My neighbor across the street has a daughter my age who lives down the block with her husband and child.  They seem to like it just fine.

For our family, across the street would be a little too much.  Even if it was just around the block, you would have a little more privacy.

For me, also, your comment that the schools are no good would in itself be enough to disqualify that house.  I wouldn't buy where I wouldn't be happy with the school district if I had kids under age 18.

I think you'd have to be really sure about the boundaries of your relationiship, and that probably goes for living near siblings as well.  Things are so stressful now that we have been looking at each other and actually saying out loud "Should we move back to North Dakota?" where it's cheaper and we have family.  I keep thinking the universe wouldn't give me such a penance.  It's sort of fantasy thinking though, that if we were just near family who could help with DS, everything would be magically better.

I grew up in the same town as both of my grandparents, and of course as a kid, I loved it.  As a teen, maybe not so much sometimes, because one grandma lived on a hill where she could directly see our house from her patio, and she would always ask about the cars she saw in the driveway.  I think my mother could cope with it (that grandma was her MIL) because her own mother, with whom she has an excellent relationship, was also right in town.  

I only found out a few years ago that a couple of months after my parents married, my dad's mom checked herself into a mental hospital for a few days.  That's about all I know, except a few family members commented that she couldn't deal with "losing" my dad, who, although he was the middle of three sons, was my grandma's favorite. Sheesh, at least my MIL didn't do that!  I had a lot more respect for my mother's situation with her MIL after hearing that.

In fact, I joke that I'm going to convert the garage so my mom can live there.  Of course, my dad is still healthy and fine, so she's not coming anytime soon!

On the other hand, my husband's father lives on a street where there are quite a few cute houses and when one goes on the market we look but don't even consider.  He is the one who had two pairs of binoculars, after all!  And, no, he's not a birdwatcher, just a nosy neighbor!!

my IL's pus us to come and move near them (same city) EVERY time we see them.  But DH has no job out there, it's a bastion of wingnuttery, in a desert, the Meth capital of California AND I don't like them.  :)

with my Mom; she is getting older and I think it will be great for our daughter.

My mom is a pretty reasonable person, though, and even so, we're going to have to plan carefully to meet everyone's needs and to make sure we each have the privacy we need.

The first question: can you have an honest, open talk with the in-laws about it, and establish those boundaries - for them as well as for you? (Just as you need to feel they won't pop in, they probably need the same confidence.) If not, then don't do it.

The school and congestion might be a bigger concern. Although - I would visit the school before writing it off. Even though it might have an ugly exterior, and even though average test scores might be low, that doesn't mean that your kid might not thrive there. Some schools are a lot better on the inside than you would expect.

Congrats on finding a townhouse you like!  Did you end up close to your DHs work?

BTW, if you're putting an offer in, don't be afraid to bid low!  The market sucks in NJ right now.  We bid about 10% off list price and they took it.  Now I wish I had bid lower!  

Good luck!

my mother and step father just moved out of our house after 3 years.  we moved them in as my mother's health was failing.  fortunately she has fully recovered.  however, this was a big lesson for all of us.  my mother and i have always had a wonderful relationship...not that it turned bad, but it sure was different.  i also found it brought up sibling issues. we were surprised by the issues that arose from the arrangement.

we are all happier. if my parent's health turns again, they are forunate to have enough money to bring in their own help. our experience suggests that our role would be  advisors and we will  monitor the situation.

in my view across the street is way too close.

my MIL, but I loved my MIL dearly; she never bothered us, never came over unless invited and the kids were always over there.  She died unexpectedly and very suddenly 3 years ago, so I am very grateful we were all so close.

The downside now is her husband (not the kids grandfather) has since remarried a much younger woman and it's really hard to see this woman everyday in my MIL house.

Good luck with your decision!

My younger sister lives across the street from our parents and my baby sister has adjoining backyards with them.

Obviously the kids are at my Mom and Dad's all the time. The real issue is my sisters seem to take the free childcare for granted, even though my Dad works full-time, and my Mom runs a business out of her home. My parents rarely go over to my sisters' houses, but the kids are there CONSTANTLY.

Weirdly enough though, my Mom would LOVE it if we moved into the old neighborhood. Right now we live 6 hours away, and I really miss them. But on the same street? I dunno. And the same street as my in-laws, definetely NOT!

Jen, you're beautiful for even considering it-  you're a better woman than I! Me, if DH proposed moving in across the street from the PIL, I'd probably flee the country.

When we were moving back from London, MIL was really, really pressuring us to move back in with them (yes, share a house with my IL. How "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"). She even enlisted my parents in it - tried to get my mother to tell me the obvious financial benefits. At the time, I told DH I'd rather gouge my eyes out with a spoon, which he didn't appreciate. Then we came back from London and stayed for two weeks while setting up shop (buying a fridge, car, washing machine, yadda yadda yadda). First night back, really hot, we're sleeping in underwear. Jess wakes up. MIL comes running in, takes Jess from me (mind you, I'm all but naked!) and rocks her. Later that day, DH turns to me and says "we are so not doing this."

Let's just say briefly that the IL have big boundary issues. Or rather, we have the boundary issues because we insist that they exist and; PIL don't have any problems because they think they're not there!

My MIL is crazy, and I could not STAND to live that close to her.  7 hours away is just about right.  I think she would drive me crazy because she does NOT get how we want to raise our daughter.  And I guarantee there would be boundary issues.

My mom, OTOH, would totally get the boundary and not violate it.  But it wouldn't be fair to utterly refuse to live by my MIL but expect DH to live by mine, so I have to say no to both.

My parents live about 35 miles away, which is great, as we used to live 400 miles away!

I still wish they were a bit closer to us, like in the same county. I wouldn't mind seeing them and taking advantage of their standing offer to babysit more often!

When we first moved back to SoCal my parents offered to let us move in with them while we saved up money to buy a house (SO expensive down here!). Had they been within 15-20 miles of my workplace I would have seriously considered it.

As it is, it would have meant a nasty commute from LA to Orange County every day, sitting on the 5...and I just can't do that to myself!

I could see living near my dad, but probably wouldn't want to be too close to my mom.  I'm not sure how I would feel about the in-laws.  They're pretty hands off so it probably wouldn't be too bad.

My SIL and her family lived in a house in the town next to where her parents live.  The house next door to her was on the market, and her parents bought it without even consulting her.  She had mixed feelings about it at the time, but it seemed so strange to me that they wouldn't talk to her about it beforehand.  The awkward thing is that she is now estranged from her parents and, from my understanding, has no contact at all with them.  So she and her school-aged kids are growing up next door to family with no contact at all.

My sister supported my parents buying their "retirement" house in her street (same side, five doors down) and so far (2+ years) it's been good. She appreciates the help with the 2 kids and the grandparents love the closeness.

They did have to set strict rules / limits and "NO dropping in, always call first - even better, wait to be invited" is the big one that has proved crucial.

Also, my parents are resilient folks who quickly found their own church and enough of their own local activities so they aren't hanging on my sister for their social/emotional health. They are a bit fragile so they rarely look after both kids at once, they just take one at a time. But they do a lot of driving and some school volunteering as well. My sister says it is life-saving having them there.