Meet the Grandparents
Wed May 02, 2007 at 09:07:11 AM PDT
Round peg inna square hole's diary about Rory's haircut got me thinking about my own DS's relationship with his grandparents. It's hardly "The Waltons" around here (and yes, I'm dating myself with that reference -- maybe because I saw Richard Thomas this weekend). We don't have problems with grandparental interference, but that's mostly because we don't have grandparents, at least not in a functional sense.
On his dad's side, DS has no living grandfather (though he's a namesake) and a 96 year old grandmother. She lives nearby and is in daily contact with DH. DS sees her about once a week, usually for a meal at her senior living facility. She is preoccupied with her own issues most of the time and although she loves him and occasionally seems to notice when he's around, I wouldn't say there's a lot of give and take there. She does complain about his long, messy hair, but then so do I :-)
On my side, there's my mom and stepdad, who live out of state. I love talking to my mom on the phone. Sometimes my stepdad is on the extension when we talk, and occasionally DS will get on the phone to say hi, but they rarely have conversations. We only see them about once a year, when they come out in their motor home for a long stay (did I say long?), most of which they spend at my brother's house. We don't actually see much of them when they're visiting this way, because of The Dogs. The Dogs can't be left alone for more than a couple of hours, according to my mom, and by the time they drive to meet up with us, half their time is over. We would go visit them at their motor home (or at their lovely, spacious home), but we can't because of The Dogs.
They have two boxers, one of whom is aggressive. My mother refuses to admit that her dog is dangerous, or to properly confine him. I'm not afraid of this dog for myself, but he has lunged at and nipped DS on several occasions. The dog does this with all the grandchildren, which has really put a damper on visits with Grandma and Grandpa for all 8 of them. They have a 2.5 year old grandson less than a mile down the street from them, and I think our son gets to spend as much time with them as their local treasure.
Weird? I think so.
But maybe not as weird as my bio father. He does not reliably acknowledge me, much less DS, at family gatherings at my brother's house. One Thanksgiving he'll make a point of sharing the piano bench with DS for a little tickling of the ivories, and then two 4th of July's will pass by without so much as a "How's it going?" DS seems to have grokked early that "Grandpa Lanny" is... strange. He rolls with it.
The most important grandparent figure in DS's life is his former babysitter. She is the one who has come with us on short train trips, to the zoo, to dinner. She's the one who comes to his plays, and, when she moved to Hawaii, hosted him generously for a week. She is the one who has gone to the bank every time a new state quarter comes out and makes sure he gets a bright shiny new one. She is the one who plays Monopoly for hours, who laughed along with every Muppets tape, and glided him around the swimming pool when he was afraid to put his face in the water. She helped potty-train him, and always kissed his boo-boos. She bought Cactus Coolers by the case just for him. She is a true Grandma, in my eyes, and I feel so fortunate she's part of our lives. (And she has moved back, so she's less than an hour away!)
So MTers, do your children have grandparents? Are they a blessing, a curse, or something in between?
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