Mother Talkers

Weekend Open Thread

Fri Feb 29, 2008 at 06:11:54 AM PDT

I was sucked into a Larry King Live segment on autism, which included actress Holly Robinson Peete, singer Toni Braxton and retired football player Doug Flutie -- all who have children with autism. The segment also included an interview with Jason McElwain, a young inspirational basketball player who also has autism and just wrote a memoir.

It is frightening how common autism has become among children: Now one in every 150 children -- mostly males -- is diagnosed with autism and it is much more common than pediatric cancer and diabetes. No one knows of its causes, although both Peete and Braxton thought vaccines such as MMR (measles, mumps, rubella) were responsible for their sons' conditions.

Tommy John Surgery for 12-Year-Olds: As Time recently reminded us, there is a such thing as too much training for young athletes -- even if they are destined to become the next Michael Jordan and Venus Williams. Anecdotally, doctors are seeing more sports injuries among kids like those that plague professional athletes.

A young body that's worked too hard can suffer in a lot of ways, but it's the bones that take the worst pounding. Activities like skating uphill on a Plexiglas surface, which allows skaters to strengthen their strides, or doing the explosive muscle-building movements known as plyometrics can wreak havoc on the skeletal system, particularly the epiphyseal plate, or growth plate, which is essential in bone development--a process that is not complete until the late teens.

Harming a plate before a child hits puberty can affect the way the bones grow. "I saw one kid who was asked to do multiple plyometric jumps through the pain, and he pulled a growth plate off his knee," says Dr. Jordan Metzl, a member of the American College of Sports Medicine's youth sports committee. "Another kid tore a piece of plate off his hip from using too high weights while lunging and squatting."

There are other problems as well. Tommy John ligament surgery, an elbow procedure named after the Los Angeles Dodgers pitcher who was the first to undergo it, used to be limited to players in their 20s and older, but it is now performed on kids as young as 12--not surprising if they started pitching excessively at age 8 or 9. Similarly, stress fractures in the backs of middle-school football and soccer players have nearly doubled over the past decade as a result of overtraining.

Research on Peanut Allergies: It does seem like peanut allergies are more prevalent now than when we were kids, but apparently we are giving peanuts to our kids at a younger age than our mothers did, according to a recent article in Parents magazine.

Children are developing peanut allergies about six months sooner than they did a decade ago, says a study in Pediatrics. Instead of being diagnosed with the allergy at 2 years old, most kids are now typically diagnosed at 18 months. Researchers also found that most children eat peanuts for the first time at 14 months, while ten years ago most kids didn't try them until they were 22 months.

  • ::

McDonald's Taps Its Inner Zen: This was a funny story about McDonald's re-designing its restaurants in Asian neighborhoods to include the principles of feng shui. We are talking earth-toned leather seats, bamboo plants, water trickling down glass panels -- and the hissing of grease -- all part of the dining experience. What won't they do for the almighty dollar?

Marriage As Marketing Ploy: Is marriage simply a way to stay in the news for Pamela Anderson? It seems so as she plans to seek an annulment of her third marriage, this time with husband of two months, Rick Salomon, according to the Associated Press.

In court papers filed in Los Angeles on Friday, Anderson asked the court not to award spousal support and to keep her and Salomon's income and property separate. On Monday, Anderson filed a request to have a retired judge handle the annulment proceedings — a common practice in celebrity split-ups as it keeps matters private and out of the court.

Anderson and Salomon, both 40, were married Oct. 6 in Las Vegas and separated Dec. 13. He's best known for making a sex videotape with then-girlfriend Paris Hilton and was previously married to actress Shannen Doherty.

Oy vey.

What else is on your minds, MotherTalkers? Have a good weekend all!

Tags: open thread, Pamela Anderson (all tags)

Permalink | 94 comments

  • Autism (0 / 0)

    Well, I know I"m too close to this - having worked with kids with autism for over 30 years (starting in HS) - but here I go

    • not sure there's a real increase in autism.  There is definitely an increase in diagnosis and awareness.  For an interesting discussion of the impact of diagnosis on perceived prevalence, read Unstrange Minds by Richard Roy Grinker where he discusses how mental illness is defined, diagnosed, and how this varies with culture and country
    • the heartbreaking stories of celebs is interesting to raise awareness, but does little to change the lives of regular families.  Funding for a "cure" misses the day-to-day struggles of families currently facing autism.  If we figured out how to prevent autism TODAY, there would still be thousands of affected kids and adults
    • speaking of adults....where were they on Larry's show?  Their families have heartbreaking stories too.  Maybe not as cute as Jenny McCarthy's boy, but their story should be told too.  It's not told because it's not as tear-jerking, and also if there are adults with autism, it negates the scare tactic that there's an "epidemic of autism" (it's always been here) and the dream of a cure by the time they turn 6.

    Anyway, don't mean to be a downer, but I live this everyday and have definitely mixed feelings everytime a celeb or a talk show host "discovers" autism.  I feel for Jenny and  Holly and Doug and Toni....but no more or less than I feel for the dozens of families I meet each year.

    • diet question (0 / 0)

      Sue, have you had any experience with Asperger's families trying a gluten/casein free diet?  I'm really curious about this -- not as a "cure" per se, but if it could help I'd be willing to try it. I'm also curious about how this all could also be related to Miles's eczema, because Eli is not Aspie and does not have eczema so the contrast is stark.

      • No experience of it.. (0 / 0)

        ..and I've heard mixed reviews, but there's a big CDC double blind, multi-year study that's due to report back some time this year that's been looking at it (how do you do a double blind study on diet, anyone?). I'm waiting to see the results of that. Placebo effect in autistic populations is huge (lots of wishful thinking), so any study that isn't double-blind isn't worth the paper it's printed on IMO.

        "You're never more alone than when you're alone in a crowd."

        by Expat Briton on Fri Feb 29, 2008 at 07:28:08 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

      • Many families swear by it (0 / 0)

        It's actually much easier to do than you think - there are many options out there now, and most big supermarkets have things that are either dairy free or gluten free, or both.  There's alot of info on the internet.

        The other thing is it's easy to reverse - if it's not helping, you just stop.  One doctor I know recommends casein (dairy) free to every parent - little risk and if it works you know right away.

        • interesting (0 / 0)

          Interesting he starts with casein and not gluten.  I'm willing to give it a go, and Wegmans has tons of vegan and gluten free substitutes for baking, cereal, pasta, etc.

          The part that will be hard will be things like when they want a special treat like a donut, and, the dreaded ice cream....I promised my husband I would ask around and research and then we'd discuss it.

          Thanks for the info.

          • It's not as hard as it used to be (0 / 0)

            I tried dairy-free, gluten-free temporarily. It turned out I didn't need to, but in the end I rather enjoyed the fact that I was forced to try all kinds of new foods, some of which I still eat.

            Yeah, no ice cream. There are still plenty of wonderful yummy foods out there. Popsicles. Sorbets. I made a pumpkin pie, and I still use that  crust recipe. One of the finest, quickest, most child- and adult- friendly deserts you can make is a tofu-based chocolate pudding. You'd never know it's tofu. You can get Mori-Nu tofu and add their chocolate mix (mainly cocoa powder and sugar), or Alton Brown has a scratch recipe for it. I make it all the time. Open tofu, add to blender. Put in mix. Put in water. Press button to blend.

            The hardest thing is breads, but there are many options; it's just a matter of finding one that appeals.

            There are so many internet resources out there that I think you'll find it less difficult than you expect if you are already accustomed to cooking. (It would be much harder if you usually eat in restaurants.)

            • a friend of mine is editing a cookbook (0 / 0)

              on gluten free baking

              she's not the creator of the recipes- she is working for a chef at the culinary institute of america (cia) in hyde park

              one of her kids can't eat gluten, so when she was approached w/ the project she was very excited

    • Oh, thanks for saying it. (0 / 0)

      Saves me from doing so. And not just families of adults with autism, but also high-functioning and Asperger's adults. I mean, we can even [gasp!] talk for ourselves, and that really doesn't fit with the media narrative. Kind of glad I didn't see the show. Every time I hear someone suggest autism is caused by vaccines, I want to scream.

      "You're never more alone than when you're alone in a crowd."

      by Expat Briton on Fri Feb 29, 2008 at 07:24:48 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      • same here (0 / 0)

        Oy, it stops me dead in my tracks because it's like the health equivalent of hacking into the Diebold voting machines.  If you don't believe it, you've been duped by the man or something.  

      • Me too! (0 / 0)

        I have all these great counter-arguments and facts but I am reduced to stupefied sputtering when actually talking to someone who thinks that.

      • timing coincidence and the human mind (0 / 0)

        is a funny thing. I think our fear of needles is part of it too.

        For example, the anecdote frequently goes something like "kid felt lousy after the vaccine and shortly thereafter I noticed problems."

        But:

        1. If kid felt lousy, he probably got some tylenol. No one jumps on tylenol as the 'obvious cause'.
        1. 18 months is a common vaccination time and a common first autism diagnosis. It's also a common age for the first fast-food french fry. Coincidence?
        • asdf (0 / 0)

          I demand congressional hearings investigating the link between french fries, tylenol and ALL childhood illnesses.

        • 3. television (0 / 0)

          1.  Most kids don't get exposed to much television before toddlerhood.  I don't think anyone's proposing that TV causes autism (which most researchers now believe is present by age 6 months), but there's a theory that TV stimulation may affect the attentional development of children who have autism.  

          There was this unusual but intriguing study not too long ago that looked at autism rates in rural areas with little TV reception (and thus have little access to children's programming).  The researcher showed a correlation between the arrival of cable service and autism rates - the longer it took for cable to reach an area, the later the autism rate began to climb.  The idea was that children watched more TV as children's programming became available.  There was plenty of criticism of this study but also agreement that he could be onto something - I don't know if anyone's done a followup yet.

          • I posted on this (0 / 0)

            I posted a quick diary on this when the study came out and several people thought it was a faulty study.

            • Actually the study was ok (0 / 0)

              It's the interpretation that was a disaster.  These guys came nowhere near showing that TV was a cause of autism.  They're not medically trained, and not epidemiologists, so they had no idea how to interpret their findings or where the pitfalls were.  They were so excited about the data they found that they jumped straight to overinterpretation.  The journal editors should never have permitted that.

              Statistically, though, I believe it was considered a pretty good study (though of a type that is inherently weak).  And while it doesn't show causation, correlation is nothing to sneeze at.  Nearly all causes start as correlations.  So I certainly hope someone with a better understanding of the issue is following up on the observation.

      • I'm feeling less inclined (0 / 0)

        to think that, though I still feel that vaccinating your kids is a personal decision for every family.  More research has come to light to show that there may not be the link to vaccines and autism that we thought existed.  

        So, by the time Madeline hits kindergarten, she'll be caught up except for varicella and the flu shot, as we are opting out of those.  I have a friend who has a child with PDD, and she is getting her child caught up too.  I think I would have gone a different route and done the shots on schedule if my child was in daycare, but since both my kids were home with me, we have done it on our own schedule.  On the upside, we won't need as many shots.  On the downside, waiting makes your kid hate the doctor's office LOL.  

        "If it's not Scottish, it's crap!" ~Mike Meyers

        by 1plain1peanut on Fri Feb 29, 2008 at 09:43:02 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

    • good points Sue (0 / 0)

      A good friend of mine has been for 3 years writing about her family's journey with her first-born son who has autism and is now 21.  She has finished her book and it's due to hit bookstores in September I believe.  It's titled A Regular Guy Growing up with Autism; A Family's Journey of Love and Acceptance.  

      She has a website which I think I have mentioned to you before, but here it is.  Love to know what you think of it if you have time.

      http://www.laurashumaker.com

    • It's frustrating (0 / 0)

      There are so many possible factors that could be causing/contributing to autism, but so many people are fixated on vaccines that it just will not die.  No matter how much evidence you present, people come back with, "with my child I know it was the vaccine."  End of argument.  And really, why would you argue with a grieving parent?

      Many people are expecting more data on vaccines, but at this point I think the epidemiologic studies are more or less done (though data may still be coming in on long term projects).  I don't think there are any study designs left that would be larger or stronger than studying, say, the entire population of a country over a decade, in which many people decline vaccines and every child has excellent and well tracked health care.  (This one is Denmark, FYI.  There are many others, including a Japanese study of similar magnitude.)  Removing thymerasol from vaccines has done exactly nothing to the autism rate anywhere in the world.  

      • read (0 / 0)

        From what I've read, the Denmark study seemed to be the clincher on the whole debate.  And wasn't there some guy in England who started this whole debate and even he has rescinded his opinions?  

        And don't the symptoms of autism start to really show up around 18 months, or that's where typical children and children with autism start to diverge in behavior and development, which also happens to be when the final series of shots are given?

        No point in arguing with a grieving parent though, I agree with you on that.  

        • sometimes it shows up really (0 / 0)

          starkly at 18 - 24 months, sometimes there are signs much earlier (e.g., posture, social interest).  But you can see how a parent would find that correlation suspicious, if they had their child vaccinated on schedule.

      • You are so right (0 / 0)

        There's a great biblical quote about grieving people:

        "the words of one in despair belong to the wind." Job 8:2

        I feel for the parents, as one who has experienced great despair in my own parenting journey. But we can't let the 'words of people in despair' dictate the tone of public debate, or worse, set public policy.

        • The problem, though (0 / 0)

          is that 'cause' is a close cousin of 'blame'.  People desperately want to uncover any causes of autism we can control in the hopes of keeping our children safer.  Yet no one can bear the thought that their child's autism is in any way their fault.

          But what happens if we actually do discover that autism is caused by tylenol, or McDonald's french fries, or TV?  Or anything else that a child receives from a loving parent?  Parents will agonize over every fry they let their baby gnaw on, every episode of Sesame Street they turned on, every low fever they didn't leave alone.  Some parents would accept that they couldn't have known, but for others the knowledge that they were the one to expose their child would be devastating.

          And so some theories are more strongly resisted than others, because there is a strong need to believe that it must be something like vaccines, viruses, air pollution, or groundwater contamination.  A cause we can fight to improve without taking blame ourselves for the exposure.

      • Things like (0 / 0)

        this certainly don't help.  

  • OT--I have a friend who's in an abusive marriage (0 / 0)

    She's just now waking up to the idea that what her husband does isn't anywhere on the "normal" spectrum. And though I always thought he's no one I'd ever marry, I am just beginning to see the full scope of his assholery. It's very difficult to know the right thing to say in this situation and it's weighing on my mind a lot. I am very worried for her.
    Any advice from anyone who's BTDT?

    • Maybe not for her specifically (0 / 0)

      although maybe....but a very insightful book that includes info on disengaging with such a person is The Gift of Fear.  It speaks volumes on such compelling topics and is a must read for young women and all adult women.

    • There's no easy answer... (0 / 0)

      But typically the abuser starts by breaking the spirit of their victim. After a while, they start to believe that they deserve whats happening to them. The only thing I can recommend is for you to be a stable presence. A friend who is consistent, and reliable. Don't bad-mouth her husband until she's strong enough to hear it, because she can always go back and say, "my friend thinks you're ....." which would only cause problems because now you'd be considered "the enemy".

      When she feels a bit stronger, you can help her plan her exit. I had a friend who was in an abusive relationship (years ago). She kept an extra change of clothes, an I.D., some money and a credit card at my house. You can do that as well.  

      As painful as it is to witness, all you can really do is be there for her. Good luck.

      • great advice (0 / 0)

        Great advice on not badmouthing the husband, but just listening.  That's an easy way to get burned and become not helpful.  

      • Oh! (0 / 0)

        I hadn't read the comments and so gave similar advice!  Great advice about the extra clothes and id, too.

        I don't even hate abusers, I just want them to stop it.

      • That's what I'd say too (0 / 0)

        it creates a big divide with your friend if you start pointing out how many ways he is awful, and then she ends up going back to him. Even if you are agreeing with what she says, if she ends up going back to him, you are now the enemy.

        Hard to recover from that.

      • Providing a model (0 / 0)

        of normalcy and encouraging her to move toward that is a great gift. Tell stories of your own marriage that she will (hopefully) compare to her own. Invite her into your non abusive home to see a regular marriage at work.

        I know several people who were abused as kids. All of them say the only way they were able to escape the cycle was having a window into a normal life--non abusive grandparents, for example. This was what allowed them to realize: "My home life isn't right. I can leave it and have a different kind of life."

      • Great advice, thank you! (0 / 0)

        Unfortunately, I got in trouble for calling her husband an "idiot," which by the way, is a word I use frequently to describe lots of people, including myself and my own husband at times. But it was definitely the wrong this to say at the time, and I apologized for my insensitivity. But I just really want her to know what she is going through is not normal and she's worthy of better. It's hard to stay quiet when you see a friend going through that. But I'm learning that I'll have to.

    • haven't (0 / 0)

      Haven't BTDT, but I agree with what Gloria wrote and I am a firm believer that you can't intervene in cases like this.  

      People have to figure it out for themselves unfortunately.

      All you can do is be there for them, call them a lot, try to see them as much as you can, and be there when the sh*t hits the fan eventually.

    • Haven't (0 / 0)

      been in an abusive relationship myself, but I've "lost" a very dear friend to one (not to death but because she dumped me) and I must recommend that even when she's complaining about him, just listen and try to keep any strong feelings that come up in you in check.  There's nothing you can do, but if you're able to be present and stick it out with her, if she ever decides to leave him you can be there to support.

    • And for your own sanity ... (0 / 0)

      Lots of good advice above. I would add that it might be helpful to you to think about how emotionally involved you want to get with your friend's marital problems. If she is an old or very close friend, of course you are already emotionally involved with her as an individual, but I have found that people in troubled marriages sometimes are very self-involved, and lean on certain friends for some pretty intense support, while offering not much in return.

      Sounds really harsh, I know. But I have been that steady presence for three friends over the years, and even if you don't bad mouth the husband, which I didn't, once you know too much, the person is liable to dump you anyway. Or the husband gets uncomfortable with the friendship, even if you generally have some empathy for the guy, with the same result.

      One of my oldest friends (her son was my godson) did not show up to my wedding reception because at the last minute her husband did not want to go, and they had a huge fight about it. This is her second problematic marriage, and at that moment, I was totally over her and her relationship problems. I spent half of my reception worried in the back of my mind that she or her kids had had a massively huge emergency, or were possibly killed in an accident. Have refused to talk to her since, a sad ending for a 21 year friendship.

      I can count on four fingers the friends I would support considerably with no reservation if they had serious marital problems, and that is it.

      Sorry to be a huge downer, but that's my experience.

      • this guy is an ass (0 / 0)

        Sorry, I just have to say it. He's already tried to alienate her from her friends. He's forged her name on financial documents, ruined her credit rating and spent them into bankruptcy. He drinks inappropriately, flirts with other women, and verbally and emotionally abuses her. My DH can't stand to talk to him. Suffice to say, I have no empathy for this guy whatsoever. GAH!!

        OK, had to get that off my chest.

        I can totally see what you're saying about disengaging from people involved in time- and energy-sapping dramas. I can see how it might be valuable to avoid engaging her since I have some pretty strong feelings about the subject and she definitely doesn't need to hear that, and I find it so frustrating to watch her falling further down the hole.

        • Yikes (0 / 0)

          Wow, that does sound serious. Empathy would be really hard to conjure in this case. And, yes, it is so painful to watch someone continuing with this stuff. I really commend you for trying. If someone is struggling to make a change, it feels hopeful.

          I apologize again for being so negative.  

  • A contest! (0 / 0)

    Miles is celebrating his triumphant return to blogging after a well-deserved hiatus with a contest!

    Click on my sig line and enter -- you could win a valuable prize!

    ;-)

  • autism (0 / 0)

    I agree with Sue that there may not be more autism, just more autism diagnoses / awareness.  In my work, I see a lot of children who have been diagnosed with autism by the statewide agency responsible for assisting people with developmental delays.  Sometimes the assessments are thorough, but more often a child has been seen for 15 - 30 minutes in a sterile environment.  The report will say that the child (usually 2 years old) did not converse with the psychologist and is therefore autistic.  In my experience, there's a lot more to detecting autism than that.  So I take that 1:150 number with a huge grain of salt.  Also, a state like Oregon uses much looser diagnostic criteria than some other states, so a child may be called autistic there and not elsewhere.

    Diet : I know of families who swear by gfcf diet.  They report improvements in their children's sleep, behavior, gut and skin issues.... Some people are skeptical but I think you can only know for sure if it's helpful to you or your child if you actually try it.

    Vaccines : I think this question has been pretty well studied and the verdict is, Vaccinating your child does not cause autism.  In CA, the State Dept of Public Health conducted a study from 1995 to 2007.  There hasn't been mercury (thimerosol) in vaccines since 2001, so we should have seen a precipitous drop in autism diagnosis in the last 2 - 4 years, but instead the rate has climbed steadily.  

    Anecdotal data:  I know of one family whose daughter has autism.  When their younger son was born, they chose not to vaccinate him.  He developed well early on, and then, right around his 18 month b-day, he developed clear signs of autism -- the family described it as "night and day."  Just an anecdote, but it sort of illustrates how the natural course of regressive autism maps on to the vaccine schedule and can make people think the two are related.

    • Interesting anecdotes (0 / 0)

      I think one factor is that when I was a child, it would've been terrible, a total shut down of all opportunity for your child to have an ASD diagnosis. Today, (in California anyway), it gets you extra help in the classroom along with access to other services. California has always said that you shouldn't use its numbers to get a true rate, and everyone just ignores that.

      I would not be surprised if a GFCF diet helps kids - especially if the previous diet was hot dogs and cheeseburgers and box macaroni and cheese. I think it's likely both that more people have issues with gluten than we generally acknowledge, and also that anyone eating GFCF has to generally cook with whole grains and other Real Food - not HFCS, not MSG, not trans-fat, not all kinds of interesting additives that let us do rather unfoodlike things to our food.

    • 1:150 (0 / 0)

      I think one of the big misunderstandings is that that number isn't for "classic" Kanners autism, it's for a diagnosis of an Autism Spectrum Disorder. There's a huge difference. Given how much more sophisticated ASD diagnosis is now, as well as the increased sensitivity to ASDs (heck, Asperger's wasn't even an acknowledged condition 'til 1992, and awareness of that is still propagating, and then we have Non-Verbal Learning Disorder for which the bar can be set even lower than Asperger's), I don't think 1 in 150 is unreasonable at all. There's just this huge population of people who're somewhere on the autism spectrum and previously would just have been thought of as a little odd. The question then becomes is it worth pathologising the condition if it's so common and a lot of those individuals were getting on OK without having a diagnosis (for my money, it is, but people have to be empowered to do what they want to with the diagnosis).

      "You're never more alone than when you're alone in a crowd."

      by Expat Briton on Fri Feb 29, 2008 at 09:18:02 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      • [Headslap] (0 / 0)

        Not enough sleep and too many acronyms in my head. Replace NVLD with "Pervasive Developmental Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified" in that comment.

        "You're never more alone than when you're alone in a crowd."

        by Expat Briton on Fri Feb 29, 2008 at 10:12:46 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

      • thoughts (0 / 0)

        Do you have any thoughts on how the nature of our society plays into this too?

        Way back whenever, when we used to live more closely with our clan/family and our main activities were home-based, like hunting, gathering, farming etc., maybe it wasn't such a big deal to be somewhere on the autism spectrum.  In fact, like you said, you were just "a little odd."

        I feel like now, the pressure on children to be perfect is so strong because it's so hard to achieve, or even just survive in our society now, especially now that those clan ties have been severed in many cases.

        • Only thought about it in the vaguest sense. (0 / 0)

          So this'll be a bit of a stream of consciousness. I think closer, smaller groups would probably have made things easier. I doubt you'd have seen a huge difference in the problems experienced by lower functioning autists, if anything it might have been tougher (and through large chunks of history they'd probably have been thrown in a madhouse and left to rot, sadly), but for those who're higher functioning where problems are primarily social, I'm sure it would make a difference. Not only do I think you'd have small family groups who were more tolerant of an autist's oddities, it's also easier for the autist to interact with people they're familiar and comfortable with. I have no difficulty making eye contact with my wife, family, or various close friends, but it's hard when dealing with strangers. Modern society also requires us to deal with a lot more strangers on a regular basis, and so body language plays a large role in how those exchanges go. The eye contact thing really is a big issue - amongst normal people, diverting eyes is an indicator of deceit, you know that person is lying to you or hiding something. That's an instinctive reaction, someone who can't make appropriate eye contact just won't be trusted as readily, and so many of our relationships are temporary and transitory that the time necessary to realise that individual is trustworthy just isn't there. Job interviews are another good case in point - usually, the difference in candidates amongst the top choices is negligable, and interviewers will go by "feel." Autists generally won't emit the right social signals, they just seem wrong somehow to a lot of people. Subtle stuff like understanding precisely when to answer a question, implied meaning rather than literal meaning, all of that can trip us up, and that gap in understanding isn't helpful. There are less good spaces for introverts, everything is service based and group based. I do think that probably makes it harder.
          There's also the sensory overload issue. In smaller towns, with a slower rate of life and just less input in general, I suspect autists would have an easier time coping. The speed at which we all have to cope with new information and inputs is kind of dizzying. If you think of a crowded shopping mall, that's an environment that just wouldn't have existed a century or more ago. And a lot of autists find that hard because of the volume of people, noise, lights, there's so much going on. Environmentally, I think it's harder, too.
          Specifically addressing kids, well, we all know school can be a bit of a pitfight at the best of times. I suspect the academic smarts vs social standing and sporting ability issue has already been talked to death, but you can see where that would lead.

          "You're never more alone than when you're alone in a crowd."

          by Expat Briton on Fri Feb 29, 2008 at 01:50:38 PM PDT

          [ Parent ]

          • thanks (0 / 0)

            Interesting, thanks for sharing.  I think our modern way of life is harder on everyone now, in some ways, for all the reasons you wrote.  

            Even as a mom-at-home I sometimes think, god, is it supposed to be this hard? I do think that our society setup makes lots of things harder, for lots of people.

      • One might ask :-) (0 / 0)

        for example, what the Asperger's ratio is among MacArthur ("Genius Grant") fellows. I bet it's higher than 1:150, using today's diagnostic criteria.

  • In re: McDonald's (0 / 0)

    I was at the drugstore yesterday (purchasing cold medicine for what I desperately hope is not a sinus infection) and I saw the following headline on one of the tabloids: "Suri Cruise's Strange World! Scientology playdates, no medicines, herbal remedies! No Happy Meals or television!"

    No Happy Meals! What kind of strange cult are her parents raising her in?!

    :)

  • My surgery is over and went just fine (0 / 0)

    today - I had the polyp removed from my uterus and a D&C to give me relief from the 24 day periods I've been having. I'm still loopy and on all sorts of percoset but Im' fine. Kelly took good care of me ;-) She's coming to stay with me tonight as I'm not supposed to be alone. Liza is at her dad's as his wedding is tomorrow! ;-)

    going back to sleep now...percoset it is my friend
    thanks for all your good wishes earlier in the week.  

    Oh yeah -- we blew past that 100 inch snow mark with a 'bonus " storm on Wednesday night.  Tonight we're getting another 9-10 inches.   The snowiest winter ever in NH was 122 inches - this time tomorro we could be at 111 inches ...gooood times.
    Katie

  • battling cold (0 / 0)

    Jess is still fighting that cold; it's now become a cough. I'm not too concerned in terms of bronchitis or pneumonia, but the poor thing is not well and I've had to pull us out of a birthday party this afternoon. Mostly for her sake, but also, I'd be pretty peeved if a child with a snotty nose and cough showed up on my doorstep for a party! My friend (the birthday boy's mother) was so lovely; we talked over when she got sick and she said she wasn't concerned from her end, but I just couldn't do it!

    My friend also told me that her husband has accepted a temporary posting in Singapore, so they're all going over for three months (at the outset) by the end of March. I'm really happy for them, but I'm sad for us and I'm kinda jealous, too! DH and I went on a date last night and talked about an expatriation to Asia in a couple of years, and now I just want to go! Oh well; I've proposed to DH that we go to Singapore while my friend is over there. I've never been to Singapore, there are a bunch of good media contacts for me to meet with, and it'd be a lot of fun to run around with the family for a few days... We'll see.

    • aw (0 / 0)

      Aw, it's sad when nice people move.  Yes, I think a trip to Singapore is in order!

      Hope Jess feels better soon.

    • Aw... (0 / 0)

      Sad to lose a friend and support in Australia.  And too bad poor Jess had to miss her friend's birthday party.

    • oooo... (0 / 0)

      Poor Jess. There are some nasty ones going around on this coast as well.

      My friends keep leaving me too. One to Melbourne, two to the US, one to Dubai, one to London. Really must stop making friends with expats...

      Don't go to Singapore from July 5 through the 15th. We will catch up at some point. And come here to visit if you get too depressed!

      • these global citizens (0 / 0)

        they move around so much!

        Good - we'll stick around in early July to meet up with you. Still trying to find opportunities to come to Perth. Can't believe the weather you've been having - we've been struggling to break 20, and you're at over 40!?

        • ick (0 / 0)

          Anything over body temperature is just wrong. And I can't send DD to school if it's over 38. The other parents think I'm nuts...but I just think it's cruel. I picked her up one day, and she was brick red and had stopped sweating. She spent the rest of the day with a nasty headache. So my rule is now 37 and we'll see. 38 and no one goes anywhere!

          On the upside...we've got a week of nice weather coming up. Low 30's...great for the beach and pool! Come on over...my kids would be a match for your little one. We can send them out to the trampoline until they can't move anymore. :)

          • trampoline?! (0 / 0)

            Jess loves trampolines. And pools. She'd probably never want to leave. Having seen pictures of your two, she's probably blend in perfectly!

            I'm agitating for a Perth trip... we'll see what happens. Although I'll definitely wait until you're experiencing weather regularly in the upper 20s. I have no problems with Melbourne's climate, to tell the truth. I was looking at Hobart the other day and going, yeah, that's the life, man... I think I internalised NJ/Boston/London climate far too well for my own good!

            • Oh yes... (0 / 0)

              It's great. We call it the kid cage. It's got one of those nets all the way around and a zip up door. You zip them in and sit back, occasionally saying "show me how many times you can bounce in a row! Higher! Try to touch the roof!". Works a treat. :)

              Perth actually has very nice weather for most of the year...we just get a few hot weeks. March sucks. And the last time I was in Melbourne, it was 42. So you can't fool me. :)

  • I went to the concert! (0 / 0)

    Yes, I made it to the Bon Jovi concert!  Not only was it a great concert (great great great great), he is still pretty hot, so it was fun all around!

    DB is home from the hospital and doing fine.  He's banned me from going to NJ this weekend.  However, the idiot decided the thing to do the afternoon after being released from the hospital after laproscopic abdominal surgery was to WALK TO THE BANK, which is about a half mile from the house.  So I question the wisdom of leaving him to his own judgement, but I shall trust fate.

    Thank GOD the weekend is here.

  • Sam's day (0 / 0)

    He was scoped (nothing irregular and no peptic disease - good news, yes, but leaves us with more questions than answers) and started on the ethanol lock therapy today. We will instill it daily and let it dwell as long as he's not hooked up to his I.V. for anything. If he were of driving age, he would not be allowed to drive...even though it dwells in the catheter and we draw it out completely (never flushing it into his blood stream) he is still considered at or over the 'legal' limit for blood alcohol. Crazy. Good thing he's 3.

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