Mother Talkers

Hump Day Open Thread

Wed Feb 13, 2008 at 05:27:54 AM PDT

As you probably already know, Sen. Barack Obama won the Virginia, Maryland and D.C. primaries yesterday by comfortable double-digit margins, according to CNN. He made significant inroads among white rural voters, Latinos and women, propelling him to the lead in the delegate count, even with Super Delegates taken into consideration.

Nonetheless, he has only slightly more than half the delegates needed to clinch the nomination. Damn, running for president is a grueling process. Then again, it is great we are making the candidates earn each and every single vote this campaign season.

Take That Ann Landers! Child-free movement websites such as this one often cite a 1970s study by Ann Landers that showed 70 percent of parents were unhappy and regretted having children. But Parenting -- not to be confused with Parents --  recently released an admittedly unscientific study that more than 80 percent of its readers would have had their children and even have had them earlier.

Here are the results of the magazine’s online poll:

If you had to do it over again:
59% would have had kids exactly when you did
23% would have had them earlier
16% would have had them later
2% would not have become a mom at all

Valentine’s Day Downer: Parenting magazine also released a poll showing that 69 percent of its readers dreaded traveling with their husbands more than their children. Ouch.

J-Lo Gossip: Okay, I am so behind on my celebrity gossip that I did not realize Jennifer Lopez was due to have twins tomorrow! Also, rumor has it her twins -- a boy and a girl -- will be named Max and Emme, according to Latina magazine.

What else is on your minds, MotherTalkers?

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Tags: Sen, Barack Obama, primaries, Virginia, Maryland, D, C, Ann Landers, child-free movement, Parenting, J-Lo (all tags)

Permalink | 153 comments

  • Snow day today (0 / 0)

    Liza's fifth since thanksgiving, along with as many delayed openings. This is our TWENTY THIRD STORM since Thanksgiving.  Ilove New England really I do and I never want to live anywhere else but even I am done done done done with this winter.

    I have a federal appropriations grant due Friday that I'm trying to work on here while overssing liza's homework and the writing of her 27 soccer themed valentines...sigh.  

    but on the plus side tomorrow is Valentines' Day and my 4th anniversary with Kelly -- we're taking Liza out to dinner and I will give Kelly her present of 5th row aisle seats for us to seeKathy Griffin in May at the Lowell Auditorium (bennies of working at a theater, you know people at OTHER theaters who get you VIP seats). I've also got her a bottle of a wine we tried at a tasting in Ptown last October so hopefully she will be suprised!

    • gift (0 / 0)

      That's an awesome Valentine's/anniversary gift!

      The weather here sucks too.  We didn't get the storm, but we got four inches of crap and now heavy rain is falling on it and it's one big mess and my plans of even getting out to the freaking library for an hour don't seem worth it or possible.

      I'm so ready for spring.  I can't imagine 24 storms.

      But, you know what, it makes the spring that much sweeter, don't you think? (trying to be positive here...)

    • Wow! (0 / 0)

      Sounds like an awesome Valentine's day in store for you!  

      We had a snow day yesterday and I see in the forecast that another storm is expected on Sunday.  We don't get it nearly as bad as you in NH.  Yikes--- 23 storms.  Sounds like what my aunt's gotten in rural Canada.  Brrr!

      BTW... how's this for a Valentine's Day.  The kids and I are going to see Hillary on OSU's campus tomorrow.  :-D

      "We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of the dream..."

      by 1plain1peanut on Wed Feb 13, 2008 at 06:41:18 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

    • Happy anniversary, Katie! (0 / 0)

      And thanks for taking me down memory lane. I used to go to the Lowell Auditorium for wrestling matches. Yes, I grew up on WWE (then WWF)! I have seen a live match with the Undertaker -- who I notice is still around. :-)

      Also, sorry to hear you are snowed in. It cannot be easy to watch Liza and get work done at the same time. Here is wishing you a very sunny and long spring!

      • OMG! (0 / 0)

        You were into WWF?  I remember standing in line for an hour, to get tickets to a WWF show here.

        Of course, my favorite was Mankind ... or was it Cactus Jack?  haha  (My son used to get SO MAD that I brought politics into so many things.)

        • Oh yeah... (0 / 0)

          but these were the days of Rowdy Roddy Piper and Razor Ramon. I have not watched wrestling since high school, but occasionally I will see a preview on TV and think, "good days." I had fun at those matches.

    • Kathy Griffin (0 / 0)

      ROCKS.  You are the best Valentine ever!

      • aw thanks! We worship her (0 / 0)

        she gets paid to do what we do all the time --  make fun of people :-)

        plus you have to love any comedian who begins a show by saying "where my Gays at?" :-)

        • Ha! (0 / 0)

          I run around my neighborhood yelling that, but my neighbors are not amused.

          But I am serious. Where ARE my gays at!!??? Time was, I had many a gay. Now I have no gays. Every time a house goes on the market in my neighborhood, I tell DH "I hope a gay couple moves in." As it stands, my kids will have to learn about homosexuality from watching House Hunters International. Truly, it's a sad state of affairs.

          • Too funny (0 / 0)

            I got one on my block.  (He is also our appliance repairman.  Fixed my stove last week.  It's awesome.)  Move over here and you'll be good.

          • Me, too! (0 / 0)

            I've always had "many a gay."  In high school, I was even named an honorary lesbian.  Not as many now.  It's part of the reason I started going to church--to meet gay people.  

            I think there's a gay male couple a few houses down.  I'm not sure, though.  One day, Simone was looking out the car window and saw a bunch of kids and yelled "I want to play with you!"  I feel the same way about the gay neighbors.

            • Sigh--I totally get that. (0 / 0)

              Every guy I dated in h.s. was gay. When I met DH, his best friends were a woman and a gay man. I was a theater major--major gay influence. My best friend from childhood is now a faux drag queen and performance artist in S.F.

              But in my suburb, nada. I miss it.

              I feel the same way about the Latino population, having grown up in CO and going to schools that were 40% hispanic. Now in the Nordic Midwest. I've traded masa for lefse. I like my neighbors, but I miss the diversity of my childhood.

    • i love kathy griffin! (0 / 0)

      my favorite episode of her show was when she was trying to get in the british tabloids so she pretended to be drunk and fell out of a taxi on purpose

    • I couldn't handle... (0 / 0)

      New England weather. We had SUCH a nice weekend here! It averaged about 76 degrees. It was lovely.

    • Happy anniversary, Matie! (0 / 0)

      That's a fantastic gift. I love Kathy Griffin, too; I remember her early standup comedy routines. Always made me piss myself laughing.

      How is Kelly's nursing career going? (sounds highfalutin, so sorry.)

  • How bad must those spouses be (0 / 0)

    if you'd rather travel with your kids? I love taking trips with DH. Love taking trips with DS, too, but it's more work.

    It's eleven today (above zero) and feels almost springlike! Since it warmed up, we are of course getting snow. The negative temperatures are harsh, but it is nice not having to deal with snow. I think, MKatherine, I'd rather have negative ten and no snow than ten degrees and snow. Even though New England is, IMO, the prettiest part of the country.

    Does anyone else not celebrate Valentine's Day? DH and I don't do v-day, birthdays, or even christmas. We made each other cards for our anniversary, that's it. We're just not big "occasion" people. Is that bad?

    • weather (0 / 0)

      Did you see the frontpage of Yahoo yesterday...it had a story that Minnesota is the "icebox of the country."

      We don't give gifts for anything anymore, but we do give cards.  I don't like Valentine's Day, never did.  Seems so forced and even when we could go out at night, all the restaurants were too crowded.

    • Me, too (0 / 0)

      DH is always a great seat buddy on the plane. Because I work for myself and can take time off when I want, and my family is in SoCal and I'm in the midwest, I often fly back there with just one kid for visits. It's much more fun when he's along!

      DH and I usually keep things low key for all those same occassions you mentioned. Though, the older I get, I would really like to get a BIG bunch of flowers for my birthday -- but nothing else, no presents.

      I can tell we're in the same weather zone -- I'm just outside of Chicago, and it's 15 right now and SUNNY. I actually found myself thinking it wasn't so bad out there today!

    • Not really (0 / 0)

      There are many other glad and sad 'special' days on our calendar in mid-Feb. Valentine's Day just doesn't compare.  Typically, we might drink a bottle of champers and watch t.v., but that's about it.  

      Then again, we might drink a bottle of champers on any random day. We always keep it in the fridge. As DH says, "Don't wait for a special occasion to drink champagne. It's the champagne that makes any day special." I'd rather have a husband with that attitude than all the valentine's chocolate in the world.

      [As for the weather. My kids ran outside this morning yelling that it was a beautiful day!!!! I had to laugh. There's no denying that 11 degrees is feeling pretty great after these past couple of frigid weeks.]

    • In college, we wore black (0 / 0)

      I was never goth; in fact, I'm pretty perky.  But in 1992, during my last year of college, a bunch of us single girls decided to wear black, cook ourselves a fabulous dinner with much wine, then go out and dance.  So basically, I've worn black on V-Day every year since.  Sort of silly, but it's become sort of a thing that people remember me for. In grad school, a friend & I baked heart-shaped sugar cookies with black frosting, which was hard to find!  Most people were amused, and liked the treat, but a couple people were so upset that we would defile such a wonderful holiday that they wouldn't even eat them.

      DH & I had our first date (we don't even think we can call it that, but it was the first time we told each other that we were digging each other) on Feb. 17, so that's always been a more interesting date to celebrate for us.  Of course, it's on a school night this year, so we probably won't do anything.

  • I'm glad we had kids early (0 / 0)

    I had my first at age 26, which makes me a very young mom around these parts.  We want 3-4 kids, but I'll be done in my early thirties, when most of my peers will probably just be getting started.  I generally have more energy than most moms, which might be a factor of age, and I feel like I still have time to have a career after kids are older.

    I also like that by the time I'm around 50 kids will probably be in college or living on their own, so we'll have a chance to travel, etc.  We're also more likely to see more of the lives of our grandchildren.

    • I would have answered that way (0 / 0)

      One reason I don't think we'll have a 3rd kid is because DH is 38 already. I'm 32, so there is still plenty of time for me, but I don't want us to be OLD by the time we have grandkids! I would have had kids a few years earlier (since DH and I have been together since I was 23 anyway) had I known what it would be like.

      • I would have had them earlier too (0 / 0)

        I had my first at 32 ... would've gotten started a couple of years earlier, since by that time my career had sort of plateaued (and that was the whole reason for waiting ... to get to a point in my career where I'd be able to scale back and return full-time at a later date at a more senior level). Thirty would have been perfect.

        • earlier too (0 / 0)

          I have loved motherhood so so SO much, that I would have done it all earlier.

          Plus, I have experienced difficulty getting pregnant...so if I started younger, that ticking clock sound wouldn't be as loud. Hang in there, ovaries!

          • I really envy women like you who love (0 / 0)

            motherhood this much.  I have a definite love hate relationship with it...with a healthy does of ambivalence...

            I don't know that i"d choose it again.

            • such a crapshoot, really (0 / 0)

              the reason I put it off so long is I was SURE I would hate it. No one has been more surprised by my reaction than me. I didn't think I had a maternal bone in my body.

              and believe me, there are days I find it wearying (is that even a word? LOL...) but on the whole, I do wish I had started sooner. And I definitely want another. The cruel irony is that my body doesn't want to cooperate!

          • me too (0 / 0)

            I would have started earlier too, but I don't know how we would have looking back.  We had our first at 28.  I would have had the second quicker looking back too.  They are 3.5 years apart.

            And now I want a third, but I am terrified absolutely to death about going through delivery again.  The second delivery was so bad.  If I can find a doctor to give  me a C-section with no labor or delivery, I might.  I also hate being pregnant, but I'm willing to deal with that part.  The delivery part, not so much.

            • pregnancy, uhhh (0 / 0)

              People who say pregnancy and delivery is no big deal need to SUCK IT. Pregnancy is huge in every way, and delivery is rough. It usually goes well (my first pregnancy was seamless), but it's potentially very rough.

              • Exactly (0 / 0)

                Those are people who have never had anything go wrong.

              • PREGNANCY SUCKS!!! (0 / 0)

                Even with the damn zofran, I'm still sick enough to hate every minute of it.  AND I'm starving, and tired of trying to find things to eat.  Frankly, if this pregnancy makes it, and I get a kid out of it, we are DONE.  I don't want to go through with this again, nor do I want to put DH through it again.

                During my first pregnancy, I would regularly rail against the media pregnancy myth--all the preggos on tv were happy and glowing and never sick.  BAH, I say.  LIES!  Grrrr.

                This is also another reason to dislike Michelle Duggar--clearly the woman has easy peasy pregnancies.  BAH!!!

            • scheduled c-section? (0 / 0)

              shouldn't be difficult at all, I would have thought. In fact, wouldn't your OBN even prefer it because it lets the doctor work it into the schedule with no surprises?

              • You'd think, but maybe not (0 / 0)

                Whenever I hear about these OBs who prefer scheduled c-secs, or pressure women into them (which is bad if you don't want it), I think, where were they when I needed them?  I got the ones who wouldn't even consider it, and even reprimanded me for suggesting it.  One good thing about Gus's arrival is the second time around, no one should be questioning having another c-section.

              • I don't know (0 / 0)

                I think I have a good case, considering how bad my second delivery was.  The baby did well, thank god, but I suffered tremendously for weeks afterwards.  

                Actually, I think it would be irresponsible of me to even attempt a vaginal delivery again.  

                I would need their firm word that they would do one for me before I would get pg, that is for sure!  In writing!  : )

                • I hope you get a doc who agrees (0 / 0)

                  I think the mental anxiety of being terrified of a vaginal delivery can be just as much of a medical concern as a physical problem.  At another web site recently, they were discussing a recent Swedish study that said something to the effect that not enough attention is paid to pre-partum depression and pre-natal anxiety, and this could have a lot to do with premature birth and difficult deliveries.  The anxiety they mention most significantly is absolute terror of childbirth.

                  It was sad and kind of disgusting how judgemental everyone got.  One of the most common comments was "Don't like childbirth? Adopt!"  I found that really disrespectful, both to women who have the anxiety, and to families who adopt.  But, as Rachel said, I think the too-posh-to-push idea is so deliciously anti-woman that it has a long shelf-life, even if it's not remotely the typical reason one would choose a c-section.

                  • risk (0 / 0)

                    My issue is really that I absolutely can't risk another small person physically traveling through my, er, birth canal.  Oh how I wish it was just mental anxiety, they have good drugs for that  : )

                    The second delivery did major damage, that of course, turned into more and more complications.  I'm fine now, thank god, but it may not have gone that way.  And if I did allow myself to get pg and go into labor and let the person begin their journey down, knowing that could all happen again, it would be highly irresponsible of me.

                    I totally agree on anxiety too, that it's discounted by doctors else.  The whole too-post-to-push thing drives me nuts.  How a woman wants or has to deliver is between a woman and her doctor as far as I'm concerned and I don't need to know anyone's details.

                    • Absolutely (0 / 0)

                      You have yourself and the rest of your family to think about.  If that baby can't come out the bottom, then you should be reassured it can come out the top. Interestingly, when I was really little, and didn't know anything about the birds & bees, but knew that a baby came out of a woman's tummy, I thought that's how everyone was born.  You went to the doctor, he cut open your tummy, and took out the baby.  I had no idea the vajayjay was involved, on either end of the babymaking agenda!

                      That was another thing that annoyed me about the discussion on the other blog.  When a woman made an argument much like yours, she was besieged with "but that's what your body is meant to do!"  Well, theoretically that's true, but it doesn't always work out that way.  

                      • Ugh (0 / 0)

                        Ugh to that lady on that blog.  Right.  Because no one ever dies during childbirth.

                        Your body is "meant" to do lots of things and one of them is to get sick and die sometimes unfortunately.

                      • When I (0 / 0)

                        was pregnant with Milo, Simone asked "Is the baby going to rip your tummy?"  I told her no, and she said "Oh, so there's a door?"  I gave her a factual explaination.

                        I'm in agreement with all who feel that pregnancy and childbirth suck.  It is NOT a beautiful, natural thing.

                        • That's so cute (0 / 0)

                          I wish it was a door!  The thing I hated most was the worry.  Yes, you learn to live with it, but I found it so draining.  There's so much that can go wrong from day one, you wonder how there can be so many people in the world.  Even if it turns out well in the end, it's just such a helpless feeling, and here you are, supposed to be feeling all maternal & womanly & powerful, and all I felt like was that I was not in control whatsoever.  And a birthing class and ten-page birth plan was not going to do it for me.

                  • My doc was really on top of that. (0 / 0)

                    During my first pregnancy, I told her I was feeling depressed, and she told me I either had to go see someone or take anti-depressants, because ante-partum is a huge predictor for post-partum.  I saw someone, and was fine afterwards, but it was good to have a doctor on top of it!

                    • Lucky you (0 / 0)

                      When I saw my doctor and told him about my anxiety, which I think was different than depression, he wouldn't even listen.  He just wanted to put me on drugs, no questions asked, and basically told me if I didn't want the meds, he really couldn't help me.  Wow, and all I really wanted was someone to listen.

                      I'm fortunate I didn't have post-partum problems.  I think my extreme anxiety had a big part in my super pre-term delivery.  I also think, for me, having to pull myself together to deal with it really worked to keep that at bay.  But I also saw a wonderful doc (different one from the same practice) for my post-partum visits, and he really heard me out and not only suggested (not demanded) drugs, but put me in touch with a counselor he thought could specifically help me cope, instead of just brushing me off with "you should see someone."  Too bad in big practices now you can't stick with a doctor you really connect with.  I'd love to have that guy with me if I have a second pregnancy.

                      • anxiety (0 / 0)

                        I think anxiety gets the short stick compared to depression these days.

                        • ITA (0 / 0)

                          I had so much anxiety after ds' birth that I wouldn't lay down because what if he needed me or needed something and I was too slow to get up (because it took me forever to get up because of my c-section). So I spent all my time immediately post surgery sitting up at the dining room table (if he was napping) or sitting up on the couch with him. I didn't take a single nap for months.

                          This was with both of my parents there for three weeks, so it's not like his needs wouldn't get met pronto. It wasn't until my infection went out of control that I could be convinced to let my mom and dh handle the night feedings for a couple of nights.

                          Needless to say, it was freaking nuts. (And it must still be with me because I am getting a lump in my throat remembering that anxiety).

                          NJMom, I understand that you had a very scary time after your second baby, so I hope you can figure out a way to have a third baby if your heart is set on it.

          • same here (0 / 0)

            I would have started earlier if I'd really known what it was gonna be like, but then I remember that if I'd done that, I wouldn't have the two wonderful kids that I have. They'd be two other wonderful kids, but still, it makes me sad to think I wouldn't have my two current ones.

      • I had my first at 37 (0 / 0)

        That's funny when I hear "38 already."  It is old!  It just doesn't seem that way when you're in it.  And I'm resigning myself to the fact that if DS waits as long as we did, we may not see grandchildren.  Just grand-pets.

    • I have to be honest (0 / 0)

      I'm not sure I would have had a child.  I love LIZA but I have found parenting to be less than natural for me -- plus given that my marriage ended I'm not sure I would have a child if I had it to do all over again

    • Other way for me (0 / 0)

      I'd have waited a little longer.  

      I was 22 (by 2 weeks) and a junior in college when Rory was born, and it has been a strain financially.  I'd have liked to have had a few more bucks tucked away toward a home or have gotten to work, just a little bit, before taking this SAHM hiatus.  I also would have had 2 degrees instead of one (double major), have been on Cal's rugby team (had to quit due to pregnancy) and would be halfway done with my master's/credential by now.  ::sigh::

      On the other hand, I'd probably still have a MUCH crappier relationship with my in-laws, wouldn't be as healthy (I will NOT be the fat mom...I grew up so ashamed of my mom, who is such a nice lady, and I won't let THAT be what embarasses my kids), and wouldn't have any but 2 or 3 of my friends (all from kid-centered jobs and parenting classes at school).  Oh, and my grandmother would have died without knowing her great-granddaughter.  Nevermind, that alone is a good reason to have had Rory when we did.

      After Rory, our timing was preplanned (between 2 and 3 years is what we wanted), so that would have been the same regardless.

    • Late was just right for me (0 / 0)

      I love being an older mom.  I don't think I would have appreciated them quite as much when I was younger, and I would have resented slowing down or giving up a pretty intense career.  I got to enjoy a lot of freedom in my 20s and plenty of travel and couple time with my husband in my 30s.  By the time I hit 40 I was ready to slow down and settle.  As luck would have it, I was due for a midlife crisis anyway - children are an awesome excuse for stepping off the treadmill.  

      Having kids in middle age means you do sacrifice a bit of energy, but gain so much in financial security.  For me the tradeoff is well worth it.

    • I was 29 when DS was born (0 / 0)

      That was about right. I was an immature twenty-something. I had oats to sow and whatnot. I learned a lot about myself and gained so much wisdom and self-confidence between age 21 and age 28 (when I got pregnant). I think I honestly would have been a crappy mom if I'd gotten pregnant out of college or during law school. So clueless.

      • exactly right for me too (0 / 0)

        I was 28 when Jess was born, and I felt like it was exactly perfect, for all the reasons you note. When I became a mother, I felt like I'd accomplished what I'd wanted to straight out of college, established the first phase of my year, and that now was the best time in all possible worlds to have this happen. No regrets.

        I have to say, I think I'm probably done after baby #2. DH would love three or more (and I recognise how lucky I am to have a partner that doesn't want to limit how many children we can have, but respects the fact that I might!), but I kinda feel like two is perfect for me. We'll see what happens. I want to have get pregnant first!!

        (Vibes, Erika, Vibes!!)

  • DH is away (0 / 0)

    this whole week, which means I've got the both of them all by myself.  I'm not really good at this yet, either. :/

    I did finish the hat I made for Julian, though...  It's a one eyed, one horned, flying, purple-people eater.  Y'know, 'cause I was sure he missed his horn.

  • I don't like J.Lo (0 / 0)

    I dislike wearers of fur.  I don't actively wish her harm, but I'll save my active good wishes for the people of Darfur or the animals she has killed.

    I had Simone right after I turned 27, and it was good timing for us.  I wouldn't want to be any younger, but not older either.

  • I wish I'd started earlier (0 / 0)

    But that's regret talking.  In order to have felt comfortable starting a family earlier, a whole lot of other things would have had to happen earlier than they did.  I couldn't get/keep a full-time job, so that delayed us getting a house.  When DH's salary was finally such that we could afford a house on what I minimally brought in, I was closing in on 37.  I got pregnant pretty easily, even though I wasn't terribly interested in having a baby at the time.  We figured we'd just try & see what happened.

    So now I love having a child, and I want another, but I'm 39 and I'm not sure that will happen.  Serves me right, I guess, for being so ambivalent and not trying harder to get my life together when I was younger.  I feel bad because even if we live a fairly normal life span, let's say 80, DS will only be in his early 40s when we die and he'll be alone.  I don't know why that even bothers me; I have two younger brothers who I'm not particularly close to, so I feel alone anyway.  And DS will probably have a partner, & friends, and maybe children of his own.  I guess I'm just feeling crappy because I'm trapped in the house with three feet of snow.  

    Some of this has to do with the discussion earlier about liking where you live.  I do not particularly like where I live.  I could honestly move tomorrow and not miss a whole lot, which seems sort of sad to say about a place I've lived for nearly 12 years.  It probably does me no good to think about what might have been.

    • Only in his early 40's (0 / 0)

      Sad, but better than 20.  I'm in my early 30's and not ready to lose my parents, but I know now that I never will be.

      I feel compelled to say that you don't seem to old to have another child to me.  It's not old these days, and your kids will have plenty of company.

    • My parents had me late in life (0 / 0)

      my mom was 40 and my dad was 50 - I lost my dad at 24 and I lost my mom this year -- but you know..I loved having older parents and I wouldn't have traded them in for younger models for the world....

      • Sadly (0 / 0)

        losing our parents is just the natural order.  The SUCKING natural order.  But I can't imagine going through it without my brother.

        • I still can't believe my sister is gone (0 / 0)

          honestly.  I look at my brother and think...this is IT?  this is my family?  

          • Whew! (0 / 0)

            I'm having the same thoughts looking at my family's leftovers right now, too. It's just a fragment.

          • And you are way young for that (0 / 0)

            My grandma was the last of her siblings to die (she was the second youngest) and she mentioned a few times what a terrible feeling it was to not only have no parents, aunts or uncles, but no siblings.  But she was 94, so I have to think that some part of her knew that's just the way it's going to be when you have incredible longevity.

        • That's what I figure (0 / 0)

          As I said, I'm not really close to my brothers.  In fact, after a disastrous Thanksgiving visit, I've made the deliberate choice to not be involved with them for awhile.  I need to deal with the realities of our negative relationship.  But if something happens to my parents, I know we'll pull together.

          I know lots of pepole who are close to their cousins, but DS is kind of screwed there as well.  On DH's side, the cousins are seven & 11 years older, and on my side, well, that's the heartbreaking thing about not being able to be around my brothers.  My nephews are DS's age, but they probably won't see much of each other.

  • Max and Emme....? (0 / 0)

    Like the kids on Dragontales?  Nice.  

    "Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight. Gotta kick at the darkness til it bleeds daylight"

    by lonestar canuck on Wed Feb 13, 2008 at 10:16:41 AM PDT

  • Timing (0 / 0)

    I was 29 when DS was born and DH was too. And I think that the timing was perfect for us. I had wanted to try for a baby while he was in law school, but we talked about it and daycare alone would have eaten up most of what I was making and I REALLY wanted to be a SAHM. So we waited and its worked out perfectly. Our timing for #2 happened faster than expected  - we wanted to try to time it so that babypear would arrive during the summer so that my MIL and Mom could help out with DS (they are both teachers), but he's scheduled to arrive mid April. C'est la vie. :)

    Its raining and slushy here in Central NJ. Yuck, yuck yuck is all I can say to that.

    Oh, and when I picked DS up from nursey school his teacher told me that he's been pulling the other kids hair. Any advice on stopping a  2yo hair puller?

  • one study from the '70s??? (0 / 0)

    that's the best they can do? LOL...

  • Any word on tjb22? (0 / 0)

    Elisa, didn't you try to contact her a while ago? Did I miss that she got back to you?
    It's a shame she 'disappeared' from MT.

    • No... (0 / 0)

      and I am out of ideas, short of calling every Teresa in Ohio, to find her. Did she ever mention the city she lived in?

      I feel like I am stalking her, but I really wish I knew what happened. She hasn't been around in a month and she hasn't responded to my e-mail. Mamacita also e-mailed her and I don't think she got a response either.

      Suggestions?

      • I'm really, really concerned, too (0 / 0)

        I think about her all the time.  I think mamacita might know her best, because they're on another blog together, and I'm pretty sure she's tried with no luck.  Especially concerning since she's missing from kos and the blogs she and mamacita are on together.

      • Bummer (0 / 0)

        I was hoping I had just missed a reply, or somthing. I'm worried. No ideas on how to get in touch, unfortunately; I'm not sure whether she ever mentioned her town/city.

        • I just finished telling my DH (0 / 0)

          that if I die or become incapacitated that he has to log on here and tell you guys! It's all because of Teresa; I can't stand not knowing if she's ok or not. I hope she's just dropped out for a while but it's odd she didn't reply to the emails.

      • oh no (0 / 0)

        That's not good.  I was just thinking about her today.  

      • Me again: she's in Toledo (0 / 0)

        Because I vaguely remembered Teresa mentioning it once or twice I searched the comments and this came up:

        I live up in Toledo (0 / 0)
        which is very liberal...and we still have the Tom Noe syndicate poisoning the waters.  
        ....
        by tjb22 on Sat Jun 09, 2007 at 04:15:36 PM FWT

        Presumably she's still there. Not sure how much this will help though.

      • Yep (0 / 0)

        It's not a blog, just a Yahoo listserv.  I wrote to her and after getting no response I wrote to one of her co-moderators.  (She helped found the list.)  I also check dKos from time to time because she posted there a lot.  Nothing since 1/11, about the same time she disappeared from here.

        I think about her a lot.  I know she would have contributed to that sex thread!  I wish I had another idea of how to reach her.

  • i've had it (0 / 0)

    i really have

    Parenting magazine also released a poll showing that 69 percent of its readers dreaded traveling with their husbands more than their children.

    i don't want to go anywhere with any of these people

    part of the problem is we're always on a budget, so "vacation" is just me moving my life to a timeshare condo or a beach cottage where i prepare meals, clean up after people, and do laundry.

    did 100% of the readers say they'd rather travel alone, or is it just me?

    • LOL (0 / 0)

      Good point.  An acquaintance, mother of 3 boys, told me she doesn't call them "vacations" any more - she calls them "trips."

      • i'm having a ptsd flashback (0 / 0)

        to the last "trip"- my husband wrecked the family car on the way back from picking his poor mother up at the airport, so we had to take his smelly car

        he said he was sitting in traffic on the gwb and forgot which was the gas pedal and which was the brake, and he was afraid he'd put his foot on the gas and crash into the truck in front of him.  so he decided to not put his foot down on anything and    s  l  o  w  l  y    crashed into the truck.

        i haven't met your friend, but i already like her, and i feel her pain.

    • I have to admit... (0 / 0)

      that I'd rather take the kids on my own for a vacation than take my husband along.  It just always involves so much consulting - his goals for the kids and the trip are different than mine....I don't care if they bug out on movies and eat crap for 8 hours while stuck in the car.  He thinks they should have fruit and stuff...it's a pain..  

      "Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight. Gotta kick at the darkness til it bleeds daylight"

      by lonestar canuck on Wed Feb 13, 2008 at 12:06:40 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      • twice i've taken the kids to his mom's (0 / 0)

        or should i say mum's in england (we're in connecticut)

        we've never gone to her house all together- just the kids and i or him by himself or once he took one of our daughter's with him

        i can't stand being in a car w/ him for more than a few minutes, so i don't know what it would be like if we were crammed into coach

        once we were driving back from niagra falls in a crazy snow storm and i was driving slowly and he had temper tantrums each time a car would go past us.  he'd bang the window and kick the car and scream and swear.  hardly any cars were on the road, but at one point five cars passed us one after another and he lost his mind.  then maybe twenty minutes later we passed the five cars all piled up in an accident-

        i pulled off after a while into a motel parking lot and he was so mad i wouldn't drive anymore he wouldn't even get out of the car, so i left him in it.

        then i found out they closed the thru way anyway, so we wouldn't have been able to keep going even if i wanted to.

        usually i tell my husband he's the worst roommate i've ever had, but i think i can add he's also the worst travel partner i've ever had.

    • great point!!! (0 / 0)

      DH really wants to get a beach condo or a timeshare. I keep saying "It ain't a vacation if I have to do the cooking and cleaning, buccko!" Why pay for gas for the "privilege" of cleaning up in another place? No way!

      My SIL and her family have a really beautiful cabin on the Victorian coast, but man, they work hard to maintain that cabin - they go down at least once every eight weeks or so just to take a look, mow the lawn, do maintenance, etc. Plus SIL is a very disciplined, thorough cleaner so she spends a couple of hours cleaning the place.

      I look at her and go, Are You Kidding Me!!? Where's the fun in that!?

    • Exactly (0 / 0)

      I stay home with the kids during the week, but I am so stressed out on the weekends, I can't wait for Mondays to come sometimes.  Our schedules get all messed up, we try to do things like daytrips and visit relatives and friends.  All fun, but MORE work for me.

      I'm sure my husband feels the same way : )

  • 12 years married before kids (0 / 0)

    We were together for 16 and married for 12 before we started a family.  I wouldn't change it.  I was 32 when my son was born and 35 when my daughter was born.  I would not have been ready before then.  We finished our educations, worked, traveled, bought a home, etc.

    I did not think I wanted kids but then changed my mind as the clock started ticking.  Motherhood was and is my favorite "job."

    Now that we are empty nesters (sort of--22 year old son is hanging out with us for a few weeks after college graduation), it feels a lot like those first years we were married--just the two of us.  I like it.

  • Interesting situation (0 / 0)

    My mom is 64 years old and has kept in touch with her high school math teacher, a nun, all these years.  They used to just write but now they e-mail.  Recently, the nun sent her an e-mail comparing Chelsea Clinton and Jenna Bush and concluding that democrats are elitist and republicans are good and "regular people."  

    Mom is pissed!  I urged her to write a joking reply, and she did, but with an edge, since taking things lightly is not her forte.  But she's still upset and talking about ending the friendship--a 50 year friendship!  I think it's a little crazy.  Of course, I'd be pretty upset if I found out someone I hadn't suspected was a republican.  

    It's really none of my business, and she's going to do whatever she's going to do, but I find the whole thing insane.

    • I wouldn't hold my tongue (0 / 0)

      I would let my feelings be known in a polite but firm manner-- if only so the offending party would refrain from sending me emails like that in the future.

      I find that SO rude!

      But now you've got me curious...how could Chelsea and Jenna be compared in a way that shows Dems are elitists? WTF?

      • Chelsea-business woman (0 / 0)

        Jenna-public school teacher.  And I think Chelsea went to private school and Jenna to public school?  But Chelsea was much younger when her dad took office.

        But they're just two people, and neither of them are "regular people."  They can hardly be held up as a model for the average anything.

        • yeah, you know!? (0 / 0)

          but you can twist any set of facts to prove a point, is the sad thing.

          FWIW, Jenna Bush isn't working as a school teacher, but rather as a education policy adviser. So Up With People.

    • My Mom got right wing e-mails from old friend (0 / 0)

      A similar thing happened to my Mom.  She got vicious right wing e-mails from her friend of 60 years.  It was very upsetting to her because politics had never interfered with their friendship.

      She wrote her a polite e-mail explaining that she didn't agree with what the friend was sending her and to please take her off the fwd list.  

      She did and they haven't talked about it since but have gotten together as usual.

      (Sidenote: this woman's son was third in line to be a replacement for Alberto Gonzales so that tells me where the horrid e-mails were coming from--nice, huh?)

      • Oooh... (0 / 0)

        that's bad.  My mom did ask that her friend not send her any more political e-mails, and the friend agreed.  She said she "just thought it was interesting," which pissed my mom off further, since "it's not!  It's not interesting!  No democrat would that was interesting!"  She's right.  And I'm sure the whole thing was especially offensive and upsetting to her because she's a teacher.

    • Bizzare (0 / 0)

      Oh yeah... the Bush family is so "regular people".  Lots of families own baseball teams and head up oil companies.  

      That's sad the a 50 year friendship should be ended over this.  My friends and I don't always agree about everything, but I wouldn't end the friendship over it... unless it was something major.

      "We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of the dream..."

      by 1plain1peanut on Thu Feb 14, 2008 at 06:47:06 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      • And lots of (0 / 0)

        "education policy advisers" have Vera Wang wedding dresses and travel on private jets, huh?

        My mom actually does have one republican friend, but we haven't ever really known any other than that, so it came as sort of a shock.  She also said that, with e-mailing, you talk so much more that you realize you might not like someone as much as you thought you did.

  • This will probably get lost... (0 / 0)

    In this monster of an open thread! And I meant to post it in the "Sex, Lies and Plasma TV" thread... But here you go. Well worth it.

    It's business time!

    Business socks! Tee hee!