Mother Talkers

When to say goodbye to "mommy"

by Lisa in Austin

Thu Jun 28, 2007 at 12:53:04 PM PDT

Interesting story! I must confess, that I too have a difficult time letting go of my children calling me Mommy. In fact, when my soon to be 13 year old daughter called me "mom", I said that I wouldn't respond until she said "Mommy". She rolled her eyes and complied...-Gloria

When is it time for a child, boy or girl, to say goodbye to "mommy" and start saying "mother" or "mom"?

I have noticed in the last six months or so, most of my 10 year old son's friends have abandoned "mama" and "mommy" for "mom." Girls, I have observed, haven't made the changeover, at least not wholesale. But I rarely hear one of my son's friends use "mommy" anymore.

My son still says mommy and I have to tell you, it's music to my ears. He is a sweet, kind, sensitive kid and very affectionate. He is going into 5th grade and I harbor no illusion that this behavior will continue forever. I know there's an expiration date on the adoring affection I receive from him now.

But I wonder if I should say something about "mommy" or not? Perhaps he is waiting for permission to call me something else? Will other kids tease him at some point if he still says "mommy"? I remember my father telling my brother that he should start using "mom" and "dad" when my brother was in second grade.

While I would never tell Michael not to call me mommy, I wonder if I should bring up the fact that his friends seem to universally use the term "mom" now and it's okay with me if he wants to do that, too? Or should I wait for him to say something?

Is there such a thing as being too old for mommy?

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  • Hmmm..... (0 / 0)

    While my boys (aged 14, 17 and 19) all call me "mom", two of my grown daughters (20 and 22) still call me "mommy".  My twelve year old, who likes to think she's very sophisticated, ofcourse calls me "mom" or sometimes "mum".  

    Trying to remember when the boys stopped calling me "mommy".  Honestly, I don't recall...although, my 14 year old sounds a lot like your son and for quite some time continued with mannerisms that I wondered whether or not I should discourage.  For example, during the school year, when first getting up in the morning, he still will come in my room and crawl in bed next to me.  He would crawl up on my lap for the longest time...and while he's long since stopped doing that, he'll still want me to "pet" him from time to time...rub his back, stroke his hair, etc.  Not that he'd do these things in front of anyone but family...and ofcourse, his father has a difficult time even getting a hug from him.  

    Its very difficult, isn't it?  We want our sons to fit in with the boys and be happy, yet we really dislike feeling as if their natural feelings need to somehow be conditioned out of them.  I know I took great offense when a teacher commented a few years back that I should involve my son in more "boy" things like sports, Boy Scouts, etc.  I guess she thought I needed to "butch" him up a bit.  Blech.

    Do you and your husband still refer to each other as "mommy" and "daddy"?  I know that I still do...I still will tell my grown up kids things like "Daddy will be home later", etc.  I think my husband refers to me as "mom" in the same manner.  I wonder if that influences the terminology that our kids use?

    by tjb22 on Thu Jun 28, 2007 at 12:34:03 PM PDT

    • Yes, we do (0 / 0)

      still say to the kids "Daddy's on his way home" or "ask Mommy." I hadn't thought about that possibly influencing them.

      My only motivation at this point is the desire for other kids not to make fun of him. Same reason that when he went to sleep-away camp for the first time last year, I told him that some of the other boys might not sleep with a stuffed animal. I couldn't care less that he sleeps with the stuffed parrot he's had since he was 2, but I don't want kids to tease him over it.

      It's funny you mention the suggestion about doing "boy" things, because my son wanted to look at The Dangerous Book for Boys when we were in the bookstore today. He's not a wrestle-around kind of boy and he's never expressed interest in the Boy Scouts, but this book somehow fascinated him.

      by Lisa in Austin on Thu Jun 28, 2007 at 12:48:34 PM PDT

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      • Funny...my 14 year old just (0 / 0)

        mentioned a new found interest in sports just the other day...he's never particularly cared for team sports at all.  Likes to do things like bike, hike, bowl, or play tennis, etc., but you know, not into the whole "team" thing.  While looking at new schools, when one was mentioned he disdainfully said "but they don't have any sports there at all!".  

        by tjb22 on Thu Jun 28, 2007 at 01:05:28 PM PDT

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    • I love it when my boy (0 / 0)

      still comes in our bedroom to hang out in the mornings.  He is definitely growing up and has a "game face" for the times when he's out in public, so I love being able to pet him and lounge together at home.  He and his dad tend to punch each other rather than hug, but I still get a lot of the sweet stuff.

      He still calls us "mommy" and "daddy" at home but I'm sure he doesn't refer to us that way among his friends.  If we're with his friends I refer to DH as "your dad" rather than "daddy."  I think it's normal for family members to "code switch" and use different language outside the home.

      One thing I found in my dissertation research was that boys who were physically affectionate with their moms in public (e.g., in our lab) were less socially competent with peers.  My interpretation was that boys do need to find a way to be less intimate with their moms outside the home in order to be socially acceptable.  I think it's okay for a boy to throw his arm around his mom's neck, but sitting close, petting, resting his head on her shoulder, etc. was correlated with not fitting in at school.

      by mamacita on Fri Jun 29, 2007 at 07:45:24 AM PDT

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      • Definitely would not do such (0 / 0)

        things in public...not at 14.  However, I am pleased to note that as they get older, they become more comfortable with showing mothers affection in public.   My 19 year old son is now quite comfortable hugging me in front of friends, etc.  I suppose after they've come to terms with identity and separation issues, it doesn't matter so much any longer.

        by tjb22 on Fri Jun 29, 2007 at 07:49:56 AM PDT

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  • Daddy (0 / 0)

    I still call my dad "Daddy." I don't think I ever won't.

    I think that he'll probably figure it out himself... teasing would suck but there's no way to insulate him from that. Sure, maybe in this case you would, but there'd be something else you won't be able to anticipate. Maybe, like TJB22 says, if you call yourself "mom" he'll pick up on it in a subtle way.

    And boys and their mommies- well, maybe you won't ever lose his adoration. It's not a forgone conclusion. Mommies and daughters... i think that's a different story.

    by lilianna28 on Thu Jun 28, 2007 at 12:45:29 PM PDT

  • I've pretty much alwasy been momma (0 / 0)

    which is my italian roots showing....occassionally Liza still says mommy but honestly more and more she says mother believe it or not at the tender age of only 8!

    by MKatherine1966 on Thu Jun 28, 2007 at 01:02:40 PM PDT

  • I'm mom (0 / 0)

    Ilia started calling me 'mom' in November.  It's weird coming from a 3yr. old, ya know? I'm 37 and I still call my father 'daddy'.  Old habits I guess.  I've noticed that most of my friend with (pre)teen sons only get the 'mom' treatment in public around their friends.  If it's just us, they still call their mother's 'mommy'.  Especially if they want something.

    Blogging While Brown Convention Atlanta, GA July 25-27, 2008

    by fabooj on Thu Jun 28, 2007 at 01:12:06 PM PDT

  • Karina tried to get away (0 / 0)

    with calling me "mom" when she was about 11, and it stung. I'm not sure why though. I've struggled with trying to determine the reason and I'm guessing it's a combination of my feeling older and my daughter not being my "baby" anymore. In any case, because she's SUCH a good girl (and because I ignore her when she calls me "mom") she continues to call me Mommy...and I couldn't be happier.

    by gloria on Thu Jun 28, 2007 at 01:36:39 PM PDT

  • using your first name (0 / 0)

    Has anyone switched their kids over to calling them by their first name?  I never wanted to have my kids call me mommy, and I wasn't thrilled with mama, but it's what we went with.  I'd like to eventually switch them over to Elizabeth.  I know it will totally piss off the older generations of the family, but that's not a major concern to me.  It's my preferred name.

    by Elizabeth on Thu Jun 28, 2007 at 02:14:51 PM PDT

    • Great minds... (0 / 0)

      See below.  I think it would be OK to use a parent's first name if the parent prefers it or requests it.  But I'm OK with "mama," at least only for my child's use.  It drove me crazy when I was pregnant and had medical appointments and had the staff saying, "Ok, mommy, you can sit over here."  It's not like my name wasn't in bold letters at the top of their paperwork!

      by cynmill on Thu Jun 28, 2007 at 02:25:31 PM PDT

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      • Pet peeve (0 / 0)

        I hate hate hate when people referred to parents as mom and dad.  I work in early intervention/special ed, and sometimes professionals call a parent "mom" or "dad" and I think it's so condescending!

        by Sue in Queens on Thu Jun 28, 2007 at 03:24:25 PM PDT

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        • That bothers me, too. (0 / 0)

          In fits of small pique, I've been known to look such offenders in the face and remind them that I'm not their mother.

          by tjb22 on Thu Jun 28, 2007 at 03:59:27 PM PDT

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          • family peeve (0 / 0)

            I haven't yet gotten to that point (probably because I'm only so recently to motherhood), but it's a longstanding family pique. My grandmother, who is now 91 and of good New England stock (I have the feeling she and MKatherine would definitely get along!) is especially loathe to this. One time, about seven or so years ago, one of my sister's friends father's came up to my grandmother at some sort of school function and said something along the lines of, "Hello, Granny. How are we today?" She looked at him with a doting smile, (as my mother retells it) and said "Sonny, if I WAS your granny, I would have strangled you when you were a child. And I'm fine, thank you for asking."

            by Rachel on Thu Jun 28, 2007 at 05:13:27 PM PDT

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      • My kids (0 / 0)

        I've noticed that my 7-year-old will refer to me as Gina but call me mom (or mama).  The other day he and his brother were in the car with their dad when I called.  I spoke to said 7-year-old and then asked to speak to his brother.  Then I hear "Evan, Gina wants to talk to you."  I think it's because all his friends parents are called by their first names.

        We seem to have lots of names going around the house (mama, mum, mumma) but both the boys call me mom more often than not.  I rarely hear my 4-year-old call me anything else.  My 7-year-old will often call me "Dad, I mean Mom" or "Jesse" which is his teacher's name.  I pretty much answer to anything.

        by chicagomom on Fri Jun 29, 2007 at 09:07:57 AM PDT

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    • You reminded me of (0 / 0)

      the first time I was asked what my parents name was. I must have been about 5 or 6 and DIDN'T KNOW!! I do remember stopping myself before saying "mommy" and I remember being VERY embarrassed about it. I ran home from school that day and asked what their names were.

      by gloria on Thu Jun 28, 2007 at 02:26:50 PM PDT

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      • Just today, (0 / 0)

        my daughter made the observation that the dog probably thought our names were "mom" and "dad"....not that I refer to myself as a parent of a pet, but because thats what everyone else in the house calls us.

        At nearly 23 this just entered her mind...we got a chuckle out of it.

        by tjb22 on Thu Jun 28, 2007 at 03:54:57 PM PDT

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    • Our neighbor's kids (0 / 0)

      used the parents' first names. Something about their five year old calling down the street "Anne, can I cross the street" always struck me as a little funny. I was raised where every child used mom, mommy or mama, and all adults were Mr., Mrs. or Miss whatever -- so to see a child hollering out a first name at her mother -- it was an adjustment for me.

      I wouldn't like it for myself, but I always respected that as their preference.

      by Lisa in Austin on Thu Jun 28, 2007 at 02:30:00 PM PDT

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      • My neighbour's kid (0 / 0)

        used to call his father by his first name but his mother "mama"...I thought it was pretty symbolic of the dynamic in that family.  

        I worked damned hard to be their mother and I'm not having them call me by my first name ever.  I've earned this spot and if I'm Mom or Mama or Mommy or whatever I'm cool with it but it seems disrespectful to call a parent by their first name.  

        I childproofed my house but they got back in somehow.

        by lonestar canuck on Fri Jun 29, 2007 at 06:13:36 AM PDT

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    • my mother (0 / 0)

      tried this a few years ago. Wanted us to call her by her first name. She said it's because we're all adults now and can address each other as adults and friends. I have absolutely refused - she is my mom first and foremost. She and I and she and my sister have had an emotionally volatile relationship over the years, and at various times has used wholesale announcements like this in an effort to "sweep the slate clean and begin anew." Bullsh!t, sez I. You are my mom, with all the love and all the baggage that comes with that.

      by Rachel on Thu Jun 28, 2007 at 03:27:58 PM PDT

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    • Not totally the same thing (0 / 0)

      but my MIL has shot down EVERY name we've picked for DD to call her (her grandmothers' names, Abuelita...everything...evn "grandma") so I've started having DD call her "Lady" (as in, yes, wave to the nice lady).  It infuriates her, but at 2, I've got to give DD something.  

      What do you mean, uh-oh? Toddler & baby pictures

      by round peg inna square hole on Thu Jun 28, 2007 at 09:19:42 PM PDT

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      • So what does she want? (0 / 0)

        I mean, does she want DD to say "Hey you?"  We have the opposite problem with my brother's family.  My SIL insists that each grandparent have a different name, so we have Grandma, Grandpa, Nana, Granddad, Gigi, Nannabee, & Grosmama (including great-grandmas & step-grandmas).  I find that more confusing than just using Grandma, with the name if you need to get more specific.

        by cynmill on Fri Jun 29, 2007 at 07:20:41 AM PDT

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        • That sounds like my MIL (0 / 0)

          Before my kids were even born she insisted that she had to be "Grammy"  My mom said that she would just let the kids come up with their own names for her and she ended up "Nana."  I can remember being so mad after delivering my large kids that she would correct my usage of "Grammy" and "Grandma" when I was pointing them out to the babies.  I called my own grandmother both of those names and it seemed like my MIL was being some kind of Grammy Nazi.  I'm more used to it now but I still think she was kind of obnoxious.  My kids call her "Grammy" followed by her first name now anyway.  I don't think it's what she wants as her other grandkids just call her "Grammy" but too bad.

          by music teacher on Fri Jun 29, 2007 at 07:54:34 AM PDT

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    • Our neighbors back home (0 / 0)

      switched to first names when their kids were teens. The neighbors are close friends of my parents, as well as my godparents. My sisters and I switched to calling them by their first names (instead of aunt [first name] and uncle [first name]) at the same time. Their grandchildren simply call them grandpa and grandma though. Works fine for everyone.

      I also have a few aunts and uncles (who have no kids) who prefer to be called by their first names by their adult nieces and nephews. One uncle is only 12 years older than my older sister and lived with us for about a year after my grandparnts died. He felt he was not so much older than us, that he should be called uncle.

      All that said, at this point I can't imagine having DD (1 year old, and does not speak yet) call me by my first name, and my MIL still (after 14 years) seems to be bothered by me using her first name. I can not get Mom or anything like that over my lips; I have only one mother, my own. I try to avoid using any name whenever possible. DH calls my parents by their first names and they are fine with that. My parents call themselves grandpa [first name] and grandma [first name] to DD, by my inlaws use grandpa and grandma [town where they live], which always sounds odd to me. But that's a different topic altogether.

      by SwissClogs on Fri Jun 29, 2007 at 01:08:21 AM PDT

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      • oh, another pet peeve (0 / 0)

        I have to call the PILs "Mum" and "Dad". I totally wish I could just call them by their first names, for the same reason that you noted. But so it was ordained, so it is.

        If you think your in-laws have weird grandparent names, spare a thought for my dad. Because Jess is the first granddaughter, she had the right to negotiate the names with them (my folks' request). Jess and my mom worked out "Grandma XX" (mom's first name.) My dad resolutely ruled out any suggetions, so we would jokingly say, "So, Jess, what's his name?" Her eventual name for him? You guessed it - Whatzisname. Seriously, it's Grandma XX and Whatzisname. He's delighted by it, although he's not sad when she sometimes goes Grandpa YY (dad's first name).

        by Rachel on Fri Jun 29, 2007 at 02:29:37 AM PDT

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        • Early in our marriage... (0 / 0)

          ...MIL said, "You can call me Mom if you want."

          I didn't want.

          I'm the only DIL who doesn't, and she probably resents it, but I can't bring myself to do it. In my culture, it just isn't common to call your in-laws mom and dad. Plus, I already have a mom. It just feels weird to even think about calling someone else that.

          by Erika on Fri Jun 29, 2007 at 09:53:43 AM PDT

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          • inlaws and names (0 / 0)

            My MIL didn't give me an option.  She said, "You should call me 'Mom.'  I think this first name thing is awkward, don't you?"  Um, no, not really.  So I also resorted to the solution of calling her none of the above.  My SIL does the same thing because she doesn't like calling her Mom either.  We now both refer to her as "Oma" (German for Grandma) which is what the kids call her.

            by Elizabeth on Fri Jun 29, 2007 at 03:32:21 PM PDT

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          • I know (0 / 0)

            but it was never even presented to me as an option. It was, "Now I'm Mum and this is Dad." They corrected me until I got it right, too. I still resent it (although, through the powers of Serenity NOW!, I have Zen around it), but that's what it is. My MIL once said "You call me Mum because I love you the same as if I had given birth to you." First, that can't be true; second, it's disrespectful to my SIL; third, just because you say you feel that way about me, maybe I don't feel that way about you.

            by Rachel on Fri Jun 29, 2007 at 04:33:23 PM PDT

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            • Ouch! (0 / 0)

              Okay, tell us how you really feel!  ;-)

              I hear ya.  I call my FIL Joe, but I never felt comfortable calling my MIL Mom or Joanne before she passed away.  So I just kinda avoided calling her anything.  She was very kind to me, though.

              Miles and His Favorites: The World As Seen By an Eight Year Old

              by Hillary on Fri Jun 29, 2007 at 07:36:48 PM PDT

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              • Calling them nothing (0 / 0)

                For a few years I fell into the "calling them nothing" because my husband really wanted me to call his parents some version of mom and dad, and I was really not comfortable with that. I only met them 6 mos. before our wedding, when we'd been engaged for several months, and Mom and Dad are what I call my parents. It felt weird calling them Mother and Daddy, or some other version, given that my husband calls them Mom and Dad.

                But I remember my FIL telling me, when we first met, that he didn't care what I called him but to please call him something rather than avoiding it all together.

                I have now bitten the bullet and call them Mom and Dad, or sometimes Grandma and Grandpa [what our kids call them]. It feels weird [especially at holiday time if my parents are around, too] but not as weird as it did in the beginning.

                BTW, the worst MIL story about this I have in my arsenal is my father's mother, who was introduced to my mom as Mrs. (Lastname). This was in the 50s and my mom was a college student at the time. She felt it was my grandmother's call to ask her to use something else, rather than her place to suggest it. My mom always hoped that her MIL would say, at some point, "please call me (Firstname)" or "please call me Mom" or something -- but she never did. It became a family in-joke that my mom called her MIL Mrs. (Lastname). My parents had been married almost 39 years when my grandmother died, and she had never asked my mom to call her anything else.

                by Lisa in Austin on Sat Jun 30, 2007 at 07:57:21 AM PDT

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                • how thoughtful of your FIL (0 / 0)

                  to bring that up with you.

                  The story about your mom's MIL is really something!  I have always called my MIL by her first name.  Although we are not close, it would feel very strange and distancing to call her Mrs.  Of course, we are very informal people.  My son and his friends call their teachers and friends' parents by their first names (at least those that attend the same school as him).  Occasionally one of DS's friends calls me "Mz. [my husband's last name]."  He's the one I call Eddie Haskell :-)

                  by mamacita on Sat Jun 30, 2007 at 11:40:30 AM PDT

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  • Just don't use my first name (0 / 0)

    My BIL took to calling his parents by their first names when he was a teenager.  I don't know why they let him, because they both don't like it, but there you go.  He tried calling his grandmother by her first name but she let him have it. IMHO I think it's a bit disrespectful, particularly when you have a good relationship with your parents.

    I don't remember when I stopped using "mommy" & "daddy," but my parents have always been "Mom" and "Dad" to me.  I was never much of a daddy's girl.  My mom has worked for a British couple for several years, so she's taken to signing her emails "mummy."  Of course, I could have started that by living in England for two years and having to send her a card that said "mum" in March when they have Mother's Day.

    I call myself "mama" to DS; rarely "mommy."  I'm not sure why I started that.  I guess it'll be up to him when & how he wants to make a change.  But I don't think I'll allow him to ever call me by my first name, same as no one except him & DH can call me "mom."

    by cynmill on Thu Jun 28, 2007 at 02:20:47 PM PDT

  • Emmie (0 / 0)

    that's my name!  Seth started a year or so ago calling me M-O-M as he was learning the power of spelling LOL.  Then he shortened it to M.  Then he decided that it sounded too short, so he calls me em-ee (just like I call him Sethie).  

    I'm "mom" most of the time, "momma" when he wants something, and emmie when he's feeling affectionate!

    by Sue in Queens on Thu Jun 28, 2007 at 03:15:21 PM PDT

    • that's adorable (0 / 0)

      that's really, really cute.

      by Rachel on Thu Jun 28, 2007 at 03:29:09 PM PDT

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    • My Sethie (0 / 0)

      is really into adding ie to everything these days.    His favorite color is "bluie".  

      Your Sethie sounds like an older version of my Sethie.

      Anne W

      by Anne W on Thu Jun 28, 2007 at 08:45:37 PM PDT

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    • That's sweet (0 / 0)

      My husband calls him mother Abbie.  Her name is Norma.  It's a shortened form of Abnorma.  Nice, don't you think?

      by chicagomom on Fri Jun 29, 2007 at 09:10:17 AM PDT

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      • La (0 / 0)

        When we were kids, and my brother was in a teen-rebel phase - he started referring to my mother as "la mere" (the mother, in French).  For no reason except I guess it felt fresh to him.  That got shortened to "La" - and to this day (30 years later), he still refers to her as La.

        FWIW - my father has a ton of nicknames - and while I refer to him as Dad, we're more likely to use one of his nicknames.  The first is "Punny" - from the Yiddish "punim" which means face - every Eastern European Jewish Grandma will look at their child or grandchild and say "shayna punim" - beautiful face.  My brothers used to say that my father's was the face that started all the faces (one bro and I look just like Dad) - so he was "the" punim.  So, he's Punny (actually pronounce more like Pooney, with the oo like in book).  My older brother (see teen-rebel above) said it's not the whole punim, it's the chin, so he (and sometimes my other brother) call Dad "chin-o".

        Both Pooney and La are names that grew out of teen rebellion, and desire for separation, that have become the loviest of love=names!

        by Sue in Queens on Fri Jun 29, 2007 at 05:16:55 PM PDT

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  • I'm mummy (0 / 0)

    for obvious reasons (living in Australia...). Sometimes Mum, or whatever falls out of her mouth. Jess is a big mimic, and she is given to imitating DH and I when we talk to each other, right down to inflections and mood, which is really funny coming from a two year old.

    My MIL is playing a dumb game these days, telling Jess "This is Mummy Rachel. Say Rachel. Say Rachel. This is Daddy Anthony. Say Anthony. Say Anthony." What she totally does not get about Jess is that you CANnot tell her what to do or tell her black is white. MIL started this the other day when I was getting ready to go out the door on business; Jess turned to her and said, "No, Buba (Macedonia for Grandma) - Mummy is MUMmy. Daddy is DADdy. No Rachel. No Anthony." That's my girl!

    by Rachel on Thu Jun 28, 2007 at 03:33:05 PM PDT

  • Mommy here (0 / 0)

    I'm still mommy and even sometimes catch myself still referring to myself in the third person with my kids.  I think it's time to stop doing that.

    DH is still Daddy as well.  Not sure when the kids will start calling us Mom and Dad.  For the most part I call my folks Mom and Dad.  Occasionally, I call my father Daddy.

    My husband's grandmother never wanted a grandmotherly name, apparently she was quite vain about her age(and lived to be around 90!).  So, she was Mom, even to her grandchildren.  Oh, that drove my husband's mother around the bend, since she felt that she was the Mom!

    We have friends whose kids call them by their first names.  It wasn't something they encouraged, it just happened and to their chagrin, they couldn't shake them of the habit.  I found it jarring when I heard the 10 year old say, "Soody, can I go down the block?"

    Shameless plug: Miles has new content on his blog, an Eggy update and a more serious entry about cancer.

    Miles and His Favorites: The World As Seen By an Eight Year Old

    by Hillary on Thu Jun 28, 2007 at 05:55:28 PM PDT

  • What to call lesbian moms (0 / 0)

    This raises an interesting question for us lesbian moms. While there are many variations in what our kids call us, the most common pairing seems to be "Mommy" and "Mama." (And despite conservative concerns that having two moms will confuse children, our son said the right words at about 18 months and could point to the correct one of us even sooner.) I'm not sure what will happen when and if our son wants to stop using "Mommy," though. I'm guessing we'll condense to "Mom" and "Ma," and then to "Hey."

    --Dana
    Mombian: Sustenance for Lesbian Moms
    http://www.mombian.com

    by Dana on Thu Jun 28, 2007 at 08:59:50 PM PDT

    • My lesbian friends (0 / 0)

      all have their kids call them "mommy" and "mama" as well.  The kids never mix it up.  I guess when they want to start using "mom" or something similar, they'll be creative enough to come up with something :-)

      by Erin on Thu Jun 28, 2007 at 09:15:15 PM PDT

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    • Two mommies (0 / 0)

      I mentioned this on another thread yesterday I think but my son was pretty psyched at the thought of two moms recently.  We were on a mean mommy kick and I told him if he didn't like me he should take me back to the mommy store and pick out a nicer one.  Then he said "I could have 2 mommies?"  like that was the coolest thing in the world.  The conservatives can really stuff it on that one because my three year-old seemed to think that was a wonderful idea.

      I am still "mama" to my 20 month old.  My three year old varies between "mommy" and "mom".  He thinks "mom" is kind of funny so he uses that more if he's in a silly mood and he overemphasizes both of the m's.  Once in a while he calls me by my first name but I tend to discourage that.  My BIL's kids call him and his wife by their first names and they made other parenting decisions I do not wish to emulate so that's my prejudice there.

      by music teacher on Thu Jun 28, 2007 at 09:19:05 PM PDT

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  • I've fought (0 / 0)

    "mommy" since DD(2) came into the world.  I just hate it.  Can't really explain my distaste, I just don't like it.  We've adopted "Mama" and "Papa", and make our friends and family do it, too, so there's none of that "Mommy" stuff to lose.

    As for Mama to Mom...I'm okay with it whenever...

    What do you mean, uh-oh? Toddler & baby pictures

    by round peg inna square hole on Thu Jun 28, 2007 at 09:13:15 PM PDT

    • I tried for "mama" as well (0 / 0)

      but DS has always called me mommy.  DH and I refer to each other as "mommy" and "daddy" (as in, "Ask Daddy, he will make you some dinner").

      I noticed a couple of years ago that I switched to "Your Dad" when my son's friends were around (as in, "We better check with your Dad").  I think kids code-switch for a while, calling us the childhood names in private and calling us something else in public.  

      by mamacita on Fri Jun 29, 2007 at 07:11:06 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      • Interesting (0 / 0)

        that you mention this. I have noticed that Michael says "let me ask my mom" or whatever when he is with friends. Hmmm. Maybe he is aware of these subtle changes and making them in his own time.

        Sure have enjoyed reading everyone's reponses.

        by Lisa in Austin on Fri Jun 29, 2007 at 08:05:51 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

  • And then there's the tone of voice (0 / 0)

    There's a certain way that Seth says "mom" or "momma" which means he's about to make a request.  It's the tone, more than the word that makes me cringe.  Sometimes I have to really concentrate on not jumping at him - after all he didn't do anything bad, I'm just feeling testy at that moment.

    FWIW, my teen daughter says that I have the same tone when I say "hey...Leah..." that means the same thing, and makes her want to scream! LOLOL

    by Sue in Queens on Fri Jun 29, 2007 at 04:19:10 AM PDT

  • I would let him make the decision.... (0 / 0)

    I don't remember how old I was, but my Mom suggested that I start using Mom instead Mommy.  I was pretty hurt - I think that was around the same time as when she said we had to stop kissing her on the mouth and just her cheek.

    As to names - given or not, my son, aged 3, calls me Mommy and my husband Daddy.  He knows our names - but when asked what "Grandma's" name was, he stopped and you could tell he was thinking.  He looked at us and said - "Mom!"

    by Kerrie on Fri Jun 29, 2007 at 06:41:39 AM PDT

    • Cute (0 / 0)

      I remember driving back from a visit with my great-grandmother.  My mom, grandma, me & my brother were in the car; my brother was maybe four.  He asked "How did we get grandma?"  My mom asked him what he meant and he said, "Did we just knock on the door and ask her to be our grandma?"  Mom explained that Grandma was her mother.  My brother understood that, but I thought it was so funny.

      by cynmill on Fri Jun 29, 2007 at 07:27:56 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      • I remember (0 / 0)

        one time being at a family gathering, about age 4, with an aunt and uncle. Another aunt and uncle arrived, and I turned to the first aunt and said "you know them, too?" I just didn't have the whole family relationship figured out yet.

        by Lisa in Austin on Fri Jun 29, 2007 at 08:11:48 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

    • Letting him make the decision (0 / 0)

      I think I've reached the conclusion that is best. As I commented upthread a bit, he does refer to me as "my mom" when he is talking to friends, so he is probably making the shift in his own time.

      We all still kiss on the mouth, too. I can't imagine asking him to stop that, but I wouldn't do it in front of his friends.

      by Lisa in Austin on Fri Jun 29, 2007 at 08:09:59 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      • I think it was just a personal preference... (0 / 0)

        At the time I was hurt, but now as an adult I understand.  My husband's grandmother, whom I adore, insists on kissing on the lips.  It bothered me at first, but I got used to it.

        by Kerrie on Fri Jun 29, 2007 at 10:59:36 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

  • a regional thing? (0 / 0)

    My family is all from the South, and everyone in both my close and extended family calls their parents Mama/Mother and Daddy.  I'm 36 and the idea of calling my father anything other than "Daddy" feels as odd as suddenly calling him King Steve or Moon Doggie.  Mama is "Mama", or "mother" when I'm pissed (used a lot during my late teens and early 20s).  My parents call their mothers "Mother" and I love that; it's said with such affection and gratitude.

    In our little family, our daughter calls us Mama and Daddy and I don't see that changing.  When I was young, I went through a period of feeling self-conscious that I was the only one not using the cooler "Mom and Dad", but as several people have mentioned above, my parents wouldn't answer to anything else.  And it even made sense to me at the time.  When I tried to get away with changing their names, I was doing it out of a worry over what others thought.  It wasn't a genuine indication of my maturity; it was a sort of costume.  So I kept calling them by their "real names", as have my  younger brothers, and now that we're all older, it's really quite nice; the words are a quiet reminder that they are the people that held us when we were tiny, even as the years between us seem to matter less and less.  

    by Shelby on Fri Jun 29, 2007 at 10:48:34 AM PDT

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