I have no idea how it works at our school since DS isn't even in kindergarten yet, but if there were parents in the classroom for hours every day I'd find that odd. I'd feel a bit sorry for their kids. Growing up, we had one or two class "mothers" who helped out with holiday celebrations, and that's it. Kids need to learn who they are apart from their parents at some point-- I think that point should start when they enter school.

on the parents volunteering and the teacher.  but in general, i would want to see a structured approach to parental classroom participation.  clear rules, boundaries and very specific duties.  and i agree that the notion of "hours" in the classroom seems odd.

my parental involvement was limited to outside the classroom.  i was a class parent one year and tried to make 1 to 2 fieldtrips a year.

Unfortunately, in an era of declining resources in the classroom, having parents come in and help is sometimes a necessity.  

But there is a right way and a wrong way to do it.  Having shifts that give parents a defined amount of time to be in the classroom and defined tasks for them to do can be really helpful.  My sister-in-law's school does that.  She helps during reading time once a week and no more than two parents help out at a time.  I can't imagine a class with several parents scurrying around.  

And I hear her about the disadvantage for working parents.  I think if the teacher is not careful, there is a real potential for favoritism or for children of volunteers to get more attention. But I suppose carefully defining the parents' roles can reduce that possibility.  

She must not have co-op experience and/or realize how helpful it is to have parents in the classroom due to aide shortages and other financial cutbacks.

I do not volunteer in DDs classroom (much to her chagrin) because I have a littler one to manage. I did sign DS for a co-op preschool in the fall, not because I want to be in the classroom, but feel it will be better for him (he's very shy - almost got a stranger anxiety diagnosis at one point!) and I can assess the health/safety issues better than at a 'traditional' preschool.

DDs kindergarten teacher loves having parents in the classroom as it gives her the time to provide individual attention to students while the parent helpers are conducting group activities.

I agree that the

overzealous and competitive parents constantly questioning everything she does and stepping on her toes

is indeed problematic. Perhaps your friend needs to set some very strict ground rules for parent involvement - I know DDs teacher does.

Honestly, it's a survival skill for foster parents.  I figure since the stipend allows me to stay home, it's my job to be involved and visible in the community.  It also helps build up relationships and goodwill with school staff when they know you - for when your kids will mess up or just to counter any preconceived ideas about foster families.

However, I let the teacher set the boundaries and expectations.  

Little Boy is in 4K and she has lots of parental help.  She rotates parents through a schedule to help during center time, 1 1/2 hours, and then she can split the kids into small groups for activities.  She also occasionally asks for help with other projects for parents who can or would like to stay longer.  Since it's scheduled a month out, a lot of working parents can help out and be involved.

Sister Bear is in 4th grade and initially didn't want me in the classroom.  However, she sees me there with her brother and has now decided she wants in on the action.  Her teacher asks parents on a case-by-case or project-by-project basis and I've only been in that room once.  I do volunteer to make treats, etc when there are chances.

I certainly don't do these things to make working parents feel worse - I do them because I have the time and when I go back to work, some other parent will do them for my kids.  

Hours every day?  That seems a bit much.

I did volunteer in my son's class last year doing art projects because the school had no art teacher.  It was fun.  This year I don't, although the teacher does have parent volunteers who help with reading groups.

I certainly have not noticed any favoritism for my child or particular children as a result of parents helping out.  However, I was told by one parent volunteer that the principal "takes care" of parents who do more than their share (e.g. her kids usually get the teachers she wants).  Parents who are generally "around more" probably do get more help on their child's behalf, if he or she needs it, than parents who are not around to see and talk to the teacher daily.  Having that constant access seems to me to be likely to pay off in one way or another.  

in my son's kindergarten classroom.  His teacher asked all the parents for volunteers for the 45-minute period of the day when the kids had to do reading/writing work at the tables.  Basically crowd control, and more individual attention to keep too much frustration building up.  

Some teachers at his school ask parents to volunteer, some don't, but I don't think any of them allow parents to be in the classroom all day.  Well, the kids aren't in there all day - they have music, art, gym, lunch.  I'm a stay-at-home (becoming work-at-home) mom myself, and the idea of going to school with him is completely unappealing.  

His teacher for this year isn't as interested in volunteers so I've been volunteering in the school library once a week when I can, and they're delighted to have me.  I learn things about the school environment and staff and etc from doing that too, and I'm contributing to the (understaffed and underfunded) school, like all the other parents who volunteer and/or give donations in a lot of different ways.

When I volunteered in the classroom (45 minutes, once a week), I developed a relationship with his teacher and the aides, and had more opportunities to demonstrate that I supported and respected them, which in turn improved communication.  But they were careful to maintain a professional distance, we weren't about to go for coffee.  

This year I've had to make more of an effort to establish good communication and trust with my son's teacher, by talking to her at open houses and events, writing a few notes, and showing that I'm friendly and respect her experience and hard work.  I'd say most teachers are a bit paranoid about parents, they hear more complaints than compliments, and have been burned many times, so it pays to show them you're not on the critical offensive from day one (as some very vocal parents sadly are).

Back to what's written above - the 'balance of power' line caught my eye though.  I think that might be getting paranoid.  Though I'm sure the environment is more competitive in Bay Area schools.   Still.  I just can't see how a kid's education is going to ride on how many hours a parent clocks in their school.

As to the 'more involved parent's kid does better in school' - I'd say it never pays to read too much into stats.  What you need to be, is involved with your child and their learning, and only part of their learning takes place during school hours.  

If you don't have time to show up at school during school hours, you're getting statistically lumped in with people who don't care, don't bother, don't read to their kids or otherwise participate in their ongoing education.  That doesn't mean you are one of them!  

And if you're a flaming paranoid busybody who shows up at every opportunity, tries to micromanage their child's school experience, rreats teachers like incompetent lackeys, and makes everyone's lives hell, you aren't creating goodwill for your child.  May common sense prevail.

There is no question that a child will get more... "benefit of the doubt" when the teachers and principal know the parent. That's not to say overt favoritism, but simply that a child who is becoming a problem (too smart, falling behind, behavior issues) is much more likely to be accommodated when the parents and teachers/staff have met before in a less confrontational situation, and especially where the parents have been contributing. They're more likely to hear about stuff going on, too. If you're having a problem with a teacher, there's no doubt that a principal who already knows you as a problem-solver and helper is probably going to take your concern up more quickly than someone who is meeting him for the first time.

I feel for this mom, working and not able to help at school. But, the solution is not to 'level the playing field' by keeping other parents who are able to contribute, out.

The reality is that school budgets are tighter and tighter, and that in general, the more adults available to a classroom, the better it will fare. It does require that teachers be strong about finding ways for parents to contribute usefully (I've said many times that sometimes volunteer labor is too expensive). Teachers in my school use parents for field trips, for bake sales, for grading papers, class parties, landscaping, keeping the school library open, etc. We also have a parent who has three children who has done a lot of extra science lessons in her kids' classrooms - and really wonderful ones, like taking them all outside to play in a mountain of wet sand and try different kinds of geologic mountain-building techniques. They put Monopoly houses on top and shook them to make earthquakes. They made monster floods, washing the houses and some of the mountain away. Fun and educational.

I think in my school they've done a good job of getting useful help from the parents. I have not seen anyone be overbearing, though obviously there's always potential. I think you have to leave it up to the individual teacher and principal to judge their volunteers and to guide them, rather than getting upset because someone spends 'too much' time. If it really bothers you, fundraising to hire more aides is always an option.

But mostly outside the classroom.  Sometimes, in the classroom.  But working a paying job, I wasn't there that much.  It took a week of my vacation just to drive on field trips, be there for special occasions, etc.

But I can say that volunteers' kids DID get special attention at my kids' school.  My children did, and I admit it.  Not that I demanded it, but teachers see who is volunteering, and give special treatment.  That is not to say children whose parents did not volunteer didn't get attention -- but usually not as much.

I was on PTA, in a couple of other school-parent groups, etc.

I don't want to sound bad, but some of the parents drove me absolutely nuts.  (Like the time they wanted to get rid of ALL teachers' aides to afford a computer system.  (Yes, I know I date myself -- this was around 1994.)  Guess who won?  They did.  (Most didn't have home computers, but I did.)  And -- surprise, surprise.  A year later, when the horror of no more teacher's aides came to pass, NONE admitted to voting for the computers.  All said that was a horrible decision -- and who voted for that????  And I told them who did.  (Can you see I was not popular?)  It also didn't help that the music teacher, who lost her job because of shifting the money to computers, was put in charge of computers, even though she knew nothing about computers.  (I couldn't make this stuff up.)

Parents who don't work spend the day in the kids' classroom, passing out pencils and books.

Passing out pencils and books???  Yikes!  Passing out materials is a child's very important job.  The distributed responsibility of rotating classroom jobs is an important part of their education; especially in the younger grades it is important to not take these responsibilities away.

I think volunteers can be a positive addition to a class but honestly, given the trend toward helicopter parenting I would think excessive volunteering is a bad thing.  The more time someone spent in my child's class, I suspect the less I would actually want them there.  I certainly do not want a classmate's mom spending the day there - I think that's completely inappropriate!

When my son was in kindy I spent one hour per week supervising a small group; one other parent was usually working with another group.  But no more was permitted.  Now that he is in 1st grade I am no longer allowed to volunteer in the classroom itself (I don't speak spanish and it's an immersion school), so I take my weekly hour supervising lunch which is outdoors unless the weather is bad.

Parent involvement at our public school is very high, but it is limited to 'behind the scenes' work that teachers don't have time to do themselves: cutting out art forms, hanging up projects, pulling out struggling readers for some 1-on-1. Certainly, it is only one parent at a time and only a couple of times a week. Having a free for all where parents can just invade the classroom at will just seems bizarre.

There are also many opportunities to volunteer for the office, stuffing envelopes, shelving library books. We even have take home work for working parents who want to help out.

This all is facilitated by a full-time, paid volunteer coordinator. I'm sure her salary is more than paid for in the thousands of volunteer hours she draws in every year.

in my  kids' classrooms. The teachers had a schedule and we had specific tasks -- which varied according to the kids' ages of course.

In kindergarten, it was helping with cooking [which the teachers said they could not have been able to do without parent volunteers] or art projects [not from art class, but art related to the study that was being done...like making a large eye when the study was body parts.] Other parents would come in ahead of time and cut out all the large eye pieces so that they would be ready for the kids. The kids would come out in the hall three at a time and I would supervise them through the art project.

In first or second grade, it was reading with kids who needed it or helping with a big project [like when they made a human body outline in 2nd grade and then made the lungs, heart, etc; I would help outline the child on a big piece of paper]. One year my being there allowed the teacher to split her kids into two math groups, so that each child could get more attention.

it seemed to me that the children's experiences were richer by being able to do these things that a teacher supervising 23 kids at the same time cannot do. It was not as if I was sitting beside my child, helping them with their schoolwork.

And obviously, I have not been on the other end of the situation but I never thought the kids whose parents volunteered got special treatment. I think the teacher was just glad to have some more help so that she could accomplish more in one day.

I know that some of the kindergarten teachers asked for 3 hour shifts, but the ones my kids had asked for 1.5 hour shifts and you came at a very specific time of day for a very specific task.

My experience with this is so limited, but I do feel for this mom.

We did a co-op preschool, for about two weeks and I was the helping parent the first day, and I knew that a co-op wasn't for us (for many other reasons too).  I didn't want to see that one kid hid behind the easel for two hours, one girl fell in the toilet because she was so tiny, another one cried for 45 minutes staring out the window because his mom left, and I didn't want the other moms to see my kid doing the same thing.

I volunteered to help run a rec dept activity and I was shocked at how awful some of the parents were.  A few of them treated us like we were their servants, got ticked if things didn't go just their way.  Ugh.  I give all credit to parents who volunteer and run stuff.  It's a hard job and you rarely get thanked.

Hours each day seems excessive to me though.  Even though I'm home, I don't want to volunteer for hours in school.  I don't plan on going back to work when my kids are both in school, but I don't plan on being at the school for hours each day either.

When my kid was in kindergarten, the teacher had a specific time period when she wanted parent volunteers.  We had a specified arrival time, and a list of things to do when we got there.  Sometimes it was reading with the kids, sometimes it was playing "store" with them--teaching them how to make change from a nickel, for example--, sometimes it was more of a behind-the-scenes activity like sorting papers or cutting out laminated artwork.

It was great.  I loved seeing the classroom environment, seeing what my kid was up to.  I never felt like I was too involved or too pushy, because the teacher clearly had command of that classroom and was very specific in what she wanted from the volunteers.

I think, if the teacher isn't forceful enough in his/her control of the volunteers, things could easily get out of hand.

This year, my child's teacher isn't allowing volunteers, after she had asked us all for a list of times we would like to help.  I'm upset, but trying to respect the teacher's wishes.  

but I would rather pluck my eyelashes out than volunteer for hours in an elementary school classroom. seriously.   I did ONE class party in kindergarten and nearly ran screaming from the scene.

Good lord.  

When I was a teacher, I made use of parent volunteers.  The number of volunteers varied from year to year, but they usually had very specific roles.  One simple one was coming in for weekly literature circles and leading the discussions.  Another parent helped me check homework every morning which made the morning routine go better.  One other came in for an hour a week just to act as an aide in the class.  It was generally pretty helpful.

I did specifically try to avoid the "helicoptering" though.  If I had a minor discipline issue with a kid whose parent volunteered regularly, I wouldn't tell the parent about it unless it was the kind of thing I would call home about otherwise.  In terms of getting "special treatment," I'd say the parents who treated the teachers with respect and appreciation were the ones most likely to have their requests accommodated.  Sometimes they could show this by volunteering, but there were other parents who didn't volunteer who clearly understood and appreciated the teacher's role, and I wouldn't say these people were disadvantaged at all by not being able to volunteer.

and expand on some of your thoughts, there is an important article in Psychology Today on the impact overbearing parents may have on their children's academic, social and psychological development. A Nation of Wimps