Mother Talkers

The Secret Life Of A Soccer Mom

by Erika

Wed Mar 12, 2008 at 02:30:49 PM PDT

I admit it: I love TV.

I love TV so much that I've stopped adding season passes to my TiVo-- there's no time to watch new shows! But the recently ended writer's strike has left a gap in my viewing schedule, and the commercials for The Secret Life Of A Soccer Mom on TLC were too intriguing to ignore.

The premise is simple: take a SAHM who gave up an outside career in order to take care of her family, and throw her right back into it. Is it all that she remembers? Will she sink or swim? And will she choose to go back to that career?

As an added twist, their unsuspecting husbands have no clue their wives are off trying a career on for size. They think mom's off at a spa, and struggle with the caretaking duties while she is away.

In the first episode, mom Adrian blossomed as a fashion designer and accepted a full-time job at a design house at the end of the show. In the next episode, Katie proved her mettle as a gourmet chef but turned down the subsequent job offer at a chic restaurant; she wasn't ready to leave her preschool-aged sons.

The show is bittersweet; these moms clearly long for their former careers and their husbands rejoice in their accomplishments. But real-life decisions are nuanced and delicate, and the show reflects that.

Of course, Adrian's decision to go back to work triggered ?a predictable backlash from the judgy judgers, who used TLC's message boards to spew anonymous venom:

The posts said the premise of the show is "sick" and Adrian is "selfish." One mom wrote, "Let's show the other side of the story ... how the kids' world is going to be turned upside down by having to go to day care." Another woman goes even further: "Unless you're about to starve there is no reason for you to be at work. If you didn't want to raise your children, you should not have had them. It's child abandonment."

So since 70 percent of women with children under 18 work outside the home...that's A LOT of abandoned children running around! Speaking of which, I should see what my little 3-year-old munchkin is up to...it just occurred to me that I haven't seen or fed her in a couple of days. What can I say, I'm a working mom! I hope she didn't wander down the highway again...

Anyhoo...would you ever consider appearing on a show like this? What career would you want to try on for size? What are some of your favorite reality shows? And do you find the term "soccer mom" as annoying as I do?

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Tags: television, review, TLC, soccer moms, career changes, SAHMs (all tags)

Permalink | 19 comments

  • no, professor, none, and yes! (0 / 0)

    those are my answers to the last few questions. as my username suggests, yes i HATE the term soccer mom... really, so much that i pray my kids cool to soccer before they get older.  

    i don't really like reality shows at all, but this one sounds interesting if indeed they are picking up on the nuances.  my life is ALL about nuances right now.  i gave birth to my fourth child in july, and while i worked up until may, this year i have stayed at home.  i guess that makes me a SAHM. with a newborn and a young toddler last fall, i was struggling to make sense of my stay-at-homeness, but it is growing on me now. i have been criticized by colleagues because i am one year away from likely tenure, but i keep explaining that tenure doesn't help my household of 6 run smoothly.

    i miss work, especially teaching.  research and publishing and meetings, not so much.  but i started back teaching one course, keeping a 1/4 load, and that has been a nice balance.  i am lucky that we can afford it.  my first five years of parenting where as a single mom to two kids, so i know both sides of the financial coin very well.  

    i think giving a woman alternatives and opportunities to figure out what can work best for her and her family is a good thing.  this could be a reduced workload, stay at home hours, paid leave :), or even a spot on a TV show.  

    by slackermom on Wed Mar 12, 2008 at 02:41:23 PM PDT

    • congrats (0 / 0)

      wonderful that you are working part-time and find yourself in a satisfying situation. Like you, I wish more women had that opportunity!

      That was one very frustrating thing about the show. At the end, the women are presented with a choice that's all or nothing: a full-time job that starts Monday, and they a mere few hours to make a decision. Yikes!

      For the aspiring chef that didn't take the job, I wanted to tell her, "Just take it! You won't be chained to the job, if it doesn't work out for your family you can always quit...or maybe after some time on the job you can work out a part-time arrangement." It just seemed like to good an opportunity to pass up completely...but then again, I wasn't in her shoes.

      p.s. love your username!
      p.p.s. what do you teach?

      by Erika on Wed Mar 12, 2008 at 03:09:35 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      • what do i teach? (0 / 0)

        well.. funny you should ask, as the big joke is that i am running my own lab school at home. i teach in the early childhood education department.  and the interesting thing for me was, after years in early childhood classrooms with very young children, i still found it VERY challenging to shift to being at home ALL day EVERY day.. i always had a flexible work week with at least two days at home with the kids, but the 24/7-ness of it was draining (or maybe it was my constantly breastfeeding newborn who was draining).  it just made me realize that women staying at home from other careers (not focused on working with young children) must find it even more of a shock.  but i know some who've slipped into it seamlessly, so you never really can tell.  

        by slackermom on Wed Mar 12, 2008 at 06:28:14 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

  • Reality shows I like: (0 / 0)

    Without Reservations, and the ones about tribal cultures.  And sometimes Supernanny, but I got so mad at that show when they had a woman who was obviously depressed on and didn't talk about mental illness at all.  

    by lonespark on Wed Mar 12, 2008 at 03:41:58 PM PDT

  • My son gets cranky (0 / 0)

    if I don't abandom him early enough in the morning.  He's bored without his friends and teachers.

    by lonespark on Wed Mar 12, 2008 at 03:48:01 PM PDT

    • here, too (0 / 0)

      Yep -- as much as my son loves his "stay home days", he pushes me out of bed in the morning, he's in such a hurry to get to school and play with his friends...

      And to slackermom -- wow, I'd find it hard to leave with one year to tenure. Though, from what I've heard, that's a better time to move on than after... (I'm about 1.5y from applying for tenure now.)

      -Cheryl

      by cbfly on Wed Mar 12, 2008 at 04:21:43 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      • kudos to you... (0 / 0)

        you are indeed close on the "road to tenure"... how has the balance worked for you?  what do you teach?

        as for me, if i KNEW i definitely wanted to be an academic, i would slog through the year and get tenure, but i really think i want to do something more out in the the community (like start a non-profit) and teach as an adjunct.  as i said... the teaching i love, the other stuff... not so much.  

        by slackermom on Wed Mar 12, 2008 at 06:30:31 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        • doesn't feel close yet (0 / 0)

          Not actively working on the package now, so... just slogging along with what needs to be done anyways.

          I'm in biology. Currently teaching intro, ecology, eco lab, and animal behavior. In other words, too much. I love to teach, but hate to grade sometimes. Love the research lab, too, so... no doubt that I'll keep at it. Wondering if I should look around a bit this fall though -- find somewhere with a somewhat lighter teaching load. (Four courses is normal, but four preps is not. Nonetheless, three courses would be nice...)

          -Cheryl

          by cbfly on Wed Mar 12, 2008 at 07:30:47 PM PDT

          [ Parent ]

    • hee hee (0 / 0)

      Mine get mad if I pick them up too early.  One refused karate lessons, which he showed a real aptitude for, because he'd have to leave "after school" an hour early one day a week.

      by lyn on Wed Mar 12, 2008 at 07:48:09 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  • "child abandonment" (0 / 0)

    Oh, SUCK IT.  I am NOT abandoning my child.

    I would not go on this show, after many fruitless years at work I have finally landed in my career of choice, I confess to a weakness for bridal related reality shows (Say Yes to the Dress rocks!), and I can take or leave "soccer mom."

    abandoned...feh...sounds like bitterness talking...suck it....

    by tessajp on Wed Mar 12, 2008 at 03:58:06 PM PDT

    • Say Yes To The Dress! (0 / 0)

      Just saw this for the first time on Saturday afternoon, had it on in the background while I was showering and getting dressed. Highly entertaining!

      And yes, SUCK IT seems very appropriate...

      by Erika on Wed Mar 12, 2008 at 04:19:05 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  • Well it made me cry... (0 / 0)

    but I've been home for a long time and have basically no self esteem or retirement savings or career...

    I loved how proud the husband was of his wife's acheivements - that he thought it was great that she pursue what would make her happy.  

    I have a very strange view of staying at home since I only stayed home because of visa restrictions and so I don't have that "I'm doing the best thing for my kids"  There were certainly days when my kids would have been better off with a caring childcare provider.  

    But here we are - and I won't say that it hasn't been fun sometimes and I do recognize how much easier it was for my husband to do his job because I was doing this one - no one got penalized for being late to pick up at the day care, if they were sick it wasn't a matter of anyone missing work, when he had to travel I didn't have to juggle my job and the kids...but here I am trying to get back into the workforce at almost 40 with a giant gap on my resume.  

    I know we all make choices but I have to say that if anyone dares to judge those moms for either staying home or working they can kiss my fat arse.  

    "As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly"

    by lonestar canuck on Wed Mar 12, 2008 at 04:52:32 PM PDT

  • I'd consider it (0 / 0)

    Since I really have no career to speak of to go back to, I'm not sure how it would work, but I would be willing to have someone come and mentor me to go into a job I could enjoy.  I do like being an SAHM, but I'm pretty convinced now that a good portion of the reason is that I always hated whatever job I had.  I'd be interested to know if I'd feel the same if I had a job that I felt contributed to my well-being instead of being my major point of despair.

    And I don't like soccer so to call me a soccer mom is silly & inaccurate.  Also, I don't drive an SUV or mini-van, I'm an "older" mom, and I'm chubby.  I probably wouldn't fit into the soccer mom clique even if my kid actually played.

    by cynmill on Wed Mar 12, 2008 at 06:59:08 PM PDT

  • asdf (0 / 0)

    I don't care what you call me, it's the job of soccer mom that I hate.  Far too much time standing around fields in mediocre weather with nothing to do.  

    My fantasy is a challenging and interesting part time job in my field.  A girl's gotta dream.

    by lyn on Wed Mar 12, 2008 at 07:54:12 PM PDT

  • Yes. The term is (0 / 0)

    very annoying.  Especially to those of us who HATE how our discourse is constantly filled to the bursting with sports metaphors.  I'm not exactly a fan of organized sport, in case anyone is wondering.

    Now...would I go on a reality show?  No.  I don't even like having my picture taken.  I'm very private.  However, I can understand being tempted by having the opportunity to explore one's "fantasy career".  My only problem?  I like too many things...I can think of at least a dozen career opportunities/paths that I would like to have such a chance to explore.

    by tjb22 on Wed Mar 12, 2008 at 09:16:27 PM PDT

  • not so much (0 / 0)

    i am a freaky midtown artist type, so i doubt i will ever fit into the typical soccer mom category, though i love soccer and can't wait to see if jah isaac likes it.

    as for reality tv, don't watch it, would never be on it. i only watch LOST and In Treatment.

    as for the mothers getting a chance to take that kind of opportunity, i say go for it! we all deserve to find workable situations.

    i work from home with my crazy little boy fighting for attention all day - i am ready for kindergarten, as is he. then i can get more done here and maybe even take a random other job.

    We cannot defend freedom abroad by deserting it at home. - E.R. Murrow

    by lorin on Wed Mar 12, 2008 at 10:41:00 PM PDT

  • wish I could nominate my friend (0 / 0)

    for this show, if just to give her a leg up. She's been SAHM for... nine years?... and divorced her insane husband a couple of years ago. She finally put the two kids in school this year, but is supporting them all by taking on other small children for pay. She desperately wants to do something else, not featuring the very young, but is terrified at the low wages available to her. No college, by the way. How do people do this? She's also not a citizen, which doesn't help, but the kids are.

    Has anyone here successfully pulled this off?

    if you wobba cypress trees then I will wobba you

    by thais on Thu Mar 13, 2008 at 11:23:17 AM PDT

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