Mother Talkers

Reading and Geniuses

Tue Jan 15, 2008 at 09:48:51 AM PDT

Cross-posted at Fussbucket

Get ready to feel guilty. Or smug. A report released a couple months ago from the UCLA Center for Healthier Children, Families, and Communities found that less than half of  parents aren't reading enough to their young children.

For children, early exposure to books -- including being read to aloud each day -- is critical for long-term academic success. Research has shown that up to one-third of American children enter kindergarten underprepared to learn, mostly because their early years leave them without the necessary language and literacy skills.

According to an executive summary of the report, called "Reading Across the Nation, A Chartbook," reading aloud is the single most important activity for building the knowledge required for reading success later on.

A news article from McClatchy Newspapers (which I can't find an online link to, sorry), says the survey found that parents typically read the least to children under age one, the most to children who are three years old, and less so when kids turn four or five.

"Maybe some children at 5 are starting to read themselves," says Shirley Russ, associate clinical professor of pediatrics at UCLA who is one of the lead authors of the study. "I'd encourage parents to keep up the reading at ages 4 and 5." One reason, she said, is that "parents can read to children with much richer language than children are initially capable of reading to themselves."

While nearly any kind of reading aloud offers some benefit, child-development experts are increasingly recognizing the value of "dialogic reading." This involves bringing children more actively into the process by having them point to certain items in the pictures, asking them questions about what might be coming up next, or encouraging them to think about how the book might relate to their own lives.

  • ::

Okey doke. But let's not get carried away. According to this recent column in Newsweek, parents in cities like New York and L.A. are smitten with the idea that their child is a genius. The writer calls it an "epidemic of specialness."

Let's face the painful truth: 95 percent of our kids are not gifted. They may be funny and good at soccer and quite possibly more knowledgeable than we were at their age. But that doesn't make them gifted. Statistically speaking, that means even my own dear child may not be gifted, though I would never admit such a thing in public.

There are many wonderful qualities that I would list for my four-year old - he's loving, funny, silly, outgoing and enthusiastic - but genius? Not so much. In fact, the letter "G" really gives him a headache when he tries to write his name. And as for counting, once he gets past eleven or twelve, who knows what number's coming next.

But I'm not worried. I assume that by the time he needs to fill out college applications, he and "G" will have made their peace.

My little one, however, in him I see potential. Just today, you wouldn't believe what he was doing...

Oh wait. Do I really want to go down this road?

It's hard to blame parents for believing their kids are brilliant, but there is a downside. Children who grow up hearing that they are the smartest kids on the block can get the idea that everything they do should be easy, which can make it really scary to try new things. If our kids aren't actually gifted—only well above average, say—we're giving them false expectations of the way the world will treat them. And telling your kid that she is vastly superior to her classmates is probably not going to help her make friends in the lunchroom.

Why is it that having smart kids has become the status symbol for parents? A few decades ago, parents saw their kids as having a variety of strengths. One might be brainy, but the others might be great at making friends or superstars on the soccer field.

During the 1990s, though, researchers began to think that a child's early experiences played a greater role in development. It wasn't long before parents got the message that gifted kids could be created through intelligence-enhancing parenting techniques. Marketers fed into their anxiety such products as Baby Einstein videos and "smart" baby food spiked with fish oil that promise to help transform the average toddler into a high achiever.

So this brings us back to reading aloud. It's good, old-fashioned parenting. It doesn't involve gizmos and it doesn't promise to turn my average, unexceptional but super-fantastic kids into anything other than school-ready students. I can live with that.

What do you think? Is your child a genius? Do you read aloud to your children even if they know how to read by themselves? And lastly, how do you teach a four-year old how to write the letter "G"? ;)

Tags: reading aloud to children, Reading Across the Nation, genius kids, parenting, school-readiness, reading, gifted (all tags)

Permalink | 91 comments

  • I am with you... (0 / 0)

    that reading aloud is important. Ari LOVES books, and I think that is a good thing.

    But I agree with the newsweek piece that parents who say their kid is the smartest in school, or make their kids believe they are talented in EVERYTHING, really do them a great disservice. DH and I always discuss this when we see the not-so-great singers on the first half of American Idol. Talk about humiliation -- singing off key in front of a national audience.

    We think these young people had parents who told them they were the greatest singers in the world -- instead of telling them the truth -- that they set them up for this public humiliation.

    It's best to identify your children's talents and steer them in that direction. At least, that is what we plan to do. :-)

    • slightly O/T (0 / 0)

      but I think the American Idol problem [love those early shows, too] is that these kids have always sung with the radio, CDs, karaoke tunes, etc., which is a very different thing from staying on pitch while singing a capella.

      But yeah, their friends/families probably also told them they were great.

      • Yeah... (0 / 0)

        whenever the contestants say, "Everyone says I sound like Mariah Carey!" you KNOW they are going to be bad.

        But I should probably rephrase and say you should encourage your children's passions and help them achieve whatever their goal is. Not say they are good at everything and give them an unrealistic view of how to achieve goals on their own.

      • I don't watch American Idol (0 / 0)

        But if they're putting people who are off key on TV, it's because the producers are deliberately choosing to do so. There's no shortage of really excellent singers who can deliver a pleasing, if perhaps not superstar, performance in Los Angeles. Heck, Loyola Marymount College has a whole choir of music majors, and any one individual has enough voice to fill a good hall.

    • looking back on it (0 / 0)

      my parents were really smart and very kind in a long-term sense. Growing up, they always told us that we had the opportunities to pursue anything we wanted, but never that achievement is the guaranteed outcome, or even the goal in undertaking something in the first place.

      For example, when I was a teenager, I took a lot of dance classes - ballet until I was 13, then tap and jazz. I participated in competitions and let's just say I'm no Martha Graham. I remember once, when I was 15 or 16, bewailing the fact that I was getting silver and bronze medals at competitions and my mother turned to me and said "If you're serious about achieving, you've got to devote more than 2 hours a week at class and 2 or 4 hours practicing. People who are serious devote huge chunks of time. And even then, you're not guaranteed to win. Think about why you're doing this and then get back to me."

      I was furious with her in that moment, thinking that she wasn't supporting or encouraging me. Then I went away and thought about it and realized that: a.) I was never going to be a professional dancer; b.) I didn't want to be a professional dancer; c.) that's fine and I could still get plenty out of what I was doing.

      As a result, I firstly stopped whining about never winning, but also regained my passion for dance outside of achievement and professional orientation. And I never humiliated myself by trying out for "So You Think You Can Dance"!

      • Makes You Think (0 / 0)

        While it didn't seem like it at the time, boy your mom really gave you something really good to think about. I hope I can remember to use situations like you described as a great teaching moment like your mom did. My folks were more of the "we're proud of you no matter what you do" group.

  • I try to read to the Kid (0 / 0)

    and he loves books.  But he doesn't like sitting still.  He does like the books with flaps that have pictures behind them, and books you can touch.  But he is very impatient about books with too many pages and words.  I expect this at his age, but I feel guilty, too.  People keep telling me to read to him, and use lots of words.  I'm not super-verbal, and I'm often tired.  

    But I sing to him most nights, and we do talk.  He hears science-geek vocabulary.  And he knows this is a house that loves books.  He pets them (and occasionally harms them) where they are on the many shelves.  The other day he brought me a book while I was on the toilet, so he understands that habit, too.

    I am a little tired of people reminding me how important it is to read to my kid.  Can't they just trust me?  

    I have difficulty summarizing books and making them interactive.  I guess I'll be happier when he's old enough to listen or read himself.  (Maybe he'll never feel like sitting still to listen.  So I'll do like my mom did and make him a captive audience on car trips.  My brother retaliated by sleeping through Jules Verne, so maybe we'll avoid him.)

    • Er, (0 / 0)

      by "books you can touch," I meant, books with stuff to feel, like Pat the Bunny, etc.

    • I think it has a lifelong influence (0 / 0)

      My mother read The Lord of the Rings to us when I was five.  And I think hearing that language early really has contributed to making me the person I am today: namely, an Asatruar spending my lunch break trying to figure out which translation of the poetic Edda I want for my birthday.  (The answer, or course, is all of them.)

      That's a lot of power, not to control anything your child does, but to teach them to hear different language, poetry...and music too.  Gotta get that in early.  DH is really bitter that he was kept from studying music, and my FIL even has the gall to complain that no one in in the family is a musician.  Well, they couldn't become one when music was basically forbidden in the house, jackass!

    • Same issue here (0 / 0)

      My daughter, as a baby-toddler, LOVED books. She loved to turn the pages, to rip the pages, to chew on the ends, to ruffle through them quickly... anything but to sit and read the book.

      I let it go. Figured she'd come around.

      She has.

      She loves going to the library and picking books out. Sometimes they get read, sometimes not.

      I find we do reading in spurts. We might go several days without any reading, and then read 5-6 books in quick succession.

      I'd still like her to read more, and sometimes it's hard to find the time when she's not tired and cranky and when I don't need to be doing something else. But I think we're doing OK.

      By the way, we've started a funny new series that starts with School for Cats by Esther Averill. It's older, and it's about cats that go away to boarding school. One of the cats is named Pickles and has his own fire truck. DD loves hearing about naughty Pickles.

    • same here (0 / 0)

      My first kid liked books from the beginning and I've read to him a lot over the years. But DS #2 won't sit still for a minute! He likes pictures, especially real photos of babies or animals, but he doesn't listen much to stories. I don't try that often, but I wish I did.

      And now that we have two kids, reading to DS #1 is challenging. We still read to him before bed, but during the afternoon it's a pain to sit on the couch with him and a book and the baby crawling all over us, pulling at the book, and jumping on our laps.

      Didn't mean to guilt you. I'm in your boat.

    • Sitting Still (0 / 0)

      Oh, and LoneSpark, my DS won't sit still either. He's a boy on the move, that's why the only time of day I can do story time at nap/bed. When we go to the library, I'm the mom chasing after her toddler pleading with him to sit still. Sigh.

  • Shame vs. joy vs. realistic expectations (0 / 0)

    Here I am taking over your thread...

    I've known very few people who were bad and thought they were talented and awesome.  Yes, I've known some folks who thought they should win competitions without really trying extra hard, but they either got over that or decided winning wasn't that important.

    I've known many more people who were told they shouldn't sing because they didn't have perfect pitch, or they shouldn't try out for a musical because yeah, they were great singers who could dance, but they weren't thin, etc.

    Is there a fine line between self-esteem and entitlement?  Or are they symptoms of distinctly different parenting outlooks?

    • VERY interesting (0 / 0)

      Until I read your post, I was going to make this comment without exception:

      Children who grow up hearing that they are the smartest kids on the block can get the idea that everything they do should be easy, which can make it really scary to try new things.

      This is my brother. He has hit bumps in the rode with college and has no coping skills with what to do when you're NOT the brightest / when it doesn't come easy. He is so ready for some easy money job that will be easy for him (if hard for most people) and it has done him a disservice, IMO.

      Now, the exception:
      I agree with your completely. I think it's WORSE to set limitations, or to not express any expectations at all... like DH's loving parents did. They set no sort of "you can do it!" mold and almost all of their kids are struggling with their middle-of-the-road lifestyles when they are all exceptional people who needed to hear it a long time ago.

      • Big fish in small pond syndrome (0 / 0)

        Hits hard in college for many kids who were smart enough to sail through high school without developing real study habits.  And I only saw that because I went to an incredibly difficult school.  I'm sure many said through degree programs, too.  Then they either crash into reality or are given cush jobs as the obnoxious nepotist boss everyone hates.

        Another one that got me is, "smart in one way = smart."  I was very good with language skills (written only, heh!) and no one ever challenged me to do better in math.  If something is hard for you, you probably won't be the best at it, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try, or that what comes easy is necessarily the best fit.  

        • I had two (0 / 0)

          brilliant high school friends who crashed and burned in college just as you describe.  One was valedictorian, won the statewide math contest multiple times but later got kicked out of a top college for doing no work, another got a 1590 on her SATs but flunked out of another elite college after never turning anything in.

          Being smart is great, but it's not the only thing you need to succeed.  Persistence and conscientiousness are pretty important as well.

      • This is why I like athletics (0 / 0)

        It's obvious that you can always do better. Having an athletic activity that you love is very good for developing a work ethic.

        Since in my case it was horses, there was a double whammy: I had to work hard at my sport, AND I knew that I wanted to get a good paying job so I'd be able to pursue it! :-)

        I saw plenty of kids far smarter than me "flame out" in college because the horror of a B or C made them shut down and stop trying.

        • Art, too (0 / 0)

          I said athletics, but art is the same way. You can always do it better - and yet it's obvious that if you don't try you'll get nowhere. Something like clay or other sculpture is wonderful for developing an eye for detail, work ethic, and plain 'try'. You have to be willing to accept that your first attempts won't be what you saw in your head.

    • I think you're right (0 / 0)

      Maybe it's different with "kids these days" but I know more people who struggle with low self esteem than those with unrealistically high opinions of themselves.

      My poor child, he will probably turn out to be one of those tragically lost and unmotivated children because I tell him all the time how awesome he is. I don't tell him he's the brightest or the strongest or the fastest or whatever, I just tell him when he does something cool-- like putting his head in the water even when he's scared, or waiting his turn in line even though another kid was being pushy. Well, maybe I'm not so "enabling" after all.

      Both my mother and my DH's mom are very stingy with the positive feedback, so I think DH and I go overboard.

      • Praise (0 / 0)

        I don't think there's anything wrong with praise. I think our kids should hear that we admire their efforts and the results of what they do. I think the danger zone is when parents or teachers tell kids that they're "smart." From what I understand, this sets the kid up to fear not looking like they're smart, as in, they don't want try things they might fail at for fear of losing the label. Or they think they shouldn't have to try hard to learn things and therefore don't.

        I praise my kid all the time. But I try to praise him for trying hard or working hard or doing something kind for someone else.

        Even if they do something smart I think you can say something like, "That was really smart of you to do it that way," instead of, "You are really smart."

        • Yes! (0 / 0)

          I totally agree.  We use lots of specific praise, too.  Sister Bear doesn't excel academically but she does try new things - so that's what we praise.  We want to give her the image of herself as someone who tries, even when it's hard.  

          IMO, we get to the danger zone when we use those general statements or when we don't have an honest picture of our child (e.g. my child can do no wrong).

  • Books (0 / 0)

    My son (5) and I were at the hair salon one day, and to keep him busy while I had a trim, I gave him some nursery rhyme books I'd found in one of the baskets at the salon. (Funny thing--he was totally unfamiliar with nursery rhymes! You had to hear him chortle when he realized 4 and 20 blackbirds were baked in a pie!) He read to me while the stylist cut my hair. She was pretty impressed at how well he read and mentioned that she read to her daughter, who was the same age, "about 4 times a week." Maybe that will change now that she saw how well my son was reading. My 8 year old daughter still requires me to read to her in the evening at bedtime--usually Animal Ark or Mary Kate and Ashley books. Ugh. I keep trying to get her into Nancy Drew or Little House or Alcott. No deal. Yet.

    • Brings back memories... (0 / 0)

      My mom read to me until I was 8 or so right before bed time. I have such great memories of it. I'm really looking forward to when my daughter (she's only 3) will be into chapter books. What made me laugh about your comment though is that I have this romantic picture of the two of us reading Little House or Nancy Drew but I know she's going to be asking for the Mary Kate and Ashley type (or whatever similar books are out there in 5 years).

      Also in my perfect vision I'm not falling asleep in the middle of a sentence and getting an elbow in the ribs with a "Mom! Read!" We'll see how realistic that is!

  • Books (0 / 0)

    At Lily's school conference (I know, right? she's not 2!) her teachers told us story time is her favorite and  that she loves to "Read" to other kids. We never went out of our way to read to her, but she never really had rattles when she was small, only books- she seeks them out, she sits with us- hell, she takes a book and a baby to bed with her at night- they are her cherished things. So I'll be smug even though I had jack squat to do with it, sans having them in every corner of the house (seriously, we have hundreds of books) and I never worried about if she was "too little" or might rip a book, so it wasn't all board books.

    It wasn't long before parents got the message that gifted kids could be created through intelligence-enhancing parenting techniques.

    So true and sucks so hard. I am perfectly content with my daughter's development regardless of those around her. Like lonespark said, I'll tell her how much she can achieve and how proud I am of her, but I'm not going to be going on about my "gifted" kid any time soon.

  • One of my kids "gifted" and the other not (0 / 0)

    Gifted?  When my kids were little I cared a lot about getting them into "the" gifted program.  I always thought my son was the gifted one--he was a geography whiz at age 3.  But, it was my non-verbal younger daughter who tested into the program.  Now that he is 22 and done with college and she is 19 and still in college, I realize how ridiculous it was for me to be so concerned about all of that.  They each have different types of intelligence and no individual test captures either of my kids.  At this end looking back, my advice would be to identify your children's passions and let them lead.  Encourage what they love.

    As for reading.  Never stop reading to your kids.  I was reading Steinbeck to mine when my kids were 10 and 7 and able to read themselves.

    • great stuff... (0 / 0)

      and good advice.  i love that you are still reading to your kids.  i stopped at age 8 or 9 as i recall.  but know families who still read aloud even as teens.  i think that is fabulous.  of course it may be the actor in me. i always liked taking on the various voices when reading aloud :)
    • really good stuff (0 / 0)

      my mom was hyper focused on my being gifted, and my brothers following suit (the youngest is the smartest of us all). Was I ahead of the game? Sure. Was I gifted? Well, I was creative. I had a good head on my shoulders and I knew a lot because my mom made sure I was always learning... but when I hit highschool? I was just a good honors student, not particularly "gifted" in any way.

    • Steinbeck! (0 / 0)

      Just so you know, I boycotted Steinbeck for 20 years because some teacher suggested I read "The Red Pony." It was on the literature list, and it's about horses - what's not to love, eh?

      When you're a horse-loving 9, though, you're not really ready to read about the main character's beloved pony dying a horrible death and a graphic description of his eyeballs being eaten by vultures.

      • Yes--Old Yeller did it to me. (0 / 0)

        I read my children (7 and 10) "Travels with Charlie" by Steinbeck among other things while we were living in France (hubby was doing a sabbatical).  I was attempting to homeschool them for 4 months while there and found reading to them in addition to our travels made us the happiest.  Frankly, I was not good at homeschooling my kids and my undergrad degree is education.

        I thought it was so wonderful how my 7 year old daughter would sit in my lap while I read.  I found out years later she did not like that I skipped certain parts so she'd sit in my lap and follow word for word---I had no idea.

  • Such fun! (0 / 0)

    My fondest parenting memory was reading to dd.  i believe that the interactivity is important.  we began that with Goodnight Moon when dd was just a baby.  even at 6 months when asked where the mouse was she'd point.  i also used the book to not only point to items in book but asked her to point to same items in her room.  such great fun.  nothing better than a wee one on your lap..lapping up a good story!

    i read to dd until nearly age 8.  we read the entire narnia chronicles.  last book was The Hobbit...mostly because, don't kill me, but i really didn't like the book.  not a Tolkein fan at all.

    i know some families who read aloud even when kids are much much older.  i love that idea!

    • Well (0 / 0)

      I'm not a Narnia fan, so there.  

      There's more to Tolkien than the Hobbit;not sure if that's better or worse.

      • LOL (0 / 0)

        i know i am in the minority not liking Tolkein.  nah, it wasn't just the Hobbit. i tried Lord of the Rings in HS...hated it.  i have suffered through the movies as well. loved the Narnia Chronicles and other fantasy too.  something about Tolkein doesn't resonate for me...

        i also don't like aspargus :)

    • Reading to older kids (0 / 0)

      I love that idea too! My best friend's dad used to read to her out loud up through junior high. I remember them reading Les Miserables together and thinking that it was a really cool thing to do.

      We're a long way off from there in our house, but I do harbor a fantasy about reading the Harry Potter series to my girls when they're older. Hopefully they'll be into it too!

      • my mom read (0 / 0)

        to my sister (6 years younger) and I until I was about 12 and I decided that I was "too big". Mom and DS continued until she was about 10. I loved it; we read all sorts together.

      • The unabridged Les Miz? (0 / 0)

        That could kill a person!

        When we were older and we ended up travelling with just one parent, they deputized us to read to them.  I butchered a lot of French names in The Phantom of the Opera one summer.  (That, btw, is a horrible book to read aloud without eliding stuff.  As bad as Jules Verne.)

        Kids have read aloud in school, so it's good to get them practicing, and I would like to say it helps with speechmaking.  I don't think I can, though, because I was always the go-to read-aloud person in church and whatnot, and I'm the queen of horrible speechmaking.

  • Reading and Gs (0 / 0)

    My kids both have always loved to be read to.  At 7.5 my older son spends more time reading on his own, but he still enjoys sitting on the couch listening to a book.  It's something all of us really enjoy and we do it daily.

    My 4 year old has a "g" in the middle of his name and he does all right if I tell him to write a circle and then a loop underneath.  If it was a capital G I think that would be a lot harder.

  • My secret shame (0 / 0)

    Among my friends & families, I am "The Reader."  My 800+ books in the house can probably attest to that.  My goal is to read 100 books a year, although I haven't gotten there yet.  I considered it an accomplishment that I read nearly 40 last year, with a new baby.  So everyone assumes I read to DS every night.

    Gulp...I don't.  When he was in NICU, we read out loud to him a lot, and sang to him, and talked to him.  When he was a baby, we read sometime, but he'd fall asleep. When he was about nine months old, he decided books were for destroying.  I put away all his paper-paged books and left out the board books.  If you tried to read to him, he grabbed the book.  I tried giving him a book and reading a different one, but that never worked.  He'd drop the book he had and grab mine.  I gave up.

    But I talk to him all the time, we listen to music and TV, we frequently go to the library & the book store. At 17 months, he knows what a book is and can say the word.  He is starting to bring a book to me and will sit still about half the time while I read it.  So now I'm going with the theory that I'm not going to push it.  I'll encourage, but maybe I'll let him tell me what he wants.  He'll see me & DH reading frequently. I figure if he's a genius, he'll be a genius in spite of what I do.

    • I think this is not the age for stillness (0 / 0)

      DS is 17 mos, too.  I take comfort from shenanigans's post above.  This too shall pass.  

    • When our youngest was a baby, (0 / 0)

      I was fanatical about reading aloud EVERYDAY.  But, with the second one, I found it a lot harder to weave regular reading into his routine--we were busy, he was wiggly, etc.  But, by the time he hit two, he was ready to sit still and has been eagerly listening ever since.  He now shows the same attentiveness to reading (and love of books) that his brother did at the same age.

      • That's great to hear. (0 / 0)

        I too was fanatical about reading to my first born from something like birth on. Now she's almost three and loves books - she sits through longish picture books, "reads" (pretending) to her babies, loves the library, she even sits through a chapter or two of her fairy princess chapter books that she begged me to get when we were in the book store one day.

        Not the case with number two. First, I've barely read to her (and certainly not from birth). Plus, when I try to read to her she just wants to eat the books and really is so much more wiggly than her sister was. Technically she hears a lot of reading aloud because she's in the room with us when I read to big sis for bed time.

        This certainly isn't at the top of my worry list, but every once in awhile I get pangs of the "I'm not reading to her as much as her sister" guilt so it's good to hear a similar situation that worked out for the best.

    • First books (0 / 0)

      With my sons, I had success reading to them around 12 months with books that were very simple.  They didn't have much patience for more than a word or two per page and gradually they started tolerating pages with sentences after two.  

      My younger son who is two still doesn't sit too well for books but he likes to look at them himself and turn the pages.  He also likes to point at the pictures and play "what's that?"  I'm not too worried about this but my MIL is concerned.  Her kids and many of my nieces and nephews were early readers.  I personally don't think it's the end of the world if my little guy takes his time as long as he's enjoying the books-which he is.

    • " in spite of what I do " (0 / 0)

      I love that line - just may have to tape it to the fridge.  It is so true - our children often will be who they are and it's so much more enjoyable if we can enjoy how they get there.

  • Reading and School Success (0 / 0)

    One thing I'll throw in: Being a proficient reader is absolutely KEY to school success.  Strong reading skills help kids in every single subject.

    In our house, the end of the day has become our time for reading.  The boys and I read a few books together on the bonus room couch, then the 3 year old gets two more books with me in his room.  While I read to the little one, the 1st grader reads chapter books in his room.  This way he's getting the read-a-loud he loves as well as developing his independent reading skills.

    During the summer, we some how end up driving around a lot, and we then listen to books on CDs in the car.  The oldest also does that for fun in the summer--a great way to keep doing read aloud.

  • I think I may end up with a super smart kid (0 / 0)

    I'll admit I think it's likely my kids will be pretty smart.  I was always in the upper percentiles of everything, and my husband is much, much smarter than me.  We plan to have 3-4 kids, so I think it's likely one (or more) of our kids could end up being really smart.  Genetics just works that way, and family environments help.  (I also realize, of course, that it's very possible for smart parents to have average or below average kids.)

    I see signs of their brilliance already (at ages 1 and 3), but I'll admit they don't seem much more brilliant than everyone else at this point.  My 3-year-old is average in some things (speech), above average in others (literacy), and probably below average socially.  He is, however, super-duper great at puzzles.  My 14-month-old is incredibly verbal and generally advanced, but it's obviously too early to tell much with him.

    So we'll see how these kids grow up, but I don't necessarily expect each kid to be smart, but I like to think we'll have a smart family.  Although I hope our smart family will be smart enough to value things other than intelligence.

    • What you say is so true (0 / 0)

      My husband and I are also too smart for our own good and while we'd like to think that some of that will rub off on our kids, we also want each of our kids to be happy and to find whatever it is that makes them spark.  It's good to hear others say that, too, that smart is more than about books and science.

  • My child is a genius (0 / 0)

    Yesterday, we came in the house as DH was wrestling with our dog and a wad of wet paper towels. DS (age 4) said, "Daddy, what are you doing?" DH replied, "The dog peed all over himself so I was cleaning him off." DS shrugged and said, "Well, some days are better than others, right Daddy?"

    See? Genius.

  • love reading (0 / 0)

    We love reading to Jess, and Jess has now memorized her favorite books and will "read" them to us or her dolls or to herself. Reading has always been one of those activities she'll drop everything to do, so it's often quite useful if we need to change flow and calm down a situation!

    Does that make her a genius? Who knows. She's ahead of the curve in a lot of things, at her age bracket for other things. I'm not really fussed; DH and I encourage it all and we're just pleased that she takes such joy in it.

    • gifted, smifted (0 / 0)

      i think you got it rachel. it's all about enjoyment and exposing your kids to all kinds of things that help them grow.  my dd happened to love to be read to.  and i loved yakking to her. i spent the first 2 years traisping around with her yakking away, asking her questions.  but every kid is different.  my nephew wouldn't sit still for a book...ever.

      if reading books to your kid helps them grow then hooray if they like it!

  • I find it's inverse (0 / 0)

    Meaning my kids are geniuses when it comes to something I don't want them to hear or pick up on but completely dull as dirt when it comes to what they are supposed to be doing....

  • Gifted, accelerated, bright... (0 / 0)

    To tell the truth, this has been on my mind a lot lately. I've been doing hours of research, consulting all sorts of people...and basically doing my head in. My daughter is bright. I don't know if she's gifted. I don't even know what that word means. It means something very different from what it meant when I was a kid. The most concrete answer (and I do like concrete answers!) that I've found is that the gifted range for IQ is above 130. Close to 130, you get mildly gifted. Close to 200, you get profoundly gifted (generally with associated problems). With those ranges, the odds are good that she's gifted. My husband and I are both well over 130 (the last time we were tested...which was decades ago), and children are usually within 10 points of their parents.

    Why does it matter? Well..before this year I would have agreed with those of you that said it doesn't. Now I disagree vehemently. If she's just bright, it doesn't matter. If she's just accelerated (she's reading early), it doesn't really matter. If she's gifted, it does. Gifted kids can cause real problems in classrooms. They get bored. They start looking for ways to alleviate the boredom...and generally don't find good ways to do it. They can get a stigma attached to them of being ADD, uncontrollable, etc. They can decide that no one understands them and they're weird, and get depressed. That's not something that I want for my bright, social little girl.

    My husband and I were both called "gifted" as children. I'm not sure that I agree with this label, since as far as I'm concerned, we're just bright. My husband says that I don't know enough "average" people (we do tend to be friends with mostly superbright people...I wonder if anyone has ever looked at that?). Regardless, we had plenty of struggles in school. We got bored. I nearly failed the fourth grade because I refused to do the stupid homework that the teacher set (find a word searches, writing stupid spelling words 30 times, using them in a sentence...you remember). The teacher gave me F's and tried to fail me. The principal stepped in and told her she was crazy. And then she got fired. It wasn't until sixth grade, when a teacher recognized that there wasn't any point in forcing me to fit with the rest of the class, that I had a good year. She let me choose what I wanted to study. I chose Egypt. Along the way, I learned history, literature, geometrey, geography, art, and how to enjoy school.

    I did (and do) suffer from the problem that has been mentioned upthread. If I can't do it perfectly the first time I try, I'd rather not do it at all. I can't draw. I can play several instruments (somehow that slipped through). I hate board games that I can't win with intellect alone. I can't stand card games. When I got to university and realized that there were lots of other people out there just as smart (and smarter) than me, and I would actually have to work, I struggled. Not badly...my GPA was still higher than average...just not as high as I was used to. I still feel a sense of failure because I wasn't perfect then. Everything that I do has to be the best in some way. Sick, isn't it?

    I don't really want my daughter to have these traits. But despite my best efforts (not overpraising, not giving blanket "you're so clever" comments, praising effort rather than result), she' is already showing signs of my perfectionism. A pencil with an eraser was the best thing that we ever did for her drawing and writing!

    So...after a very very long post... I think it does matter whether or not your kid is gifted. Having a kid at either end of the IQ or academic spectrum is hard...and comes with very similar challenges. They need extra help in many ways. They need extra consideration. And you can't treat them the same way that you treat the "average" student.

    How do you know that they're gifted? I haven't figured that out yet. And I feel like an idiot assuming that she is...when many people think of gifted as being "profoundly gifted". Those people that can multiply at age three. That are solving the mysteries of the universe at age six. That are composing operas at age four. But there are plenty of kids that are just "mildly gifted" that will slip through the cracks if you aren't careful.

    Can you tell this is a hot point for me? :)

    • no question.. (0 / 0)

      that if you have a child who is at the top range of gifted you gotta pay attention...same as with a child with learning disability.  actually any child who exhibits symptoms of distress or resistance needs special attention.
    • when can she get an IQ test? (0 / 0)

      It sounds like that's your most important piece of information. It also sounds like there's no way you'll let her suffer years of boredom in school or the possibility that she'll get mislabeled. Maybe this is one of those moments when you can look back on your struggles and know that something good came of it.

    • For now (0 / 0)

      You've just got to parent the kid you've got regardless of label. The labels can help you get other people's attention, but you still have to tailor your responses and reactions to your child.

      When I got to college and started banging my head against the wall, my dad said to me: "You're doing great. And if it turns out you're in the bottom half of the top 2%, that's not so terrible." I laughed, and it really helped me to look at it that way, allowed me to keep trying and to find my footing.

      I'm not sure what it means to be "bright" either. And I'm not sure how much of it is genetic and how much of it is environment. I've seen and known plenty of smart kids who get shuffled down because they had the wrong parents or the wrong friends or just a little bad luck.

      I fight a perfectionist streak in my daughter, too. I am happy that although we are in a very small school, there are a couple of other really sharp kids in her class. They will compete with each other and push each other quite nicely.

    • it's possible to be perfectionistic (0 / 0)

      without being gifted.  I'm fairly sure my DS is an exemplar of that.  Perfectionism is connected to anxiety, not necessarily to intellect or talent. It's also largely innate, connected to temperament.  So, as parents we can make our kids nervous or ashamed or vainglorious, but it's actually pretty hard to turn a non-perfectionist into one who cares deeply about failure.

      I remember DS crying at the piano at age 4 because he was dissatisfied with how his practice was going.  Good times.  He has passed on trying so many new things -- or else he has tried them once and given up when they didn't come easily.  And he comes by it honestly, at least from my side.  (His dad is much better-adjusted than I am :)  All I can say about that business is, Parenting is not for the faint of heart. It's so, so hard to watch, at least for me.  I'm with Mrs. Pastor -- I'm all for kids trying things, even if they're not the best.  Just try it.  Play with it, have fun with it.  Please.

      I would say, with regard to your daughter, that the main thing is to help her with whatever problems she has.  If she becomes bored in school, help with that.  If she's disruptive, see what you can do.  If knowing that she's smart and needs more challenging work helps you help her, then it's probably good information to have.  But don't fall into the trap of thinking, "I've got this really smart kid, and therefore XYZ is gonna happen."  She's still just one little person who more than likely will have problems of some kind -- only because that's the human condition.  The type or severity may or may not be linked to her cognitive ability.

      /soapbox

  • Does this study contradict earlier studies that.. (0 / 0)

    have reported that a child's interest in reading is more strongly correlated with if there are books in the house than the mere act of reading to the kid?  Studies always run the risk of antecedent and intervening variables, so later, after you think you've found the cause or correlation, you discover you're all, or largely, wrong.

    Our son loves books and has from his earliest days; our daughter's interest in reading ebbs and flows like the ocean.  But there are books, magazines, journals, and newspapers overflowing in our house, so she is "exposed."  

    My son can also sit for hours, if allowed on long car trips, and watch videos, while our daughter also has a limited time span for this activity.....

    • Heard of that (0 / 0)

      I'm not sure if there's a contradiction here. But those studies that found that the number of books in the house predicted school success are interesting, don't you think?

    • hmm.. (0 / 0)

      i think the availability of books could stir the desire for independent reading...that makes sense to me.  however the act of reading aloud to a child has other benefits.  listening and following a story at a young age would seem to me to help a brain grow, develop a child's curiousity and attention span.  i also believe that in the case of my daughter it helped develop her love of writing, acting and perhaps even drawing.
      • Imagination (0 / 0)

        being able to picture things, which is an important component of abstract thinking.

        Sometimes kids struggle with reading until they find a certain genre or subject they love.  I wish everyone could find that; some people never seem to.

    • I always thought... (0 / 0)

      That the point of that study was that books in the house correlate with interest in reading, yes. But having books in the house is a sign that the parents are well read themselves...and probably academically inclined in someway. So in reality, it's just the same as always. Educated parents that read get kids that are interested in reading.

    • heh (0 / 0)

      We have a house full of books, newspapers, and magazines, too.  DH and I always read to DS when he was little, and he liked it well enough.  I treasure memories of the three of us, lounging, reading, and playing in DS's room every night.  He's a fluent reader, and he can do a cold reading audition quite well, so he's comprehending something when he reads.  

      But he doesn't like reading.  At all.  (Or being read to, or books on tape.)  The bookcases in his room don't have many books on them -- for him receiving a book as a gift is the same as a lump of coal.  His bookshelves are a freakin' mess, actually -- tins of mints, wadded up currency, papers from school, socks, comics that his friend has drawn, camping gear.  

      His school asks that he reads 30 - 45 minutes daily, and that's something we have enforced.  But he doesn't enjoy it.  He's reading "To Kill a Mockingbird" right now, and his comment so far has been, "it has a lot of big words in it." (Notice none of his words are more than one syllable.)

      It's a good freakin' thing I didn't name him Scout, is all I can say.  Bad enough his middle name is a poet's.

  • Such an interesting topic!! (0 / 0)

    We read to DS every day before nap and bed. It is just what has become our routine, and he loves it. He requests certain books (again, and again, and again). He loved books from very early on. Many of his board books are in tatters from being ripped and chewed. And he loves our books. I have a really cute video of him at 15mo sitting on the floor with one of DH law books "reading" it to me. Its all babble, but he's very serious about what he's reading. He's now just started to repeat the words, and even jump ahead of me. Its really cute, and I hope that he continues to love to read. I enjoy reading as does DH so we hope that we can instill that same love in our kids.

    I loved the baby genious twist on the post. I know soooo many parents that think everything their kid does is a sigh of brilliance. I try not to be like that. DS can count to 20 and he's not even two. But the little dude loves numbers. So I go with it. While he can say the words 1-20, and recognize the symbols we use as numbers, he doesn't understand the concept of counting. He'll keep on counting the same 5 dots on a page until he gets to 20, and beams with pride that he's counting. :) DH and I were psyched and amazed by this, we didn't go around saying, Hey my kid is so smart he can count to 20!

    • I can probably (0 / 0)

      Still recite One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish by heart. We read it every day for a whole summer.

      • Right Now (0 / 0)

        he's on a Mercer Mayer kick. We've been reading Grandma, Grandpa & Me. I change the words to Nana & Pop-Pop because that is what he calls them. Before we even get to the books he's shouting, Pop-Pop & Me! Pop-Pop & Me! I guess repetition is good, right?

        • There's a lovely CD game (0 / 0)

          of Grandma and Me. It's out of print (by Living Books), but it's got all kinds of fun interaction and I think it's set up for 4 different languages. Since it's "old", you can get it for like $2 plus shipping. One of my favorite kid games.

  • My children are not geniuses, BUT... (0 / 0)

    The "gifted" part of this is what I find interesting.  Sure, my kids tend to perform in the top reading and writing levels in their classrooms, and I think they have very good problem-solving skills and ask good questions.  But I don't necessarily think this makes them gifted.  

    Two years ago, DD's 1st grade teacher recommended that she be tested for the gifted program, and after testing we learned she did not qualify for it.  She does not know this, and she does not really know what the TAG (talented and gifted) program is.  But all her friends are in it.  They tell her now that she really should "join" TAG because it's so fun.  Their parents tell me I should "push" to have dd re-evaluated.  DD is envious of the TAG kids, but mostly because they come back to class with the CANDY rewards they received in TAG.  

    I'm not pushing.  Part of me thinks my child is brilliant... certainly as brilliant as the other kids in TAG, anyway :-)  But most of me thinks HEY... my dd already loves school, is challenged by her school work, and doesn't need to be involved in (yet another) candy-reward program.  The program is also really underfunded, so they only get their gifted services once a month.  What's the point?  I also worry about the elitist implications of TAG, at least at our school.

    I'm not looking forward to the day dd learns what TAG really is.

    • I don't get these programs (0 / 0)

      There's an arbitrary cutoff, and then kids get to be in a new social group... I understand that some kids are waaay ahead, and maybe shouldn't be skipped forward for social reasons, but shouldn't we just want more challenging, enriching stuff for all the kids to do?  

  • How do you keep the kid from hearing... (0 / 0)

    that they are smart? I do my best to not talk to my DD(almost 4) too much about being "smart" but rather giver her praise for a specific thing she is doing well. But a lot of other people we're close to tell her all the time she is "so smart!" And, in truth, she really does seem to be. Ultimately it matters more to me that she enjoys learning, since that is what really enhances a person's life.

    I have to admit, though, that I swelled with pride a couple of weeks ago when her teacher told me she has started the reading program at school. She even read through her first early reader book. Maybe it matters to me because it's proof that there is something we both really love. Reading was a huge part of my childhood, and sharing it was a bond I had with my own mother. In the last several months I've continued the tradition, and DD crawls into bed with me and we just read together -- some of my fondest memories with my own mom!

  • Suggest Books for Reading Aloud (0 / 0)

    My DS is almost 4, and we read to him every night. I'm a little weary of the same 10 stories that he chooses out of his 200+ books (he inherited all of my old ones in addition to his own).  I'd love to read him a bigger book, but I don't know what.  I'd like one that we can work through in about a week, and it needs to be something a little thrilling to keep his interest, but you know, not too violent, blah blah...etc...  Any suggestions?

    On a side note, I miss those infant days where I read aloud to him anything I wanted.  I figured he didn't understand the words, so why drive myself nuts with Goodnight Moon before I had to?  I read him 1984, The Jungle, Animal Farm, and part of Hitchhiker's Guide.  People thought I was crazy to read those to a tiny baby!  But hey, the other day he used "magnanimous" in context, so he must be a GENIUS (and it's all because of ME)! lol

    • some books (0 / 0)

      I'm assuming you have a good selection of obvious good children's lit, so here are some that are more obscure.

      Slinky Malinki - about a cat, fun to read, great language
      Ackamarackus - a set of very silly short tales
      Pickle Chiffon Pie - the traditional 3 princes and a quest story, but twisted in a nice, friendly way.
      Dog Breath - about a problem dog who saves the day

      For reading aloud, I especially like books written in verse, with good rhyming.

      A great source for unusual and quite nice children's books is Chinaberry. I love their catalog. I've found many excellent suggestions there.

      The other thing we do is just go to the library and pick out whatever looks pretty. Most children's books are really only interesting for one or two readings, and then you're done. The library lets you browse a huge selection and figure out what really turns him on.

      Don't be afraid to look in the 'chapter book' section, too. You'll find books in the 40-50 page range there that are quite good. There's one in particular that I'm remembering that has maps and a whole thrilling story of a pet-napping ring, but I can't remember the author or title, I'm afraid.

    • I've just started reading chapter books (0 / 0)

      To my daughter. I'm hoping that it will be good for her concentration and attention span! I've also just read "The Well Trained Mind", which has given me lots of ideas (the young children's chapter is available online). It recommends reading any books, no matter how difficult and too hard they may seem...because kids need that exposure to beautiful language. So far, my recommendations would be:
      Pippi Longstocking...each chapter is a new story...and it's all about a spunky girl who doesn't need adults.
      Mary Poppins...the Disney version isn't even close!
      E.B.White anything. I especially like "The Trumpet of the Swan", "Stuart Little", and "Charlotte's Web".
      Paul Bunyan Tales (the originals)

      Also...has anyone else found Odds Bodkin ? I love these stories!!! Great for car rides. And I love the fact that the fairy tales are from all over the world!

      • Pippi Longstockings! (0 / 0)

        OMG, I loved that! And Paul Bunyan! Actually, your whole list. Although I found Stuart Little a little strange, to be honest.

        • Yes! (0 / 0)

          I can't believe I have forgotten about all of these!  I guess I was just thinking that maybe he's too young for them.  But how about James and the Giant Peach?  I LOVED that as a child!  And I dressed as Pippi for "storybook character day" in elementary school!  That's it, now I have to go to the bookstore, because I want to own some of these classics, whereas I usually check them out at the library.  Hmmm...I wonder where I can get fit another bookcase?

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