How Do You Like Them Pineapples?
Wed Feb 06, 2008 at 02:54:32 PM PDT
My children take swimming lessons at the local YMCA. I like the YMCA because it's full of regular people (well, tonight it was full of high school students - who in their right mind works out in lingerie?) fit people, kids, women, men, morbidly obese people...people who ought to look into electrolysis, people who knew Queen Victoria when she used to rock and roll...lots of people. The kids have to take swimming lessons - it's the one thing I will not budge on. I'll always pay for swimming lessons over whatever other activity they might want to do...let's face it, no one ever died from not knowing how to pirouette.
Last week #1's teacher was out. No one knows why she was out but she was...we're not told these things. Her replacement was a young man who seemed nice enough. He greeted the children and had them start their laps and made sure that they each took turns going first and gave cheerful and encouraging feedback on their strokes. The thing about being a swim instructor - even a supply swim instructor - is that you have to wear a bathing suit. And wearing a bathing suit leaves a lot of your skin exposed. And having a lot of your skin exposed means that stuff you drunkenly had inked onto your body is right out there for the world to see.
Now, I'm not anti-tattoo. I have a small one myself that was done when I was 21 (back before every danged person on the planet decided to get one) I like tattoos. Actually, I like most tattoos. Dragons fornicating with virgins don't thrill me but for the most part I like well drawn, thoughtful tattoos. The supply swimming instructor had a pineapple tattooed on his upper arm. From the elbow to the top of his arm was a giant pineapple....but one side of the pineapple part ...was a skull. A skully pineapple. A fruit nightmare. A cocktail garnish from hell.
I sat watching the swim lesson and wondered what would make someone tattoo a large pineapple on their upper arm in the first place but then to make it a skull too? And it's not like being a swim instructor allows one to hide the fruittastrophe happening there. You're right out in the open...heck #3 had to see that. A four year old who already won't eat any fruits or vegetables and now he sees a skinless face in a pineapple. Thanks a lot buddy...there goes any hope of getting the kid to eat a Hawaiian pizza.
I diffused the situation on the way home as best I could by remarking on what a nice man he had been in spite of the tattoo. Although once I labeled him "Demon Pineapple" we did have to shout it repeatedly. The Dude cleared it all up when we got home. I told him about this nice swim instructor and the tattoo and he said "oh yes, I've heard of them...they're very tough...Hell's Pineapples"
Their initiation is something to behold.
Permalink | 19 comments