Mother Talkers :: Paranoid Parent

Paranoid Parent

by Erika

Thu Jan 17, 2008 at 09:55:51 AM PDT

I love me some advice columns, from Irma Kurtz in Cosmo (anyone remember her? Is she still doling out advice?) to the classic Dear Abby to the awesome Carolyn Hax. I've been reading them since I was a young girl. Sometimes I nod my head in approval, sometimes I pump my fist in solidarity, and sometimes I shake my head in confusion as the columnist gives what I consider crappy advice.

But this reader question to Dr. Joyce Brothers just left me puzzled:

DEAR DR. BROTHERS: I am up against a rather delicate situation as a new parent at a nursery school, and I've decided to ask your opinion. Perhaps you have heard it all before! Anyway, my child is an adorable little boy (yes, I know it's not proper to brag, but it is true), and in his rather upscale school, he has been asked for a play date with a little boy who is there mostly because of his very famous mom, a film actress. She wants my child to go over to her house for some reason (she says he is so cute). But I'm afraid she just wants to use my son, and the whole thing feels almost abusive to me. What do you think? -- B.N.

Um...whaaaa?

After parsing the question a few times, here's all I could come up with: this woman thinks she, and by extension her son, are better than said movie star and her little son. Therefore, if movie star invites them over for a playdate, movie star clearly wants to exploit her precious little boy.

Does that sound right?

Dr. Brothers gave advice that was thoughtful and kind:

At any rate, exposing your son to all sorts of people would be a good thing right now -- and that includes the son of a movie star. You may be feeling vulnerable about being seen as "sucking up" to the lady through her kid. If the two boys end up despising each other, at least you will have tried. Ask your son if he wants to play with this boy. Unless the answer is a horrified refusal, it's possible that a lifelong friendship could arise from this situation.

Me, I would make a crappy advice columnist. My advice would have been, "Lady, get OVER yourself! It's a freakin' playdate!"

Am I missing something dear MTs? Because I just can't figure out what's so objectionable to having someone--even a "film actress"--invite your kid over to play with theirs. Thoughts?

Tags: advice, abuse, status, preschool, paranoia (all tags)

Hmmm (0 / 0)

well, I like advice columns too. But my favorite is Savage Love, so "Get over yourself!" is common advice.

That letter is a waaaaah? moment for sure. You don't have to let your kid go there. He might not want to. But it's not like she has a reason why not, in the letter. Very odd.

by lonespark on Thu Jan 17, 2008 at 10:05:26 AM PDT
- love the Savage Love (0 / 0)
  
  definitely my favorite, too!
  
  by Rachel on Thu Jan 17, 2008 at 10:11:57 AM PDT
  
  [ Parent ]
- Go Dan Savage (0 / 0)
  
  I liked one of his latest columns where he said the reason columnists look like they have all the answers is because they only run the questions they have answers to. Brilliant! And honest.
  
  by cynmill on Thu Jan 17, 2008 at 11:41:00 AM PDT
  
  [ Parent ]
- Dan Savage! (0 / 0)
  
  DTMFA! DTMFA!! Dan's the man. :-)
  
  by Erika on Thu Jan 17, 2008 at 12:35:59 PM PDT
  
  [ Parent ]
??? (0 / 0)

a little boy who is there mostly because of his very famous mom, a film actress

What? You mean as opposed to her child, who obviously got into the nursery school because of his superior talents?

That is one of the stranger things I've read in a while. How could this actress possibly exploit her child? What's she going to do, turn him into Drew Barrymore in two hours?

I'm with you. Get over yourself, it's a playdate.

Katherine

by pat of butter in a sea of grits on Thu Jan 17, 2008 at 10:06:33 AM PDT
- Sounds like (0 / 0)
  
  old money bitching about the nouveau riche.
  
  by lonespark on Thu Jan 17, 2008 at 10:09:51 AM PDT
  
  [ Parent ]
- that's the part (0 / 0)
  
  that stuck out for me, as well...
  
  by lam2b2g on Thu Jan 17, 2008 at 11:31:44 AM PDT
  
  [ Parent ]
- yeah (0 / 0)
  
  talk about thinking highly of yourself...yuck.
  
  by Erika on Thu Jan 17, 2008 at 12:36:29 PM PDT
  
  [ Parent ]
If it were Britney Spears (0 / 0)

I might be worried about the potential playdate.

Otherwise, wha . . . ??

by minnmom on Thu Jan 17, 2008 at 10:10:00 AM PDT
- Hmm, good point (0 / 0)
  
  Maybe it IS Britney Spears.
  
  In which case, why write to Dr. Joyce Brothers? Just say no and move on.
  
  Katherine
  
  by pat of butter in a sea of grits on Thu Jan 17, 2008 at 10:20:36 AM PDT
  
  [ Parent ]
- yeah but Brit (0 / 0)
  
  can't ask anyone to do anything with her kids now, she can't even see em!
  
  by lilianna28 on Thu Jan 17, 2008 at 10:23:45 AM PDT
  
  [ Parent ]
- Exactly (0 / 0)
  
  I wouldn't want DS playing with Suri Cruise, because I think her parents are bat-shit crazy. Maybe Violet Affleck or Reese Witherspoon's kids; they look nice. But I digress...movie star children need friends, too!
  
  by cynmill on Thu Jan 17, 2008 at 11:39:17 AM PDT
  
  [ Parent ]
  - Brangelina (0 / 0)
    
    If Brad Pitt's kids want to play with mine, my kids are SO going to play.
    
    by coobert on Thu Jan 17, 2008 at 11:44:38 AM PDT
    
    [ Parent ]
    - If only... (0 / 0)
      
      to stare at his purdy face...
      
      by gloria on Thu Jan 17, 2008 at 11:53:01 AM PDT
      
      [ Parent ]
    - oh, yeah (0 / 0)
      
      totally. Anyone who'll get out there and say that parenthood is the greatest thing but a total PITA has got my vote. And he puuuuurdy. And I totally have a crush on Angelina...
      
      by Rachel on Thu Jan 17, 2008 at 12:17:37 PM PDT
      
      [ Parent ]
      - Oooooohh.... (0 / 0)
        
        I have SUCH a crush on Angelina too... :)
        
        by gloria on Thu Jan 17, 2008 at 12:27:18 PM PDT
        
        [ Parent ]
        
        is this the line..... (0 / 0)
        
        for the crush? lol.
        
        by brave on Fri Jan 18, 2008 at 10:30:50 AM PDT
        
        [ Parent ]
    - Not a fan of her (0 / 0)
      
      But DS can have a playdate if he comes along and has a playdate with me. Just drinks and soaking in his eyes...
      
      by cynmill on Thu Jan 17, 2008 at 04:33:19 PM PDT
      
      [ Parent ]
      - he looks like he'd be more fun (0 / 0)
        
        anyway. I think Angelina's probably a very good mother, but he looks like the one into tickling, animal pretend and singing crazy songs.
        
        by Rachel on Thu Jan 17, 2008 at 04:48:07 PM PDT
        
        [ Parent ]
        
        Oh yeah... (0 / 0)
        
        he can tickle me ANY time!!
        
        by gloria on Thu Jan 17, 2008 at 07:31:12 PM PDT
        
        [ Parent ]
  - tough one... (0 / 0)
    
    ...if Katie and Suri invited us over, I might have to take them up on it just once, if only out of morbid curiosity. :-)
    
    by Erika on Thu Jan 17, 2008 at 12:39:31 PM PDT
    
    [ Parent ]
    - Yeah (0 / 0)
      
      I would want to go just for the gawker aspect.
      
      by Lisa in Austin on Thu Jan 17, 2008 at 01:17:09 PM PDT
      
      [ Parent ]
    - no way, man (0 / 0)
      
      we wouldn't come out until we were Scientology 'bots! Look at Katie. Went out on one date with the guy, she's never been the same!!! ;-)
      
      by Rachel on Thu Jan 17, 2008 at 01:30:31 PM PDT
      
      [ Parent ]
Weird (0 / 0)

Do you suppose the actress mom is in porn or something?

by music teacher on Thu Jan 17, 2008 at 10:13:33 AM PDT
- giggle! (0 / 0)
  
  I hadn't thought of that - that's funny.
  
  by Rachel on Thu Jan 17, 2008 at 10:30:15 AM PDT
  
  [ Parent ]
Bizarre (0 / 0)

First, how does she know the kid is in the school "mostly" because of his famous mom? Seems like she is assuming that's the case.

And maybe the fact that the actress wants the kids to play at her house makes this mom feel like the actress thinks the mom's house isn't good enough. But if the actress is very famous and is followed by paparazzi or rabid fans or something, then perhaps it is very reasonable for her to want them at her house where she has more control.

But it almost seems like this mom is leaving out something. Seems very strange to fear abuse based on nothing more than a famous person asking them to come over. I am always flattered when anyone asks us to come over for a play date.

So I think she is either a jealous b-tch who is so insecure that she can't accept that someone who has more fame or fortune was just being nice, or she has some real issue that was left out of the letter. Either way, it's kind of weird.

by coobert on Thu Jan 17, 2008 at 11:02:05 AM PDT
- I'm with you... (0 / 0)
  
  it's almost, "well, she's famous and she's asking ME for this play date? WHAT'S WRONG WITH HER???
  
  by gloria on Thu Jan 17, 2008 at 11:34:27 AM PDT
  
  [ Parent ]
- Sounds like bragging to me (0 / 0)
  
  I think she's just trying too hard to prove how un-fazed she is by the celebrity in her midst. I bet she told everyone she knows how she turned down Brangelena or whoever it was, because she is a good mother, and now that everyone's sick of hearing her story, she's writing to Dr. Joyce so Dr. Joyce can tell her how great she is.
  
  by Kristine G on Thu Jan 17, 2008 at 12:22:13 PM PDT
  
  [ Parent ]
  - That's exactly how I read it (0 / 0)
    
    I've seen it too many times in my 4 years. There was a lady in our MOMS playgroup, who always manage to bring up that her kids are not allowed to play with whatever two bit actor lived next door to her.
    
    Blogging While Brown Convention Atlanta, GA July 25-27, 2008
    
    by fabooj on Thu Jan 17, 2008 at 08:14:23 PM PDT
    
    [ Parent ]
Saw this (0 / 0)

and thought whaaa?? Unless important information was edited out of the letter. To me, it seemed mostly like a chance to anonymously brag to an audience of complete strangers that her son was so cute that a movie star wanted to use him for her own personal gain.

I even had an imaginary conversation with the writer in my mind:

Her: My child is an adorable little boy.
Me: We all think that about our children.
Her: No, you don't understand! His adorableness is advanced!
Me: We all think that.

and we could go in circles all day.

by Erin on Fri Jan 18, 2008 at 10:09:54 AM PDT
- That said (0 / 0)
  
  unless she's turning down any and all playdates, I guess there's no harm in following her gut.
  
  by Erin on Fri Jan 18, 2008 at 10:12:52 AM PDT
  
  [ Parent ]

Permalink | 31 comments

Paranoid Parent

by Erika

Thu Jan 17, 2008 at 09:55:51 AM PDT

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Hmmm (0 / 0)

love the Savage Love (0 / 0)

Go Dan Savage (0 / 0)

Dan Savage! (0 / 0)

??? (0 / 0)

Sounds like (0 / 0)

that's the part (0 / 0)

yeah (0 / 0)

If it were Britney Spears (0 / 0)

Hmm, good point (0 / 0)

yeah but Brit (0 / 0)

Exactly (0 / 0)

Brangelina (0 / 0)

If only... (0 / 0)

oh, yeah (0 / 0)

Oooooohh.... (0 / 0)

is this the line..... (0 / 0)

Not a fan of her (0 / 0)

he looks like he'd be more fun (0 / 0)

Oh yeah... (0 / 0)

tough one... (0 / 0)

Yeah (0 / 0)

no way, man (0 / 0)

Weird (0 / 0)

giggle! (0 / 0)

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I'm with you... (0 / 0)

Sounds like bragging to me (0 / 0)

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