DH did his share of chemicals back in the day (late 80's), but I was totally sober until college and have never used any drug recreationally (very few people believe me when I say that).  We've sort of started the conversation with our kids now (4 and 6) by reminding them that people make different choices and that those choices have different consequences- some positive, some negative.  The conversation has mostly been about smoking and video games at this point, but I think the message is getting through.  I'm trying to stay pretty value-neutral about it- for us, it's a straight "cause nad effect" situation, with a healthy does of the reasons why chemical enhancements are just a bad idea.  

When I taught High School, I was always pleasantly surprised to discover that the majority of our students were clean.  In fact, in Vermont, there's a great set of radio ads telling kids that actually, no matter what the media, adults, or other kids may say, 80% of young people don't smoke.  seems to be doing the trick- I don't see nearly as many kids with butts in their hands anymore.

don't do it. And many try it, and don't like it (like me).  

The "everyone does it" attitude is problematic for reasons beyond drugs, drinking and sex. Our society has an 'everyone does it' attitude about a lot of things, from cheating in school, telling white lies, gossiping, drugs, teen sex, alcohol and a myriad of other major and minor vices. This is how people convince themselves that they don't have to feel bad about their flawed behavior. It's easier to say 'everyone does it' and not have to think about it.

In the larger sociopolitical picture, this is how societies tolerate intolerable racism, abuse and even genocide. "Well, everyone thinks this way, so it's okay if I think this way, too." It is hard to fight the tide, whether it's smoking pot or waging war.

I think it is critically important to teach your kids to make their own decisions instead of listening to the crowd. We are trying to start early. If our kids want to wear funny clothes or eat differently (DD went veg at age 5 of her own accord), we just act like that's no big deal. They go to school and realize that their friends still like them, even if they say 'that lunch looks gross.' Hopefully that will translate when it comes time to make decisions that might make them 'uncool.'

I want them to be comfortable 'outside the norm,' so they can make independent minded decisions when they're older.

My guess is that lots of kids "try" drugs or alcohol once during high school but many not go on to use regularly.  I know that was my experience - my first use of alcohol was in HS but I can count on one hand the number of times I used during the 4 years.

I have heard that many kids are now more likely to use pot or prescription drugs as they are easier to get than alcohol.  That scares me.

Our first foster daughter had issues with drugs and alcohol.  It was such a shame to see her messing up her life at such a young age.  I'm still not sure that she has stayed clean.  

Those parents just can't handle the fact that your kid just may have made a better choice than their's.  I see a lot of teens that don't do drugs or drink.  I hate to admit it, but I was one of those kids that did do more than my fair share of chemicals in high school and college, and I know what to look for.  The teens I know  I've met through my 11 yo daughter's activities.  They're usually at volley ball, basketball, or dance helping out the coaches and teachers.  We see these kids outside of these activities all of the time.  My neighbor also has a 14 yr old, and while she isn't always comfortable talking to her mom, she will come to me, knowing that chances are it'll be mentioned to her mom, and we have discussed the choices that kids have to make today, and the impact that those choices can have on your future.  I think that the majority of teens do NOT do drugs, or at least don't try them until they're out of high school.

funny how that phrase is a typical teen refrain when attempting to convince parents to do something.  

i fall into the camp of even if 10% "do it" then it requires significant attention by parents.  the stakes are so high. in my dd's overall larger group she hangs with?  i'd say at least 33% drink and i would suspect higher,  not sure about drugs. this is with the kids in orinda.

out of her friends from berkeley?  zero.  surprising isn't it...good ole hippy berkeley.  but there is an important reason.  these kids went through the VERY best sex drug alcohol and tobacco education program i have ever heard of.  totally science and research based.  it was a 3 year program from 6th to 8th grade. done by a trained instructor, classes met once a week and there were tests.  in other words it was a real class. now not all the kids in her class from berkeley are straight.  there are some we know that aren't.  but i think the percentages are better with the kind of education dd rec'vd.  AND the drug and alcohol usage is different.  not coke not meth and not binge drinking.  more likely pot smoking.

my dd came home with a comment the other day. a girl i have met, who has been at our house, was talking to another friend.  overheard was...hey you wanna come over after school and do coke?  no was the response, i gave up coke, now i do meth, better for my grades.  

my dd knows what both those substances do to the brain.  she also knows that it you can't predict if you will become addicted.  she reports that none of her orinda friends really know about what the various drugs can do to you.  THIS alone drives me crazy.

sue, my dd too is a straight arrow. she is  called and considered a "goody two shoes".  fortunately she has great self confidence and relies on her own knowledge.  but it sure is scary. i still monitor and talk alot with my dd on this subject.

I think that "everyone does it" is a ridiculous generalization. When I was a teenager, there were many variations along the spectrum: those who refused any intoxicant, those who would drink, those who would drink and smoke pot, those who would drink/smoke pot/do other drugs. There were people who tried stuff once and people who were regular users. If I were to hazard a guess, I'd say that 40% did nothing at all, 20% did everything, and the rest were in between.

I think the numbers shift depending on the generation, the geography, the economy, and affordability. Certain drugs are more accessible in certain places based on production locations or trade routes. Taboos change with time, as do trends... Where I grew up, pot was cheap and prolific. Ecstasy arose out of nowhere in the late 80s and was associated with a growing rave scene.

The town where I lived during adolescence was in a deep recession after Exxon shut down an enormous oil shale project. Many of the businesses on Main Street were closed. There was very little for teenagers to do, and lots of open space and wilderness to roam in surrounding the town. I think these factored in to teenagers being prone to drinking around bonfires in the desert.

Another generalization is that "everyone turned out OK." That's just not true. There's the mystery roulette of genetic disposition, and no one knows who is going to turn out addicted to alcohol or drugs.

Lastly, I do want to put forth the idea that it is possible to feel close to your children and for them to be able to fool you about their drug or alcohol consumption. I worked with a veteran high school teacher who had 2 teenage boys and 3 older kids. She had a great relationship with her kids, and believed that all of her kids did not touch a drop of drink before their 21st birthdays. I was close with some of the students in her class, who were the same age as her teenagers. They told me that her boys could drink them under the table and regularly did.

I agree with you that statistics don't matter. They would be in too much flux, anyway. I think your messaging too your daughter is right on. Resist the generalizations, especially those used to enforce peer pressure.

That's the important thing to remember.  And a fair number of kids do try pot or alcohol, once or occasionally, but not do it habitually.  I think it's beyond ridiculous that smoking a few joints at any point in your life is supposed to disqualify you from stuff and be a crime, but so much alcohol abuse goes on and many parents are not that critical.

33% is probably not too far off: a significant number, but certainly not the majority.  The media certainly does like to run the story about "how do you tell your kids not to do meth when you did pot and acid," and make it seem like everyone faces this problem, when it's not that many people.  Or, well, I guess it could be a majority of people who tried something, but that's not the same as having been a habitual drug user.

Acalanes Union High School District conducts a regular study on alcohol, drug and tobacco usage.  They administer the study to 9th and 11th grade students.  I found the results from 2005 study online.  Here are the findings and I have limited the results to just Grade 11, which does reveal, not suprisingly, higher usage than 9th graders.

Question:  Used drugs or alcohol at least once in your lifetime?

Alcohol   68%
Marijuana 44%

Question: those who are Current Users, have you used in past 30 days?

Alcohol   44%
Marijuana 24%

Question: Ever been drunk or sick after drinking?

44% said yes

Question:  Participated in Binge drinkin in past 30 days?

29% said Yes

are from the Monitoring the Future project.  These are the surveys considered to be the most reliable and consistent nationally.

Latest data are here.

Any drug use, ever:
8th graders - 19 percent
10th graders - 35.6 percent
12th graders - 46.8 percent

Marijuana ever:
8th - 14.2 percent
10th - 31 percent
12th - 41.8 percent

So, not everybody, although by 12th grade almost half of kids have tried one drug or another (predominantly marijuana).