Hi Minnmom!

congrats on your adding to your family with a little girl. I have two and observe all, or at least many, of the things you are worried about in my 8 year old or her band of friends. I am also not the most girly girl on the planet and DD's favorite color is pink. I have stepped on many Polly Pocket items (at least they are soft, unlike those friggin' littlest petshop accessories-ouch). She also hates pedicures (which i adore considering how much time i spend on my feet) and takes karate lessons. If i have to play the CDof High school musical one more time while driving home from school, i might drive off the road. You will connect on some things but probably not on all. But is there a ferocious loving connection? You bet. And you will have it.

Anyway, back to your worries-she is your daughter. You are her mother. There will be love, and if you need to modify your behavior, you will. I can be pretty scarcastic too, but not to my kids. You also get to let her know what ok behavior is. We don't tolerate much in the way of bossy obnoxious behavior and one of her friends was recently 'fired' for same, and not by me.  

We are on the cusp of tweenhood and i am gearing up for it, tho i doubt there is enough wine in all of California to make it a totally fun experience. But i am up for the experience! Don't forget that girls are women in training. And you have a long time to tweenhood and comments on your butt.

You will get a girl who is a girl in the context of your wonderful family.  She will probably be at least a bit blunt and sarcastic; she'll pick it up from you.

Do you really hate Polly Pockets?  Then she'll love them, that's just a rule.

I am clearly talking out my ass, since I have no girls and few female friends.  

I remember my mom telling me she was glad I wasn't in to makeup or clothes, because she would have had no advice or common ground.  But if I had been, I would have found my own way to pursue those interests.  Good enough for mothers to be supportive, if clueless.

You may have a tough row to hoe when your kid is a tween, to not pass on those body image issues and fears of girls.  As you've probably seen with your son, babies think boobs and bellies are comfy pillows, and toddlers think they're hilarious toys. (Well, that's been my kid's MO).

That's really interesting, that you knew your son so well before he made an appearance.  That sounds wonderful.

Your daughter will be unique.  Just as you are unique.  The problem my mother had is dreaming too much -- of what I should/would be and do.  And I wasn't what she expected ... wanted?  Remember -- each person is her own self.  Mothers are to lead them -- but not in what clothes to prefer, what games to play, etc.  (Liking manicures, etc.)

She might be a girlie-girl, she might be a tomboy.  She might be bitchy (and way before tween time)!  Your job is just to guide her in BIG things, and leave the smaller choices (like games to play, clothes to wear, etc.) to her.

Just appreciate her as she is -- a unique human being -- her own life!  Have fun.

But follow her lead.  If she is into princesses and everything pink, then you will have a new world to explore.  If she wants to catch frogs instead, you will be able to join in.  Maybe she will do both.

As I write this, my 19 year old girly girl is getting herself ready to take off back to college after winter break.  She was and is the girliest of girls but she is strong and independent and charging into life with the attitude she can do anything.

Definitely, we have clashed at times and she was more difficult to raise than my son---very strong willed and passionate and not always rationale.  She always managed to do her own thing in spite of us.

But she is a wonderful talented and gifted person and I am in awe of her.

You suggest that boys are easier.  I agree in part.  I have 2 boys and 1 girl.  The boys were always easier (in temperament).  My daughter (starting at about age 13) was difficult in many ways.  Not big ones -- all her teachers loved her, never got in trouble, etc.  But gave me much grief.

Today?  She is 25 and we get along SO well.  She even apologized to me for all the hell she put me through (for about 5 years).  LOL  I told her no apology was necessary -- that is part of growing up.  Many girls are like this.  In fact, I would worry about a girl who always got along swell with her mother.  Part of growing up in rebelling!

Most of the posters on this board once were little girls, and you seem to enjoy their company. You'll be fine!

and whoever said the mother daughter connection is powerful is right...love no matter what.

i do have a girly girl and i guess i am as well.  BUT...girly only in the sense that yes, her favorite first color was pink and then purple.  she loved dressing up and OMG she did go through a Barbie stage (which i totally abhorred), but not for long.  she wasn't into dolls, rather stuffies.

OTOH, dd is straight foward and  diplomatic.  she doesn't engage in anything close to "mean girl" behaviors.  she's interesting, witty, can be sarcastic, kind and a ton of fun to hang with.  tween years were not that difficult and knock on wood neither is high school.

and as for commenting on my butt...she wouldn't ever.  she'd go to the mats with anyone who suggested her mother wasn't beautiful and for that matter anyone who suggested one of her friends wasn't too. actually she'd get pissy with anyone who dissed someone based on physical attributes. she knows beauty comes from the inside, not outside.

i have only one child and i am sure i would have been happy with a son.  but my daughter? i am proud that i have raised a girl to be one of the most decent adults,i will ever know. and it has bupkus to do with any "girly stuff" we did together along the way.

you will be a terrific mother to a girl and if she is in some ways different than you, it will be ok, you'll enjoy and respect those differences too...truly.

I only have a boy, but I have terrible concerns about him as well.  It struck me that our concerns are alike in that we are fearful from what we've seen in our own families.

In my case, my brother, DH's brother, & DH's uncle basically disregarded their mothers once they married.  My own brother has said to my face "It's your wife or your family."  WTF??  He wasn't raised that way.  I would never want DH to disrespect his mother because he thought that was something I wanted.  I have no idea what is wrong with these men or why they find this appropriate.

So one of my greatest fears for DS is that he will turn out like his uncles.  How sad is that?  But if DS is my only child, I'd absolutely die if he grew up & married some woman who gave his the message that our family was of no importance to them.  I guess things could turn out badly anyway, but I equate it with what I'm experiencing with my family.

So all I can do is take it day to day, do what I can, and hope for the best.  After all, DH turned out to be close & good to his mom, despite what his brother does.  But like all parents, I just wish there were more reassurances!  I guess my advice is that you are not your mom or your sister; your daughter will not be them, nor will she be you.  It's a new life, you are a different family, and she will be her own person with your love, help, & guidance.  I'll try to take my own advice!

a girl and a boy.  They are both challenging and wonderful in their own unique ways... and that's not solely because of their genders.  

FWIW, Madeline is a girly girl, but she also has a tomboy streak in her.  She's fearless, plays in the dirt, loves to play with and pick up insects, frogs, and worms.  So, just because your little Disney princess fan likes to play with Polly Pockets doesn't mean that they might also be into science and other fun stuff!

I will definitely return to read them whenever I get a little freaked!

I think I will feel much better when she is here, out in the open air, and I can begin to find out who she really is. Three more months to go!

Any suggestions for room colors? I felt like I was qualified to pick colors for my boy, but I am wracked with insecurity about this girl's room. How will I know if she likes it??

that's the nature of the game, right?!

You're going to be fine. Your daughter is going to be beautiful and wonderful to you and you, DH and DS are all going to raise each other - because you're going to learn a ton about yourself by virtue of having a daughter! Lord knows, I'm learning tons with Jess!

And don't freak out when she goes through the enevitable princess phase. We're there now, and you know what, I look stunning in pink myself. Who knew?

She will be wonderful!  I like what someone said above, that everyone on this board (with the exception of the few dads) was a little girl once, and we all rock  : )

I think part of it is just having the "other" gender, after you're used to the first.  

It seems like girls today are both super girly and ready to take on everything else like sports and dissecting frogs and all of that, which is awesome.  It's almost like they have less restraints than the boys in some ways, you know?

We did a nice light sage green on the walls for our girl room.  Then you can accent it with some pink and white.  Here's a sample from the Pottery Barn Kids site...

http://www.potterybarnkids.com/...

And then you can draw it together with some bedding that has the sage, pink and white in it like this

http://www.potterybarnkids.com/...

I wasn't a girly girl- I was a mini-feminist in those Free to Be You and Me 70's.  DD is a full advocate of the princess culture (she's 4) and I'm having a blast discovering the stuff I missed back when I was arguing for ratification of the ERA at the age of 6.  (Is it just me, or was the world so much more "in your face" in those days?)  Here's what I've discovered that I never would have realized without her:

I like pink.  
I like glitter.
I like things with hot pink feathers glued to them.
I get teary watching Cinderella.
Crying is okay even when it's over something small- it makes you feel so much better.
Brushing hair is relaxing and wonderful.
Twirling in a big, full skirt?  Heaven on earth.

On the other hand, DS taught me:
Wrestling is fun- even if someone does eventually get an elbow in the belly.
Everything washes up and dirty usually = fun.
Spiders are wicked cool.
Football is not nearly as complicated as I thought it was.
There actually is something funny about the word "poop" if you say it 100 times in a row.

See?  Having one of each is a fabulous gift.  Congratulations to you!

Yes.  A reassuring thought.  We all think our children are fabulous, amazing and beautiful.  You feel that way about your son and you will feel that way about your daughter.

As far as you not feeling connected with her right now, I wouldn't worry about it.  I didn't feel connected to either of my children during pregnancy, and it even took me a little time to warm up to them after they were born.  But as anyone who reads anything I write here knows, I'm pretty attached to them now ;-)

As you say, I think there's a good chance that you won't be happy about this until you have her.  My reasons for wanting a second girl were different than your reasons for wanting a second boy.  Boys weren't alien to me, I just wanted a second one like my first.  But what may be similar is...even while I was in labor, I was hoping for a surprise girl.  Now, of course, I wouldn't trade for him for a hundred girls.

I do think that when you look at your relationship with her and the dynamics between two women, other women do seem to have the power to hurt us more.  I worry about how it will feel when/if Simone turns on me, even only temporarily.  But I have boy worries too.  What if when he's eight he develops that obnoxious boy cackle?  What if he gets a girl pregnant? (I find this much scarier than my daughter getting pregnant).  We all worry, it's what we do.

wonderful places to muse, and can be such a challenging place too when we are faced with unknowing.

I remember back many years ago now, when my dh worried hugely about the prospect of my maybe having a girl in our second pregnancy -- he would say "aaahh what will I do if you have a girl?  I am one of 7 kids, with 5 brothers, only 1 sister, and have had 3 sons...I won't be able to figure out a daughter - I want another boy."  

The day our daughter was born ended the imaginings of "how would he figure out a girl..."  He simply fell in love with our child, our girl.  The good news is that whoever your child is and will become, you get to know her little by little each day.  You will grow right along with her and you will hold a special key always in her eyes and heart and she will have a place in your heart forever.

My dd is in the latter part of teenhood.  And mostly it is has been an ok time.  Lately I am noticing ways raising our daughter is different than raising our son.  I'm thankful to believe these are temporary passages; ways in which our dd needs to do the push/pull dance of separating from us so that she will be able, when the time comes, to leave and be independent and I believe also ultimately "survive" the loss of us during her lifetime.  These are tender times, and it is emotional and sometimes hurtful and surprising.  When I can distance myself from taking certain things personally, I can see the need for her pushing us away.  It can be hard though.

You can count on times of strife and turbulent passages.  But what lifelong process doesn't have those?

You and she will be fine --- and human, just like the rest of us.  Can't wait for you to hold your baby, your girl.  What a great time in life.

congratulations minnmom! i hear what you're saying about having a girl. i was nervous about it too, especially with my first pregnancy. i was relieved when our son was born. with my second pregnancy i found myself hoping for a girl and instead i got another boy. i love both of my sons and wouldn't change my family for anything. and i do suspect that raising a girl would be challenging in ways that are different from boys. but i do think about things like when my sons have new babies (assuming they end up in hetero relationships and decide to have kids...). their wives will probably want their mothers to come and help. will i be invited? i don't know. or smaller things like sharing my life experiences as a female. there's no one to pass that on to. so i think you're lucky. and i'm sure you're up to whatever that little one will throw your way.