I grew up in Oklahoma (LOL) but always ... always -- knew I would leave as soon as I could.  And I did -- the day after college graduation.  I remember going to the local bank and getting a loan for $700 (double LOL) to move.  The banker tried his hardest to talk me out of it.  He said, "You will hate California -- you won't be able to get a job, even picking oranges."  It gave me great pleasure to send in my last payment with orange peels and a note:  "Guess what?  I got a job picking oranges.  I know you're glad, because I got my loan paid off."  My mother and I still laugh at that.

I just knew California was right for me.  Several of my friends moved out here, but always moved back.  (And at other places in the country, too.)  Being a small town, I know where everyone ended up.  A few moved to CA, a few to NY -- the rest, it seems are all very close to OK.  (Kansas, Arkansas, etc.  At one reunion, the coordinator told me, "Out of our graduating class, 50% still live in this town and 80% still live in Oklahoma!  That says a lot about our town and classmates, doesn't it?"  I said, "Yes!"  (But we had different meanings for the stats.  hahaha)

I moved to LA.  And when I got married, moved up north.  I loved LA, but love San Francisco more.  I am stuck in Sacramento, but absolutely LOVE San Francisco.  The best city in the country, IMO.  Oh well, it is easy driving distance for a day trip.

And yes, my father died 6 years ago (a week before 9/11) and my mother is "alone" now in Okla.  She has tons of friends so everything is taken care of.  But she still expects me to move back "home" (and she calls it that for me, even though I haven't lived there for almost 35 years).  I tell her, "No.  If you need help, we will move you HERE.  I don't leave my home and children now."  

I love both pieces you chose to quote Elisa.  I think the advice offered was spot on. I have lived here in Bay area for past 15 years and while I love it...my heart belongs to the east coast.

I moved to NY City area when I was 30 years old from Southern California. I moved there site unseen, but somehow I knew I would love it.  Despite the fact that I was in a lousy marriage, I still view it as one of the happiest 11 years of my life. When I go back I immediately feel at home and truthfully it has only been recently that I don't actually weep upon the approach to the city from JFK.  I literally "feel" it as we emerge from the tunnel into NYC.  I have similar feelings about the entire east coast from NYC to Maine.

I have always had very strong 'gut' feelings about places. In addition to New York City the following have touched my soul too:

Mendocino
Truth or Consequences, New Mexico
Portland
Paris

The advice to the woman about staying put in Colorado...great perspective and advice, imo.

came from Northern Vermont to Boston for college and fell in love with the city and didn't want to leave.  My husband came here for... me!

Unfortunately we are a four hour drive north away from  my parents and siblings and at least a four hour drive south from DH's in NJ.  It never bothered me much until becoming a Mom.  I never wanted my own Mom so much in my life!  And I am so jealous of everyone who can drop off their kids at the grandparents in a pinch or ask an auntie to pick them up from school...

We flirt with the idea of moving often but the job market in Vermont is not good and the cost of living in NJ is prohibitive as well (although not that much more so than MA).

I miss our families but generally after spending a few days with them...  Visiting is good!

We went back and forth between Berkely and NH for my grad school choice.  DH and I couldn't choose but finally decided to come here because my sister is close and we'd at least be able to consolidate visits when my folks came.  We landed in a lovely community in the southwest corner of the state and feel, finally, like we're truly home.  After 13 moves in 15 years, we're finally home.  It's a lovely feeling.  Not that I don't miss my parents like crazy and DH's family has never been to visit (but that's a whole nother story), but on our last visit back (just in December) we both realized that Missouri just isn't home anymore.  It was a tough moment, but also reassuring.

I grew up south of Chicago and never, never meant to remain in the Midwest. I've lived in other cities -- Boston, Berkeley, New York, Washington D.C. -- but it never worked out that I was able to stay there. Life conspired to bring me back to the Midwest, and now I must say: Evanston is HOME. It is a college town, just north of Chicago, and is probably the bluest area in a blue state. We have the beauty of the Northwestern campus, right on Lake Michigan ... beaches and stately old Victorian homes ... an incredibly creative, engaged, politically aware citizenry ... diversity, the arts, and a history of inclusiveness. We've been here for four years. This town is filled with kindred spirits, and I'm so glad my girls will always call Evanston home.

I hate the weather (especially recently, it's been snowy and cold enough to freeze your toes off). But there is such a wonderful, warm spirit of creativity and community here that it more than makes up for it. And the summers on the lake ... ahhhhhh! Heaven on earth!

Moved out of upstate NY town for greener pastures in the Baltimore/DC corridor during grad school.  I really missed my family.  So I moved back here to NY after school and brought my husband with me.  We literally live in my parents' backyard and couldn't be happier.

It probably helps that we all get along and genuinely like each other.  I think upbringing had something to do with it too.  My uncle lives next door to me in the house that used to belong to my grandparents.  I also grew up with grandparents across the backyard so I'm glad that my kids are having the same experience.

And that's it for me. I've said to dh a number of times that he needs to see Ashland, Oregon - so as to fall in love with it also - and that we should think about buying a place there to retire. Or any number of towns in Southern Oregon, coastal or otherwise. ("Retire" would be in 20 years, though, so I'm getting ahead of myself).

I am a seventh generation Californian on one side of my family and a fifth generation Californian on the other. I did move to Seattle for five years, but came back. I was strangely disconcerted the entire time I lived in Seattle - it wasn't just the weather (but puhleeeze, don't let me go there), but the culture of the place that did not jive with me at all. Or me with it.

California is my land and my history. It's funny about the people. The demographics of California have changed radically since growing up in the 70s, so it's not the people per se, but the fact that everybody came. That's what I love.

It's also what's wearing me down a bit. My family comes from more rural and agricultural areas of California, and Sacramento (which is kind of both, but also neither ...). Now I find myself in Silicon Valley. It's not bad, but it's not me. I am still reserving some judgement about it, because being a SAHM here will basically kick your ego's butt. I also find myself, for the first time in my life, thinking that there is a carpetbagger feel to many people who come here to the Valley - an ugly thought, but an honest thought and feeling nonetheless.

I feel it when I meet people who arrived with their elbows out, striving and conniving about their prospects. They only love it here because they are making money and the weather is good. They don't care about the history or the culture. We don't need that. Thank god, that's not everybody; many people come here and really get it.

I'm not sure I want to raise my son here in Silicon Valley. It's kind of an elephant in the room, because dh's job is wedded to clean technology at this point. I may be the only person in the Bay Area who wants to move to Sacramento LOL.

Mom will not.

That may seem overly simplistic but I can't imagine ever regretting spending my mother's last days right by her side. YMMV, of course; it helps that I happen to adore her.

Then again, I don't share the writer's dilemma of loving where I live and having those I love in another place. I moved away from home (Southern California) just out of high school, eager to get out and explore. I was away for 15 years and lived in 5 different states, and every year just solidified for me that "HOME" would always be where my family remained.

Once my daughter was born I just KNEW I needed to move home. It wasn't easy, as journalism jobs are hard to come by and the cost of living is astronomically higher in SoCal than in Sacramento. But we made some sacrifices and took the plunge.

I haven't regretted it for a moment, and despite the traffic and smog and other crap, I still LOVE this place! There's nowhere else I'd rather be. Having family around is fun AND helpful: we left Maya with my mom for our first weekend away since she was born. Last night, a cousin came over after we put Maya to bed so DH and I could sneak out to watch a movie. She has cousins her age who she adores. Those little things mean a lot.

As for Cary's advice, I do like that he said be there as much as you can. That could get expensive, of course. If a temporary move was a possibility, that would be my tack. Rent out the house, put stuff in storage, know that you'll return eventually.

But in the meantime, be with mom.

I love Cary Tennis and feel his advice is both sensible & soulful, even tho I disagree w/it this time.

I grew up in a not very enlightened Boston suburb and by my early 20's was done w/it and moved to CA where I met DH. When we were newlyweds my mom died leaving my ill dad & developmentally delayed sister. DH-who is a saint-packed up the condo and back East we went for 6 years. It was rewarding & exhausting and we have never rergretted being in a place personally and professionally where we could do it. Still, we missed CA and my DH finally got that snow is not a recreational substance, at least not in MA.

When my dad died we sold the house and moved-with my sister-back to Northern California, where we have lived happily for the last decade.  As the kids have gotten older we have developed a support network of friends & neighbors who have spelled us when kids were sick, when i had to work late, and so on, and DH & I have been present for them & their kids too. But I'm a little envious when friends can sneak away for an entire weekend b/c grandparents have the kids, but that's our reality and I'm grateful for the life I have.  The combo of move to care for parent/moving aging sibling worked for us at different times. Hopefully I'll never have to move again, tho-this is my place.

We just moved back to my hometown (not a HUGE move, it was a whopping hour and half up the Turnpike and Parkway).  

It has been SO great so far. We get to see my mom a few times a week, instead of once a month.  

When my husband travels, which is at least once or twice a month, I have support around now, which is so great.  

It also helped that where we moved back to was far nicer than where we moved from, much prettier. all little hills and mountains and winding roads.

Moving to Australia was always part of the package in loving DH. We have always been very honest with each other, and I knew from the start that DH would always go home to Australia and that being with him meant becoming more or less a permanent expatriate. I love Australia, the culture, the opportunities and this beautiful country, but as yet, it still isn't "home." I think that's why I still spend so much time thinking of the "next" expatriation. Perhaps a few more years here will change this feeling; I have been on the move through four countries in seven and a bit years, so I'm still in the habit of being nomadic, I guess.

Having said that, I don't envision moving back to the US for anything else but care of family. My parents, thank God, are in fantastic health. Dad is turning 70 and, thus far, his only trouble is high blood pressure. Mom is turning 64, and is in nearly perfect health. They both still work and have passion for what they do. Should that change, then I feel a tremendous, if still theoretical, responsibility to do my part to care for them. Again, I've spoken of this with DH and fortunately, we're on the same page.

forced our move to Cincinnati. We looked high and low for the best medical care for him and ended up here.

I love Wash DC and get the same feelings as parentalunit1 does when she goes to NYC (although I only lived in DC for 9 months):

When I go back I immediately feel at home and truthfully it has only been recently that I don't actually weep upon the approach to the city from JFK (National in my case).  I literally "feel" it...

I also love Ashland, Oregon, Vancouver, BC, and Nelson, BC. I'm sure I would love Toronto and Montreal, but have not been to either yet...

It is hard living away from family. My brother is only 2 hours away, but it's not the same as when I lived in California and had my sister 15 mintues away.

When I moved to Australia (and like Rachel, this is home for DH...all his family is here), I didn't really know what I was getting into. When I was 21, it all seemed like a big adventure. And I wanted to do something exciting. Moving to Australia was it! The first two years that I was here, I just felt lost. Although there were parts that I loved, I didn't think it would ever be home...my accent didn't help. You stick out like a sore thumb when you open your mouth. That made me very self conscious, and very uncertain about how I fit in. I didn't think we would be here past the three years that I had agreed to.

After two trips back home to Virginia, I realized that I no longer fit in there, either. My world view had expanded, but the people that I had left behind hadn't changed. Although the mountains (you Rocky Mountain people can just stop giggling...we love our Appalachians!) were beautiful, and I had forgotten just how green it is...and coming around that last curve to home and seeing the mountains and valleys of home made me catch my breath...I just wasn't a Virginian anymore. In fact, I wasn't really American anymore. I'm not Australian. I'm not American. I'm a new breed. The international citizen. My accent sounds funny to everyone. My sensibilities are the result of growing up for 21 years in one place, and then growing up as an adult in another place for 10 years. I just don't fit. But that's okay. I've learned that I am fairly unique...and lots of people love me for my uniqueness. And now flying into Perth makes me catch my breath as well. Those white sand beaches and broccoli trees...the scent of burning gum trees...the WA twang coming over the loudspeaker. This is home. This is my childrens' home. I'm happy here. My children will be international citizens as well...they just aren't the same as the kids here who don't travel except for a bus tour of Europe when they're 18. They have two passports, and a mum and dad who are comfortable in different places. I expect that they will leave here and live overseas when they grow up. That makes me sad...but proud too in a way. I'm raising global citizens.

from the East Coast when I was 21.  I had promised a good friend whose parents had been killed in a house fire when we were 16 and in school together that I would travel west with her if she ever wanted to go.  We took a trip to Europe together after high school and found that we were easy travel companions...so a few years later she bought a Winnebago and we piled inside and hit the road.

After we drove cross country and down the western coastline, I was intending to stay in California only for a couple of weeks and then return home to Connecticut.  But one thing led to another and I ended up finding a job, liking California and extending my stay week by week, month by month.  Finally, it seemed I wasn't going back.  That was in 1976 and I've been in California ever since.  I have lived in San Diego, San Francisco, La Canada (L.A. area) and now in Lafayette (East Bay area).

It has been difficult at times with no immediate family close by.  That was a huge tradeoff and was particularly difficult when my Mom became very ill and died.  Traveling back east to help her and my Dad while I was mothering two small children was extremely difficult.  I'm not even sure how I managed it, as my DH traveled extensively for work at the time.  In order to travel to see my parents, I would have to line up care for my kids since my DH was often not available.  It was brutal.

Having family close and knowing that you can rely on someone in an emergency is a support whether you actually need that help or not.  Friends, of course, will help too, but generally I've found that close friends are typically also bogged down with their own families and similar needs.

It never was so difficult that we contemplated moving though.   There are things I miss besides family.  I loved the more extreme seasons and the snow, but I adore California for a million reasons related to its geography and landscape. And if you pay attention, northern California offers a good deal in the way of seasonal changes.   I think it's one of the most beautiful and diverse areas in the world.

Soon DH and I will contemplate what to do when our kids are completely on their own....where will we go?  I imagine we'll still spend most of our time here in California, although we'll have much more freedom to explore this huge state.  And, if we tire of that, we'll take off for other parts, but I think we'll always call this state our home.

does anyone choose to live in Minnesota? This is what DH and I were wondering yesterday when it was  negative 14. Today, slightly warmer, it is negative six.  

DH is from MN. I moved here to go to law school. It's an affordable top-tier school, two things that don't often go together. Plus I wanted to live in a city after four years on a tiny college campus. Much longer story short, DH and I got married and settled here. Here, in this godforsaken freezer where winter only lasts for seven months if you're lucky.

Our jobs are here, and that's why we stay, plus this is a decent place to raise a family-- MN tends to rank above average for income, education, health, and a host of other factors that contribute to a good quality of life.

Ask me again in summer why I live here. It's to f*&$^% cold today for me to think straight.

I moved here 19 years ago to go to college.  I always planned on moving back to Florida when I graduated, until I met DH.  I'm not originally from there (original Chicagoan), but my whole family was there as well as a lot of college friends.  Then, I thought I could talk him into moving to Florida.  That never really happened, as DH's roots are pretty deep here.  

So here I am 19 years, a dog, a house, and two kids later.  I have no ambition to move back to Florida now.  It's weird... I still miss the beach and the warm weather, but I finally feel like where I live is home.  For years I used to say "I'm not from here, I just live here"... but now I do feel FROM here.  I love my house and the school district my kids go to.  I can't imagine being anywhere else.  

DH is retiring soon, and will go back to work at the same place.  My mother had a health scare 18 months ago while visiting us and ended up in the hospital.  She actually relocated back up north to be near us this past summer.  So far, I think she's glad she did it... even though the winters are so much harsher than north Florida.  It's been good for us too, having the help.  And, my children have a relationship w/their grandmother that they wouldn't have if there were 900 miles between us.  

I think deciding to move is a totally individual decision.  For some, it may not be so easy to pick up and move if they work in a field where there aren't many job opportunities.  Whatever works for each family is what's best.

So much talk about seasons and weather in this conversation made me think about the seasons of our lives. How does Mr. Tennis know that the season of this woman's life isn't about to change?

I grew up in the Denver suburbs, home of 300 days of sunshine every year. I loved growing up in the wild west with it's gigantic skies, howling coyotes and mountains in the distance. However, I have no desire to move back. It's brown, dry, flat (the metro area anyway), and now it's overly congested.

I lived briefly back east while DH was in school, but that really was not for me. I felt so claustrophobic there.

Then it was on to the Midwest. Who can say why it felt right? The weather on our first visit was -25 with blowing snow. But it felt like the right place to be, and now almost 10 years later, it still is.

I couldn't give up the water and the greenery of the midwest. I still get the wide open spaces that I remember from my Colorado childhood (and the occasional howling coyote), but I also get lakes and rivers and rolling hills. My kids play in the woods and visit working farms. They can swim in lakes and play outside in subzero weather. There are deer in the backyard, and the people  here actually CRAVE the outdoors after our long winters.

This is certainly the place for this season of my life. Who knows what will be next? (I admit, I am kind of hoping for a Florida season eventually!)