children are in school just for the wonderful role model they give their little boys and girls. It's good for them to see their mothers go off to work. I didn't see this TV show but it sounds like the kids were wowed by their mother's talent and saw her in a new light. Only good can come from that new perception  -- and respect!! Anyone who thinks differently really needs to reevaluate, and look at what FEELINGS this show has triggered in them: jealousy, regret, fear? Hmmmm....look inside, I say. One's reaction speaks volumes about oneself.

Women have not worked for the last few decades.  Women have ALWAYS worked.  Sure there were a minority that did not have to work for a paycheck or in support of the family business/agriculture for familial survival but those women were generally of the priveleged class and employed nannies/used boarding schools.

Even this evening I heard my husband's grandmother talk about how women didn't work when she had her daughter and not two hours later talk about her job (one of many) in a men's clothing store - that she worked while children are young.

We - the corporate and goverment we - are very invested in keeping this myth alive so that they do not have to come up with real child care, not only in terms of physical care while a parent isn't available but also in terms of familial leave policies, health insurance, parent education programs, family/employee friendly policies, quality primary-secondary-post-secondary education etc.  The deviciveness these shows and this myth creates keep us from addressing the real issues in providing for our children by keeping us pointing the fingers at each other.

Since our first son was born I've worked part time.  For me it is the best of all worlds - keeping a foot in the work world and making a little money, but still having plenty of time to spend with the kids and not feeling they are missing out on having a parent around.

Since I have done this for several years I have sympathy for both "teams."  

A few observations:

-It's pretty clear which people aren't satisfied with their choices (SAHM versus WOHM): They're the ones who are looking around and criticizing other folks for making a choice that's different from theirs.

-With a supportive spouse who does his fair share of the domestic & childrearing duties, this wouldn't be such a big issue.

So-why aren't men by and large not doing this?  Why aren't media articles stating that men should carry their weight around "the house"?

Hardly anyone looks at the men and says, Why aren't you doing more at home? Media reports only analyze this situation in terms of what women should be doing and what women need to give up.

Absurd.

The truth is that paid employment for either spouse has the primary purpose of financing the family and home. And-It seems to be that women are expected to seek self worth via home and hearth while men are encouraged to seek self worth via their job. (Until these antiquated and impractical social views are adjusted-the war will rage on.) And, the problem with the current expectations that fall on women is that economic conditions are dangerous for anyone who is not able to keep their resume show-room ready.

I find I am most stressed about my decisions when I lose what I call my "f- 'em" mojo.  As soon as I start trying to figure out what people are saying to me and thinking about me, I get stressed and sleepless.  And that sucks.  

Then, I get so annoyed at the fact that the judgement of others is keeping me up at night that I say, "f- 'em".  And I realize what makes me happy, and I can sleep.  

For what it's worth, I am a full time WOHM, and the primary breadwinner.  It's stressful, it's difficult to balance everything, and I often feel that I'm not doing any of it well.  But my daughter is happy, my DH is pursuing a dream, and it's where I am right now.  

F-em.  

--R