Mother Talkers

Teenagers and exchange programs

Fri Feb 29, 2008 at 12:23:02 PM PDT

Overseas exchange programs are not uncommon for teenagers, but one Maine teenager got more (or less) than he expected on his year abroad. Jonathan McCullum of Maine spent a year in  Egypt. The teenager came back having lost more than a third of his body weight and blames his host family, Coptic Christians who fast “for more than 200 days of the year.” Jonathan, 17, lost 57lbs in his year in Egypt, staggering home to his parents at a mere 97.8lbs, according to this article in The Age

But he does not view the experience as a culture clash. Rather, he said, it reflected mean and stingy treatment by his host family, whose broken English made it difficult to communicate.

"The weight loss concerned me, but I wanted to stick out the whole year," he said in an interview at his family's home outside Augusta.

Friends and teachers at his English-speaking school in Egypt urged him to change his host family, but he stayed put after being told the other home was in a dangerous neighbourhood of Alexandria.

After returning to the US, he was hospitalised for nearly two weeks. The 17-year-old has regained about 9kg, but his parents say he's not the same boy he was when he left under the auspices of AFS Intercultural Programs.

The host family in Egypt deny that the boy was forced to fast with them, and say he ate normally with them.

The host father, Shaker Hanna, rejected McCullum's story as "a lie," suggesting that he made it up because his parents were hoping to recover some of the money they paid for his stay as compensation.

"The truth is, the boy we hosted for nearly six months was eating for an hour and a half at every meal. The amount of food he ate at each meal was equal to six people," Hanna said. He added that the boy was active, constantly exercising and playing sports.

Hanna, an engineer, said his family went out of its way to prepare special foods, including fish and chicken, for McCullum during the fast periods.

McCullum disputes that. The family served meat early in his stay, he said, but that ended during the fast period.

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I gotta say, I’m siding with the emaciated boy on this one. But the questions arises – why didn’t the parents know about this? Apparently, AFS Intercultural Studies encourage the parents not to contact their children because it interferes with their immersion in the host country. I can’t find any sign of that policy on AFS’s website, which states the following on their risk management policies:

A hallmark of AFS is its attention to managing the risks of educational exchange.
A risk is a chance that something could go wrong, and AFS puts a priority on its work to control and reduce risks for participants on AFS exchanges.

Risk Management doesn’t just mean buying insurance and talking about safety. It’s an entire system of methods and procedures that looks at where problems could occur on exchanges and how best to address them. At AFS there is a team of people focused on this goal.

Risk Management doesn’t guarantee that a difficulty can’t occur anywhere in the world, but it does head off many that might otherwise interfere with a good exchange experience. AFS uses internal tools like Quality Standards for screening and training, and external tools like professional monitoring of country conditions, to help keep risks from turning into problems.

On the occasion when something does go wrong, AFS is known for the quality of its response. If someone gets ill or hurt, for example, AFS’ excellent travel/medical program allows us to put their care first. If someone needs help in their host country, the AFS support network of thousands of returnees and volunteers provides someone local to assist. Sometimes even a problem can turn into a success, through good risk management.

International exchange is a journey for a participant into something new, and new things can bring risks. Risk Management at AFS makes it possible to embrace the new and still have a safe, successful exchange.

AFS did not comment in the article, so there is no way of knowing their reaction or if they’ve taken steps to investigate the situation. There wasn’t any information on this particular instance on the website either. I have to say that if a foreign exchange agency told me that as a parent I shouldn’t be in contact with my child while s/he is overseas, the last thing they’d see is my ar$e disappearing out the door with my child. That’s just stupid. Plus, even though I’m trying to be non-judgemental, I’m entertaining some serious doubts about this family. Jonathan McCullum is apparently planning to go to Zimbabwe to “help build houses and trails.” Ok, I’m really sorry, but your son just comes home having lost 57lbs and then signs up to go to Zimbabwe, a country known to have serious food shortages, not to mention a totally dysfunctional government not known to be particularly welcoming to NGO volunteers? You might want to rethink that one before signing that permission slip, Mom and Dad.

So tell me, fellow MTs – under what circumstances, if any, would you let your teenager go overseas?

Tags: teenagers, cultural exchange, travel, AFS, dangers (all tags)

Permalink | 21 comments

  • I would have (0 / 0)

    been thrilled about the foreign exchange program, but this story freaked me out.  I'd be selective about the country, though, depending on the current political climate.  

    I'm siding with the emaciated boy, too, because he didn't lose 1/3 of his body weight being well fed.  Also, the statements the Egyption father made in his own defense made it clear that he resented having to feed the boy.

  • hmmm.. (0 / 0)

    i agree that the host parents sound off. i was totally with the boy until the last paragraph.  something goofy about that family imho.  bet there is more to this than meets the eye.

    • I kind of admire the kid (0 / 0)

      Could be that his host family was awful, but he still enjoyed making new friends and being immersed in another culture. And that's why he wants to do volunteer work in Zimbabwe. I think it's great that his spirit wasn't crushed by such an awful experience.

      Of course, if I was his parent, I would find it pretty difficult to send him off on another trip without some serious vetting...

      • but... (0 / 0)

        losing 57 pounds and the decision to not leave the family and i would presume not let his parents know leads me to suspect something isn't right in poughkeepsie.  
      • I think there's bravery (0 / 0)

        and then there's foolhardiness. I respect the fact that this kid has an adventureous spirit and wants to do volunteer work. But Zimbabwe is not a stable, safe place right now. Communication is uncertain, the Mugabe regime has been accused of all sorts of human rights abuses and is famously known for abusing NGO workers - if you're lucky, you just get ejected. If he thinks you're working with his enemies, you could be beaten and jailed. The US embassy does not have diplomatic relations with the country. It's so risky!

        If the kid really wants to do volunteer work, why not spend the summer with Habitat for Humanity, take it easy on the uncertain locations for a year or so!

  • Our daughter went to France at 16. (0 / 0)

    She stayed with a family of a guy my husband worked with. They had a 17 year old daughter so we thought it would be great. She was to stay there about a month & then their daughter would come stay with us for the same time. What an experience! I had met the mother on a visit to Paris & my husband knew the father from work. My daughter spoke some high school level french so we thought it would be fun.

    We got a tearful call after she had been there a few days. Seems the daughter was not being as friendly as hoped & they ate "weird". According to my daughter they ate cucumbers for lunch & made no effort to see that she ate. She had to do her own laundry in spite of not knowing how to use their style machine. When she got home she swore never to go back to France. But their daughter came to visit & I made sure she had a good time, asked what she liked to eat & tried to make her feel welcome. My daughter asked me why I did that when she wasn't made welcome there. My response to her was- did you like being treated like that? When she said no I explained that I was trying to show how guests from another country can be treated & maybe their next visitor would have a better time.

    That young man had a terrible ordeal but I wonder why he never let anyone know. Other cultures have different routines but I would place a lot of blame on the exchange agency. I know they get desperate at times when trying to find host families but there is a responsibility to ensure the safety & well being of the people they place. If the host families get paid maybe the money was all that mattered.

    My friend's daughter knew a girl that went to Russia on a missionary trip. They were staying in a tiny village & weren't allowed any communication with their family while over there. WHAT??? If there was no way to contact my child then they wouldn't go. Emergencies come up & freedom to communicate is important.

    • the non-communication (0 / 0)

      that part sounded so strange to me. AFS is a really well respected institution; I can't believe that they'd seriously tell parents "don't call or e-mail."

      The article also says the parents became "worried" as the son posted pictures of him getting thinner on his Facebook (or MySpace) page. Again, why didn't they call the local AFS contacts and get the kid checked out? 57lbs isn't a trifling amount!

  • My son gained 25 lbs. (0 / 0)

    Actually, my son is on his third trip abroad.  He left for Chile yesterday.  When he was 18, he spent a month in Guatemala with a host family.  They fed him well and even though a picky eater, he liked the food.

    But when he went to France for a year to do his college junior year study, he lived in a dorm and bought and ate way too many French desserts, pastries, and pain au choclats.  I was shocked at what he looked like.

    But, after getting back to Montana and his hiking and biking, he lost it all.

  • Wild speculation (0 / 0)

    Here's a wild speculation, because why not. Is it in the realm of possibility that the kid has an eating disorder and is gaming everyone? Because as everyone has mentioned, it's kind of not credible that a teenager would basically be starved by the host family and yet turn down help, or email his parents or something. Buy himself a bag of chips every once in a while?

    While I agree the host father sounds defensive, look at what he said: eating "enough for six people" and "exercising constantly."

    And not telling his parents: could that be interpreted as secrecy about his health status? (Although he did post those pictures ... still I would say 57 lbs is too much to not mention to the 'rents directly).

    And the decision to volunteer in Zimbabwe? Also as everyone has mentioned, what is up with that? Getting as far away from parental supervision as possible?

    Anyhoo, like I said, wild speculation by a sleep deprived brain.

  • I experienced something like this (0 / 0)

    on a much smaller scale -- a monthlong trip to Mexico with a corrupt Spanish teacher "guide" who took our money.  We didn't have enough to eat, but we didn't want to tell our parents because we didn't want them to worry.  Everyone had worked hard at fundraising, and it was hard for the parents to let us go so far for so long.  We talked about calling our parents but in the end we decided not to.  I think the money was a big part of that decision -- not wanting to ask for more.

    When I got home I had a sore on my mouth that the doctor said was a vitamin deficiency -- from just a month!  I was 13 at the time.

    • Kids (0 / 0)

      They'll keep a lot to themselves to avoid rocking the boat, or having their freedom curbed in the future.  

      RachelD's theory makes sense to me, too, but it seems entirely possible that there were many reasons he wouldn't tell his parents.  Pride, guilt, a skewed take on the protestant work ethic...all of these things could have played into it.

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